"Mission: Killfast"

Mission: Killfast (1991) is a Ted V. Mikels crime/martial arts thriller. Most filming was completed in 1982, but lacking the funding to finish the film, Mikels sat on it until 1991. Unfortunately, he obtained the funds necessary to complete it. The plot was so incoherent, I doubt that I can outline it. Perhaps listing the players will be enough to give you the idea. We have federal agents, some undercover, a mob boss into gun running who has two nuclear detonators, a group of gorillas who want the detonators, a martial arts expert enlisted to help the good guys, the son of the Mafioso who runs a skin magazine and the daughter of a federal agent.

The various good guys duke it out with the various bad guys in various places, with little rhyme or reason. Along the way, three women show breasts, Jewel Shepherd as a model, Linette Cobb as a model, and Sharon Hughes as the vengeful daughter. It is cut together so as to be nearly impossible to follow, it has way too many characters, the dialogue seems like it was all improvised from people seriously hung over, the sound, at times, was very mushy, and the video quality was terrible.

There are not enough votes at IMDb for a score. This is an F. It is uniformly bad in every respect.

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  • Jewel Shepherd (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
  • Linette Cobb (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
  • Sharon Hughes (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    Find the pics in yesterday's edition.


    Tara Reid:

    You've seen the hi-res pictures in the past few days. Here is a video of the incident which gives you a clearer picture of how it went down. (.zipped .wmv)



    Other Crap:

    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap




    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.


    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

    NOTE: because of a unique combination of circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a picture. When you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.

    I know this is not especially convenient, but it allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips altogether.


    Animal House

    This is one of the most remembered nude scenes in movie history, and is probably the only nude scene I can name in which the male observer is more important than the naked woman (although she's a doll, no doubt).

    Has anybody ever been better than Belushi at playing a comic leer directly to the camera? OK, maybe Groucho, but it has to come down to Belushi versus Groucho.


    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.


    Words, pictures, and vids from ICMS

    The Gingerbread Man (1998)

    Hi Scoopy

    On today's menu there's some clips of Embeth Davidtz's difficult to cap nude scenes in 1998's The Gingerbread Man. At least Embeth didn't ask for these scenes to be cut. That's a far more professional attitude than what we are entitled to from another actress these days, isn't it. To be honest I find both Mike Nichols and his lead actress guilty of amateurish behavior for the professional level they're supposedly working on, don't you think so ?

    That's all for now, hope to be back soon,
    Yours faithfully,


    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.

    Today from the Ghost...a nice batch of assorted video clips. Zipped .wmvs as usual.

    • Former "Charles in Charge" star Josie Davis, all grown up and nekkid! Here she is topless and briefly baring the other 2 B's in link #2. Vids from the movie "Sonny" (2002), Nicolas Cage's directorial debut. (1, 2)

    • Alison Eastwood, Clint's little girl doing some sport-humpin' and breaking the bed in a scene from 1999's "Friends & Lovers".

    • Suzanne Cryer, also topless in a scene from "Friends & Lovers", but no pseudo-sex or breaking this time.

    • Angie Everhart topless and on top in two sex scenes from "Sexual Predator". (1, 2)

    The Gimp
    Hardcore 'Caps and comments by The Gimp:

    Here are some collages of Anna Kamanskaia in "The Coming of Nikita". Anna has done some B movies and was a Penthouse Pet, under the name of Nikita Gross. She uses Nikita as her nom de porn.

    • Anna Anna Kaminskaia aka Nikita Gross (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Another batch of excellent HDTV 'caps featuring some of last week's prime time skin highlights.

    Amanda Righetti
    (1, 2)

    The co-star of "The O.C." looking great in a bikini on "North Shore". Link #2 is actually a very well done composite from one of those lame, slow-pan-the-camera-from-feet-to-head shots.

    Emmanuelle Vaugier Also from last week's episode of "North Shore"....The Canadian babe all wet, showing some bikini top cleavage, and teasing us my starting to take off her jeans.

    Eva Longoria A "Desperate Housewives" mega-babe looking super-gorgeous on Leno.

    Kelly Ripa The über perky actress and talk show host putting her feet up in stirrups while "comedy ensues" during a trip to the doctors office on "Hope and Faith".

    Penélope Cruz
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

    Jonny Moronic 'caps of a young (18), beautiful and topless Cruz in scenes from her first film "Jamón, jamón" (1992).

    Eva Longoria
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Marcia Cross
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 1)

    Two of the "Desperate Housewives" babes looking great in undies! The gorgeous Eva Longoria's scene is a bit dark, but there are still some nice views. Especially of her lingerie clad bum.

    Former "Melrose Place" star Marcia Cross shows off plenty of wonderbra cleavage and gives us a full body view of her skimpy red undies in link #1. In links 6 and 7 we almost see a full breast exposed, but I'm guessing the cup of her bra is still there, just hiding by the shadows.

    Shawn Carla
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    I'm not exactly sure who this is (she's not listed at IMDb) but she is very cute and looks great topless in this shower scene from "The Risen". 'Caps by the Skin-man.

    Mail Bag
    Subject: Please help
    Dear Scoops,

    I was wondering if you or any of your readers might know what celebrity will be posing in the December 2004 issue of The Heff-mag? In the back of the November issue they have what's coming next month, and promised "a mind-blowing A-list pictoral". Any help you could give would be appreciated. Thanks and keep up the good work.

    Jr's comments...
    According to the rumours I have heard, December's celeb will be Denise Richards.

    Subject:Natalie Portman thoughts!

    I'd thought I'd add my 2 cents to this whole Natalie Portman "Closer" thing. As much as I think we all love fantasizing that this scene was even shot, it seems too good to be true, until we hear from a more credible source.

    1) Natalie has been open about the fact that she won't do nudity.

    2) If you remember back to when "Anywhere But Here" came out (the Wayne Wang movie with Susan Sarandon) there was pre-movie hype that Natalie had shot a nude scene where she undresses with the neighbor boy. After the movie was finally released and we saw that in the scene only he undresses, it then came out that Natalie asked that her nudity be cut from the script before the scene was ever shot.

    3) In a classic telephone game style, these reports have gone from her playing a stripper, to doing a nude scene, to a fully nude scene, to a full frontal nude scene. And from the nudity being cut to now toplessness being left in. I think this is a lot of pre-hype and wishful thinking.

    3) This movie was filmed some time ago and with all the people involved from the extras, the production people, the editors and then test screenings, I find it hard to believe that this little tidbit wouldn't come out until right before the release.

    4) If you look at her quote, it being the only thing I think we can take seriously:

    "He wants to see my bare ass much less than my father would. He's as or more protective of me than my parents are. So doing sexual, physical stuff for him felt very uncomfortable."
    This sounds as if it was cut before it was even shot otherwise the quote doesn't make any sense. If it had been shot, the quote makes it makes Nichols look like a dirty pedophile who made Nat do something that made her feel very uncomfortable and I think it reads to the contrary.

    5) I am going to a screening of "Closer" in Los Angeles in a few weeks so the film has to have been done for some time now. I will report back as soon as I see it. We can only keep our fingers crossed.

    One last thought... if your remember right before the Kristen Dunst movie "Crazy/Beautiful" came out, it was rumored that the director made her do full frontal nude scene where she ran through the house naked. It was later cleared up that she had it cut from the script before it was even shot.


    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    EVERYTHING Is Bush's Fault! - Over the weekend, "The Incredibles" made an incredible $70.7 million. But the Jude Law remake of "Alfie," the 1960s film about a caddish womanizer, tanked, earning just $6.5 million. Paramount head Sherry Lansing blamed its flop not on bad reviews (only 49 percent positive at RottenTomatoes.com) but on President Bush's reelection. She said election week set the national mood to thoughts of morality, and Americans "didn't want to see a guy that slept around."

  • So what sank Kerry was Bill Clinton campaigning for him.
  • Instead, we all stayed home to watch "Desperate Housewives."
  • That excuse is more incredible than the Incredibles!
  • They hope the movie will turn a profit once it opens in France.

    Really Candid Camera - Britain's Channel 4 TV has launched a new late-night reality show called "Sex Inspectors." Couples who are having sexual troubles not only get expert counseling on relationship problems, but they also have sex with a camera on in their bedrooms, so the experts can critique their technique and offer tips. Creator Daisy Goodin called it the logical extension of the makeover shows, saying, "We've done property, food, love, money - now it's sex."

  • Now, it's porn.
  • I don't think I want my sex life made over by the cast of "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy."
  • The most common problem: they can't have sex unless there's a camera in the bedroom.
  • This will be transplanted to the U.S. with celebrity host, Paris Hilton.
  • If they really want to heat up people's sex lives, they should combine this show with "Wife Swap."

    Alarming But True - Last year, the '80s British band The Alarm proved that the music industry is ageist when they had their first hit in years by releasing a video featuring a hip young band lipsynching a song the Alarm really recorded. The prank was so good, "Shrek" producer John Williams has optioned it for a semi-fictional movie version. In it, the older band will be a group that broke up years ago, reunites for a Joe Strummer tribute concert, then gets the idea for the lipsynching scheme.

  • They couldn't hire the Alarm to play themselves: they're too old.
  • They had to prove the music industry is ageist because otherwise, nobody would believe it.
  • Attractive, hip, young performers lip-synching to someone else's music? Why, it's unheard of!

    It's Always Porn - The UK Guardian reports that the Internet Movie Database, which includes performers' full resumes, is now Hollywood's #1 dating service. So many actors lie about their backgrounds, their dates are using the IMDB to verify that they are who they say they are. One actress said she's been working for eight years and doesn't want to have to teach some little boy about the business. And Bree Turner of the Oxygen Network series "Good Girls Don't" said, "You can find out if the schmo is lying when he said he just wrapped Soderbergh's next feature or was the indie darling at Sundance," or if he used to be in porn.

  • And whether the porn was gay or straight.
  • You'll know the first time he removes his pants if he used to be in porn.
  • Or maybe all three...He SAID he was a busy actor.
  • It also helps prevent an A-lister from inadvertently breeding with a C-lister, which would be a crime against nature.