Spider's Web (2001) in what has been one of the worst months I can remember for DVD releases containing nudity, this direct to vid erotic thriller was an actual treat. I suspect that the studios elected not to compete with this month's powerhouse releases such as Star Wars, Spider-Man, and the The Fellowship of the Rings deluxe set, which, by the way is indeed deluxe.

Kari Wuhrer is an investment analyst for a company that invests blind trust funds, and finds herself up against a glass ceiling, and then fired, for trying to take credit for her own idea. As the film opens, we see her sitting topless at a computer chatting with her contact in Tokyo about a pending stock deal, with her lover for the night waiting in the background. We know immediately that we will be seeing a lot of skin from Kari and that she is a sharp business woman. And all this is during the opening credits. When she unceremoniously ushers out her flavor of the night the next morning, we know she is not to be taken lightly.

She ends up teamed with Stephen Baldwin in a plot to steal $40M from his father. I won't write a spoiler, but I will say that all of the plot twists are well set up earlier in the film, and that an attentive viewer will have a pretty good idea of what is going on, but they maintain suspense to the last scene even for those who have figured it all out early. Wuhrer can actually act, and Baldwin played his character well. Some of the minor characters also did a good job.

I suspect this was shot on the cheap on Digital Video, but it looks very good, and they did not attempt to push the capabilities of the camera past what it could do. As regular readers know, thrillers turn me off easily, with only one or two mistakes. The plot line here was consistent, and just complex enough to keep me guessing and interested. There was only one small line of dialogue that bothered me. When her boss fires Wuhrer, he says that she has had her skirt in a twist since she arrived. We all know the proper phrase is panties in a twist, bunch or wad. Other than that obvious bowdlerization, I was able to sit back and enjoy it.

Wuhrer shows breasts and buns in several scenes, some of them in good light, and has a great wet blouse and panties scene. We also see an unidentified blonde topless through a window as Wuhrer's detective friend takes surveillance photos of her. This is not going to replace Body Heat as one of my favorite erotic thrillers, but it made for a pleasant afternoon. I have to give it a C+. It has no crossover appeal, but the attention to detail in the script, and better than usual acting, make it a good genre effort.

I worked on updates today:

• new encyclopedia volumes: Tane McClure, Fiona Richmond, Lina Romay, Rebecca Romijn, Sydne Rome, Sylva Koscina.
• updated encyclopedia volumes: Salma Hayek, Goldie Hawn, Eva Herzigova, Isabelle Huppert

MAILBOX:

Scoop,

Love those photos of Elke Sommer.  I like the artistic glamour shots of the classy beauties of the 60's, and have always had a particular
fondness for Elke Sommer.  I'm just old enough that when I first started noticing women in the movies, she's one of the first ones I noticed, along with Julie Newmar and Ursula Andress.  They don't make 'em like that anymore. 

Thought I'd run a little mystery about her past you to see if you know anything about it.  A few years ago, Playboy did one of their anniversary  issues with photos of great beauties of earlier decades.  The caption on the Elke photo from the 1960s said something like, "And she's still breathtaking, as Playboy readers will soon be finding out."  It sounded like Elke was planning one of those "I'm still hot, dadgummit" nude photo shoots, like the Joan Collins spread of a few years earlier.  However, this never appeared (I subscribe, so I would've seen it), and Playboy never said another word about it.  Any idea what that was all about?

I haven't followed PB through the years, but I know some of our readers are experts on bunny matters. Can you guys help out there?
 

OTHER CRAP:

• HERO of the day. Sometimes life is like the movies. Maybe better. A compassionate high school coach, up 42-0, gives up the shutout when he lets a special kid on the other team score an unopposed TD.  The youngster tried to run the wrong way, but everyone on the field helped out and he got his score. Both benches and the stands went nuts, erupting in tears and cheers! Has Disney bought the rights yet?
• Speaking of the movies, here's a horror picture. Michael Jackson shows his real face in court.
• "Car buyers in four US states will soon hear a religious appeal to their environmental conscience: “What would Jesus drive?”, Associated Press (AP) reported. AP said that a Pennsylvania-based environmental group is planning television advertising in North Carolina, Iowa, Indiana and Missouri to urge consumers to park their pollutive SUVs -- Jesus would prefer a cleaner vehicle, the group contends."
  • Hey, they should have called me. I know what God would drive. A Plymouth Fury. And he would drive it recklessly to scare the enemies of his people, just like in that movie, Christine. It says so right in Psalms 2:5 "Then he will terrify them in his Fury". If you ever want to search the bible online, the University of Virginia has it, plus all apocrypha, all searchable. They also have the revised standard side-by-side with the King James, if you're really into it.
• At last, the top secret Manhattan Project 2, the most important scientific research team of this era, has developed its first item of women's apparel made entirely of chocolate - the chocolate bra. Earlier, failed attempts included the chocolate corset, chocolate socks, and the ill-fated side products, the chocolate condom and the much-despised chocolate tampon.
• Dick Cheney shows how one travels about in an undisclosed location
• ESPN's most overrated sports events. My favorite - heavyweight fight weigh-ins. They make a good point in the article - why do they need to weigh heavyweights at all? Their weight class is unlimited. If they weigh 403, no problem. If they weigh 125, no problem.
• you think people rag on your name? It could be worse. You could be named Al Kayda.
• Marge Simpson to get a boob job
• Weekly World News is on top of their game this week: archeologist finds Venus de Milo's arms
• One more from WWN: On the way to Doomsday - the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse got lost and had to ask for directions! That is the story of a French police officer who claims that one of the fearsome riders - "the war guy" - trotted up to him on the roadside and sheepishly asked, "Do you know the way to Rome?"
• Remember Gennifer Flowers? She's back and suing Clinton. Hillary Clinton!  This suit is particularly loopy because Hillary isn't even involved directly with the events mentioned. The suit is based on statements by Carville and Stephanopolous. Hillary Clinton is named because she "was the mastermind" behind the statements! Big Bubba and Frank Gifford both could have avoided trouble if they followed Scoopy's #1 dating tip: avoid women with silly spellings in their names. Date a girl named Susan or Jennifer. They are normal. But a woman named Suzen or Gennifer is trouble every time. Ah Gar-on-damn-tee it, y'betcha.
• Second Harry Potter film hits the internet before it hits theaters!
• Key West police website publishes false info about non-existent Eminem drug bust. Nobody seems to know how it got there.
• Comic book legend Stan Lee is suing Marvel Comics for his share of profits from the Spiderman movie. "Marvel has reported millions of dollars in earnings from the film but has told Lee the company has seen no profits as defined by their contract." Lee is the man who created almost every classic Marvel character, and is the father of Marvel Comics. Norrin Rad cried.
• This is a cool use of web animation. Use your cursor to do airport security checks.
• Strange concept - Mad Magazine makes fun of The Onion. This follows the Drew Barrymore rule, which states that if Tom Green thinks you're immature, you really have some problems. Same thing applies if Mad thinks you're too juvenile.
• Former NBA player Manute Bol signs a minor league hockey contract. He is approximately 8 feet tall in skates. Is height an advantage in hockey? Come to think of it, he might make a helluva goalie. (He will not play, by the way. At least I don't think so, since nobody seems to think he can skate. Maybe he'll just do slidey-feet.)
• Wal-Mart refuses to carry Tom Arnold's book. You can't dispute their taste, but they chose a lame reason. The word "penis" appears on the back cover, in reference to Arnold's legendary member.
• Why do they call NY the Big Apple? I wasn't convinced by this explanation, but it spins a good yarn.
• Pierce Brosnan saved Halle Berry from choking during their sex scene in the new 007 movie. Write your own joke in this space.

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

On Monday a reader asked about Stacie Lambert and whether she had made any other screen appearances. I know of no other, but agree with the reader that she was a looker with a great body! So we made some caps of her from "Sleepaway Camp 3". Rather gruesome scenes toward the end as she meets her demise. But of course, that's what a slasher movie is all about.

• Stacie Lambert, gorgeous breast exposure! (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

Here's the breakdown:
Link #1, brief frontal
Link #2, topless
Links 3 and 4, side breast views
Link #5, great rear view (with undies)

Unknown
(1, 2, 3)

ANNA NICOLE NEWS: PROZAC DOG AND MORE NUDENESS
Hide Some In Anna's Meatballs, Too - Anna Nicole Smith told Heat magazine that her clingy dog Sugar Pie is now on Prozac for his depression and anxiety. She also said she's considering stripping next season on her E! Channel show because "I am disappointed that there has been no nudeness. I don't mind being nude."

Have you seen Michael Jackson lately? I think the "King of Pop" should think about changing his name to the "King of Freaks"! This is a Reuters photo of "Jacko" taken in court on Wednesday. Funny, I always thought he was human. Guess I was wrong.