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"Eyes Wide Shut"

I was able to get a Region 2 uncensored copy of Eyes Wide Shut. Even though it was NTSC, it seemed cleaner then the US release. I created two comparison images to what what MPAA had added digitally to prevent us from seeing women enjoy sex. (1, 2) Did this make the move worse was my big question. In my opinion, the answer is a resounding yes. The MPAA release seemed to me to depict Cruz walking around and seeing a bunch of voyeurs watching a few people have sex. My assumption was that the voyeurs were wealthy and older, and this was a show for them.

The way Kubrik designed the scene, Cruz sees sex act after sex act, with every possible gender pairing, all consentual, enthusiastic and more than likely adulterous. After Kidman's revelation that she nearly left him for a sailor, this is more than he ever wanted to know about female sexuality. Basically, the MPAA buggered the pivotal scene in the film, rendering it confusing at best. I award "Tuna's fickle fin of fate" to the MPAA, with a sincere hope that none of them ever enjoy sex. I would hate to see them procreate.

Back to the images. With a little effort, I was willing to produce a set of large images (1024 x 768) of the important nudity. Every imager on the planet has done these in collages (including me), so I thought you might like these large images with no logos or text of any kind. Note that these were selected from over 360 frames.

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  • Julienne Davis (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
  • Leelee Sobiesky (1, 2, 3)
  • Lisa Leone
  • Nicole Kidman (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
  • Orgy (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    "Baby Boy" revisited

    I incorrectly identified one of the women in Baby Boy. Here are the correctly labeled images.

  • Adrienne-Joi Johnson (1, 2, 3)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    I haven't been a big fan of John Singleton's movies in the past, but I was quite impressed with Baby Boy. It really packs some emotional power in it. If you isolate the individual elements, they aren't that powerful, but it all comes together effectively

    The House of the Spirits is not a bad movie in the sense that "Manos, the Hands of Fate" is a bad movie. It couldn't be that bad with a cast that includes Banderas, Winona Ryder, Streep, Jeremy Irons, and Glenn Close.

    But it is bad in this sense. If I gave you as much money as they spent on this film and the cast of this film, you could make a better movie. I don't care who you are. The only movie that I can recall which wasted as much or more talent was The Betsy, which pulled off the same trick with some bright stars of two decades earlier, like Olivier and Robert Duvall and Tommy Lee Jones. Both this and The Betsy are essentially network mini-series material, adapted from potboiler soap-opera bestsellers encompassing the ever-popular multiple generations of dynastic families.

    Jeremy Irons chose to speak with the exact same silly cracklin' mid-American accent that Olivier used in The Betsy. OK, Olivier stunk, but at least Lord Larry was suppose to be playing an American. Irons was playing a South American. Apparently when they told him South America, he thought they meant the Confederacy. On the other hand, Steep and Ryder spoke with the official Madonna accent, which is, I believe, a cross between 19th century British and Esperanto.

    Although it was adapted from Isabel Allende's novel about South America, much of it was filmed in Denmark (???). Denmark is a little weak in the mountain department, and a little light on quaint Spanish-style villages, so those scenes were filled in Portugal. What can ya say?

    Oh, well - there were some nekkid chicks (and dudes, and children, for that matter)

    • Maria Conchita Alonso did the best nude scene of her distinguished naked career. She was vibrant. Her radiant smile and her few moments on camera brought the only life to this lifeless movie. Of course, she was the only actual Latin American in the film, so she did have a bit of an edge in portraying the proper temperament. (1, 2, 3, 4)

    • Sarita Choudhury did a brief topless scene. I guess you're wondering why this Indian woman was wandering around Denmark in a film about Latin America. I think she was asking herself the same thing.

    • Meryl Streep had a body double for her scene, but they picked a women with a great butt.

    • Winona Ryder had two different "scenes of nudity". One is a body double. In the other one, it is really Winona but (1) her back is to the camera (2) it is very brief  (3) there is significant motion blur. In other words, you can't see jack straws.

    • Teri Polo - I don't think there is anything to see. But here it is, just for the record.

    A word from The Sleuth
    Our good friend Celebrity Sleuth asked us to pass along a little info...

    Sleuth recently switched publishers and V14N8 has been delayed until the 14th of this month as a result. He was starting to see a few "are you still in business" emails...but don't worry gang, he's still going strong!

    The Hankster
    Traci Lords
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    Her only non-porno nudity...topless and bare bum views in scenes from her "real movie" debut, Roger Corman's remake of "Not of This Earth" (1988).

    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    An unidentified blonde is stripped down exposing her breasts, and tied up in scenes from "Night Train to Terror" (1984).

    Here are two Max 2002 Calendars featuring very hot Euro-babes.

  • Kartika Luyet's Calendar is full of beautiful images, but mostly teaser poses. But not to worry, there are some topless and see-thru pics too! Try links #1,2,5,10, and 11 for the most skin.
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

  • Nina Moric shows much more skin! Plenty of toplessness, and one heck of an arse! Every scan has one, the other or both!
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

  • Blackshine
    The master of fashion scans continues on his quest to scan every photo of a beautiful actress or model ever published in print form.

  • Kirsten Dunst...two very sexy scans of the hot young star. (1, 2)
  • Nena Indlekofer
  • Sophie Ellis Bextor
  • Scarlett Johansson (1, 2)

  • Variety
    Jennifer Aniston
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    A bit of minor pokiosity from the movie "She's The One", by Spike.

    Jennifer Sommerfield
    (1, 2)

    From the straight-to-obscurity movie "Destination Vegas" (1995), here are thong views (link #1) and topless exposure (link #2), by DeVo.

    Be sure to check out the Daily Archives for Tuna's review and 14 more collages from "Destination Vegas". They can be found in the 02/18/01 edition of the Fun House.

    Famke Janssen
    (1, 2)

    Famke looks absolutely amazing in these scans from Arena!

    Jana Gross
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    From Chance, 5 very nice scans from the November issue of the German Maxim. Jana is the 32 year old singer of the band Bell Book & Candle, and looks pretty darn good wearing next to nothing. Link #1 has some see-thru nipple exposure.

    The Funnies
  • Is this the King of Pop, or the latest from Stan Winston's creature shop? I'll let the readers decide.

    From Number 6...

    A very confident James Bond walks into a bar and takes a seat next to a very attractive woman. He gives her a quick glance, then casually looks at his watch for a moment. The woman notices this and asks, "Is your date running late?"

    "No", he replies, "Q's just given me this state-of-the-art watch and I was just testing it."

    The intrigued woman says, "A state-of-the-art watch? What's so special about it?"

    Bond explains, " It uses alpha waves to talk to me telepathically."

    The lady asks, "What's it telling you now?"

    "Well, it says you're not wearing any panties. . . ."

    The woman giggles and replies, "Well, it must be broken, because I am wearing panties!"

    Bond taps his watch and says, "Damn thing's an hour fast."

  • Celeb News

    Well, prepare for a blessed event: Liz Hurley's breasts are getting bigger! Also, a couple more non-celebrity stories from that you might find amusing. And check out this photo. This girl has a bright future ahead of her:

    Pat Reeder
    The Comedy Wire

  • Liz Hurley is pregnant with her first child.

    The 36-year-old is expecting a baby in April with her boyfriend, movie producer Stephen Bing.

    The pregnancy was announced by her spokeswoman. She said: "Elizabeth Hurley is delighted to confirm that she is expecting a baby in April and Stephen Bing is the father."

    The announcement brings to an end weeks of speculation the star was expecting her first child. She has been pictured sporting a fuller than usual figure and wearing baggy clothes. Celebrity watchers have also noted that the ever present cigarette had disappeared from the star's lips. Initially the former Estee Lauder model denied the rumours, dismissing them as vicious gossip. But the star, who is currently in the UK, was said to be "absolutely thrilled" over the news and looking forward to the birth immensely.

    Hurley and Bing, started dating after she split from Four Weddings star Hugh Grant last year. The 35-year-old is estimated to be worth around 400 million and owns a villa in the exclusive Los Angeles district of Bel Air.

  • Now, HERE'S a job for Tom Green!

    Zoo wants 47-year-old virgin elephant to ejaculate

    A Dutch zoo wants to help a 47-year-old virgin elephant who doesn't know how to mate to ejaculate.

    Officials at Artis Zoo in Rotterdam want a British elephant trainer to help Murugan become a parent. He refuses to mount female elephants so they want to collect his sperm to use in artificial insemination. Indian premier Nehru gave Murugan to the zoo when he was still a baby in 1954.

    "He simply doesn't know how to mate because he was never taught by the older elephants in his herd," trainer Alan Roocroft says. "He was much too young when they took him from the herd to remember anything."

    Mr Roocroft told Het Parool it could be a dangerous mission as a kick from an elephant can be fatal.

    Finally, the dumbest place on Earth for nudists to be, other than those firewalking exercises they keep trying:

  • Rally drivers put off by flashing fans

    Kenyan rally drivers say nudists are putting them off their sport.

    They say people who peel off their clothes and wave at passing drivers pose a safety risk and may put off fans. The drivers are now urging police action to stop the trend.

    According to the Daily Nation, people drive to the out-of-town routes and lay in wait for passing rally cars. It reports one man stripped off and flashed at each car as it went past, and at a recent rally three women flung open their wraps to reveal their naked bodies.

    Navigator Abdul Sidi claims the first people he saw doing it were soldiers who mooned at rally drivers.

    Driver Phineas Kimathi added: "It is very bad for families. The sport's popularity is picking up and it's normal for families to drive out and enjoy a rally."

    Public exposure is a criminal offence in Kenya.

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