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"White Men Can't Jump" (1992)

White Men Can't Jump (1992) stars Woody Harrelson as a former college basketball star who hustles money games. Part of his con is his race, and the rest is his appearance. As he says, white men would rather win than look good. When he arrives in LA, his first hustle is Wesley Snipes, who is equally talented and as much of a hustler. After each hustles the other once, they form an uneasy partnership. Rosie Perez is brilliant as Harrelson's Puerto Rican girl friend from Brooklyn, who spends all day memorizing an almanac to prepare for Jeopardy. The tone of the film, and the cleverness of the dialogue, starts during the opening credits when you hear someone say, "Presbyterians are God's frozen people. They wouldn't swing even if you hung them." The magic of this film is more in the clever dialogue and repartee between all of the characters as they try to psych each other out than it is the plot. The characters interact naturally, making the relationships seem believable. It is written and directed by Ron Shelton, who also did another of my favorites -- Bull Durham. There is a similarity in style, and he clearly understands how to do sports films.

Snipes hustles basketball to support his wife and kids. He has other jobs, but they are not doing well due to a slump in the economy. Harrelson, however, has a gambling problem at the root of his hustling. Both love "b" ball. Perez, and Snipes wife Tyra Ferrel would like their men to be a lot more mature than they will probably ever be. Maltin gave the film an enthusiastic 3 stars, and Berardinelli agrees at 3.5 stars. IMDB readers were less kind, having it at 6.2/10. Made on a budget of $14.7m, it was a financial success at $76.253m gross. Not much in the way of extras on this DVD, other than trailors, but the transfer is good. Perez and Harrelson had two sex scenes, but they were too dark to cap. Perez showed breast flesh frequently, however with loose night clothes. I liked this one enough to watch it again.

  • Thumbnails

  • Rosie Perez (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)
  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
    Another lame week for new release nudity. Here's the overview so far:

  • X-MenRebecca Romijn. I don't know if she's naked or not, but at least a near miss, and some cool looking stuff. Some scenes from the movie, and some behind the scenes.

  • Held for RansomMorgan Fairchild nearly topless. Dennis Hopper as a psycho bad guy in a movie that was never released for good reasons.

  • Therese and Isabelle. This is an old review that many people asked me to find and reprint. Of course, since I rarely talked about the movie, and nobody could remember which movie I was supposed to be talking about, nobody could find it in the back issues! The price of my infinite looping digressions.

  • The Perfect Storm. No nudity.

  • Fantasia 2000. No nudity

    If you skip directly to the smut, here's today's movie caps and, as a special bonus, some scans from Linnea Quigley's book "Skin", which is a parody of Madonna's "Sex", and which is a funny book which I've always recommended. (As an example, she discusses in depth the problems inherent with making love to a zombie. It is bawdy and very funny. Someday I'll have to quote some of the best stuff.). I also consistently have recommended Linnea's brief but entertaining mini autobiography "I'm Screaming as Fast as I Can"

  • Rebecca Romijnm "X-men" (1, 2)
  • Rebecca Romijnm "X-men" Behind the scenes (1, 2)
  • Linnea Quigley, "Skin" (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
  • Morgan Fairchild, "Held for Ransom" (1, 2)
  • Graphic Response
  • Natasha Gregson Wagner, topless scenes from "First Love, Last Rites"
  • Snowblind
    Classic porn 'caps!
    Comments by Snowblind:

    Linda Lovelace
    (1, 2)

    Carol Conners

    Welp, old Snowey's been on the down side for about a week. One problem after another. First up, I had a full system failure. Ended up that I had to fdisk my hard drive and rebuild. Lucky I back everything up every couple days or so. So after a bad experience with Windows ME vs ATi hardware Back to 98 se. Anyway, these I finished last week, just before the crash.

    As I was talking about last time I posted, I was working on a few from a couple classic porn films, maybe 2 of the most infamous. I'd say that if you throw in Debbie Does Dallas, and maybe Behind The Green Door, Insatiable and Deep Throat are 2 of the most common known and infamous porno's ever made.

    First up, Deep Throat, hmm, ya know, outside of the poor made scenes, bad shaving techniques (well 'cept for Lovelace), this is maybe the only porno that I laughed at (or should I say with?). The silly adult humour that accompanies this movie always crack me up. The Doc with the splint and bandage on his pecker, the guy at the end, who checks in about penile surgery after Lovelace says she won't marry a man who doesn't have Nine Inches. Then to look up and state, well, the doc said he could cut my 12 incher down to any size you want. And so on. I didn't bother capping anyone 'cept Lovelace and Carol Conners, the other girl who did scenes (don't want to recall her name) has always repulsed me. Ever since I first saw this thing about 10 years ago.

    Marilyn Chambers
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
    Next up is Insatiable. I have always had a thing for Chambers. Since I was a kid, and saw a watered down version of this film, that only showed goodies from the waist up. I think it was the cover of Insatiable that first turned me onto Chambers. The Daisy Duke shorts and all, heh.

    She does your basic porno stuff, but as anyone who saw "Rated-X" or ever read up on the "Terrible Twosome", the reason they wanted her in "Behind The Green Door", her first adult movie, is that she looks like she has no business being in an adult film. Kinda Girl Next Door look. The gag where she looks in the cupboard to see herself on the Ivory Snow box was a nice little touch as well. A friend of mine has the front cover off that box wrapped in plastic and stored away. When that whole thing came out about the Ivory Snow Girl being in a porn, he grabbed it figuring some day it might be worth something. Sadly for him, most collectors want the whole box, and a lot even want it unopened. Well, it seems I have gone off in a bit of a rant. Anyway, as far as the caps go, I only bothered with Chambers' scenes. The one other scene, with the hairy blonde girl was way too dark to do it easily, and I didn't see it as being worth the effort.

    So as it goes, no good quality stuff, the films (even though direct from Satellite) are really grainy. But I think I did ok cleaning them up.

    I'll have a bunch more in a couple days, just gotta get to doing something with the raw caps. Hopefully some non porn stuff, starting to worry that my mouse with grow hair on it's ball.

    Angie Everheart
    (1, 2)
    Angie showing some skin from "The Substitute 4". I actually met her back in real life she's simply gorgeous! That's why they call them supermodels I guess.

    I actually enjoyed the first 2. The original with Tom Berenger was a great action movie. The second with Treat Williams was great straight to cable adventure flick that you could waste 90 minutes on and not feel cheated. Part 3 was lame, but better than anything with Rodman and/or Van Damme. However...with part 4 it's time for the Substitute to retire! This one was so poorly edited that I'm guessing that at least 30 or 40 minutes of the movie were left out. Not to mention the lame ass ending and non-stop cliches.

    The franchise probably still has value for the straight to cable market. Williams is a good actor who makes a believable, intelligent and low key action hero. Plus, even pushing 50 he did many of his own stunts and fight scenes. That's worth points in my book.

    Perhaps the best bit of advice I can offer is this...get a new director! I noticed in the IMDb that the same guy directed parts 3 and 4. Hmmmm, 1 and 2 were good, 3 and 4 were not. Anyone See a pattern? Robert Radler sat in the big chair for 3 and 4, but that's not all! He's also headed up such quality film making as:

    Episodes of "V.I.P."
    Episodes of "Police Academy: The Series"
    Episodes of "Soldier of Fortune, Inc."
    Episodes of "L.A. Heat"
    Episodes of "Power Rangers Zeo"
    "Best of the Best" parts 1 and 2

    Again...does anyone else see the pattern?

    Laetitia Casta
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
    Part three of Blackshine's coverage of Laetitia's greatest hits. Many familiar scans (like the green furry bikini in #3), plus 4 "new to me" scans (#1, 4,5, and 6)
    Bobbie Phillips
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
    Bobbie's been a favorite of mine since "The Cape", and of course "Showgirls". Here she is in some obscure German/Canadian movie called "Die Abzocker - Eine eiskalte Affäre". (for Fletch fans, I think German/Canadian may rival John Cocktoasten's Scotch/Romanian heritage.)

    Here's what we have today:
    #1 Topless, by Celeblover
    #2 Topless, bottomless, thong, and full frontal! Also by Celeblover
    #3 Full frontal by Freakie I think
    #4 Topless by PAL
    #5 As she is known best...topless in "Showgirls", by Rookie.

    Gretchen Mol
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
    Wow! I think I ended up with just about every frame of nudity from "Forever Mine" in my in box today. I don't know who to credit for these, but they are outstanding DVD 'caps. They were all fantastic, but I tried to pick the best out of the 20 or so frames that I ended up with.
    Jodie Fisher
    (1, 2, 3)
    Wait a minute! Are those real breasts I see on a late night cable babe? Can it be true? Topless (and bottomless in #3) vidcaps from the Shannon Tweed movie "Dead by Dawn".
    Cameron Diaz A glam pose by StopMotion.
    Jennifer Lopez Also by StopMotion.
    Kim Van Kooten
    (1, 2)
    Topless scenes from "De Belager", by Freakie.
    The Funnies
  • This whole election thing just keeps gettin' nuttier and nuttier. Needless to say, in this country when things get a little weird, people hit the streets and protest. Here are a few scenes by Number 6 from down in Florida... (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Thanks to SD for this next one....

    Embarrassing Moments Competition

    A competition was recently held to find out the most embarrassing moments in peoples lives. The following are the final four places:

    Fourth Place

    While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release some pent-up energy and started to run amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her that if she didn't start behaving herself "right now", she would be punished. To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!".

    The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they were doing! I mustered the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow. The last thing that I heard as the door closed behind me were the screams of laughter.

    Third Place

    It was the day before my eighteenth birthday. I was living at home, but my parents had gone out for the evening, so I invited my girlfriend over for a romantic night alone. As we lay in bed after making love, we heard the telephone ringing downstairs. I suggested to my girlfriend that I give her a piggy-back ride to the phone. Since we didn't want to miss the call, we didn't have time to get dressed.

    When we got to the bottom of the stairs, the lights suddenly came on and a whole crowd of people yelled a "SURPRISE". My entire family, aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and all of my friends were standing there!

    My girlfriend and I were froze to the spot in a state of shock and embarrassment for what seemed like an eternity. Since then, no-one in my family has planned a surprise party again.

    Second Place

    A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the checker, she learned that one of the items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the public address system and boomed out for all the store to hear: PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN. TAMPAX, SUPERSIZE.

    That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "Thumbtacks". In a very business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the public address system; DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND THAT YOU BELT IN WITH A HAMMER.

    The Big Winner...

    This one actually happened at Harvard University in October last year.

    In a biology class, the professor was discussing the high glucose levels found in semen. A young female (freshman), raised her hand and asked, "If I understand what you are saying, there is a lot of glucose in male semen, as in sugar?".

    "That's correct" responded the professor, going on to add much statistical data.

    Raising her hand again, the sweet young thing asked, "Then why doesn't it taste sweet?".

    After a stunned silence, the whole class burst out laughing, the poor girl turned bright red and as she realized exactly what she had inadvertently said (or rather implied), she picked up her books without a word and walked out of the class and never returned.

    However, as she was going out of the door, the professor's reply was a classic. Totally straight-faced, he answered her question, "It doesn't taste sweet because the taste-buds for sweetness are on the tip of your tongue and not in the back of your throat!"

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