Tropical Tease (1994) is Hotel Paradise meets revenge of the nerds, but with lots more tits and lots less merit.

Heather Victoria, as the beach cocktail waitress, shows a breasts in a sex scene with the resort plumber, because he has a huge tool.

Michelle Goldsmith, as the wife of a Mafia hit man, shows breasts and crotch having sex with the arrogant lifeguard, which sets up most of what passes for a plot. The hit man swears revenge on the lifeguard, after finding his shirt. Our lifeguard trades places with the beach janitor to avoid the hit man.

Suzanne Ledon is hotel cleaning staff, and girlfriend to the janitor who becomes lifeguard.She shows breasts in a dressing scene, then again in a sex scene.

Stevie Cameron is the athletic director, room mate of Ledon and Victoria, and the object of desire of the 6th of the nerds, the hotel electrician. She shows breasts and buns, first in a dressing scene, and then doing her night job as a stripper.

Several other women show breasts as various strippers, jet skiers and volleyball players.

So the inept hit man using such fiendish weapons as spear guns, bow and arrow, etc, to try and kill the innocent lifeguard; the lifeguard keeps getting hit on by female guests, which pisses off his girlfriend, who throws rolls of toilette paper at him; the other two guys conspire to get even with the hit man with such time honored traditions as a laxative cocktail and an electrified toilette seat. This should be enough to give you the idea.

This is a truly bad movie. The photography was well saturated, and Miami Beach looks pretty good, but, aside from the nudity, you can well afford to miss this one. IMDB has barely heard of it, and 14 voters have it at 4.1 of 10. I look for it to drop as more people see this DVD. E+

Bad Company is that movie in which we learn that the only thing America needs to combat global terrorism and the threat of nuclear annihilation is some witty banter from Chris Rock. It should be called Bad Movie, but there are some beautiful location shots of Prague (1, 2)

• Garcelle Beauvais (not nude, but sexy!) (1, 2)

Victory is the film I talked about yesterday - Irene Jacob naked on yesterday's page

I added some comments to Tuna's review of Porky's

UPDATES:

• New encyclopedia volumes: Trine Michelsen, Claudia Michelsen, Elizabeth McGovern, Jennifer MacDonald, Sonja Martin, Dina Meyer, Misty Mundae, Soledad Miranda, Alessia Merz, Carolyn Murphy, Audrey Marnay

MAILBOX:

Scoop,

I have seen some hardcore male/female pictures of Linnea Quigley. Does anybody have any (more)?

Guys?

Scoop

A free web site claims this is a pic of Brenda Bakke from the movie "Twogether". I've never seen such a revealing pic of her before and wonder if this is a fake.

It's real. Here are four more versions. (1, 2, 3, 4)

OTHER CRAP:

• Fantastic video of Kylie Minogue in a wet t-shirt. Must see.
• Wow. Do I have new respect for Guy Richie's taste. When asked why Swept Away will not be released in Britain, he said "It won't be released here because it's shit". Now if only he'd divorce Madonna and get a decent haircut, he might be ready to re-join the human race.
• Snopes.com finds the 7'4" Dutch woman to be a hoax. I didn't notice any of the stuff that they mentioned - and I should have, but I just didn't care. But I did notice that she was listed at 7'4", 320, which is certainly not a proper ratio. When Shaq played in Orlando, in his somewhat slimmer days, he was about the same 320, and he's not much shorter. If Shaq was 320, this woman had to be about 240. But her height relative to the door is the obvious sign of hanky-panky, because it is the same door!
• Anti-war activism at its best. Naked women form the word "peace". The sixties are comin' back, I can feel it. I gotta get out my old James Taylor albums. "Oh, I seen fire and I seen rain ..... "
• the history of Michael Jackson's face. Heartbreaking, in a way.
• Demi Moore spends $400,000 on a makeover
• Remember the Jennicam? She's the girl who "lost her virginity" on the web, and was just about the first ever with a 24/7 web cam. This site has assembled more than 40 pages of naughty highlights.
• Actor Jeffrey Jones, perhaps best known from "Amadeus" (the emperor), "Ferris Bueller's Day Off" (the principal), and "Devil's Advocate" (the head of the law firm) was arrested Thursday for allegedly having sex with a 17-year-old boy and possessing child pornography
• Not long after Jones bit the dust, Pee Wee Herman was arrested for one misdemeanor count of possessing material depicting children engaged in sexual conduct, read about it here. "Reubens and Jones are acquaintances and both cases stem from the same investigation", said Sandi Gibbons, a spokeswoman for the District Attorney's office. Unlike Jones' charge, Pee Wee's is complete California bullshit, based on a ludicrous, typically PC law: "Possession of material depicting children under the ages of 18 engaging in sexual conduct as defined under California law". All of you are equally guilty if you own the DVD of Return to the Blue Lagoon, or have downloaded any of the images from it to your hard drive. Every DVD retailer in California is also guilty of the same crime, as well as probably every cop that arrested Pee Wee and 90% of the judges and DA's.
• Interesting, thought-provoking article by Bill Maher - "when you ride alone you ride with bin-Laden. And that’s not an easy smell to get out of your car." His point is this:
  • US oil consumption gives vast amounts of money to governments like Saudi Arabia that finance terrorism behind our backs.
  • During WW2, the American people were advised to conserve energy to help the war effort. Every day, everybody was reminded to pitch in.
  • If we could decrease energy consumption by 30%, we could almost completely eliminate our dependence on foreign oil.
  • Americans have shown that they can and will pitch in when they are convinced by their leadership to do so.
  • Yet our government does not ask us to pitch in
  • I could turn my heat down a notch, or my A/C up. All of us could do something, but nobody is telling us that this is important. Maher concludes, and he may be right, that the reason is because the administration does not want us to lower oil consumption because of corporate/economic issues.
• Smoking Gun adds to their mug shot collection: Noelle Bush
• Smoking Gun adds to their mug shot collection: Roger Clinton
• What appears to be a 700-year-old picture of Mickey Mouse has been discovered on a church fresco in Austria. The inscription reads (in Latin) "Why? Because we like you."

   

   

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

The Model Solution, aka The Gift That Keeps on Giving. Regina Russell is today's contribution from that opus most magnum. Beautiful natural body, lousy haircut. Eight collages in a sport-humpin scene that includes diving for the muff. By the look of things (collages 1, 3, 4 and 5) the actor was on a first-name basis with parts of Regina that rhyme with, well, her first name. Collage 2 is full-frontal, hooters in 6 (cowboy) and 7 (doggie).

Collage 8 is near and dear, since I stitched it together from frames that started with Regina's lower regions and moved slowly to her head.

• Regina Russell (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

Our second thing... A week or so ago I mentioned Rebecca Perle as a major babe who deserved a much better career. Her best exposure came in a scene from Stitches. She and a bunch of other female medical students strip out of their tops as a group of male medical students spies on them. Oh well, wait til they get to their OBGYN rotations.

Here are four collages of el primo hooters from a crummy second-generation videotape. Guess it will just have to do. This is something that cries out for the DVD treatment.

• Rebecca Perle (1, 2, 3, 4)

"One Way Out" (1995) is another movie of the name, but this one stars Canadian (and long time B-movie tough guy) Michael Ironside.

• Isabel Gillies: topless with single breast exposure.
• Annie Golden: braless then downblouse.
• Heather Seiller: no-name stripper, breasts and buns shaking her booty.

Evil twin sister alert! First of all....here is Blue Murder's Maria del Mar topless but wearing pasties in "Cold Sweat" (1993). There is also another Canadian celebrity going by the name of Maria del Mar (in fact the Internet Movie Database lists 14 different Maria del Mar's!). One is an actress from "Street Legal" and "Blue Murder". The other was the lead singer of "National Velvet" who started singing the same year the other started acting.

Here is the other Maria del Mar kind of topless walking naked through the woods in "The Events Leading Up to My Death" (1991). The resemblance is uncanny.

Other stuff...

• Marnie Alton: brassiere only and an upskirt view playing a hooker gettin' it on with Van Damme in "Replicant" (2001).

• Ellen Bradley distant nude playing screaming woman sitting in bathroom in "The Arrival" (1996).

• Again, Ellen Bradley showing partial breast playing nursing mother in "Imposter" (2002).

Today is a 'Babes in Bondage" day as first we go back to 1970 and Herschell Gordon Lewis's "Wizard of Gore" a real masterpiece of mayhem.

• First it's Monica Blackwell who has the wizard saw her in half. (1, 2, 3)

• Then we have Corinne Kirkin as he drives a spike through her head. Really a nice guy that wizard, this movie is not for the squeamish. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

We had no nudity from those poor ladies so we throw in a scene from the 1969 sickie "The Ultimate Degenerate" as an unknown babe has her naked body tortured with clothes pins.

• Unknown, topless and tortured (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

Tom Clancy: "I believe that sex is one of the most beautiful, natural wholesome things that money can buy."

Steve Martin: "You know "that look" women get when they want sex? Me neither."

Drew Carey: "Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty damned good."

Woody Allen: "Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand."

Rodney Dangerfield: "If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all."

Rodney Dangerfield: "My wife said she'd like to have sex in the back seat of the car...and she wanted me to drive."

George Burns: "It isn't premarital sex, if you have no intention of getting married."

George Burns: "Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope."

Lynn Lavner: "There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women ... among these is the Mercedes-Benz 500SL."

Harvey Korman: "Using Viagra is like putting a new flagpole on a condemned building."