"Heat and Dust"

Heat and Dust (1982) is a film I covered from a Region 2 release, and it has now become available on Region 1. It is an early effort from the director/producer team of Merchant and Ivory, and concentrates more on character and less on Historical detail than their later works. The film takes place in two time frames. A young and vibrant Greta Scacchi travels to colonial India to be with her husband who is a junior consul in government service, and becomes enthralled with India. Her least favorite thing? The stodgy English women who also live there. Her favorite thing? The local prince, and the excitement of the Indian court.

Meanwhile, cut to present day, and her grand niece, Julie Christie, comes to India based on her great aunts letters home, to trace her steps and understand her. In reality, she is trying to find herself after a disastrous relationship with a married man. The two women follow strikingly parallel paths, even to becoming pregnant. At the same time, the switching time frame contrasts colonial India with the present, and also shows the fascination of India in both eras. Even if the story doesn't grab you, there are two other good reasons to see this film. The cinematography is wonderful, and Greta Scacchi, in her first film role, shows buns and breasts. Although she is behind a mosquito net, the nudity is clear and well lit.

So, we have beautiful imagery, nudity, historical and cultural interest, love stories, and fine performances from both Scacchi and Julie Christie. Unfortunately, the region 1 DVD is now available, and has the same great video quality and feature set as the Region 2 version. The transfer on the region 2 version is very good, and includes extra features about the Merchant Ivory team. IMDB readers voted it 6.2 of 10. The film won a BAFTA for best screenplay adaptation, and was nominated for 7 others. I think the film has more appeal for estrogen oriented viewers, but it held my interest, despite the fact that historical dramas are not generally my favorite. I will give this one a B-.

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  • Greta Scacchi (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)


    Swindle (2002) is a bank heist movie filmed in Quebec. If it had a theatrical release, I could find no evidence of it. The two unique elements of the story are that an undercover cop is part of the gang, and the gang is run by a woman (Sherilyn Fenn). Tom Sizemore plays the undercover cop, and his performance is the high point of the film. They may have been going for a surprise ending, but they telegraphed it well in advance, and the love interest sub-plot was tepid at best. Some plot elements made no sense at all, and I suspect footage that would have tied them into the story was cut.

    Candace Sibley, as a hooker, shows breasts. With 5 credits in four years and a willingness to show her hooters, I suspect we will see her in other films. IMDB readers have this at 5.0, with only 81 votes. The one review on the net was unimpressed. Add me to the list of unimpressed. The nudity was dark, the characters were not well developed, not all of the plot made sense and the transfer was an indifferent 4/3. Low C-.

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  • Candace Sibley (1, 2, 3, 4)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Le Secret (2000)

    A French movie has been shot.


    Round up the usual suspects.

    Yup, same old, traditional French movie theme. A 35 year old woman is married to a wonderful, boring guy with an uninspiring aptitude in the bedroom.

    Gosh, I guess you'll never guess what happens next. OK, I know you're giving up so I'll have to tell you.

    1) affair

    2) remorse

    When married to Mr Boring, she just felt that there should be something more in life, and that she was really missing something.

    In other words, she had the same banal thoughts we all have when we get to a certain age and have not accomplished what we might have  or seen all we should have. Unfortunately, some people think that they are the only ones who have these thoughts and have to make a movie from this unique concept.

    As it turns out, the thing Madame was really missing was a big macho guy who would rip off her clothes, then grab her ankles, pull them five feet apart, and point them at the summer moon.

    Luckily for her, Candyman (Tony Todd) was in town for a horror villain convention. They always have 'em in Paris, at the insistence of the American Werewolf. All the masked villains would prefer to go to Venice during the masquerades, but a lot of the others are afraid of water - the Antichrist and the Wicked Witch of the West in particular. The bored housewife heads off to the horror convention to try to sell some Encyclopedias. Freddy Kruger is just about to slash her when Candyman intervenes. It turns out the Candydude has his own pad in Gay Paree, and he takes Madame back there and opens up her bodily orifices so wide that you could drive a humvee through 'em. In fact, in one scene I think he actually did that.

    As time goes on, she comes to realize that being having a grade-B American movie actor use her as his personal Inflatable Judy doll is not getting her any closer to the future she once dreamed of, and her husband starts to get a little suspicious when she comes home from "selling encyclopedias" with her body covered with bruises, and her anus stretched out to the circumference of a volleyball.

    So she has to figure out how to fess up and patch up with her boring husband.

    Having dealt with her mid-life crisis, she goes to the next stage of life much wiser.

    Not to mention much wider.





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    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Graphic Response
    • Lori Singer, topless and partial rear nudity in scenes from the 1993 movie "Sunset Grill".

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Main course for the day is Emerald Forest (1985).

    My big bro, who has a decade on me, describes a National Geographic magazine that arrived one day when he was twelve. That issue had a big photo story about Micronesia, which in the 60's had yet to go entirely Western in dress and customs. That means the women walked around topless. Real babes, too, or so he remembers. Not so much an idyllic lifestyle to his adolescent mind, but an ideal one... no work, lots of babes, all of them topless.

    John Boorman must have seen the same magazine because he filmed it. Oh, sure, he moved it to Brazil and all, but he made a movie about Western encroachment into an ideal society. Lots of babes, all of them topless.

    And young, too. Only one old fart in the whole movie and he was the chief. Even his wife was a MILF. Nobody else over the age of 30, so far as I could see. This was National Geographic meets Logan's Run, because sure as shootin' something was killing off the natives as they reached what we would regard as early adulthood.

    So the Westerners encroach and the noble savages, who spend most of their time frolicking around something resembling the Clampett's See-ment pond, fight back mystically... and all is made right. What horseshit. I'm not siding with the Haliburton crowd, who would burn down the Amazon rain forest for a few more bucks in their pockets, but the story ought to be told as something other than a fairytale where all virtue resides with the savage and none resides with the civilized.

    But then there are the babes and their delightfully natural nekkidness.

    Main babe was played by Brazilian actress Dira Paes. This was her first role, according to IMDB, and she has continued to work to this very day. Ms. Paes was a real babe. Topless, too.

    Her exposure starts off with two other women... supposed to be cousins... played by Patricia Prisco and Isabel Bicudo. Those are the first two collages. The remaining collages are of her, alone, showing two of the three B's... are what fine B's they are.

    • Dira Paes, Patricia Prisco and Isabel Bicudo (1, 2)

    • Dira Paes (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Second well-exposed babe is Tetchie Agbayani. Benny's sister? Speaking of which, whatever happened to Benny Agbayani? He was a hittin' machine and then... poof....gone... at least off my radar.

    Anyway, Tetchie was in a couple of movies before Emerald Forest and was in a whole bunch afterward... including my favorite Gawd awful movie of all time... Gymkata. Ahhh, Gymkata... the bottom of the barrel in martial arts movies... and that is saying something.

    Tetchie seems to have been born and raised in the Phillipines... but hey that's right next door to Brazil, right? Only half a continent and three-quarters of the Pacific ocean away. What's that. 10.000 miles? Twelve thou, tops.

    Tetchie was a real nice package. Cute as the dickens... angelic even... with a frame that inspires all kinds of evil thoughts. Hers is also a double B performance. And in the last collage you see the only indication that at least one guy in the tribe was actually impressed by and responsive to all those bare bosoms.

    • Tetchie Agbayani (1, 2, 3)

    Last collage from this movie consists of two frames showing off large groups of unknown topless native women. This may not be the winner of the "Greatest number of unknown topless babes in a movie" award, but it is a contender.

    Then there are a couple of collages from other movies.

    Anna Levine Thomson in Water Drops on Burning Rocks. She looks as good as she ever has but she gives up no goodies. Anna with her clothes on? Who woulda thunk.

    Running the anchor lap is Marcia Swayze from Speedway. Marcia is a former fashion model and, as her name suggests, relative of the Dirty Dancing dude. She shows a lot of cleavage in this movie. Here's some.

    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    "Flesh for the Beast"
    The first thing we learn from this movie is that getting laid by a ghost means getting laid out by a ghost. A group of parapyschologists get called to a very haunted mansion to sort things out. One by one, they are sorted down and out by a group of very lovely, mostly naked ghosts. There are worse ways to go. :-)

    This is no classic, but it is good sleazy fun, with a decent enough haunted house story wrapped around the sexual shananigans. Be sure to get the Non-Rated version.

    Joan Collins
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)

    Señor Skin 'caps of primetime TV's favorite 80's bitch topless and baring her hum in scenes from "The Stud" (1978).

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Shocking, Yet Somehow Not - Tuesday, police raided Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch and searched it for hours in an unspecified criminal investigation, which Court TV claimed stems from sexual abuse allegations by a 12-year-old boy. Michael was in Las Vegas, where he lashed out at what he called the "rogue's gallery of hucksters and inside sources" speculating on what it's about, saying they always make some "dreadful allegation" just as one of his projects is coming out. It was release day for his new Greatest Hits CD, featuring his duet with R. Kelly, "One More Chance."

  • Hurriedly retitled, "Okay, Two More Chances."
  • One more chance for what? To have a hit record or to avoid jail?
  • R. Kelly replied, "Hey, I never even met that weirdo!"
  • Michael may have to spend his entire 2003 plastic surgery budget on lawyers.
  • The cops did find some human skeletal remains, but that was just the Elephant Man.

    From Moonwalk To Perp Walk - Court TV's Diana Dimond says a source told her the cops had an arrest warrant, and if Jackson had been home, he would've been arrested.

  • Poor Michael wouldn't be able to survive five minutes even in a women's prison.
  • His lawyers claim he could never be tried as an adult.
  • So he's a fugitive...He'll need plastic surgery to make himself unrecognizable!

    He's Poochy! - Mickey Mouse turned 75 this week, and Disney is concerned about his image. Research shows today's kids don't know him as a plucky cartoon character, but think of him as a boring corporate shill. So Disney is launched a campaign to give Mickey a modern makeover. They plan to produce two feature films starring Mickey, in which he will be more "streetwise," with an appreciation of skateboarding, computer games and extreme sports.

  • They now claim Mickey got his high voice when he fell crotch-first on the crossbar of a BMX bike.
  • Better yet, turn him over to the guys who animate "South Park."
  • They hired the same animation agency that made Col. Sanders hip and edgy.
  • Now, he'll be a cool, sassy corporate shill!

    More Sequels Than "Police Academy" - Celebrity Justice reports that another Paris Hilton sex tape has surfaced, this one featuring Paris and Playboy Playmate Nicole Lenz playing with sex toys naked. It also reportedly features "Scary Movie 3" star Simon Rex, who appears to be the cameraman.

  • You can tell by his large telescopic lens.
  • This must be "Scary Movie 4," starring Paris Hilton as the skeleton.
  • Paris thinks that "safe sex" means doing it with the security camera running.
  • You know what shocking video people would really like to see? A tape of Paris Hilton with her clothes on, eating food.