Various vids:

There are not mine, but are interesting for one reason or another.

Natasha Henstridge, then virtually unknown, in a 1997 episode of The Outer Limits. This came two years after Species, but before she had done anything else of note. The Whole Nine Yards would be three years in the future. (1, 2, 3)

Maggie Gyllenhaal stark naked for an extended period of time in Strip Search. This was one of our ten best nude scenes of 2004, but the made-for-cable show has never come to DVD.

Other Crap:

District Attorney's Indictment of Bill Frist For Murders of 38 Children "Politically Motivated," Fox News Claims

NBC, CBS to offer shows on demand for 99 cents

In case you hadn't noticed - the Colts are mighty fuckin' good. They took apart the Pats - in Foxboro.

Superman is a Dick ... In this episode he battles Pat Boone.

One more clip from Just Friends. (Ryan Reynolds plays a former fatty)

The trailer for End Of The Spear. Get your tickets early for this one. Seating may be unavailable.

  • "End of the Spear" is the story of Mincayani, a Waodani tribesman from the jungles of Ecuador. When five young missionaries are speared to death by the Waodani in 1956, a series of events unfold to change the lives of not only the slain missionaries' families, but also Mincayani and his people.

The trailer and a clip from Beowulf & Grendel

The trailer for Mrs. Henderson Presents

  • Mrs. Laura Henderson (Judi Dench) may be a widow but she is by no means going to spend the rest her days playing bridge. The Windmill Theater becomes her game and the infamous showman Vivian Van Dam (Bob Hoskins) becomes her partner and fiercest opponent. The Germans are bombing London but the roar of the Windmill is all that can be heard, as Laura convinces Lord Cromer (Christopher Guest) to allow her actresses to be the one thing no one could ever imagine: Nude. Brought to its knees by war, what "Mrs. Henderson Presents" brings a nation to its feet in applause.

The trailer for Edison - a crime drama with a big name cast (Spacey, Freeman, more)

Are Jake Gyllenhaal and k.d. lang the same person?

Bird Flu Preparedness: President Unveils Plan to Inoculate Republicans (whitehouse.org)

Blasphemy In A Bottle ... L.A. entrepreneurs seek to market wine with 'Jesus Juice' label

  • If religious fundies prevent the roll-out, the marketers will have to change the product back to its former pre-Jesus name: "water"

Kate Hudson to sue over weight stories, which might hurt her career. If she really wants to sue someone who's killing her career, she might start with whomever reads scripts for her.

Harry Knowles, film producer.

Thank god for this! "A veterinarian from Colorado State University is leading a team that is pioneering methods of performing vasectomies on elephants. "

Paris rioters reveal they are actually protesting Depardieu's retirement. ... Chirac will call in Jerry Lewis to defuse the tension

AMC NOW USING ITS TITLE IRONICALLY ... will now be punctuated as American Movie "Classics"

Former Independent Counsel Robert Ray reveals to Jon Stewart that you wouldn't wish his job on your worst enemy.

"The Daily Show's Ed Helms profiles an anti-gay rights activist who'd rather say things than do research."

Niagara Motel - The Movie - The Trailer

  • In "Niagara Motel," a group of struggling individuals cross paths at a low-rent motel in the tourist Mecca of Niagara Falls. They are not tourists and they are all, for various reasons, at crisis points in their lives. The main characters are: a knockout waitress being recruited to star in low budget porn videos, a young couple with criminal pasts struggling to recover their child from social services, and a middle class husband and wife whose marriage is disintegrating. The story also includes the woeful drunken motel manager, a prostitute working to support two children, a small time hustler, an underachieving staple salesman, the Serbian owner of the motel, his physics-studying daughter, and a social worker with a Christian bias. The needs of these people, their obvious failings and the unlucky conditions of their lives make them so vulnerable that they careen from the disturbing to the hilarious in a breathless instant. In this story, tragedy waltzes with unpredictable comedy in an intense dance of life.

DeLAY ASKS TO SEE TEXAS CONVICT'S ESCAPE PLAN ... Wants Detailed Instructions, Diagram.

  • "One day after a death row convict who escaped from a high-security Texas prison was captured in Louisiana, former House Majority Leader Tom DeLay (R-Texas) asked today to see the fugitive’s escape plan in as much detail as possible."

Nicollette Sheridan tired of seeing herself in fake porn

Don't hate her because she's fat. Kelly LeBrock weighs 176 pounds?

Preview the first eight minutes from Wednesday's season premiere of 'Stacked.'

The E-Mail Time Capsule - send yourself an e-mail that will arrive in 20 years.

My son told me about this oddity in the NFL Standings: The Packers have scored more points than they have allowed - but are 1-7 (!!!)

  • They have a far better "points to points allowed" ratio than the 4-3 Patriots, and are slightly better than the 5-3 Redskins.
  • They have lost lost four games by a field goal or less, and their one and only win was a 52-3 trouncing of the Saints.

"Judge Aims to Prevent Dead Voters in N.J."

"The case stemmed from Republican complaints that an estimated 13,000 people who apparently have died remain on voter registration lists, including 4,755 people who reportedly voted in last November's election."


  • This reminds me of a high school story. In senior year we had an election for homeroom rep on the student council. Our homeroom had 30 students, and I got 107% of the vote, despite the fact that I had voted for the other guy! Five times.
  • (My own tally was a punitive vote for being a wise-ass. Nobody actually wanted this job except the straight-arrow guy I was running against, so one of my cynical classmates nominated me, just for giggles.)
  • Unfortunately for my political career, my opponent got 110%, beating me by one vote.
  • Could you guess that we had been studying Chicago politics in civics?
  • Our homeroom teacher was a rare doofus, who didn't catch on when the total vote count exceeded 30, but finally realized there might be some hanky-panky goin' on when both candidates exceeded 30.
  • The homeroom teacher sagely declared the election void, and ordered a re-vote for the next day, but this time he would personally walk around the classroom and take a single piece of paper from each student. He did not specify the size of the paper. This time the challenge became to hand in the silliest ballot. I handed mine in on a roll of toilet paper, with the name written far inside, so that the entire roll had to be unwound to see the vote. If I remember right, mine was one of the more sensible ones.
  • Of course, taking out the multiple ballots from the jokers, the guy who wanted the job finally won, something like 20-10, but the sad thing is that I was kind of disappointed when I lost.

"Actress Sutton Foster was rehearsing a number called 'I'm An Accident Waiting to Happen' earlier this week when she fell and broke her arm."

  • Of course nobody believes that there could be a relationship, but just in case, I'm currently rehearsing my own new number "I'm Waiting to Have Sex With Jessica Biel."

Do you like movies about gladiators, Joey? How about if the gladiator is Scarlett Johansson?

Astro Pic o' the Day: The Bubble Nebula

Rosa Parks' Lawyer: Casket Has Right To Be In Front Seat Of Hearse

Jack White of White Stripes is changing his name to Three Quid


Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.


"The Devil's Rejects"

The Devil's Rejects (2005) seems to be the darling of Texas Chainsaw Massacre fans, with a 7.0 rating at IMDB. It grossed over $7M on its opening weekend, completely covering the $7M budget, and earnings to date are $16.9M. Ebert awarded three stars, praising it for being the epitome of mindless violence and cruelty. In that, Roger is absolutely correct.

Police raid a farmhouse, and uncover diaries proving over 75 murders there. Two escape from the house, and some members of this lovely group were not in the house at the time of the raid. The two meet up with a ringleader of the group, and head to hide at his brother's whore house. Along the way, they terrorize and murder a two-couple traveling band, steal a woman's car, and act just plain anti-social. We then finish up with several police encounters, where they are killed (Ooops, just kidding) each time.

The more perceptive of you might infer from the above that I was not impressed by this film. In fact, I think Berardinelli was way too generous with his 1/2 star. These are unrepentant, unpleasant looking and totally disagreeable characters that we are asked to spend 109 minutes with. There is no attempt to discover what motivates them, or, indeed, what binds them together. In fact, when they don't have outsiders to terrorize, they terrorize each other.

If the film has any redeeming social value, it is in the nudity, and a few of the locations, which are nicely photographed.

Ginger Lynn Allen shows breasts, buns, and partial bush in a dream sequence. According to the commentary, her left leg was in a cast when this was shot.

An unidentified stunt woman is dragged around the dirt during the opening sequence. Evidently, she had rubber panties to keep her body cavities from filling up with the fire ants and gravel she was being dragged through.

Priscilla Barnes, as one of the four musicians, shows a nipple, and stands around in a bra and panties.

Kate Norby, as another band member, does full frontal and rear nudity.

The motel where the band is terrorized is a lovely shade of blue, creating very nice images of costar Sheri Moon Zombie, who unfortunately keeps her clothes on.

The DVD set is full of commentary, bloopers, deleted scenes and a making of featurette.

This is clearly not my sort of film, but seems to be huge with the ultraviolent genre lovers, and is hence a C+. If you don't like this sort of film, you really won't like this one.

Ginger Lynn Allen

Priscilla Barnes

Sheri Moon Zombie

Kate Norby


"From a Whisper to a Scream "

From a Whisper to a Scream (1987) is an anthology of four horror pieces tied together by Vincent Price. On the night his niece is executed for a string of murders, he is visited by a reporter at the library where he lives, and functions as a local historian. He relates four horror stories to her, supposedly to demonstrate that the evil is part of the town legacy, and not his niece's fault.

The first tale concerns a pair of 50 something siblings. He has taken care of her his entire life. After finally talking a young and attractive woman at work into letting him buy her dinner, he doesn't take her rejection of his sexual advances very well, kills her, then continues the relationship for some time. Finally, his sister, played by Miriam Byrd-Nethery, is murdered by him in her ritual ice bath.

Story two has a wounded man on the run from creditors who meets someone in the swamp that has the secret of eternal life.

Story three is off a circus freak, a metal and glass eater, who wants to run away with a girl he has met, but is kept from it by the woman who owns the carnival.

The final story concerns a group of civil war soldiers captured by a group of children.

Miriam Byrd-Nethery shows breasts, buns and a little bush in two bathtub scenes.

IMDb calls this The Offspring, although it was produced by Whisper Scream Limited Partnership, and I was unable to find any Internet reference to it as The Offspring. It is rated 5.5 at IMDb, and made a small profit. This was the second film by Jeff Burr, who went on to become a competent genre film maker. This is not one of his better efforts. Frankly, none of the stories contained enough "story" to get my attention. Some of the set design, especially during the carnival sequence, were impressive. This is a C-, barely meeting genre standards.

Miriam Byrd-Nethery


Today from the Ghost...continued coverage from the Skinemax flick, "Sex Surrogate" (2004). Here is Adult babe Ava Vincent aka Jewel Valmont going topless and full frontal while doing the softcore thing.

Ava Vincent

Today we devote everything to one movie "Spun" and one actress Chloe Hunter. Why, because Chloe is a naked "Babe in Bondage" who spends almost the whole movie tied spread-eagle to a bed.

So here is Chloe in all her glory tied down by a speed freak. A movie certainly not for most people's taste (including mine), but you have to love the nudity

Chloe Hunter


Great to have Tuna back. I know I speak for all of us who read the Funhouse every dad gum day when I say....how we missed you, bro.

I am addicted to playing with some of his old stuff and some of his new stuff. Among the older things I've sent along are the darling Juliette Cummins (former gymnast) in Friday the 13th part XXXVIII or something like that, Lisa Glaser in that Humanoids movie and JoAnn Harris in The Gay Deceivers.

I would start a JoAnn Harris fan club if I had the time. She was the gal who beguiled Clint Eastwood in The Beguiled; and generally she did the slutty young thing role better than anyone else of her generation. Newer things are highlighted by Glori-Anne Gilbert, whose own robohooters look so much better than the pair sported by her co-star.


Alexandra Paul
"American Flyers"
Allison Lange
"Christina's House"
Annie Dufresne
Annik Borel
"Werewolf Woman"
Barbara Alyn Woods
"Dance With Death"
Cristie Laing
"Going the Distance"
Deborah Fallender
Drew Barrymore
Elizabeth Margoni
"Le Professionnel"
Emily Procter
Jane Allyson
"The Godson"
Jane Scarlett
"Flesh for the Beast"




D'OH! Yesterday I messed up the links to the vids of Anne Hathaway topless in "Havoc". I know, I should be shot. But while you're looking for your gun, let me distract you with the Anne nudity.

Anne Hathaway vids (1, 2)

From the Skin-meister...here is Bo Derek showing off her absolutely fantastic bod in scenes from the absolutely terrible movie "Tarzan, the Ape Man" (1981).

Pat's comments in yellow...

Not These Breasts, Anyway - In Sacramento, California, a group called Breasts Not Bombs sought a restraining order against police to keep from being arrested at their topless protest today at noon on the Capitol grounds. They said they wanted to contrast Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger's "indecent" ballot initiatives with their "natural and decent breasts." But federal judge Garland Burrell ruled against them. He said, "Being topless is not inherently expressive" speech, and he didn't think the Founding Fathers had bare breasts in mind when they wrote the First Amendment.

  • Well, Ben Franklin did...
  • The Founding Fathers were men, so they ALWAYS had bare breasts in mind.
  • Their breasts may be natural, but they're barely decent.
  • Oddly enough, Arnold Schwarzenegger argued on their behalf.
  • Breasts can be expressive! Pamela Anderson ACTS with hers!
  • Natural breasts?! Oh, right: this is NORTHERN California...

    Admit It, You Read This One First - Sunday at 2:20 a.m. at Banana Joe's bar in Channelside, Florida, a woman waiting for the ladies' toilet stall argued with two women who seemed to be engaged in some sort of sexual game in there. One of the women allegedly punched the complainer in the face. Police identified the frisky pair as Carolina Panthers cheerleaders Angela Keathley and Renee Thomas. They face disorderly conduct and other charges.

  • When the cops got the call about lesbian cheerleader sex, they hurried over lickety-split.
  • Thomas allegedly punched the woman while Keathley chanted, "Hit 'em again! Harder! Harder!..."
  • They obviously don't go to Banana Joe's for Joe's banana.
  • They should name the cheerleading squad "The Sex Panthers."
  • This game was much more exciting than the Panthers-Buccaneers game.

    Nutritionists?! - Two years after Barbie dumped Ken for the more manly Australian surfer Blaine, Mattel announced that people see Barbie and Ken as an "integral part of our culture," so they will reconcile this spring. But first, Ken will undergo a makeover. Mattel hired style guru Phillip Bloch to head a team of celebrity stylists, trainers, designers, style experts and nutritionists. The changes will include giving Ken a tan and better hair, a "little bit of an edge," and a "very now" look that will reflect his personality and change with his mood on any given day.

  • He'll be a metrosexual with PMS, but that's still more manly than he used to be.
  • This new look should make Ken REALLY attractive...to Blaine.
  • Sounds like they're just making his head a lot bigger.
  • Or they could hire a surgeon and give him some genitals.