I'm taking some "working vacation," which means I'm still at my
desk, but only 6-8 hours a day instead of 16. So I should be here with
Flying Spaghetti Monster appears on grilled cheese
Fight Club author offers another surprise plot twist
The title of the article says it all:
Cheney. That should give those "impeach Bush"
people something to think about, eh?
Because she's glib, and doesn't undersatand the
history of publicity ...
Tom Cruise Fires His Sister as Publicist.
- Oh, no, and just when she was doing such a great
job with Cruise's image
- Cruise finally made the move when he realized he
had David Spade on speed dial.
- And not only that, Spade wasn't returning his
Steven Colbert talks to N.Y.'s crusading attorney
general, Eliot Spitzer.
Steven Colbert counts down today's key threats, from
pirates to bears.
Steven Colbert welcomes Canadians to his viewership.
The latest "Quotables" from Late Night with Conan
- "Officials in the Philippines are charging the
environmental group Greenpeace $7000 because one of
Greenpeace's boats destroyed a coral reef.
Greenpeace says it will pay the fine by selling off
its collection of rare ivory."
- "Earlier this week, a car that belonged to Pope
John Paul II was sold at an auction for $700,000.
The new owner says the first thing he's going to do
is take off the 'No Fat Chicks' bumper sticker."
- "Prince Charles and his wife, Camilla, flew to
Washington, D.C. today to meet President Bush and
the First Lady. Unfortunately, during the 21-gun
salute on the South Lawn, Camilla got frightened,
bolted and jumped over a fence."
The trailer from States of Grace
- The lives of a street preacher, an aspiring
actress, a Mormon missionary, and a young gang
banger intersect in this ensemble drama set in
present-day Santa Monica, California.
Straight Dope Staff Report: Was Warren Harding
inducted into the KKK while president?
The Smoking Gun: Police Reports - Cheerleaders In
Bathroom Brawl (NOTE: one of the girls is mis-identified
in the police report. She was carrying another
cheerleader's driver's license)
The Family Guy sings about the FCC
Film Jerk's Early Report for November 8
- "This week's Early Report covers the 57 known
new movies opening in theatres or expanding their
runs between Wednesday November 9 and Friday
Headline of the day candidate:
"Drunk moose stir trouble at old people's home"
"Eva Longoria says having a Brazilian wax has boosted
her sex life."
Letterman's "Top Ten Things Overheard During The New
York City Marathon"
Conan's strategy for Sweeps Week
Conan speaks once again with the Clutch Cargo version
of President Bush
Angelina Jolie on the set of Beowulf (Odd stuff.
It's one of those capture/animation films.)
John talks to Senator Barack Obama
Daily Show: "President Bush followed his poll numbers
and went south to Argentina."
Jon Stewart discusses the new White House ethics
According to the Daily Show's Rob Corddry, the French
will be surrendering any day now.
iowahawk: French Shower of News
- "Immigrant Parisian youths, enraged by lack of
job opportunities and a growing shortage of
flammable cars, tonight turned their wrath on
another hated symbol of French cultural oppression -
the accordion. 'You try listening to that shit 16
hours a day,' explained 'Tariq,' "
- "Fearing a spread of musical violence to Great
Britain, Edinburgh Lord Mayor Gordon MacInnes warned
local Scots against leaving their bagpipes
unattended in certain neighborhoods."
"In my collection there are nearly 5000 different beer
caps from 84 countries."
My favorite one stop source for bait? Master Bait!
- "Geez, Tom, how do you catch so fuckin' many
fish?" "My secret? Before I hit the pier in the
morning - Master Bait. And sometimes after lunch -
Master Bait again. And if you really want to be a
champion - you can't beat it three times a day."
This is NOT a satire site:
"First 5-star hotel opens in Kabul" I have moved
Kabul substantially higher on my travel priorities.
It's now just above Somalia ("come for the pirates,
stay for the warlords"), just below Nagorno-Karabakh.
"Death is only an interchange station between the two
- That's the good news. The bad news is that it
"A STEAMY novel by I Lewis 'Scooter' Libby has become
a hot item now that Vice President Dick Cheney's chief
of staff is under indictment."
- "Now out of print, the novel tells the story of
an innkeeper apprentice in a bizarre coming-of-age
story set in Japan in 1903. It is littered with edgy
sexual material and strong language."
- "lavish dollops of voyeurism, bestiality,
pedophilia and corpse robbery"
- ... we gotta get this guy a "not guilty" just so
he can get started on the screenplay!
- Cheney's wife has also written a semi-racy novel
about lesbian cowgirls, more or less. What a great
Cheney-themed double-bill. It could bring back
Headline of the day so far:
"ANISTON SQUIRMS AS LARRY KING PROBES" (Don't
bother clicking on the article. Duller than Tucker
"Sharon Osbourne has launched a scathing, obscene
attack on Madonna - accusing the pop queen of looking
like 'an old hooker'."
- That's not fair at all! Anyone can see that
Madonna looks like a middle-aged hooker.
There's a big difference.
- Sharon herself looks like an old hooker
- Plus, Madonna looks like a middle-aged hooker
who stays in really good shape. When you get around
to it, that's not even a negative thing, really.
An R-rated clip from Grandma's Boy
- I like the film's attitude. "Crude Language,
Sexual Humor, Nudity, Chronic Use ... Proud of it."
- You can also view the trailer from the same
page, and it includes nudity.
Dalai Lama returning to Scotland
- He buys his clothes there
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
"Lady Chatterley's Lover"
Lady Chatterley's Lover (1981) reunites Sylvia Kristel and director Just Jaeckin from Emmanuelle fame is a retelling of the D. H. Laurence classic. Executive Producers were Golan & Globus. It was not typical Golan & Globus fare however. It was a somber and serious version of the novel, even attempting to preserve the central theme of class differences at the heart of the novel. The dubbing was top notch, especially for Lady Chatterley. Sir Clifford was played by Shane Briant, who came off as properly an asshole, but didn't seem especially English. Nicholas Clay was excellent as Olliver Mellors.
The set design, art direction, and sound track all wreaked of production value. The problem was that they took what is essentially a tale of lust and betrayal, and made it about as exciting as watching paint dry. Even the full frontal from Kristel was not enough to keep the yawns at bay.
IMDb readers say 4.8. It is a C-. Lovers of Kristel will want to wade through it for the glimpses of her on a decent quality transfer. For those who are not familiar with the story, it will serve approximately the same purpose as Cliff Notes.
Shallow Grave (1994) was a very good black comedy, and a change of tone and pace in the third act is the only thing that kept it from excellence. As it is, it won a BAFTA from best English film, and garnered a host of other awards and nominations. Three flat mates bring in a fourth, whom they discover dead in his room some days later, along with a suitcase full of cash. The three, Kerry Fox as a doctor, Christopher Eccleston as an accountant, and Ewan McGregor as a journalist elect to take the money and dispose of the body rather than notify the police.
Things begin to get complicated when the other crooks interested in the money come to call. Before it is over, the body count mounts, and the friendships are strained to breaking.
Kerry Fox shows breasts early in the film.
IMDb readers say 7.4 of 10. Ebert didn't like any of the main characters, and awarded two stars. Berardinelli awarded three. While he was not as enthusiastic as the European reviewers, he thought it was well acted enough to be worth the watch. This is a C+, but probably no higher. If you like dark comedy, you will be entertained by this one.
'Caps and comments by Dann:
"My Summer of Love"
Award-winning 2004 drama explores teenage lesbian romance, coming of age, and interaction between different social classes.
Set in the Yorkshire countryside of England, working-class tomboy Mona, whose parents are deceased, meets pampered rich girl Tamsin, home from school for the summer.
Friendship quickly blooms into romance into love as events swirl around them. Mona's brother, with whom she lives, has given up a life of crime for religion, and expects Mona to follow his lead. Tamsin, rebellious in the face of her parents plans for her, claims devotion to Mona for life, but can that really happen?
Very well done movie will be enjoyed by viewers of thoughtful dramas. Action lovers probably should pass, however.
|Emily BLunt & Nathalie Press
Pat's comments in yellow...
ALBA WILLING TO DO NUDE SCENES
"Hamlet: The Nude Version" - Jessica Alba told Zoo magazine that her father
would lose his mind if she appeared nude in a movie, but she's ready to if "a
big director who I really respect has an amazing story" where nudity is
necessary. But she said she always gets scripts where she's playing a whore, a biker
chick or a horny maid, and they start, 'Tawnya is in the shower. The water
streams down her naked, perky breasts.'" Alba said, "Somehow, I don't think this
is happening to Natalie Portman."
I'll bet it is.
She's saying Natalie's breasts aren't perky enough?
NEW MOVIE-WATCHING RECORD
Oompa-Loompa-Doopity-Snooze - Four Norwegians, three men and a woman, are
claiming a new world record after watching movies for 70 hours, 33 minutes
straight, beating the old record by 24 minutes. Eleven people entered the theater
on Friday, but seven couldn't stay awake. They watched 33 movies, including
"Charlie & The Chocolate Factory." One of the record-setters told NRK radio
that at the end of the marathon, "I threw up everything. I couldn't eat
anything. I was trembling and I felt very bad."
Nausea, trembling, felling very bad? The last movie must have been "Gigli".
That's the same thing everyone said who went to the movies this summer.
Maybe that's because they'd eaten nothing for three days but Raisinettes.
That's nothing: I know geeks who sat through the director's cut of all 3 "Lord
of the Rings," and that's at least 90 hours long.
BUY VINCENT GALLO'S SPERM
No Child Support! - VGMerchandise.com, the official memorabilia website for
iconoclastic movie director/actor Vincent Gallo, is offering his sperm for $1
million. The cost includes one attempt at in-vitro fertilization, but as much
sperm as it takes to conceive a child. Natural insemination costs $500,000
more, but Gallo says he might waive that fee if the recipient is attractive.
The site also offers a $50,000 discount to women who prove they're naturally
blond and blue-eyed.
Heck, I'd give them $50 just to prove they're naturally blond.
How could anyone give birth to Gallo's child if it inherits his big head?
I'll bet most iconoclastic movie directors would be more than happy to
provide natural insemination for free.