The World is not Enough (1999) has been a popular topic for two days in Funhouse, so I had to see it. Connery and Moore (despite his critics) brought enthusiasm, style, grace, sophistication and energy to the role of James Bond. Pierce Brosnan is more like an LAPD detective whose idea of a wild time is Knott's Berry Farm. Also, neither Goldeneye nor The World is Not Enough are based on a Flemming book. Any competent painter can copy Picasso's style, but not his genius. I am afraid the same is true of people trying to create Bond stories. I am a huge Sophie Marceau fan, but did not find her villainous enough in this role. Others praise the well-rounded character. She definitely is still attractive enough to be a Bond woman. I also had trouble believing Denise Richards as a PhD in nuclear physics and a woman with a past, but she was an appealing character nonetheless. I am still not sure why I dislike Brosnan as Bond so much, but part of it is that he is too young to have that much experience, and he is not British enough. He is also too easily rattled.

The plot, which seems to have been created after the action scenes and special effects were planed, has Marceau, with the help of a man who kidnapped her, then was shot with the worlds slowest moving bullet (it is taking months to work its way through his brain and kill him) stealing weapons grade plutonium, then using it to cause meltdown on a Soviet sub in Istanbul. The idea is to destroy all but her oil pipeline, giving her an oil monopoly. In a sub-plot actually lifted from Flemming, "M" is kidnapped by the bad guys. The title sequences were computer generated and mostly pastels. People praise the score, but I think the band name "Garbage" says it all.

Maltin gives it 2.5 stars, and Berardinelli likes it at three. IMDB readers say 6.7/10, and the critics are split about 50/50. Budget was $120m, and gross is well over $200m. It was on as many as 3,163 screens at its peak. Is it the worst? Possibly. Famke put Goldeneye above The World is not Enough in my opinion. I have not yet seen Tomorrow Never Dies. I will have a wrap-up when I finish the series. Again, the box office success is a testament to the formula. I hope the next in the series has a strong villain, and has Brosnan mature in the role.

It is gradually sinking into my thick skull that Mr McGregor is very overrated. He's actually quite poor in this movie. He does an impersonation of Jim Carrey impersonating Ron Howard.

Call me nuts, but I think if you're going to do a treatise on the metaphysics of evil, I think it should be either intelligent or frightening. Maybe even both. This movie is creepy, and grungy, and dark enough, but poor lighting alone is just poor lighting, not atmosphere. The completed film sat on the shelf for two years before they released it, so that should tell you more than anything I can say.

The rest of today's material comes from TomCat. Two gorgeous French babes. Arielle Dombasle is seen in "Pauline", and Carole Bouquet from Bunuel's well known "Obscure Object of Desire"

By THOMAS WHITAKER
Showbiz Reporter

SENSATIONAL Kelly Brook rehearses her role in a red-hot stage play - and lifts the curtain on her sexiest showbiz part.

Kelly, 21 today, gave a preview of her upper circles as she prepared for her debut in the drama Eye Contact, in which she plays a table dancer.

The former Big Breakfast presenter - who once pledged NEVER to bare her 32E charms - will go topless every night in the show, which began last night.

A spokesman for the sell-out production, at the Riverside Studios in Hammersmith, West London, said yesterday: "This might change in future, but at the moment there will be one topless scene involving Kelly each night."

Yesterday Kelly teased Sun readers by refusing to say if she she'd strip. But her secret's out now. And as our pictures show, she has outstanding theatrical talents.

Francine Dee is a Filipina model who does car shows in Japan ("notice the sleek lines, the finely polished hood ornaments, and the car ain't bad either"); you can find her in two states of disharmony with nature. In the first four scans she is blonde and in the fifth she has had implanted a couple of retired Goodyear blimps. Ahhh, the wonders of modern technology... including chads and Butterball turkeys. May you get your fill of each this fine day.

Annie McEnroe

A recent survey was conducted to discover why men get out of bed in the middle of the night...