Nell (1994) -- My copy of this Region 2 DVD finally arrived. I purposely didn't read Scoopy's review before I watched it, and it had been long enough since I saw the VHS version that I watched it start to finish. The film is as least as good as I had remembered, and possibly much better. If you haven't read his review, please do, as it is excellent. The part he doesn't mention is how much the two psychologists learn from Nell. Listen carefully for the last line of the film.
In addition to the full nudity from a very svelte Jodi Foster, Natasha Richardson had good pokies after swimming in her underwear. I adored this film on so many levels. The establishment, left to their own devices, would have institutionalized Nell, become rich and famous studying her case, then left her in a mental facility, thus the film has the kind of anti-establishment message that I always respond to. I couldn't agree more with Scoopy's score of B. This is a wonderful film that nearly everyone should enjoy.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life (2003)
The Cradle of Life is about the scariest box in human myth or history.
It is a box so covered in ancient runes and mystic symbols, that mankind
has no record of what it used to look like. I am speaking, of course, of
Angelina Jolie's tattoed coochie. No, just kidding. If that were true,
the movie would have been much more popular at the "box" office.
According to IMDb, this film was banned in China because it gives "the
impression of a country in chaos, with no government and over-run by
secret societies". Wow, no wonder so many Chinese people feel at home in
Seriously, the problem with this series is that the people in charge
think they are making Indiana Jones movies when they are actually
making James Bond movies.
So what's the damned difference?
Don't they both feature spectacle, larger-than-life adventures, and
exotic locales as a backdrop for the battle against various
evildoers bent on world domination?
Yes, but the difference is this.
Indiana Jones is to James Bond as Spiderman is to Superman. Indiana
Jones movies and Spiderman Comics focus on the star, while James
Bond movies and Superman comics focus on the sidekicks and baddies.
It has to be so, because Indy and Spidey are interesting and
vulnerable, while Bond and Superman are too freakin' perfect.
Indiana Jones acts like a real
person. Evil guys scare the hell out of him. Other things frighten
him. He's not a great gymnast nor a great fighter. He's a professor.
He screws up. You can build on a character like that, because he
reacts to most situations the way you and I would.
James Bond is boring. Two words:
Roger Moore. He's always cool, under control, in charge,
predictable. He doesn't even sweat. He's the master of every skill
known to man from bartending to witty banter to Sudanese Croc
Wrestling. Take away the bad guy, and every Bond movie is exactly
like every other one. "Bond, James Bond" probably says the exact
same words in each one, for all I know. When the requisite naughty
Bondbabe says her sexually suggestive name - "I'm Pussy Galore" -
doesn't he always say, "of course you are", or does it just seem
that way? Like Superman comics, Bond stories need a really good
baddie to be in top form: Christopher Lee, Christopher Walken, or
the Goldfinger/Oddjob tag team.
Here's the difference in a nutshell.
What would Bond have done when the crazy guy came out in the market
twirling his Balinese Shark-Gutting Swords? Showing deference and
respect for the thirty years it took the swordsman to master such
skills in the Benihana training program, Bond would have taken off
his coat, folded it neatly, handed it to a gorgeous onlooker, and
then executed the perfect defense to the Multiple Balinese Shark
Thrust, parrying the guy's puny attack as easily as Kasparov would
beat Dan Quayle at chess. After finishing the match victorious, he
would adjust his cufflinks, straighten his bowtie, and take his coat
back from the female spectator, but not before arranging an
assignation with her that evening. All that would take several
minutes of screen time. What did Indiana Jones do? Shot the
motherfucker and got on with the treasure hunt. Five seconds.
All that is important background to
understanding the Lara Croft movies because Lara is the same
character as James Bond - same silly, invulnerable, know-it-all,
only with breasts. She even uses the same gimmicks. No personality
at all. Completely boring. In order to be watchable, she needs great
baddies and great sidekicks. But her actual sidekicks are just as uppity
and omniscient as she is. And the bad guy? Some overweight guy with
a gun. What's he gonna do, hide secret codes between his chins?
The basic adventure concept in Lara
Croft 2 is great. The quest is important and intriguing - it turns
out that Pandora's
Box is real, and some baddies want to use it to destroy the world.
That's very similar to the quests for the Ark of the Covenant and
The Holy Grail, which made for good Indiana Jones yarns. But Lara
Croft is not like Indiana Jones. When she's on camera, the fun ends.
Except for Roger Ebert, the critics
hated Lara Croft 2, but I did not. I liked the sweep, the spectacle,
and the locales both real and imaginary. Angelina Jolie is about as
good a James Bond as Roger Moore. I didn't think it was a perfect
movie, by any means, and I did hit the fast forward button a couple
times, but I liked it about as much as I like most Bond movies,
which is to say that I won't go to the theater to see them, but I'll
watch them if they come on the cable rotation. It's as good as an
average Roger Moore James Bond movie. It isn't bad.
But it isn't good, either, so I'm
glad this one lost money. It deserved to lose money. With one
hundred million dollars to spend, they could not come up with humor,
suspense, clever dialogue, and a bad guy as cunning and brilliant as
Lara herself. That is the real tragedy of Lara Croft 2. It could
have been Raiders of the Lost Ark or Goldfinger, but it wasn't,
because for all the positives, the script just wasn't ready to be
Death and the Maiden (1994)
Death and the Maiden is Roman Polanski's screen
adaptation of a taut three-person stage play with very little
action, and slow forward movement. It is, in fact, quite a good
little political thriller in its own way, but be advised that the
mystery and thriller aspects of the film are merely an overlay. It is
not an entertainment film. It is a serious drama laced with social
activism, in the manner of the great playwrights of the 20s and 30s.
The story begins with Sigourney
Weaver alone in a seaside home in a unnamed Latin American country
which has just rid itself of a fascist regime. She is stranded in
the dark, without power or phones, which have been knocked out by
the storm which rages outside. Her home is not within site of any
other homes. The only road in sight is not a road at all, but simply
a mud path which interrupts the tall grass. The only sign of
civilization is a lighthouse in the distance.
Inside the house, she is setting out a dinner
for two people, calmly at first, but becoming increasingly tense
because the second person is not there. She goes to her porch,
stares down the road, searching. She listens to a report on her
battery-operated radio, and this angers her. A car approaches. It is
not the person she was expecting. She grabs a gun, hides her body
from sight, tense, frightened, vulnerable.
It turns out that there is no threat.
The car in front of her house is not the one she expected, but it is
her husband in the passenger seat. He had a flat and was offered a
lift by a passer-by.
Great beginning! Very atmospheric,
sets the stage perfectly.
As a bit of time transpires, the
passer-by and her husband talk, and she becomes increasingly
agitated as she listens to them. She goes into the bedroom, packs
some clothes and a big wad of money, sneaks out of the house, steals
the stranger's car, and drives off. Before she does, we see her
changing, and when we see her skin, it is obvious that she has been
tortured. She takes the car to a cliff, and pushes it down into the
tempest-wracked rocks below.
That's the mystery. What the hell is
going on? Why was she so frightened before the men arrived? Why did
the presence of the stranger agitate her?
It seems that she was tortured and
raped 15 years earlier, and that her torturer may or may not have
been the very stranger now in her house. The purpose of that
torture was to get her to reveal the name of the leader of the
underground. She never cracked. The person she never exposed was the
young man who is now her husband. She is certain that the stranger
was her torturer - by the voice, the smell, the idioms of his speech
- but he steadfastly denies it, and has an ironclad alibi. He was in
Barcelona, doing his residency.
She doesn't accept his denials, and
she wants revenge, or "justice". She may well be mentally
ill and delusional.
That's the set-up.
Power shifts between the three
people. Our opinions change. The truth eventually surfaces.
But what is the truth?
The script is quite tight, Roman Polanski directed
the film expertly, and the cast played it out quite well. It's worth
a look if it is your kind of material. If you are not in the mood to
watch three people discuss political torture for two hours, you need
to wander over to the next aisle of the video store.
Sigourney Weaver (1,
The Lost Absolut Ads. They have been tossing around so many
ideas for these ads over the years, some of them just never made
the final cut.
Play Wheel of Fortune on line, 1-3 players (no fun with one)
JFK: The ten wackiest assassination conspiracy theories My
favorite: Kennedy ordered the hit, a glorious suicide to assure
his place in history.
Van Halen will return in 2004, with Sammy Hagar on lead vocals.
Great, edgy British commercial - "has Mr Kipling ever directed a
nativity play before?"
WOMEN ARTISTS THROUGH TIME. Pretty good reference.
Avon and Somerset Constabulary - Communications - Examples of real
calls made in one area to the British equivalent of 911 (999)
The trailers for ANCHORMAN (Will Farrell) - July 9th, 2004
Jacko's mug shot - The Smoking Gun is there.
People names Johnny Depp 'Sexiest Man Alive' The top 10
"others": Brad Pitt, Ashton Kutcher, George Clooney, Lenny Kravitz,
Justin Timberlake, Hugh Grant, Russell Crowe, Hugh Jackman, Denzel
Washington and Colin Farrell.
A grieving Australian widow has had her husband's ashes sewn into
her breast implants.
The Caribbean nation of St Vincent will issue a series of
international postage stamps next month commemorating Playboy's
50th anniversary and depicting the magazine's most memorable
94 pound man marries 980 pound woman (Weekly World News).
Weekly World News: "THE FEDERAL government is moving quickly to
protect the virtue of American womanhood from imported ass's milk,
which softens the skin, improves complexion -- and turns even the
most modest, God-fearing gals into sexual wildcats."
Entertainment reaches an all-time peak with the opening of the new
Yakov Smirnoff theater. Don't forget to leave a tip to the
valet parking guy, Anson "Potsie" Williams.
Case Decidedly Not Closed: "The (leaked) Defense Dept. memo
allegedly proving a link between Al Qaeda and Saddam does nothing
of the sort "
The outdoor hockey rink is about ready for the Heritage Classic!
This site pictures the preparations.
Spider-Man 2 - world release dates Estonia - July 16, 2004!
Utah's old DMV Web site now a porn site: Web surfers looking
for the Utah DMV could be in for a shock. An X-rated Web page has
taken over the old URL for the Division of Motor Vehicles.
Welcome to Playboy Scramble 2003. There are still some chances to
golf with the Playmates!
Body painting gallery
NBA continued: Los Angeles Clippers Spirit Dance Team
Newly-Released Movies May Be Online by mid 2005
The Cat in the Hat is one great big advertisement.
Paris Hilton, star of an upcoming Fox reality series and an
inadvertent Internet icon, is pulling out of her announced
interview on David Letterman's 'Late Show'
The Internet Acronyms Dictionary
The 10 most disappointing films of the Millennium
At the Victoria's Secret 2003 Fashion Show, model Karolina Kurkova
had a dual slip. First her tongue fell out, then her breast.
The IMDb slideshow of the 2003 Victoria's Secret Show.
The Most Complete and Most Useless Collection of Pick-Up Lines
Includes scoring charts - passes attempted and completed!
The Gilbert Gottfried Kids Playset
Private Lynch's pics may yet go public: Topless photos of
former Iraqi POW Jessica Lynch may surface, after all.
Foreign publications are keen to buy the embarrassing shots, as
well as interviews with the two former soldiers who've been
archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
- Teri Hatcher, topless in scenes from "The Cool Surface" (1994). Amazingly, she looks much better here than her more famous scene in "Heaven's Prisoners" (1996).
Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.
||The Canadian babe and co-star of "Not Another Teen Movie" (2001) all wrapped up in latex and also baring a breast in scenes from "Love & Human Remains" (1993).
|From the 'comedy' "View from the Top" (2003). The movie is a real stinker, but Applegate, Paltrow and Kelly Preston all look amazing in their bikinis and swinging stewardess outfits. Great 'cap by DeadLamb.
|Another look at the rasslin' babes's recent nip slip from Monday night's RAW.
|An awesome find by the Skin-man...Patty Duke topless in scenes from the 1982 Canadian movie, "By Design".
|Señor Skin takes a look at the Seduction Cinema flick "An Erotic Vampire in Paris". Mundae and Krause (aka Mia Copia) bare all and of course do some lesbian lovin'.
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
KFC ADS SCRUTINIZED
A Hole In Their Logic - The FTC may examine recent TV commercials by KFC,
after they were blasted by health advocates and called ludicrous and
misleading by Ad Age magazine. The ads attempt to cash in on the low-carb,
high-protein Atkins Diet fad, promoting breaded fried chicken as a
surprisingly healthy alternative to burgers. One critic said KFC's food
may be delicious, but it's not health food, it's more like
Fortunately for KFC, I happen to be ON the Chicken-Flavored Donut Diet.
It's certainly not healthy for chickens.
It's also very high in fiber...if you eat the bucket.
MONICA CAN'T GET A DATE
She'd Get Down On Her Knees And Beg, Or Something - Monica Lewinsky
lamented to GQ that her reputation as Bill Clinton's sex toy intern scares
away men, that she only goes out on dates occasionally and her romantic
relationships have been short-lived.
About 10 minutes.
She's had no really deep relationships...Some were close, but no cigar.
Men figure, "She's been with Bill Clinton. There's no telling WHAT I
PETA ATTACKS CLAY AIKEN
Wow! He ISN'T Gay! - PETA is targeting "American Idol" star Clay Aiken for
saying on a talk show that he doesn't like cats. Aiken said he likes
animals, but he accidentally ran over a cat when he was 16, and he feels
like its spirit haunts him. PETA is threatening to run an ad featuring
Triumph the Insult Comic Dog saying, "Get neutered, it didn't hurt Clay
Aiken" unless Aiken endorses pet spaying and neutering on his website and
gives them an interview. They've been deluged with hate mail from his fans
and contacted by his attorneys.
His attorneys have NOT been neutered...although they're experts in
performing the procedure.
If anything is going to be forcibly sterilized, why not start with PETA
Clay thinks PETA is a very funny group...for him to poop on!
If Clay hates the sound of cats screeching, it must've killed him being
on "American Idol."
Here's a pic of the ad