Miss Right (1982)
An American living in Rome as a UPI stringer has decided to change his
life. He has recurring dreams and fantasies about a woman he can see quite
clearly, but does not know. He senses that the dream-girl is Miss Right,
and that his subconscious is warning him to start looking for his one true
love instead of dallying with his many hot girlfriends. In order to
accomplish this, he makes a dinner date with each of the hot girlfriends, in
each case so he can break off the relationship, ultimately leaving him free to
pursue the true love with a pure heart.
That's about it. He invites a bunch of women to his apartment, feeds them
and dumps them. They react with varying degrees of despair. One half-heartedly
tries to commit suicide. Another refuses to leave, and when he physically
throws her our the door, she comes crashing back in through the window.
Astoundingly, his plan works. After he dumps the ballast from his life, he
sees the living incarnation of his dream-girl in the streets. He strikes up a
conversation and starts to romance her. There is the usual Italian-style
twist. In the last scene we see him bringing her flowers at her art class,
supposedly smitten with love, when he catches the eye of a beautiful art
student. He is flirting with the student with his eyes as he gives his "true
love" the flowers. The end.
A difficult movie to summarize. Reviews usually begin with a brief summary
statement, like "The Forgotten Nightmare is a rare German Expressionist comedy
... " This movie is so poor that I'm not even sure how to summarize it,
because I can't figure out why the filmmakers created it. I think they felt
they were making sort of an Italian-style sex comedy, but the attempts at
humor are so lame and the performances so unappealing that it's almost
impossible to call it a comedy. The only real "tell" is that the performers
act like they are in a situation comedy, delivering lines with the same tone
of voice as Catskills comedians waiting for the drummer to deliver a rim shot.
But the lines are all wrong. It's like they want to say, "Your mama is so fat
that she didn't have children, she had suburbs," but it comes out "Your mama
is so fat that she really should see a doctor."
I suppose I had the right idea in the first place. Maybe it is a German
Author/star William Tepper wrote this in 1982. As of the beginning of this
year, this was his only leading role and his only screenplay. He played only
two roles of any kind after this movie, and his last performing credit is in
1984. You might remember him. He's the guy who played Tom Hanks's doctor
friend in Bachelor Party. That was his last role. There is a happy ending to
the story, sort of. After being without a credit of any kind for two decades,
he now has another screenplay credit in 2006, a Ray Romano movie called
Grilled. While that doesn't seem to be the next Duck Soup, it is rated 5.3 at
IMDb, compared to 2.0 for Miss Right. And that 2.0 might be a bit inflated
because it includes a few bogus 10s. The top IMDb voters score it 1.6, and
that will now go down if I'm in that group.
The DVD is every bit as bad as the film itself. There are no features, and
the film itself is obviously just a transfer of an old full screen,
pan-n-scan, VHS print.
It is an F in this particular DVD. It would be an E if it were cleaned up
To tell you the truth, I'd obtain a copy if it is ever issued in a
cleaned-up DVD because it does include a little bit of flesh from three famous
women. Karen Black and Marie-France Pisier show their breasts. Lois Lane shows
a plumber's crack, and then exposes the side of her nipple in exactly one frame.
Third party videos:
The New Rose Hotel (Movie
The Lover (Movie
House Comments). The greatest soft-core movie ever made
filmed by a legitimate film genius, Jean-Jaques Annaud. The
cinematography is not just the best-ever for a softcore, but
compares to any movie you can name. ANY. (Examples in the
Movie House review)
Well, we're not sure of the current status of
the missing penis, but we do have a Britney sex
Lawyer: There's no Federline-Spears sex tape
Top Ten Things Overheard at the TomKat Wedding
- "We never should've let the guy who played
Kramer make a toast"
Dad takes the family to Spatula City (From
Weird Al's underrated movie, UHF)
Here's the complete video of
Kramer's racist tirade.
- Just hearing about it doeesn't prepare you
for how ugly it really is
100 Girls and 100 Octopuses
For those on your Xmas list too special for
the cappuccino-scented dog poop soap, we're
pleased to report that
Screech's sex tape is here!!
VIETNAM VISIT 2006: President's Remarks During
Historic Stop in Puny, Dirt-Poor Backwater That
Whooped America's Superpower Ass:
- " ... if that Hanoi Hilton is even half as
nice as the Hanoi Sheraton I'm staying in,
John McCain had better stop whining and
blubbering about the five years he got to
lounge around there."
The plans for OJ's book and TV special have
been scrapped, but
If I Did It! The Musical survives!
Conan welcomes the Bond Girls
Rove, Satan Split Over Midterm Defeat
- "One of the longest-standing and most
successful political partnerships in recent
history came to an abrupt end today as White
House strategist Karl Rove and Satan publicly
split over the GOP's thumping in the midterm
The legendary Robert Altman, iconoclastic
director, is dead at 81
Christmas shopping will be a breeze this
year. We've found the perfect gift for EVERYONE
on your list!
"This is high quality, cappuccino-scented soap
that appears to be a big pile of dog-doo!!"
Talk about niche marketing!
Missing penis update!!
Mystery penis in mortuary still unclaimed
Headline of the day:
Marsh gas to replace cow dung in Tibet.
Amazingly enough, the story is even more
disgusting than the headline. Wait until you see
what they are used for.
This week's movies. Six new releases
highlight the 5-day Thanksgiving weekend.
- Deja Vu - 3100 theaters - 64% positive
reviews - (Denzel thriller.)
- Deck the Halls - 3000 theaters -
unreviewed - (DeVito/Broderick X-Mas comedy)
- Tenacious D - 1800 theaters - 63% positive
reviews - (Jack Black rock comedy)
- Bobby - 1400 theaters - 49% positive
reviews - (Ensemble drama taking place around
the Bobby Kennedy assassination)
- The Fountain - 1300 theaters - 52%
positive reviews - (Aronofsky's arty,
surrealistic love story which has received
every possible grade from critics.)
- For Your Consideration - 600 theaters -
52% positive reviews - (Christopher Guest
comedy. Guest is a critical darling, so if his
new movie pulls only a 52%, I reckon it's a
The Weekend Warrior's box office analysis for
the upcoming weekend.
- He thinks Happy Feet and Bond will hold
the 1-2 slots against six so-so newcomers,
headed by Denzel's new thriller.
Jesus appears on the backside of a beloved
Britney is reportedly contemplating posting her
sex tape on the internet for free, just to
keep Federline from making a profit on it!
Sounds like a win-win for everyone in the world
SOMETHING IN EACH PIX CHANGES GRADUALLY. Spot
it, click it, do another.
Nice reference. Definitely bookmark-worthy:
Monty Python's Flying Circus - Every single word
of every single show! (except the
Picture essays > Stuff that people write on
Animals Darwin never dreamt of ... but then
again, he never had Photoshop
Something Awful: Lowtax interviews Mike Nelson
Michael Richards (Kramer) Apologizes on
- The submitter wrote: "AWKWARD!!!!!! I had
to turn the volume off half way through. It's
pretty unbearable. Like watching your grandpa
slowly go senile."
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
This is a feature-length DVD assembled from a TV show about the gay scene
in London's Notting Hill. The tag line, "Boy meets girl, girl meets girl, boy
meets boy, whatever" pretty much describes it.
Kwame is seventeen, and has had his first shag, but it didn't go well. He
does have a lot on his mind however. His father and his father's husband have
split, and he wants them back together. His girlfriend is hanging with two
lipstick lesbians. His mother is lesbian. His best friend is in love with his
dad. In fact, he is the only straight person he knows. His father is going
through a second childhood and has purchased a skating park.
The gay community seems to love it. At 225 minutes and with thick accents,
I had some trouble keeping track of everyone, but it is colorful with some
very funny moments. You will either enjoy these day-glow characters or not.
They are flamboyantly gay, but basically have the same sorts of problems as
I will give it a C as a Gay/Lesbian comedy.
IMDb readers say 6.7.
The only female nudity comes from one of the original teletubbies,
Pui Fan Lee, who shows breasts.
Muzhskoy sezon, Barkhatnaya revolutsiya
Dann reports on The Feeding:
A bad werewolf, really bad, you can see the seams in the costume bad,
plus a lame script, dumb storyline, and mediocre acting, are the lowlights
of this 2006 horror flick. So what's the highlight? The nude bathing
scene, of course.
A park ranger who specializes in bagging renegade animals is sent up to
the Appalachian Mountains to find and trap or kill an animal that has been
wreaking havoc killing other wild animals, and finally, humans.
Meantime, seven young friends are on a camping trip in the mountains,
and are totally unaware of the danger. Well, guess what? They find out
about it fairly quickly, as the animal starts munching on the campers. Of
course, it's not really an animal. It's really a guy in a bad werewolf
costume.....er, no, it's really a werewolf. Well, anyway, you get the
The four girls bathing nude in the mountain stream was worth watching,
even though they botched the quality really badly....some shots were
really overexposed, while others were dark. Still, that 2 minutes was
worthwhile, and the other 88 weren't.
"Il Fiore delle mille e una notte", aka "Arabian nights" (1974), is
Pasolini's take on the stories of
The book of the 1001 Nights.
These tales are not children's stuff however: there are castrations,
crucifixions, kids murdered, flying demons, dildos, homosexuality, voyeurism,
just take a look at IMDb's plot keywords. There's a LOT of nudity, both male and
female, and identification is difficult, so if someone knows better than me,
he's welcome to put names to the faces.
There are many adjectives that can be applied to this film: unique,
atmospheric, poetic, strange, dreamlike, beautiful, erotic, liberating,
disturbing. I enjoyed it, not only for its explicit erotic content, but also
because Pasolini chooses not to follow the traditional filmic language, opting
instead for amateur actors, filming on location and letting his stories expand
according to their own "illogical" logic.
Here's a video (Rapidshare link), corresponding to the image
Notes and collages
The Celebrity Stripper series continues
Robert Altman, RIP
Gwen Welles in Nashville
Gwen Welles in one of Mr. Altman's many quirky films.
Catherine "Daisy Duke"
Pat's comments in yellow...
The London Sun reports that a friendly, middle-aged man in a pink fairy outfit
with tiara, tutu, wings and a wand has been popping up all across Cornwall,
England, handing out free lottery tickets and paying for people's shopping and
meals. He leaves a card with a picture of a fairy and a handwritten note that
says, "You'll be hearing a lot about me - The Hairy Christmas Fairy." It's not
clear whether it's a publicity stunt, a good Samaritan or a loony, but a worker
at a bakery where the Fairy paid for everyone's lunch said, "He got a few odd
looks, but if someone is offering to buy you a sausage roll, you don't say no."
* If a middle-aged man dressed like a fairy offered me a
"sausage roll," I
would definitely say no.
* A hairy, middle-aged fairy who pops up all over England? This must be how
George Michael spends the holidays.
Iran's Etemad-Melli newspaper reports that a 24-year-old Tehran man is facing up
to three years in jail for setting his neighbor's $40,000 luxury car on fire.
He said he was teaching the neighbor a lesson for refusing to heed his demands
that he stop throwing parties and entertaining "badly-veiled women" every
night. But more bad news for the neighbor: it's illegal in Iran to host parties
in which unrelated men and women socialize and women don't completely cover
themselves, so he could face
hefty fines and lashes.
* He would flee in his car, but...
* Judging from his parties, he'd enjoy the lashes.
A new study by Mastercard debunked the ideas of "Black Friday" and "Cyber
Monday." It found that the Friday after Thanksgiving wasn't even one of the top
five busiest shopping days last year, and the Monday afterward saw no big surge
in Internet shopping. Instead, the study predicts that most people will put off
their shopping until right before Christmas.
* "Most people" meaning "all men."