"Heat and Dust"
Heat and Dust (1982) is a film I covered from a Region 2 release, and it has now become available on Region 1. It is an early effort from the director/producer team of Merchant and Ivory, and concentrates more on character and less on Historical detail than their later works. The film takes place in two time frames. A young and vibrant Greta Scacchi travels to colonial India to be with her husband who is a junior consul in government service, and becomes enthralled with India. Her least favorite thing? The stodgy English women who also live there. Her favorite thing? The local prince, and the excitement of the Indian court.
Meanwhile, cut to present day, and her grand niece, Julie Christie, comes to India based on her great aunts letters home, to trace her steps and understand her. In reality, she is trying to find herself after a disastrous relationship with a married man. The two women follow strikingly parallel paths, even to becoming pregnant. At the same time, the switching time frame contrasts colonial India with the present, and also shows the fascination of India in both eras. Even if the story doesn't grab you, there are two other good reasons to see this film. The cinematography is wonderful, and Greta Scacchi, in her first film role, shows buns and breasts. Although she is behind a mosquito net, the nudity is clear and well lit.
So, we have beautiful imagery, nudity, historical and cultural interest, love stories, and fine performances from both Scacchi and Julie Christie. Unfortunately, the region 1 DVD is now available, and has the same great video quality and feature set as the Region 2 version. The transfer on the region 2 version is very good, and includes extra features about the Merchant Ivory team. IMDB readers voted it 6.2 of 10. The film won a BAFTA for best screenplay adaptation, and was nominated for 7 others. I think the film has more appeal for estrogen oriented viewers, but it held my interest, despite the fact that historical dramas are not generally my favorite. I will give this one a B-.
Swindle (2002) is a bank heist movie filmed in Quebec. If it had a theatrical release, I could find no evidence of it. The two unique elements of the story are that an undercover cop is part of the gang, and the gang is run by a woman (Sherilyn Fenn). Tom Sizemore plays the undercover cop, and his performance is the high point of the film. They may have been going for a surprise ending, but they telegraphed it well in advance, and the love interest sub-plot was tepid at best. Some plot elements made no sense at all, and I suspect footage that would have tied them into the story was cut.
Candace Sibley, as a hooker, shows breasts. With 5 credits in four years and a willingness to show her hooters, I suspect we will see her in other films. IMDB readers have this at 5.0, with only 81 votes. The one review on the net was unimpressed. Add me to the list of unimpressed. The nudity was dark, the characters were not well developed, not all of the plot made sense and the transfer was an indifferent 4/3. Low C-.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Le Secret (2000)
A French movie has been shot.
Round up the usual suspects.
Yup, same old, traditional French movie theme. A 35 year old woman
is married to a wonderful, boring guy with an uninspiring aptitude
in the bedroom.
Gosh, I guess you'll never guess what happens next. OK, I know
you're giving up so I'll have to tell you.
When married to Mr Boring, she just felt that there should be
something more in life, and that she was really missing something.
In other words, she had the same banal thoughts we all have when we
get to a certain age and have not accomplished what we might have
or seen all we should have. Unfortunately, some people think that
they are the only ones who have these thoughts and have to make a
movie from this unique concept.
As it turns out, the thing Madame was really missing was a big macho
guy who would rip off her clothes, then grab her ankles, pull them
five feet apart, and point them at the summer moon.
Luckily for her, Candyman (Tony Todd) was in town for a horror
villain convention. They always have 'em in Paris, at the insistence
of the American Werewolf. All the masked villains would prefer to go
to Venice during the masquerades, but a lot of the others are afraid
of water - the Antichrist and the Wicked Witch of the West in
particular. The bored housewife heads off to the horror convention
to try to sell some Encyclopedias. Freddy Kruger is just about to
slash her when Candyman intervenes. It turns out the Candydude has
his own pad in Gay Paree, and he takes Madame back there and opens
up her bodily orifices so wide that you could drive a humvee through
'em. In fact, in one scene I think he actually did that.
As time goes on, she comes to realize that being having a grade-B
American movie actor use her as his personal Inflatable Judy doll is
not getting her any closer to the future she once dreamed of, and
her husband starts to get a little suspicious when she comes home
from "selling encyclopedias" with her body covered with bruises, and
her anus stretched out to the circumference of a volleyball.
So she has to figure out how to fess up and patch up with her boring
Having dealt with her mid-life crisis, she goes to the next stage of
life much wiser.
Not to mention much wider.
Anne Coesens (1,
The LEAST sexy sex scenes of all time
Jacko once sang a song about the D.A. who is about to prosecute
The Sun's latest, in-depth coverage of the Jacko story
Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat - the synopsis at Metacritic. It
is currently standing at 10/100, worst of the year so far. Gigli
scored 19, Boat Trip 14, Kangaroo Jack 13, From Justin to Kelly
12. Last year's most appalling wide releases, Pinocchio, Pluto
Nash, and Slackers, scored 8,9,8. The record for the worst reviews
EVER, according to Metacritic, is a score of 1, earned by Pauly
Shore's career capper, Bio-Dome.
Rotten Tomatoes. Reviews for Dr. Seuss' The Cat in the Hat with
Mike Myers It looks like this movie will give Boat Trip and
Gigli some competition at RT as well. So far, 0% positive.
Halle Berry and Penelope Cruz did NOT get naked in the naked
shower scene in Gothica."
Russian Vodka-drinking contest results. Loser finishes dead
last. Winner finishes dead.
True Stella Awards: the 2002 Winners for the most frivolous
The Smoking Gun: Arrest Warrant for Michael Jackson, 3 million
Are you a successful exec with a great sense of humor and an extra
$40,000? You need the Space Ghost Desk and Chair. Now, for a
limited time only, on sale for $39,995. Please - one to a
Great commercial for tobasco sauce
Instant voodoo - online
the home page for the CBS Victoria's Secret shows
Ken Brett is dead at 55. He was the youngest man ever to pitch
in the World Series, the only pitcher to homer in four consecutive
starts, and the brother of Hall of Famer George Brett.
The eight finalists in the design contest for the World Trade
Texas Woman Arrested For Selling Dildos: A distributor for
Passion Parties, a "Schtupperware" home party company, was
arrested last week. Her crime: selling dildos sexual devices
rather than as novelties. She organizes invitation-only home
parties in her area. Ms. Webb made no secret about her activities
– she was even a member of the city's Chamber of Commerce. But
someone filed a complaint. And the law is the law.
Who will play The Scarecrow in Batman 5. This film is being
directed by Christoper Nolan, and will be dark and edgy.
Playstation 2 recreates Intellivision - 60 games from the 80s in
Bucci-Twins.com - Free Gallery
RitzCamera.com - Meade Capture View Digital Camera Binocular -
NEW! Eight power binoculars with a built-in digital camera.
The perfect Christmas gift for the peeping tom in your list.
Hilarious parody of Candid Camera-type shows: "Kicked in the Nuts"
Dead man's phone rings inside coffin. You'd think death would
put those telemarketers off, but no-o-o-o-o.
The Ladder Theory: The ladder theory is a funny, scientific
explanation of how men and women are attracted to each other. It
also covers such topics as why women sometimes just want to be
friends but men always want sex.
Stockingirl Stockings, Pantyhose, Corsetry and Lingerie Boutique
The Indiana Pacers Dancers...The Pacemates. Scroll down and
click on the Photo Galleries for the best pics.
Weekly World News: "IN A BOLD and daring initiative that he firmly
believes will put America back on an even keel, President George
W. Bush is moving quickly to make square dancing mandatory. Dance
'callers' are now being trained at secret locations around the
The bad casting hall of fame A good list, but they missed my
favorite: Mickey Rourke as Francis of Assisi.
Hef offers Britney seven figures to bare all.
History Channel airs a documentary about a theory that LBJ helped
plan the JFK killing. I doubt it. On the other hand, if
Kennedy's death had been investigated like a police procedure, LBJ
would have been the #1 suspect. Means, motive, opportunity.
MOTIVE: he had the most to gain from Kennedy's death - the most
powerful position in the world. He was a ruthless, egomaniacal,
power-crazed and amoral man. MEANS and OPPORTUNITY: The murder
took place in Texas, where LBJ pulled every string there was to
pull, and he knew exactly how the President's visit was mapped
out. And Jack Valenti says it could not possibly be true, which is
about equivalent in "testimony weight" to God declaring that it IS
true. Every other wacky conspiracy theory has massive logical
flaws, but this one does make sense. By the way, the channel is
not claiming that this is the solution. This is one part of a
series about many different theories.
The former Mrs Rodman will turn her next wedding into a reality
British reporter gets Buckingham Palace job with false references,
gets close enough to see the Bushes meet the Windsors.
Music experts have named U2's love song One as the greatest song
ever recorded. Terry Jacks was screwed again. "Season in the
Sun" didn't get jack(s). Sing along with me. "Skinned our hearts
and skinned our knees ..."
Selective Service System: Publications. Is the draft coming back?
According to this official plan, one of the 2004 goals of the
Selective Service is to ensure that a mobilization infrastructure
of 56 State Headquarters, 442 Area Offices and 1,980 Local Boards
will be operational within 75 days of an authorized return to
archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
- Lori Singer, topless and partial rear nudity in scenes from the 1993 movie "Sunset Grill".
Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.
'Caps and comments by Brainscan:
Main course for the day is Emerald Forest (1985).
My big bro, who has a decade on me, describes a
National Geographic magazine that arrived one day when
he was twelve. That issue had a big photo story about
Micronesia, which in the 60's had yet to go entirely
Western in dress and customs. That means the women
walked around topless. Real babes, too, or so he
remembers. Not so much an idyllic lifestyle to his
adolescent mind, but an ideal one... no work, lots of
babes, all of them topless.
John Boorman must have seen the same magazine because
he filmed it. Oh, sure, he moved it to Brazil and
all, but he made a movie about Western encroachment
into an ideal society. Lots of babes, all of them
And young, too. Only one old fart in the whole movie
and he was the chief. Even his wife was a MILF.
Nobody else over the age of 30, so far as I could see.
This was National Geographic meets Logan's Run,
because sure as shootin' something was killing off the
natives as they reached what we would regard as early
So the Westerners encroach and the noble savages, who
spend most of their time frolicking around something
resembling the Clampett's See-ment pond, fight back
mystically... and all is made right. What horseshit.
I'm not siding with the Haliburton crowd, who would
burn down the Amazon rain forest for a few more bucks
in their pockets, but the story ought to be told as
something other than a fairytale where all virtue
resides with the savage and none resides with the
But then there are the babes and their delightfully
Main babe was played by Brazilian actress Dira Paes.
This was her first role, according to IMDB, and she has
continued to work to this very day. Ms. Paes was a
real babe. Topless, too.
Her exposure starts off with two other women...
supposed to be cousins... played by Patricia Prisco
and Isabel Bicudo. Those are the first two collages.
The remaining collages are of her, alone, showing two
of the three B's... are what fine B's they are.
- Dira Paes, Patricia Prisco and Isabel Bicudo
- Dira Paes
Second well-exposed babe is Tetchie Agbayani. Benny's
sister? Speaking of which, whatever happened to Benny
Agbayani? He was a hittin' machine and then...
poof....gone... at least off my radar.
Anyway, Tetchie was in a couple of movies before
Emerald Forest and was in a whole bunch afterward...
including my favorite Gawd awful movie of all time...
Gymkata. Ahhh, Gymkata... the bottom of the barrel in
martial arts movies... and that is saying something.
Tetchie seems to have been born and raised in the
Phillipines... but hey that's right next door to
Brazil, right? Only half a continent and
three-quarters of the Pacific ocean away. What's
that. 10.000 miles? Twelve thou, tops.
Tetchie was a real nice package. Cute as the
dickens... angelic even... with a frame that inspires
all kinds of evil thoughts. Hers is also a double B
performance. And in the last collage you see the only
indication that at least one guy in the tribe was
actually impressed by and responsive to all those bare
- Tetchie Agbayani
Last collage from this movie consists of two frames
showing off large groups of unknown topless native
women. This may not be the winner of the "Greatest
number of unknown topless babes in a movie" award, but
it is a contender.
Then there are a couple of collages from other movies.
Anna Levine Thomson in Water Drops on Burning Rocks. She looks as good as she ever has but she gives up no goodies. Anna with her clothes on? Who woulda thunk.
Running the anchor lap is Marcia Swayze from Speedway.
Marcia is a former fashion model and, as her name
suggests, relative of the Dirty Dancing dude. She
shows a lot of cleavage in this movie. Here's some.
'Caps and comments by Dann:
"Flesh for the Beast"
The first thing we learn from this movie is that getting laid by a ghost means getting laid out by a ghost. A group of parapyschologists get called to a very haunted mansion to sort things out. One by one, they are sorted down and out by a group of very lovely, mostly naked ghosts. There are worse ways to go. :-)
This is no classic, but it is good sleazy fun, with a decent enough haunted house story wrapped around the sexual shananigans. Be sure to get the Non-Rated version.
|Señor Skin 'caps of primetime TV's favorite 80's bitch topless and baring her hum in scenes from "The Stud" (1978).
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
JACKSON'S NEVERLAND RANCH RAIDED
Shocking, Yet Somehow Not - Tuesday, police raided Michael Jackson's
Neverland Ranch and searched it for hours in an unspecified criminal
investigation, which Court TV claimed stems from sexual abuse allegations
by a 12-year-old boy. Michael was in Las Vegas, where he lashed out at
what he called the "rogue's gallery of hucksters and inside sources"
speculating on what it's about, saying they always make some "dreadful
allegation" just as one of his projects is coming out. It was release day
for his new Greatest Hits CD, featuring his duet with R. Kelly, "One More
Hurriedly retitled, "Okay, Two More Chances."
One more chance for what? To have a hit record or to avoid jail?
R. Kelly replied, "Hey, I never even met that weirdo!"
Michael may have to spend his entire 2003 plastic surgery budget on
The cops did find some human skeletal remains, but that was just the
From Moonwalk To Perp Walk - Court TV's Diana Dimond says a source told her
the cops had an arrest warrant, and if Jackson had been home, he would've
Poor Michael wouldn't be able to survive five minutes even in a women's
His lawyers claim he could never be tried as an adult.
So he's a fugitive...He'll need plastic surgery to make himself
MICKEY MOUSE GETS AN EXTREME MAKEOVER
He's Poochy! - Mickey Mouse turned 75 this week, and Disney is concerned
about his image. Research shows today's kids don't know him as a plucky
cartoon character, but think of him as a boring corporate shill. So Disney
is launched a campaign to give Mickey a modern makeover. They plan to
produce two feature films starring Mickey, in which he will be more
"streetwise," with an appreciation of skateboarding, computer games and
They now claim Mickey got his high voice when he fell crotch-first on
the crossbar of a BMX bike.
Better yet, turn him over to the guys who animate "South Park."
They hired the same animation agency that made Col. Sanders hip and
Now, he'll be a cool, sassy corporate shill!
ANOTHER PARIS HILTON SEX TAPE
More Sequels Than "Police Academy" - Celebrity Justice reports that another
Paris Hilton sex tape has surfaced, this one featuring Paris and Playboy
Playmate Nicole Lenz playing with sex toys naked. It also reportedly
features "Scary Movie 3" star Simon Rex, who appears to be the cameraman.
You can tell by his large telescopic lens.
This must be "Scary Movie 4," starring Paris Hilton as the skeleton.
Paris thinks that "safe sex" means doing it with the security camera
You know what shocking video people would really like to see? A tape of
Paris Hilton with her clothes on, eating food.