"The Sexy Adventures of Van Helsing"
The Sexy Adventures of Van Helsing (2004) day one. This is a comedy spoof from Seduction Cinema staring Erika Smith as the only living decendent of the famous vampire hunter Van Helsings. She is a college nerd and virgin, and is tasked with a revenge killing of the dread Dracoola (Darian Caine). Dracoola asks her to recruit virgins, as she needs virgin blood to retain her youthful appearance, so Smith goes after lesbians, as the only likely virgins. There are way too many naked women for one night, so tonight we have Erikca Smith, Darian Caine, and AJ Kahn, as Smith's only friend.
Smith shows a breast, Kahn shows breasts and buns, and Caine shows all three Bs. Tomorrow night, the rest of the review, and the other naked women. I will say that I will be giving this an enthusiastic thumbs up.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Original Sin (2000):
Tuna and I discussed
this movie at length. It is an operatic (sometimes laughably
operatic) noir thriller with plot twist after plot twist. It is a
remake of Truffaut's Missippi Mermaid. Maybe I should not say that.
It is more precise to say that Original Sin, like Mississippi
Mermaid, is a film based upon Cornell Woolrich's "Waltz into
Darkness". The first half of the two films is quite similar, but the
films diverge there. The second half of Missippi Mermaid is a
character-driven story about obsession, while the second half of
Original Sin is plot-driven and wanders into some pretty loony
Critics hated Original Sin. It got something like 10% positive
reviews. Tuna and I thought it was watchable - basically just
another femme fatale potboiler with a few too many plot twists for
its own good. I described it as a Pia Zadora movie with Angelina
Jolie as Pia Zadora. On the other end of the spectrum, Roger Ebert
thought it was a pretty cool movie, and awarded three stars.
Anyway, the reason for revisiting it is that the still captures just
don't show how horny these sex scenes are. You have to see it in
motion. I did make a few new collages, but what you really want to
see here is movie clip #1, in which Jolie and Banderas do some
mighty good fuckin', and Jolie bounces around as if she were being
- Angelina Jolie collages. (1,
- Angelina Jolie movies. (1,
3) (zipped .wmvs) The first one is the one
you want to see. The second one is the bath, which is basically a
still-life with some camera movement. The third one is boring,
with neither much nudity nor much else of interest.
Dawn of the Dead (2004):
These two clips from usenet indicate that our reader was right.
We identified Luigia Zucaro incorrectly. (IMDb agrees) I guess
Luigia is the naked woman by the car, and Kim Kerns is the boat
- A world rejoices as
Olympic athlete Jana Pittman joins the fight to save the northern
hairy-nosed wombat. As I picture these li'l critters in
my imagination, I'm thinking for some reason that their
spokesperson should be John Turturro. I don't actually know
whether northern hairy-nosed wombats look like John Turturro, but
I believe they should, and if they do not now, the last 90 of them
should be given plastic surgery toward that end.
- Coming Soon has added
two new clips from the new Bill Murray comedy The Life Aquatic
With Steve Zissou
The nicely storyboarded trailer for Modigliani, a
biopic of the great artist, focusing on his famous rivalry with
Picasso. "Emotionally-charged and bathed in absinthe green,
Modigliani is the decadent portrayal of this tortured genius, his
debilitating addictions, and overwhelming passion. The film
delivers nothing short of a deeply heartfelt tribute to the
The trailer for A Tale of Two Sisters, an Asian horror
film: "Two sisters who, after spending time in a mental
institution, return to the home of their father and cruel
stepmother. Once there, in addition to dealing with their
stepmother's obsessive and unbalanced ways, an interfering ghost
also affects their recovery."
The trailer for You I Love . "A breezy comedy of
manners, set in Moscow, about three strangers from very different
walks of life (a female news anchor, a male ad executive and a
young man who works in the zoo). These three form a fast-evolving
relationship as friends and lovers, upending tradition and
responding to the craziness of daily life in modern Russia"
The great American poets? Whitman, Sandburg, Frost, and now ...
Spears. I gotta admit a Britney card will make playin'
"Authors" a lot more fun.
New 'Godfather' Sequel a Waste. Yeah, yeah, but I have
to admit I'll probably read it eventually.
- Astounding and scary story.
"The latest big fine by the FCC against a TV network -- a record
$1.2 million against Fox for its 'sexually suggestive' Married by
America -- was brought about by three complaints."
- New exhibit at Brooklyn Museum:
"I Wanna to be Loved by You: Photographs of Marilyn Monroe"
Beavers Make $70,000 Dam Out of Stolen Money. "They
hadn't torn the bills up. They were still whole"
Tennis star Kafelnikov to become a professional poker player.
FDA Tells Pfizer to Pull 'Wild Thing' Viagra Ads
A pill to help you lose weight and quit smoking would be amazing
enough. Now scientists say the experimental drug Acomplia might
also help people stop abusing drugs and alcohol.
Rachel Hunter will play Ginger in the reality series version of
Here is a video of Anna Nicole Smith's bizarre appearance at the
American Music Awards.
Saddam Hussein reaped over $21 billion from kickbacks and
smuggling before and during the now-defunct U.N. oil-for-food
program. Senator Coleman asked a very good question -
how could the entire world have missed something so big?
MVP #7 for Barry Bonds, following a year in which he
broke more seemingly unbreakable barriers, amassing 232 walks and
a .609 on-base percentage. Beltre and Pujols finished 2-3.
- Bonds also hit 30 homers or more for the 13th consecutive
year, a record.
- Seven MVPs is a baseball record, but is still two behind the
major sports record, held by Wayne Gretzky
The Greatest Canadian - Games, Quizzes, Interactives
Colin Powell resigns, Condoleezza Rice to Be Named Secretary of
- Hey, Hollywood, HERE'S your next sports movie.
Soccer is a lot more fun when the players can use their cars.
"A first-division soccer match was abandoned in Moldova after a
furious club official drove his car onto the pitch and tried to
run over the referee when the opposing side was awarded a
- You have to read the story. He actually tried several times
to get the ref. The best part of the story is the result: the
Moldovan soccer federation (which is presumably one guy named
Mikosh) fined the guy in the car a whopping thousand quid. So I
guess if he had only made one pass at the ref, he could have
skated in for about fifty bucks.
Playmate Gallery - Shanna Moakler - December 2001 - Courtesy of
Four free short vids from SPICE TV
Julia Roberts is reportedly set to stay in a hospital bed from now
until she gives birth to her twins in January.
Geoffrey Rush talks about playing Peter Sellers
- Japanese technology again dominates.
Another one for your Christmas shopping list - the "girlfriend's
"'As democracy is perfected, the office of president represents,
more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great
and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their
heart's desire at last and the White House will be adorned by a
downright moron." H. L Mencken wrote that in 1920. He
proved to be right soon thereafter when Warren Harding was elected
that same year.
When James Carville says he has egg on his face, he ain't just
whistlin' Dixie, podner.
The trailer for After Midnight. In After Midnight, the
magical Mole Antonelliana (the cavernous Museum of Cinema in
Turin, Italy) is the setting and inspiration for a very unlikely
love story. One fateful evening, Martino, an avid cinephile and
the museum's timid night watchman, comes to the aid of Amanda, an
enchanting young fast-food cook on the run from the police after
dousing her overbearing boss with hot oil. Martino's dreamy
kingdom of silent movie characters becomes a sanctuary for Amanda,
as she awaits rescue by her devilish car-jacking boyfriend Angel.
Spellbound by the museum, Amanda develops a surprising romantic
connection with Martino, who until now has only found
companionship in his celluloid dreams. Torn between her newfound
feelings for Martino and her troubled relationship with the
irresistible Angel, Amanda attempts to balance the affections of
her two suitors. Misadventure and chaos ensue as the characters
become embroiled in this dubious love triangle. Infused with
humor, intelligence, and passion, After Midnight is a masterful
homage to the silent movie era. Ferrario's daring visual choices
and unconventional storytelling make for a charming celebration of
love and cinema.
The first pictures from Million Dollar Baby: "In the
wake of a painful estrangement from his daughter, boxing trainer
Frankie Dunn (Clint Eastwood) has been unwilling to let himself
get close to anyone for a very long time - then Maggie Fitzgerald
(Hilary Swank) walks into his gym. In a life of constant struggle,
Maggie's gotten herself this far on raw talent, unshakable focus
and a tremendous force of will. But more than anything, she wants
someone to believe in her. The last thing Frankie needs is that
kind of responsibility - let alone that kind of risk - but won
over by Maggie's sheer determination, he begrudgingly agrees to
take her on. In turns exasperating and inspiring each other, the
two come to discover that they share a common spirit that
transcends the pain and loss of their pasts, and they find in each
other a sense of family they lost long ago. Yet, they both face a
battle that will demand more heart and courage than any they've
Ryan Reynolds Talks The Flash & Deadpool
Kylie rules out raunchy photos
Paris Hilton reportedly left Hugh Hefner's annual Halloween party
in a big huff after claiming a party worker sexually molested her
on a walk through a haunted house.
The Federal Communications Commission has confirmed it received
complaints about the uncensored broadcast of "Saving Private Ryan"
Film Jerk presents the indispensable Early Report for this week.
The trailer for Conspiracy of Silence: "Set in modern
day Ireland, 'Conspiracy of Silence' begins with two seemingly
unrelated events - the unexpected suicide of beloved and
well-respected Father Frank Sweeny, and the expulsion of
idealistic, young Seminary student, Daniel McLaughlin. Local
investigative reporter, David Foley, aggressively pursues the two
stories and begins to uncover a deadly secret that links both
incidents and leads directly up to the highest ranks of the
Church. His suspicions are confirmed when he receives anonymous
threats and is chased by mysterious and shadowy figures. As he
digs deeper he unwillingly puts his and his young family's lives
in grave danger. Meanwhile, Daniel is forced to make a decision
that could haunt him forever - will he return to the Church and
help cover-up its lies and deceit, or will he surrender all dreams
of becoming a priest and return to the beautiful girl he left
Usher shows the others to their seats at the American Music Awards
ENTIRE AFRICAN TRIBE WORSHIPS SALMA HAYEK'S BREASTS! "Salma's
chest globes are magnificent forces of nature," gushes the
chieftain. "They are large and firm and perfectly formed. Whenever
they appear on screen, it is almost as though they are calling to
us: 'We're here. We're here for you. Take power from us. Let us be
your energy force. Close your eyes and let us engulf you.' "
- Very bad news for that African tribe that worships Salma
Hayek's breasts. Scientists have discovered that
celebrity worshippers are harming their mental health.
It is bad news for me as well. I belong to a vary rare cult which
worships former baseball commissioner Bowie Kuhn. Maybe I'll be
OK. He's not really a celebrity, is he?
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words from Scoop.
.avi's from Shiloh.
.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.
NOTE: because of a unique combination of
circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial
bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip
format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a
you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in
the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.
I know this is not especially convenient, but it
allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from
hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some
reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not
play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory
work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this
new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want
to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips
Miami Blues (1990) - Day 2
Alec Baldwin as a psychopath. An unusually svelte
Jennifer Jason Leigh as a community college girl who is hooking to
start her toward her dream of owning a Burger King,
Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble
with the codecs for these movies:
FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use
DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use
virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the
vids says the video codec: DivX Decoder Filter & audio
codec: Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with.
When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG
Layer-3. A friend of mine told me about compressing the
audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been
capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this
info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp &
asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using
camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could
never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost
too much to buy in my opinion.
A reader says:
You mentioned that some users were
having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool
designed to determine what codec is needed for a video.
http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you
or your users.
I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9.
The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in
the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly
larger, and slightly lower quality.
Words, pictures, and vids from
Hello Scoopy !
I'm not feeling 100% today, so here is an other short update....
From yesterday's Fun House I've learned that in
Shakespeare's days women couldn't perform on stage, be
it clothed or naked. Well they certainly can now and
that's why I selected 2 clips from a 2002 German stage
version of Hamlet. Isabelle Menke shows all 3 B's and
Juliane Niemann lets us admire her breasts.
Scoop's note: this must be the silliest Hamlet ever,
but Juliane Niemann is really cute! (Menke is not so cute,
but you have to watch her clip just to get the full,
pretentious, arty-farty flavor of this production.)
True Woman (1999) - Part 5
Shu Qi, our True Woman, concludes this submission with a
sixth and final clip. T
That's all for today.
NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.
First up from the Ghost today...
'Caps and clips of Marisol Padilla Sánchez topless in scenes from the 1999 movie "Dementia". Sánchez has several A-list credits to her name, including small roles in "Traffic", "Before Night Falls" and "L.A. Confidential". However she also recently made an appearnce in "Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights". I guess she must have had a sick puppy or something.
- Marisol Padilla Sánchez 'caps
- Marisol Padilla Sánchez zipped .wmvs
Next up, video clips from sequel that we just could not live without..."Stripped to Kill II: Live Girls" (1989).
zipped .wmv's as usual
- Maria Ford the former Vegas showgirl turned Skinemax babe. Here she takes off her top to reveal her original equipment.
- Michael Madsen's second ex-wife Jeannine Bisignano. Here she is topless, showing a brief thong view and working the brass pole.
- Lisa Glaser, more toplessness and thong views.
- Marjean Holden, yup, even more strippin'
- Debra Lamb, the official Fire Breathing stripper you see in all of these lo-budget stripper/thrillers. In #1 she just dances. In #2 you get to see her work her magic.
|Looking great in bikini 'caps from the FOX series "North Shore".
|The youngest of the Phoenix siblings bares her bum in #1 and is seen in her bra in link #2. These 'caps feature scenes from the movie "Suzie Gold" (2004). Apparently this is a UK made "Big Fat Greek Wedding"-like story, but with a Jewish family instead. Currently there is no US release date info at IMDb.
|The Kiwi supermodel and actress looking super sexy in the video for the Fountains of Wayne song that salutes MILF's everywhere, "Stacey's Mom".
|From the recently released DVD of the 1996 made for HBO bio pic "Norma Jean & Marilyn". Judd bares all 3 B's while playing the younger, more innocent Norma Jean Dougherty. Sorvino bares her breasts while portraying the platinum blonde alter-ego known as Marilyn Monroe.
|Señor Skin 'caps of the former Miss Hawaiian Tropic topless and showing off some excellent thong views in scenes from "Luckytown" (2000).
Subject: Bitter Moon - aspect ratio corrected
D'oh! In my recent batch of 'caps, the aspect ratio was off. So...here are the corrected versions of Emmanuelle Seigner and Kristin Scott Thomas in "Bitter Moon".
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
MADONNA: TOP BRITISH JEW IN THE WORLD
She's A Quasi-British Quasi-Jew - The Forward, a New York Jewish weekly,
placed Madonna at #51 on its list of America's most powerful and
influential Jews, even though she's not Jewish. She was chosen for making
the mystical quasi-Jewish Kabbalah "a worldwide trend." Madonna was also
just inducted into the UK Music Hall of Fame, even though she's not
She has a British accent, but it sounds slightly Yiddish.
She recorded "Like A Virgin," so next, they'll put her in the Virginity
Hall of Fame.
STAR JONES FINALLY GETS MARRIED
Let's Never Speak Of It Again - Saturday in New York, Star Jones of ABC's
"The View" finally held her lavish, endlessly-ballyhooed,
corporate-sponsored, celebrity-packed wedding to banker Al Reynolds. Jones
wore a designer strapless wedding dress with a 27-foot train. It took
seven people to carry it.
The only other thing that was ever that big and that white was the
Sta-Puft Marshmallow Man.
It also took seven people to carry the bride across the threshold.
Later came the wedding night, sponsored by Viagra and Trojan condoms.
MICHAEL JACKSON FIGHTING WITH EMINEM
Slim Chance - Friday, Michael Jackson called into Geraldo Rivera's show
outside MTV studios in New York, where about 20 fans were protesting
Eminem's video "Just Lose It." It shows a Michael looklike losing his nose
and setting his hair on fire. Michael said it's "demeaning and
disrespectful" to him and "to our community," and "he needs to stop it
now." BET dropped the video, but MTV still airs it. Eminem replied that
he also parodies himself, Pee Wee Herman and other stars in the video, and
only Michael complained; plus the video just shows kids jumping on
Michael's bed, and that's exactly what Michael said they did.
I don't think Michael said they were naked...
Eminem is insulting the entire community of formerly-black,
Michael was shocked to learn that people are making jokes about HIM!
Are they sure that isn't actually Michael's newest video?