Mission: Killfast (1991) is a Ted V. Mikels crime/martial arts thriller. Most filming was completed in 1982, but lacking the funding to finish the film, Mikels sat on it until 1991. Unfortunately, he obtained the funds necessary to complete it. The plot was so incoherent, I doubt that I can outline it. Perhaps listing the players will be enough to give you the idea. We have federal agents, some undercover, a mob boss into gun running who has two nuclear detonators, a group of gorillas who want the detonators, a martial arts expert enlisted to help the good guys, the son of the Mafioso who runs a skin magazine and the daughter of a federal agent.
The various good guys duke it out with the various bad guys in various places, with little rhyme or reason. Along the way, three women show breasts, Jewel Shepherd as a model, Linette Cobb as a model, and Sharon Hughes as the vengeful daughter. It is cut together so as to be nearly impossible to follow, it has way too many characters, the dialogue seems like it was all improvised from people seriously hung over, the sound, at times, was very mushy, and the video quality was terrible.
There are not enough votes at IMDb for a score. This is an F. It is uniformly bad in every respect.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Find the pics in yesterday's edition.
You've seen the hi-res pictures in the past few
days. Here is a video of the incident which gives you a clearer
picture of how it went down. (.zipped .wmv)
Playmate Gallery - Jodi Ann Paterson - PMOY 2000 - Courtesy of
Four free short video clips from SPICE UNCENSORED!, the
footage too hot for Spice TV.
- International Rugby -
France's national mascot is the cock? I'm not really
- Secretary of Defense to leave Bush administration for Broadway
Don "Donald" Rumsfeld - "jazz hands" - 'nuff said.
Pirated versions of U2's new album, 'How To Dismantle an Atomic
Bomb,' have emerged on Internet file-sharing networks two weeks
before it goes on sale
America's latest fad: decorator labia
The first poster for Charlie & The Chocolate Factory.
The Netherlands decides: "Thou Shalt Not Kill" is racist.
In other news, Europeans can't understand why Americans just
aren't as wise and smart as the Old World.
Beckham to appear in $100 million film trilogy. They
are soccer films, tentatively called: Fellowship of the Dorks, The
Two Goalposts, and Return of the Dickhead. I don't really know
what they're called. I do know he will simply play Beckham, which
will only require him to play soccer and claim that he doesn't
cheat on his wife. If you care to know more, read the fookin'
Urban Legend: Target has banned Salvation Army bell ringers from
its premises. Status: True. There has been talk of
massive armed retaliation by the Salvation Navy, but it turns out
that not many Target stores are on waterfront property.
Britney vs. Chucky: The ads for Seed of Chucky say
"Britney Spears does not appear in this movie."
First Look At General Grievous in Revenge of the Sith
You are a geek if ... your childhood can be summed up by these
Twenty CBS television stations have challenged plans by federal
regulators to fine them $550,000 collectively for airing the Super
Bowl halftime show during which singer Janet Jackson exposed her
- I could not be more in sympathy with the affiliates. Even if
you assume that the event violated decency standards, I just
don't see what those twenty local affiliates, with no advance
knowledge of the singers' plans, could have done about it.
- Plus - the FCC decided to fine those 27 stations, and not to
fine the other 200-plus CBS affiliates that aired the show,
because they are not owned by Viacom.
President Bush had the lowest job approval rating of any winning
incumbent since Harry Truman. Since Truman, there have
been three other incumbents with lower approval ratings - but they
all lost! Before this election, Truman was the only President to
win re-election with an approval rating below 54%.
Dave Barry says this event is full of shit. You still
have ten more days to book your flight and get a hotel room in
Beijing near the site of the World Toilet Summit. If you can't
attend, it will still be possible to observe World Toilet Day
(November 19th) with a small, intimate ceremony in your own home.
Jessica Alba will get $3 million to star in and produce a
futuristic drama called 'Sonic'. 'Sonic' is set in the
not-too-distant future and follows a young waitress who dies
suddenly, but is brought back to life by her lover.
A look at George Costanza and his latest sitcom.
Will Sienna Miller star as Warhol's muse?: "Sienna
Miller is in negotiations for one of cinema's most graphic roles
ever - as artist Andy Warhol's muse Edie Sedgwick. The movie
Factory Girl will focus on the love triangle between Warhol,
Sedgwick and Bob Dylan during the sixties, and will feature some
of the most controversial sex scenes ever filmed for mainstream
Sean Lennon drops Jagger's daughter for Milla Jovovich.
NOTE: the article says Milla is 21 years old. Actually, she will
be 29 in December.
Ewan McGregor is making his London West End musical debut in a new
production of Guys And Dolls.
Renee Zellweger is reportedly engaged to White Stripes frontman
Watch a six minute clip from After the Sunset (Brosnan/Hayek caper
Weekly World News: "Martha Stewart prison horror - shocking photos
you weren't supposed to see"
Weekly World News: "BLONDES REALLY ARE DUMBER -And there's a
scientific reason for it"
The Daily Show's Rob Corddry explores Salem, a town now looking
for a different shameful historical incident to exploit.
The Daily Show's Lewis Black reflects on the will of the people.
A lava formation inside Mount St. Helens' crater has a new
protrusion the size of a 30-story building, and it glows red at
JoBlo.com visits the set of Serenity
OSAMA ANNOUNCES FOOTBALL PICKS. Change in Strategy for
- "In a new video broadcast today on the Arabic-language al-Jazeera
network, terror mastermind Osama bin Laden announced his picks
for Week 9 of the National Football League season, signaling a
possible change in strategy for the al-Qaeda madman"
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words from Scoop.
.avi's from Shiloh.
.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.
NOTE: because of a unique combination of
circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial
bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip
format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a
you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in
the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.
I know this is not especially convenient, but it
allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from
hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some
reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not
play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory
work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this
new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want
to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips
This is one of the most remembered nude scenes in
movie history, and is probably the only nude scene I can name in
which the male observer is more important than the naked woman
(although she's a doll, no doubt).
Has anybody ever been better than Belushi at playing
a comic leer directly to the camera? OK, maybe Groucho, but it has
to come down to Belushi versus Groucho.
Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble
with the codecs for these movies:
FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use
DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use
virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the
vids says the video codec: DivX Decoder Filter & audio
codec: Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with.
When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG
Layer-3. A friend of mine told me about compressing the
audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been
capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this
info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp &
asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using
camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could
never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost
too much to buy in my opinion.
A reader says:
You mentioned that some users were
having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool
designed to determine what codec is needed for a video.
http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you
or your users.
I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9.
The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in
the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly
larger, and slightly lower quality.
Words, pictures, and vids from
The Gingerbread Man (1998)
On today's menu there's some clips of Embeth Davidtz's
difficult to cap nude scenes in 1998's The Gingerbread Man. At
least Embeth didn't ask for these scenes to be cut. That's a
far more professional attitude than what we are entitled to
from another actress these days, isn't it. To be honest I find
both Mike Nichols and his lead actress guilty of amateurish
behavior for the professional level they're supposedly working
on, don't you think so ?
That's all for now, hope to be back soon,
NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.
Today from the Ghost...a nice batch of assorted video clips. Zipped .wmvs as usual.
- Former "Charles in Charge" star Josie Davis, all grown up and nekkid! Here she is topless and briefly baring the other 2 B's in link #2. Vids from the movie "Sonny" (2002), Nicolas Cage's directorial debut.
- Alison Eastwood, Clint's little girl doing some sport-humpin' and breaking the bed in a scene from 1999's "Friends & Lovers".
- Suzanne Cryer, also topless in a scene from "Friends & Lovers", but no pseudo-sex or breaking this time.
- Angie Everhart topless and on top in two sex scenes from "Sexual Predator".
Hardcore 'Caps and comments by The Gimp:
Here are some collages of Anna Kamanskaia in "The Coming of Nikita". Anna has done some B movies and was a Penthouse Pet, under the name of Nikita Gross. She uses Nikita as her nom de porn.
- Anna Anna Kaminskaia aka Nikita Gross
Another batch of excellent HDTV 'caps featuring some of last week's prime time skin highlights.
|The co-star of "The O.C." looking great in a bikini on "North Shore". Link #2 is actually a very well done composite from one of those lame, slow-pan-the-camera-from-feet-to-head shots.
||Also from last week's episode of "North Shore"....The Canadian babe all wet, showing some bikini top cleavage, and teasing us my starting to take off her jeans.
||A "Desperate Housewives" mega-babe looking super-gorgeous on Leno.
||The über perky actress and talk show host putting her feet up in stirrups while "comedy ensues" during a trip to the doctors office on "Hope and Faith".
|Jonny Moronic 'caps of a young (18), beautiful and topless Cruz in scenes from her first film "Jamón, jamón" (1992).
|Two of the "Desperate Housewives" babes looking great in undies! The gorgeous Eva Longoria's scene is a bit dark, but there are still some nice views. Especially of her lingerie clad bum.
Former "Melrose Place" star Marcia Cross shows off plenty of wonderbra cleavage and gives us a full body view of her skimpy red undies in link #1. In links 6 and 7 we almost see a full breast exposed, but I'm guessing the cup of her bra is still there, just hiding by the shadows.
|I'm not exactly sure who this is (she's not listed at IMDb) but she is very cute and looks great topless in this shower scene from "The Risen". 'Caps by the Skin-man.
Subject: Please help
I was wondering if you or any of your readers might know what celebrity will be posing in the December 2004 issue of The Heff-mag? In the back of the November issue they have what's coming next month, and promised "a mind-blowing A-list pictoral". Any help you could give would be appreciated. Thanks and keep up the good work.
According to the rumours I have heard, December's celeb will be Denise Richards.
Subject:Natalie Portman thoughts!
I'd thought I'd add my 2 cents to this whole Natalie Portman "Closer" thing. As much as I think we all love fantasizing that this scene was even shot, it seems too good to be true, until we hear from a more credible source.
1) Natalie has been open about the fact that she won't do nudity.
2) If you remember back to when "Anywhere But Here" came out (the Wayne Wang movie with Susan Sarandon) there was pre-movie hype that Natalie had shot a nude scene where she undresses with the neighbor boy. After the movie was finally released and we saw that in the scene only he undresses, it then came out that Natalie asked that her nudity be cut from the script before the scene was ever shot.
3) In a classic telephone game style, these reports have gone from her playing a stripper, to doing a nude scene, to a fully nude scene, to a full frontal nude scene. And from the nudity being cut to now toplessness being left in. I think this is a lot of pre-hype and wishful thinking.
3) This movie was filmed some time ago and with all the people involved from the extras, the production people, the editors and then test screenings, I find it hard to believe that this little tidbit wouldn't come out until right before the release.
4) If you look at her quote, it being the only thing I think we can take seriously:
"He wants to see my bare ass much less than my father would. He's as or more protective of me than my parents are. So doing sexual, physical stuff for him felt very uncomfortable."
This sounds as if it was cut before it was even shot otherwise the quote doesn't make any sense. If it had been shot, the quote makes it makes Nichols look like a dirty pedophile who made Nat do something that made her feel very uncomfortable and I think it reads to the contrary.
5) I am going to a screening of "Closer" in Los Angeles in a few weeks so the film has to have been done for some time now. I will report back as soon as I see it. We can only keep our fingers crossed.
One last thought... if your remember right before the Kristen Dunst movie "Crazy/Beautiful" came out, it was rumored that the director made her do full frontal nude scene where she ran through the house naked. It was later cleared up that she had it cut from the script before it was even shot.
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
"INCREDIBLES" SOAR, BUSH SINKS "ALFIE"
EVERYTHING Is Bush's Fault! - Over the weekend, "The Incredibles" made an
incredible $70.7 million. But the Jude Law remake of "Alfie," the 1960s
film about a caddish womanizer, tanked, earning just $6.5 million.
Paramount head Sherry Lansing blamed its flop not on bad reviews (only 49
percent positive at RottenTomatoes.com) but on President Bush's reelection.
She said election week set the national mood to thoughts of morality, and
Americans "didn't want to see a guy that slept around."
So what sank Kerry was Bill Clinton campaigning for him.
Instead, we all stayed home to watch "Desperate Housewives."
That excuse is more incredible than the Incredibles!
They hope the movie will turn a profit once it opens in France.
REAL LIVE SEX ON NEW REALITY SHOW
Really Candid Camera - Britain's Channel 4 TV has launched a new late-night
reality show called "Sex Inspectors." Couples who are having sexual
troubles not only get expert counseling on relationship problems, but they
also have sex with a camera on in their bedrooms, so the experts can
critique their technique and offer tips. Creator Daisy Goodin called it
the logical extension of the makeover shows, saying, "We've done property,
food, love, money - now it's sex."
Now, it's porn.
I don't think I want my sex life made over by the cast of "Queer Eye for
the Straight Guy."
The most common problem: they can't have sex unless there's a camera in
This will be transplanted to the U.S. with celebrity host, Paris Hilton.
If they really want to heat up people's sex lives, they should combine
this show with "Wife Swap."
ROCK BAND'S PRANK TO BECOME MOVIE
Alarming But True - Last year, the '80s British band The Alarm proved that
the music industry is ageist when they had their first hit in years by
releasing a video featuring a hip young band lipsynching a song the Alarm
really recorded. The prank was so good, "Shrek" producer John Williams has
optioned it for a semi-fictional movie version. In it, the older band will
be a group that broke up years ago, reunites for a Joe Strummer tribute
concert, then gets the idea for the lipsynching scheme.
They couldn't hire the Alarm to play themselves: they're too old.
They had to prove the music industry is ageist because otherwise, nobody
would believe it.
Attractive, hip, young performers lip-synching to someone else's music?
Why, it's unheard of!
ACTORS USING IMDB AS DATING SERVICE
It's Always Porn - The UK Guardian reports that the Internet Movie
Database, which includes performers' full resumes, is now Hollywood's #1
dating service. So many actors lie about their backgrounds, their dates
are using the IMDB to verify that they are who they say they are. One
actress said she's been working for eight years and doesn't want to have to
teach some little boy about the business. And Bree Turner of the Oxygen
Network series "Good Girls Don't" said, "You can find out if the schmo is
lying when he said he just wrapped Soderbergh's next feature or was the
indie darling at Sundance," or if he used to be in porn.
And whether the porn was gay or straight.
You'll know the first time he removes his pants if he used to be in
Or maybe all three...He SAID he was a busy actor.
It also helps prevent an A-lister from inadvertently breeding with a
C-lister, which would be a crime against nature.