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"Hard Ticket To Hawaii" (1987)

Hard Ticket To Hawaii (1987) is the first in a series of 12 Andy Sidaris films to be released on DVD. Produced by his wife, and written and directed by him, he is a true mom and pop operation. This one is a secret agent tittie flick set in Hawaii. Think of it as Charlie's Angels, except that they are not addicted to wearing their clothes, and one of them sleeps with Charlie. Donna Speir is DEA, working for Ronn Moss, and running a small freight/passenger plane service as a cover. Living with her is Hope Marie Carlton, who is in a witness protection program, but is allowed to join in on all of the violent fun. Head agent on the island is Cynthia Brimhall. The bad guys smuggle pot, and pay for it with diamonds.

All of the women mentioned above show breasts and buns, as does Patty Duffek in a short role. As Sidaris says in the commentary, none of these women are likely to headline on the British stage, but all have some acting ability. There is a little humor, a little sex, a little violence, a lot of flesh, and a very mean snake (the snake is gratuitous), and some nifty toys, such as a remote control helicopter used to deliver the diamonds. Maltin saw it for what it was, and awarded 2 stars. IMDB readers must have been expecting more like a Mitchner novel, and have it at 3.8/10. It shows lots of breasts, has a plot you could actually follow if you wanted to, humor, gadgets, etc. I say perfectly good tittie flick. C+

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  • Cynthia Brimhall (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
  • Donna Speir (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24)
  • Hope Marie Carlton (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
  • Patty Duffek (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Speir and Carlton (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Young Lady Chatterley was one of the best of the dying breed of softcore theatrical films produced in the late 70's for couples audiences.

    • Mary Forbes (1, 2)
    • Harlee McBride (1, 2, 3, 4)

    The Crimson Rivers is the French equivalent of A Touch of Evil, a grade-b script directed by a grade-a genius. The plot is The Shining meets SE7EN meets The Boys From Brazil - basically pure derivative crap, but this director has so-o-o-o-o much talent that he makes it watchable

    You all know what Planet of the Apes is. It is a good popcorn flick, much more sophisticated and imaginative than the first version, but it lacks an important ingredient. In the Heston version, the astronaut was terrifyingly isolated, neither human (in the context)  nor ape, and Heston communicated a kind of angry, passionate, outraged, lost persona that was not very astronaut-like, but enabled us to live through him vicariously . In this one, the astronaut is surrounded by other English-speaking humans, and the apes don't think humans are an inferior species. In fact, they subjugate humans because they secretly fear them. This strips away a lot of the tension from the first film, and turns it into kind of a Schindler's List parable. To top it off, Wahlberg plays the role like a real astronaut. How'd you like to spend two hours with one of them, discussing x-y coordinates and other outer space gearhead stuff? He's professional, unflappable, thoughtful, dispassionate. In other words - boring. Without a strong sense of identification with the astronaut, the film loses any chance to be remembered by the ages. 

    As for the ending - you got me. I'd have a better chance of understanding a Luis Bu˝uel movie than this final twist. Read the geekboy sites, and you'll find 1000 possible explanations, most of them very complicated. But what if he went back in time  ... and there was another vehicle for Thade to go back farther in time ...  and counter earth .... and what if there was an alternate universe where Nixon told the truth .... blah, blah.

    Graphic Response
  • Halle Berry in "Swordfish". This will be a strong contender for "Best Nude Scene of 2001" when we do the next poll. My early will be a close race between Halle and Katie Holmes.

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.

  • Hugo
    Athena Massey Topless, rear nudity, and some pubes in scenes from the Red Shoe Diaries episode "Slow Train".

    Kate Hudson Beautiful collage with brief breast exposure from the movie "About Adam".

    Katharine Ross Just a hint of nipple is visible in a breast feeding scene from "The Betsy".

    Kathleen Beller
    (1, 2)

    Topless and full frontal nudity, also from "The Betsy".

    Lesley-Anne Down
    (1, 2)

    Yup...still more goodies in scenes from "The Betsy"

    Lexa Doig The very sexy star of the sci-fi series "Andromeda" showing a breast in scenes from the straight to video movie "The Tracker".

    Nina Garbiras The sexy brunette goes topless in scenes from "Bruiser". I don't recall every hearing of this movie before, even though it was written and directed by horror legend George A. Romero.

    The "Paradise Falls" report.
    episodes 43 & 44

  • Cherilee Taylor is finally nude again after a three month absence of skin!

  • Newcomer Kristin Booth is fully clothed but performs an explicit hand job. This after being the female half in' the family series "Daring & Grace: Teen Detectives".

  • Variety
    Paige Turco
    (1, 2, 3)

    'Caps and comments by Mr. T...
    A few days ago someone requested vidcaps of Paige Turco's nudity on the November 15, 2001 episode of the TV series THE AGENCY. I was hoping that someone else would attempt it, but I haven't seen anything yet so I'm sending you mine. Now I'm not the greatest vidcapper to begin with. Add to that the crappy cable feed that night and the slow EP VCR recording speed and, well, you end up with questionable quality. But I did my best to clean them up, and here they are.

    The two closeups of her breasts covered by her hands may actually be a body double. The camera never pans up to her face in that particular shot. But judging by the amount of flesh she shows in the rest of the scene, I'd guess that it really is her!

    Mr. T

    Josie Maran
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)

    From the Winter 2001 Sisley magazine. There is only nudity in a couple of these... the rest are either very beautiful, or very odd. Great scans by Bobdfish.

    Here's the breakdown:

  • Breast Exposure....Links 15 and 19
  • Partial breast exposure...Links 11, 12, and 13.
  • Undies...Links Links 4, 5, 8, 10, 14, 16, 17, and 18
  • Milking a cow...Links 6 and 7 (this falls into the odd category)

  • Artemis Antone
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

    Scoop, here's more from the "Babes in Bondage" series, Artemis Antone from a bondage movie that exposes everything! Topless, frontal, and gyno-cam views.

    -The Hankster

    Gisele Bundchen
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    The supermodel posing almost nude! Great scans by AC.

  • Link #1...Gisele cups a bare breast.
  • Link borrow from Comic Book Guy...sexiest pose ever!
  • Link #3...see-thru nightie
  • Links 4 and 5 are strange. She is at the very least topless and you can see shapes and shadows, but...well, see for yourself.

  • Kylie Minogue Kylie in black lingerie, by UC99. Apparently this commercial was banned from UK television, although I can't imagine why.

    Blu Cantrell
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    In response to a customer request from yesterday...Chance found these nude poses of the R&B singer featuring frontal and rear nudity.

    Celeb News
  • Is she or isn't she...

    Four-months pregnant actress Anne Heche isn't turning her back on homosexuality, just because she's happily married to cameraman Coley Laffoon. The former girlfriend of comedienne Ellen Degeneres has spoken to American gay magazine The Advocate about her thoughts and feelings - and she hasn't ruled out the possibility of returning to a lesbian lifestyle.The 32-year-old actress says, "I have been very clear to everybody that just because I'm getting married, doesn't mean I'm straight."

    >From Yahoo! News.

    Naked Market Reports Offer Bottom Line

    SYDNEY (Reuters) - A Sydney-based company is offering online daily financial market reports read by naked women.

    ``Oh, hi! Thanks for checking us out,'' say two young women after they undress each other down to bras and suspender belt.

    ``You can get all the market news. Takeovers, mergers and bums,'' they say in unison as they slap each others buttocks.

    Market Wrap Unwrapped ( plans to offer 20-minute market reports featuring naked women with names like Cindy, the ``daughter of a minister'' according to her online biography, and Penthouse magazine model Georgie.

    ``The U.S. stock market basically leads the world financially, and all investors around the world want to know how the market is doing -- the Dow Jones, S&P 500, any major stock movements and commodity prices,'' Market Wrap Unwrapped Managing Director Sam Ruddock said on Tuesday.

    ``There is no market advice, it's just a wrap. It verges on the stockmarket/porn industry. But it is very tame, it's only R rated,'' Ruddock said.

    ``The girls give the report and take their clothes off, down to nothing as they go on,'' he said.

    For the cost of a US$9.95 per month, members get not only market reports but also lingerie voting and an online offer to meet the women.

    Once again, thanks to Pat Reeder at The Comedy Wire

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