Notes:

I'm taking some "working vacation," which means I'm still at my desk, but only 6-8 hours a day instead of 16. So I should be here with breaking news.

Other Crap:

Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.

"Naked"

Naked (1993) is a British film starring David Thewlis as Johnny. As the film opens, we see him in Manchester, raping a hooker on a street corner, stealing a car, and driving to London. Once there, he waits on the stoop of a flat, and we get the impression that he has spent more than his share of time on the street. Sophie (Katrin Cartlidge) arrives, and he asks her about Louise, who is at work. Cartlidge invites him in, and the two get to know each other. Sophie is obviously high most of the time, and is about the same socio-economic level as Johnny. She and Louise are leaving in a nurse friend's flat while she is off in Africa. Johnie and Louise clearly have a history in Manchester.

Johnnny, we quickly learn, is highly intelligent and well read, but on the doll, and given to sarcasm and shocking people. He and Sophie eventually get together, much to Sophie's delight, and then he starts treating her badly. Johnnie leaves, and has various adventures around London, then returns having been beat to a pulp. When the nurse, brilliantly played by Claire Skinner, she is not pleased at the sleeping arrangements, the state of the flat, or anything else.

Katrin Cartlidge shows breasts, as does Deborah MacLaren as one of Johnnie's adventures in London.

IMDb readers have this at 7.6. Ebert awards for stars, and Berardinellu 3.5. Director Mike Leigh and star David Thewlis won numerous awards at Cannes and elsewhere, and in my opinion, Thewlis deserved an Oscar. While Thewlis was brilliant, Cartlidge and Skinner also deserved some recognition. This is a character based drama about the dregs of society running 131 minutes, with only a little nudity. If I read that line in a review, I would probably avoid the film. However, I really enjoyed this one. Most of the film was created using improv, and the main characters spent months developing the relationships of their characters. Out of this preparation came a wonderful script that feels entirely natural. It has been criticized as relentlessly dark, but I disagree. Certainly, none of the characters in this film will become role models, but they are all sympathetic characters anyway. This is a B-. It has the advantage of being very original, the performances are outstanding, and nearly constant humor helps the 131 minute running time fly by. Criterion did an excellent job on the DVD, including commentary and a second disk with interviews and more.

Deborah Maclaren
Katrin Cartlidge

"Alvin Purple "

Alvin Purple (1973) is an Australian sex comedy, and the biggest box office smash of the 70s there. The concept was to reverse the usual formula, and present an ordinary bloke who, for some reason, was irresistible to the opposite sex, and all of this attention caused him problems. As the film opens, Alvin (Graeme Blundell) is swearing off sex. We first see him on a bus which is full of attractive and revealingly dressed women. In a fantasy, he rips open the blouse of one of them. Then, in his flat, there is a knock at the door. It is a neighbor, wanting to borrow a cup of sugar. He imagines her naked, and we get a wonderful full frontal. All of this is before the opening credits.

Then we have a flashback, where we see that Alvin has always had this effect of women, and was sleeping with the wife of his High School teacher, and many of the girls in his class. After college, he tries selling waterbeds, and has several encounters with female customers. He sees a shrink, in hopes of controlling his libido so he can marry the girl of his dreams. This doesn't work out either, and leads to even more sexual encounters.

There was a great deal of nudity:

Anne Pendlebury - full frontal
Debbie Nankervis - breasts
Elke Neirhardt - full frontal
Jackie Weaver - full frontal
Kris McQuade - full frontal
Lynette Curran - full frontal
Shara Berriman - full frontal

and an unknown shows breasts in the opening sequence.

IMDb readers have this at 5.3 of 10. It has a catchy theme song, great pace, and a lot of nudity, making it a very entertaining film, at least for me. This film was very controversial at the time of its release, which was only made possible by the creation of the new "R" rating. It is tame by today's standards in terms of simulated sex, but is rather graphic nudity, even by today's standards, with both male and female full frontal. Much of the humor comes from poking fun at the sexual revolution of the 70s, including shrinks, water beds, women's lib, and more. I first say this on Beta many years ago, and was more than pleased to find it available on DVD, but only on Region 4 in Australia. It is packaged with the sequel, Alvin Rides Again, and includes a featurette and an image gallery. This is low brow humor, but with good acting, cleaver innuendo and great pace. This is a C+

Anne Pendlebury
Debbie Nankervis
Elke Neidhardt
Jackie Weaver
Kris McQuade
Lynette Curran
Shara Berriman
Unknown

10 MOST DANGEROUS TOYS OF 2005
Endorsed By Ted Nugent - WATCH (World Against Toys Causing Harm) issued their annual list of the 10 most dangerous toys. Several are preschooler toys that are choking hazards, such as Animal Alley Ponies and the Little Mommy Bath Baby Doll. More intriguing are the Air Kicks Kickaroos Anti-Gravity Boots...The Camouflage Water Bomb Fun Kit, a slingshot that fires water bombs...The Splatmatic Pistol Splat Paint Shooter, which fires high-velocity paintballs...And the "Lord of the Rings" Uruk-Hai Crossbow Set.

* Aim too low, and you'll shoot somebody right in the Bilbo.
* On the bright side, it's the most efficient way to take geeks out of the gene pool.
* This is also known as "Every Boy's Christmas Wish List."
* There is a warning label..."Warning: Do not taunt Camouflage Water Bomb Fun Kit!"
* These killjoys take all the fun out of Camouflage Water Bomb Fun.

FLEISS PLANS BORDELLO FOR WOMEN
"Fred Garvin, Male Prostitute" - "Hollywood Madam" Heidi Fleiss is going back into the sex business, but with a twist. She plans to open a legal brothel in Crystal, Nevada, where male prostitutes will cater to women, and dress as such female fantasies as cowboys and firemen. Fleiss said, "I am opening up a stud farm. I am going to have the sexiest men on earth. Women are going to love it."

* Especially women who love to fantasize about the Village People being straight.
* These guys will fulfill every woman's wildest fantasy: they'll give you a foot rub, listen when you talk, then wash the dishes!
* Is that really a problem for women? They just can't find men willing to have sex with them?