Saturday

 

 

  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.

OTHER CRAP:

Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Tuxedo

2002

 

JLH film clip

samples below

 

Scoop's notes:

Critics generally hated this typical Jackie Chan action comedy, although it did a respectable $50 million at the box office.

Jackie plays the humble driver of a super-suave secret agent, the kind of guy who is so debonair and slick he makes James Bond look like Gilligan. It turns out that all of the agent's powers are in his computer-controlled suit, which does everything from martial arts to  lighting ladies' cigarettes to singing and dancing. I guess you can figure out the rest. The agent goes down, slips into a coma, and Jackie has to fill in with the help of the magical clothes. His partner is a brainy agency scientist who gets a chance at her first field assignment (Jennifer Love Hewitt), so they are both essentially clueless.

Unlike many of the critics, I'm a Jackie Chan fan. He has a great combination of boyish charm, good humor, and creative action. The martial arts scenes in his movies are usually both hilarious and astoundingly athletic. The guy is so graceful that he's even a great dancer, as he proves in this movie when he and his suit have to fill in for James Brown.

I like Jackie in general, but not this film. The James Brown thing wasn't bad at all, but there wasn't much else I liked in this movie.  The plot, especially the significance of the minor characters, was nearly incomprehensible. It appears that the film got edited quite a bit, probably at the last minute, because most of the deleted and extended scenes are completely finished scenes in all respects. By cutting out or shortening about a dozen scenes, the filmmakers managed to destroy the development of just about every one of the minor characters. They just drop in and out of Jackie's life without any rhyme or reason, and scenes seem to end in the middle. (The whole mess does make pretty good sense when you watch all the deleted scenes. Well MORE sense, anyway.)

Actually, the major characters weren't much better. The bad guys aren't even threatening. They are just silly. On the good guy side of the ledger, I didn't even know much about Jennifer Love Hewitt's character. I didn't "get" her, although she was Chan's co-star. Even Chan's character was largely a cipher except for his driving skills.

The action was average, which means it was below Jackie's usual high standard. The fight scenes were pretty good, and the dancing scenes were terrific, but nothing else provided much entertainment at all. It just sort of dragged. Even the closing credits, which are usually so good in Jackie's movies, were boring and repetitious, with only one running gag, the fact that Hewitt couldn't keep a straight face around Jackie.

 

Continuing with the 1980s theme.

Bail Out

The nudity is brief by Debra Lamb in Bail Out aka W.B., Blue and the Bean (1989) but she shows the lot as she comes out of the show.

Carlie Fiorelli is a stripper but she keeps her clothes on.


Caddyshack

Most people are familiar with the topless nudity in the funny Caddyshack (1980). Cindy Morgan looks very good topless,

 

as does an unknown swimmer.

Sarah Holcomb is down to her underwear.


Caddyshack II

The sequel Caddyshack II (1988) was a shocker.

No nudity but Dyan Cannon looks good, especially as she was in her 50s.


Crossing Delancey

Both Amy Irving

and Faye Grant go topless in Crossing Delancey (1988) but the goodies are hidden.


History of the World Part I

History of the World/ Part I (1981) is another enjoyable Mel Brooks movie. There is no nudity but Pamela Stephenson

and Diane Day show a bit of cleavage.


Midnight Cop

Unfortunately, the credits for Midnight Cop aka Killing Blue (1988) are poor.

Morgan Fairchild plays a prostitute and is completely naked but you can't see anything.

Julia Kent is topless but has her hand over her breasts.

A woman who I couldn't positively identify (it could be Allegra Curtis) shows the lot.

Another woman is shown topless.


Ruthless People

In Ruthless People (1986) Jeannine Bisignano is topless

and Anita Morris is down to her underwear.


The Firing Line

The Firing Line (1988) is one of those shocking movies (rated 2.9 in the IMDB). I think Shannon Tweed was bought in to help sell the movie but it doesn't work. She is topless but everything is hidden.


The Park is Mine

Helen Shaver is briefly topless in The Park Is Mine (1986).


To Live and Die in L.A.

To Live and Die in L.A. (1985) has both Darlanne Fluegel

and Debra Feuer topless.

Jane Leeves shows pokies and is down to her underwear.


Weekend Pass

Some nice nudity in Weekend Pass (1984).

Sara Costa, who plays a stripper, is topless.

It is the same for Ashley St. Jon.

Cheryl Song is a topless masseuse

and Hilary Shapiro (Shepard) goes naked to take a bath.

The rest of the women are a bit of eye candy, including Annette Sinclair,

Daureen Collodel,

Debbie Christoffersen,

Graem McGavin,

Pamela G. Kay

and some unknowns.


 

 

Screwballs

1983

Lost in the hype from 1982's Porky's, this 1983 teen flick of the same genre, set in the early 1960's, is not as well known, but contains ample amounts of what is required of this type of flick: total goofiness, horny high schoolers, and plenty of nudity.

Drawing constant detentions are five guys who are obsessed with deflowering the high school goddess and prima donna, Purity Busch (Linda Speciale). As it becomes obvious that deflowering is unlikely, they set a more modest goal: grab a look at her boobs.

Scheme after scheme results in more detentions but Purity keeps the girls well covered. Fortunately for the moviegoer, however, her classmates don't. But as the school prepares for homecoming, with Homecoming Queen Purity singing the national anthem, a final scheme just might have the potential to get the job done.

In this type of teen sexploitation flick, you know what you're getting well ahead of time, but Screwballs does it as well as most, and is a lot of fun. The caps are from the Blu-ray version, but unfortunately, the DVD was mastered from the only available source, a 16 mm master stored in a vault, so if anything, the Blu-ray version only serves to make the imperfections of the master more obvious. But even bad quality doesn't stop this from being an enjoyable, goofy, sexy teen romp.
 

Astrid Brandt Jennifer Inch Linda Shayne Linda Speciale
 
Raven de la Croix Terrea Foster assorted  
 

Pics

Diane Cuevas in Hot Springs Hotel

Florence "Bret" Faivre in Chok Dee

Two caps from Fergie's I Gotta Feeling video

Mamie Van Doren in 3 Nuts ion Search of a Bolt

 

Film Clips

Dan covered Screwballs, so this seems like a perfect day to cover Hardbodies, which was cut from the same cloth, or lack thereof.

And here's Brenda Bakke from the Hardbodies 2, a film as poignant as it was profound.

There is currently a "sex tape" floating around which purports to feature a semi-famous photographer (Wyatt Gallery), his Miss Trinidad girlfriend (Anya Ayoung Chee), and another Miss Universe contestant, Miss Japan Hiroko Mima. The Wikipedia pages for these people have been changed about a gazillion times in the past few days, so God only knows what's real. My guess is that it is legitimate, although the internet seems quite uncharacteristically silent on the subject. At any rate, here're the film clips (poor quality), and below are the samples. "You make the call," as they say.

Finally, here's the copious nudity from Secret Things, featuring Blandien Bury, Sabrina Seyvecou and Coralie Revel