The Ranch (2004) is a pilot of a nightime soap titty flick about a legal whorehouse in Nevada, supposedly based on a real establishment. The pilot was not picked up. As is usual in nightime soaps, we meet several of the girls, and learn a little about them, each with their own conflicts, wants, needs and dreams. One is a divorced mother, trying to be both a good mother and a hooker. Another is quitting to get married, Her intended doesn't know how she has been earning a living. Yet another is a wannabe singer. One girl has a crush on another, but the other girl doesn't know. One plays "little girl" and doesn't get along with anyone. The bar tender/cousin of the owner has a crush on one of the girls. The manager is a single mother whose son doesn't approve of how she makes a living. The newest arrival, from LA, is followed by her abusive pimp.

As is usual in a soap, the plot doesn't advance very far along any of these plot lines, and none of them reach closure. For this to succeed, it would have had to be on the likability of the characters, and I didn't fall in love with any of them. Evidently, neither did any producer. The following women show breasts:

Bonnie Root
Jennifer Aspen
Jessica Collins
Nicki Micheaux
Paige Moss
Samantha Ferris

This is a low C-. It has breasts, decent production value, and not a lot more. For those totally unfamiliar with working girls, I suppose it is somewhat educational as well.

"The L Word" (2004):

Today I just took all the Mia Kirshner nudity and followed it through the series. Tomorrow, the others. (Maybe all of them, maybe not. Depends on how much time it takes.) Mia's nudity from Episode 1 is in yesterday's edition, Here is the rest of her Season 1 nudity.

• Mia Kirshner, season 1, episode 3 (1, 2)

• Mia Kirshner, season 1, episode 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

• Mia Kirshner, season 1, episode 11 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

• Mia Kirshner, season 1, episode 14

Other Crap:

• At last, a school with its academic priorities coordinated with its campus activities. Nebraska Wesleyan University is celebrating 30 years of rat infestation when its Xtreme Rat Challenge event returns to campus on Thursday, December 2.
• It's Just a Plant - Little Johnny's first book of reefer. "Look, Puff." ... Wait, I mean "Look, a puff".
• The web allows people to become misinformed faster than ever! That will probably be the great legacy of the 21st century, just as the technology of the 20th century allowed learning and experience to spread to the masses faster than ever. Why, in my day, we had to go to a schoolyard or a tavern to get our misinformation - and we liked it that way!
• Since today (Friday the 19th) is World Toilet Day, it is a good time to sign up for :: The 1st World Toilet Expo & Public Toilet Forum, 2005. The seat of the Toilet World will be Shanghai between May 11 and May 13 of 2005. Toilet Reform has really become an important world movement, and I don't have to tell you that I am flush with excitement over this event.
• Here's the trailer from My Summer of Love, Pawel Pawlikowski's movie
  • Mona (NATALIE PRESS) has just got hold of a brilliant moped that only cost a tenner. No engine but still dirt-cheap. She lives with her brother, Phil, (PADDY CONSIDINE) who used to run a pub before he found God and poured away all the booze. Tamsin (EMILY BLUNT) is rich, spoilt and trying to live a life of seductive decadence. They meet on the moors, above their quiet Yorkshire village and begin an intense, unlikely friendship. Tamsin is tragic and fantastical, Mona, rough and witty. Tamsin is charmed and Mona is hooked. Tamsin and Mona want to escape their lives but Phil wants to save them and save everybody else. Mona wants the old, dangerous, Phil back; the brother that she loved. Tamsin wants to see what it takes to break him. "
• Here are the first eight minutes and four clips from Guerrilla: The Taking of Patty Hearst. The official summary follows:
  • With "Guerrilla: The Taking of Patty Hearst," filmmaker Robert Stone brings into sharp focus the mood of the early 1970s, a mood that inspired the formation of the first radical domestic terrorist cell to become a media sensation in the United States, the Symbionese Liberation Army (SLA). The SLA wreaked havoc on the West Coast and our national psyche for over two years, leaving behind a rich trove of paranoid recordings and scores of violent acts, including the kidnapping of heiress Patty Hearst who would subsequently join the SLA under the alias "Tania." As much as thriller as it is a document of the times, "Guerrilla" brings a striking, shocking moment in our nation's history back to light.
• Here's the full trailer for Beauty Shop, a Barbershop spin-off with Queen Latifah.
• Jon Stewart interviews Tom Brokaw.
• The Daily Show looks at the rain-soaked, 'bipartisan,' Tipper-catcalling circus that was the Clinton Library dedication.
• The Daily Show's Ed Helms talks to college student stoners who were tricked into registering as Republicans.
• "Indiana's Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson charged into the stands and fought with fans in the final minute of their game against the Detroit Pistons on Friday night, forcing an early and ugly end to the Pacers' 97-82 win. The game was stopped with 45.9 seconds remaining when a pushing and shoving between the teams spilled into the stands after fans began throwing things at the players near the scorer's table."
• Ripley wants to go into space for real!
• Director James Cameron Guest Edits WIRED Magazine, Unveils the New Age of Space & Deep Sea Exploration in December Issue
• Hollywood seeks Internet2 tests, P2P oversight: "The Motion Picture Association of America is in talks with the Internet2 research consortium, hoping both to test next-generation video delivery projects and to monitor peer-to-peer piracy on the ultrahigh-speed network"
• Sneaking into 'Seed of Chucky'. Flim critics were banned from the advance screenings "via an e-mail that made sporting use of exclamation points." This screening was, of course, open to the general public, so this Portland critic went in disguise and wrote about it.
• Bruce Campbell isn't going to playing Ash in the Evil Dead remake
• Deathbed confession: mom tells daughter she killed pop in 1990, hid body in a freezer, thus refining the popsicle concept.
• Nine year old learns to spell 310 letter word. The word is ornicopytheobibliopsychocrystarroscioaerogenethliometeoroaustrohieroanthropoichthyo- pyrosiderochpnomyoalectryoophiobotanopegohydrorhabdocrithoaleuroalphitohalomolybdo- clerobeloaxinocoscinodactyliogeolithopessopsephocatoptrotephraoneirochyroonychodactyl- oarithstichooxogeloscogastrogyrocerobletonooenoscapulinaniac
• Hollywood is fleshing out an old taboo: male frontal nudity Four current major films feature the Full Monty.
• Tito's secret underground city uncovered in Belgrade.
• Hooters of America and a rival restaurant chain began arguing in federal court over whether Hooters has exclusive rights to the concept of using scantily clad women to sell food and beer.
• The Straight Dope: Was the author of "Peter Pan" a pedophile?
• A bushelbasket full of pictures from Oceans 12.
• Johnny Damon's face mysteriously appearing throughout Brooklyn.
• Want to own a sports team? Two words: ABA franchise. With $10,000 and a half decent marketing plan you can enter the world of professional sports ownership. Many markets still available.
• Coach says Sex is OK before the big game.
• Sharon Reed: the news anchor who stripped for a report.
• The Fifty Worst Moments in Film History
• Mariah Carey has told fans they can now start calling her Mimi. Hell with that. Just click on the link to see the picture.
• Filming for a TV ad was reportedly held up - because J-Lo's bum was too gigantic for her skimpy outfit.
• The latest 007 rumor update. Welsh actor Ioan Gruffudd is reportedly the only actor being considered to be the new James Bond. As I recall, Ewan MacGregor was the only actor being considered last week.
• MonicaAJackson.com In response to the Fear Factor Champ Monica A. Jackson's arrest, here is a link to her web site with a bunch of nice pictures. She is slated to appear in the February issue of the Bunny Mag (along with six other Fear Factor contestants).
• GALLUP: Forty-five percent of Americans believe that God created man in his present form within the past 10,000 years.
• British bookies making odds on which celebrity will be the first to strip on "I'm a Celebrity", The Sun, of course, covers the story with topless pictures of the favorites.
• Porn star Savanna Samson strips in a New York club, gives her number to several men.
• At last, after 11 years, we can all exhale, secure in the knowledge that there will be a sequel to Mrs. Doubtfire.
• $5M reward for al Qaeda trainer. Hey, I think this guy was my high school English teacher, but he was Irish then.
• A bazillion still captures and the trailer from Spanglish, a big-budget film directed by James L Brooks, starring Adam Sandler and Paz Vega.
• JoBlo.com reviews the script for Syriana. This is scheduled to be a big release starring Matt Damon and Clooney. The screenplay is based on the book "See No Evil: The True Story of a Ground Soldier in the CIA's War on Terrorism" written by Robert Baer.
• Kirstie Alley: "I Don't Want Fat Sex"
• If Kirstie Alley really hasn't had sex in four and a half years, then how does she explain this?
• Could you have finished 8th Grade in 1895?
• Advance Screening: FilmJerk.com turns a thumb up enthusiastically for The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou.
• Billy Zane joins Dennis Hopper and Ann-Margret in the independent feature 'Memory', a psychological thriller about a medical researcher who taps into the genetically stored memories of a killer. I guess all Dennis Hopper movies now must have this exact premise. (The same summary could be used for Unspeakable.)
• Seven clips from The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie
• Two new trailers from the Kim Jee-Woon film, A Tale of Two Sisters . Two sisters who, after spending time in a mental institution, return to the home of their father and cruel stepmother. Once there, in addition to dealing with their stepmother's obsessive and unbalanced ways, an interfering ghost also affects their recovery.
• The trailer for The Pacifier "Vin Diesel redefines what it means to be an action hero in the heartwarming family action-comedy "The Pacifier." Diesel stars as Navy SEAL Shane Wolfe who, as an elite member of the world's fiercest and most highly trained force thought he was prepared to take on any duty no matter how perilous or impossible... until he tried baby-sitting. Assigned to protect the five out-of-control children of an assassinated scientist working on vital government secrets, Shane is suddenly faced with the juggling two outrageously incompatible jobs: fighting the bad guys while keeping house. Replacing his usual arsenal of wetsuits and weapons with diapers and juice boxes, Shane not only must battle a deceptive enemy but wrangle teen rebel Zoe (Brittany Snow), sullen 14 year-old Seth (Max Theriot), 8 year-old Ninja-wanna-be Lulu (Morgan York), as well as 3 year-old Peter and baby Tyler - not to mention their off-beat Romanian Nanny (Carol Kane). But while drop zones, demolitions and destroying enemy targets come naturally to Shane, he has no idea what tough really is until he pits his courage against diapering, den-mothering and driver's education. He's truly a SEAL out of water, and now it's up to this one-time lone warrior to take on the most important mission of his life: keeping a family together."
• Weekly World News says bin Laden has unleashed a mystery virus that is shrinking American penises.
• BUSH FILLS REMAINING CABINET POSTS WITH SELF. Introduces Self Seven Times in White House Ceremony.
  • Aides to the president said that the goal of appointing himself to the seven vacant positions was to achieve greater harmony within his Cabinet, and also to limit the number of people who could possibly write tell-all memoirs or talk to Bob Woodward.
• Astronomy Pic of the Day - hi-res image of Phobos, one of the Martian moons
• Playmate Gallery - Alicia Rickter, October 1995 - Courtesy of PlayboyPlus.com!
• Four free short vids from Playboy Big Breast Babes!
• The healing continues with a few bars of Godwin's musical law: Linda Ronstadt, hummin' an outraged tune, says of the administration: "we've got a new bunch of Hitlers"
• Whitehouse.org brings their usual subtle, inoffensive humor to the table with a transcript of President Bush's Late Night, Totally Non-Partisan Phone to Pennsyltucky "Republican" Senator Arlen Specter
• Another bizarre, unidentified, never-before-seen animal found in Texas. Oh, sorry. False alarm. It wasn't a new species, just one never seen in Texas before. It was a Northeastern liberal Democrat here for a convention. The hotel room where the guy stayed has now been turned into a tourist attraction.
• With the election over, the healing begins. "I would like to apologize to Jenna Bush for calling her 'a walking DUI who could probably suck the chrome off a tailpipe.' In fact, I have no idea if she could suck the chrome off a tailpipe. This apology extends to her twin sister, Barbara, whom I referred to as 'the smart, boring one who doesn't give head.'"
• Clinton Unveils His 'Gift to the Future' with the words "Scuze me while I whip dis out ... "
• After losing their WWF name to the wildlife people, WWE introduces wrestler who has sex with trees. Wait, that isn't a wrestler. It's Ralph Nader. (They are kidding, but give McMahon time ... )

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Words, pictures, and vids from ICMS
 

From the Cool Lakes of Death (1982)

Dutch actress Renée Soutendijk never became a star in the US although she did give it a try in the movie "Eve of Destruction", renowned for the stunning computer graphics of her. Please refer to Scoop's review of this flick and you'll see what I mean.

She gave a much better and nuder performance however in the 1982 Dutch movie "Van de koele meren des doods" (From the cool lakes of death) about a girl at the end of the 19th century who went crazy because of ... well, lots of things actually. In clips 1 and 2 she's still more or less normal, but she goes completely ape and in the buff in clips 3 and 4, perhaps after having read Scoopy's review of Eve of Destruction. 

Nothing is impossible of course but do you think we'll ever see an American remake of this movie starring Natalie Portman, the actress who played a stripper but didn't strip?

• Soutendijk, clip 1 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped)
• Soutendijk, clip 2 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped)
• Soutendijk, clip 3 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped)
• Soutendijk, clip 4 (.wmv zipped, .avi zipped)

Today the Ghost has vids from two movies (zipped wmvs as usual).

First up, scenes from the movie "Death Game" (1996).

• Korrine St. Onge shows off her silly-cones. In clip #1 she takes off her top. In clip #2 she rides a dude, then tries to kill him. (1, 2)

• Kristina Copeland, the Canadian actress rips open her top and bares her breasts.

• Peri Reynolds is topless and getting a massage. Nope, that's not Dubya in the fedora, just the guy that played him on the Trey Parker and Matt Stone show, "That's My Bush!". (Timothy Bottoms is the actor's name).

• An unknown topless babe getting felt up a little.

Next up, severl clips of Kristin Minter topless in scenes from "Flashfire" (1993), the direct-to-vid movie starring Billy Zane and Louis Gossett Jr. Minter is probably best know as 'Heather' from the first "Home Alone" movie, or as Vanilla Ice's love interest in his first movie, "Cool as Ice" (1991). Minter has made several pretty good B-movies over the years, and even had a long running supporting role on "ER", but has never really become a star. In the long run, her lack of celebrity is probably better for us since it means she's more likely to get nekkid on film.

• Kristin Minter. Excellent toplessness in links 1-5, thong view in #6. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

BEER REWARD FOR RETURN OF JESUS
Blessed Are The Pabst Makers - Someone stole the Baby Jesus from a nativity scene in Adelaide, Australia, so the South Australian Brewing Company stepped in to help. They are offering six cases of beer to anyone who returns Baby Jesus. A spokesman said, "You would have thought that...a guaranteed exit through the right door after purgatory would be enough of an incentive in itself," but since it's not, they're adding free beer.