"The Housekeeper"

The Housekeeper (2002) is a French romantic comedy about a May December romance, originally titled Une femme de ménage. It stars Jean-Pierre Bacri as a 50ish recording engineer recently separated from his wife, and Emilie Dequenne (The Brotherhood of the Wolf, and the upcoming Bridge of San Luis Rey) as the young woman he hires as a housekeeper. Although she is rather slovenly, she is enthusiastic, and he brings her in one day a week while he is at work. She ingratiates herself to him, doing more tasks and expanding to two days a week, and then finally moves in with him claiming that she was kicked out of her current apartment.

They have nothing in common. He music grates on him, he is rather set in his ways, and so on, but the sexual tension grows, and they discover that they have two things in common, sex, and mutual need. He takes her on holiday to Brittany, and she professes a deep love for him, but he seems to understand the relationship for what it is. I won't spoil the ending, other than to say that it is a real life appropriate ending.

IMDB readers have it at 6.2 of 10. Dequenne received a young performer nomination from the Cesar awards (her second). Ebert gives three stars, and even the Villiage Voice liked it. The cinematography was lovely, and we got several looks at Dequenne's breasts. It is shown in an excellent Widescreen transfer, and is in French with optional English subtitles. If you enjoy the characters, you will likely enjoy the film. C.

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  • Emilie Dequenne (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Johnny Be Good (1988)

    I've never been very patient with reviewers who just dismiss a film as shit. Oh, I don't mind that they carelessly and thoughtlessly fustigate a work into which some other human being has poured months of work and his very soul, the very innermost longings of his being.

    Nah. That's OK.

    What pisses me off is that they aren't specific enough.

    The English language is a complex one, and offers many opportunities for highly precise description. We do not have to refer to a film as simply "shit". We can specify the type of shit.

    • We can say, for example, that a meager film is composed of mere fewmets - deer droppings.
    • Or wormcast, which is like wormshit.
    • The sequels to Jurassic Park are filled with coprolite - dinosaur shit.
    • Most westerns are filled with bodewash or tath - cow shit.
    • Vampire movies are usually filled with guano - batshit (also means birdshit).

    So many choices.

    Since Johnny Be Good intended to be a rollicking, playful movie, we can probably say that it is full of spraints - otter shit.

    Anthony Michael Hall plays a cool guy who is the star of his high school football team. (Yeah, I know. What can I tell you? It's a fantasy.)

    He's being recruited by every college in the country. The recruiters hover around him 24/7. A general is there from West Point, a priest from Notre Dame, a Cowboy from "Ol' Tex", and so forth. He goes on some recruiting junkets, during which he encounters all kinds of sleazy people who use various slimy techniques to get him to go to their university. Finally, he strips away his metaphorical blindfold and sees things as they really are, or some crap like that.

    At times, it seems like the film was trying to be funny, but I'm not really sure. If it was, it failed. The "comical" recruiters are too heavy-handed and unsubtle, and even Snidely Whiplash would find the two heavies (the high school coach and a college president) to be lacking in shading. The only good scenes are between Hall and his family, because those moments have a touch of genuine humanity.

    A few interesting bits of trivia:

    1. The film features both Robert Downey Sr. and Robert Downey Jr. The kid is always good, but Sr. isn't much of an actor. He plays an NCAA investigator, but it's possible that he's actually an alien robot sent to infiltrate our civilization and learn our curious earthling ways.

    2. Both Howard Cosell and Jim McMahon play themselves. Oddly enough, they play themselves as assholes. Or maybe they were trying to be charming but couldn't, because they ARE assholes.

    3. This was the screen debut of Uma Thurman, and she looked delicious. (See the review page for pictures)

    4. It features a young, slim Jennifer Tilly.






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    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    'Caps and comments by Oz:

    "Charlie Bubbles"
    Starting with Liza Minelli in Charlie Bubbles. I don't think anything is visible but the film was made when Liza was worth looking at.

    • Liza Minelli (1, 2)

    "Cold Dog Soup"
    Some sexy non-nude caps of Christine Harnos in Cold Dog Soup.

    "Her Best Friend's Husband"
    Cheryl Ladd's looking good in Her Best Friend's Husband, over 20 years after her role in Charlie's Angels.

    "Charlie's Angels"
    Just to remind you, here's the angels in an episode titled Angel Hunt. Pokies by Shelley Hack and Jaclyn Smith, and Cheryl Ladd is very easy on the eye.

    "Dinner with Friends"
    Pokies by Andie MacDowell in Dinner with Friends.

    • Andie MacDowell (1, 2)

    More pokies by Andie MacDowell in Crush.

    • Andie MacDowell (1, 2)

    "The Pornographer"
    Lots of nudity and pokies by a variety of actresses in The Pornographer. We have some nudity by Monique Parent, Georgina Trahopoulous, Roxanna Hall and an unnamed centrefold, and nice caps of Mariam Parris, Katheryn Cain, Kelly Stone and Rena Riffel.

    "Stiff Upper Lips"
    Lots of cleavage by Georgina Cates in Stiff Upper Lips.

    • Georgina Cates (1, 2)

    "Love with a Proper Stranger"
    No nudity by Natalie Wood in Love with a Proper Stranger.

    "Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice"
    Natalie's beauty was also on show in Bob and Carol and Ted and Alice, along with Dyan Cannon. The full frontal nudity comes from some unknowns at a resort, and a dream passenger in an aeroplane is topless.

    • Natalie Wood (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
    • Dyan Cannon (1, 2, 3)
    • Unknowns (1, 2, 3)

    Serenades is an Australian movie. The nudity is not pleasant and comes from Franchesca Cubilla. Alica Haines does an interesting dance.

    "Money Movers"
    Money Movers is another Aussie movie with topless views of Kathy Dior and Candy Raymond. Candy was well known in the 70s in Australia for taking her clothes off.

    "P J"
    No nudity in P J by some unknowns, Susan Saint James and Gayle Hunnicutt, although Gayle comes close in a bath.

    Anna Friel
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Excellent paparazzi 'caps of the UK actress topless and bending over to reveal her bum. You can see her on the big screen in the upcoming movie "Timeline" (2003).

    Nikki Cox
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    Awesome high definition 'caps with wonderful cleavage from the NBC series "Las Vegas".

    Beatriz Rico
    (1, 2)

    Elsa Pataki
    (1, 2)

    Vidcaps by Vejiita featuring both ladies topless in scenes from the Spanish movie "Atraco a las 3... y media" (2003).

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Just Imagine How Boring They'll Be Able To Be Now! - Joan Kroc, billionaire widow of the founder of McDonald's, died October 12 and stunned National Public Radio by leaving them $200 million, more than double their annual budget.

  • Now they can afford to replace their turntables with CD players.
  • Can you IMAGINE the size of the tote bag she got?!
  • She died of boredom while listening to NPR.
  • They will use the money to produce hundreds of documentaries about how evil McDonald's is.

    Calling Dr. Phil! - A survey in Britain by Mother And Baby magazine found that toddlers are now leading a spoiled teenager's lifestyle. By age three, 42 percent have a TV in their own room, 50 percent have a CD player, more than a quarter "choose their own haircut" and two-thirds wear designer clothes, with 86 percent of moms spending more on their toddler's clothes than on their own. 61 percent will eat Italian food, 51 percent will eat Chinese or Indian food, and 3 percent will eat sushi. However, most moms say mealtimes are a "nightmare," with 75 percent of toddlers refusing to eat and over half throwing their food instead of swallowing it.

  • Well, STOP giving them sushi!!
  • That's just a natural reaction to British food.
  • This is how Paris and Nikki Hilton got started.
  • They wear designer clothes, eat gourmet food, have great stereos and aren't even toilet-trained...They're like rock stars!

    That's "Q," Not "I.Q." - Britney Spears, who recently complained that she was tricked into posing bottomless for Esquire and wouldn't take off her clothes for photos again, is now appearing on the cover of the British magazine Q wearing only leather gloves, a bra and skimpy panties, kneeling on a car and suggestively grabbing her inner thighs.

  • She's covering them with her hands out of modesty.
  • The photographer tricked her: The car's a convertible, so he suggested she take down the top.
  • She wore thick gloves so they couldn't trick her into unhooking her bra.

    Fasting Causes Brain Damage - Magician David Blaine, recovering from 44 days of fasting in a box, told Larry King that for his next stunt, he will plunge hundreds of feet from a helicopter into a river. He called it the "dive of death" because only a couple of people have survived such a high dive. He said it's like hitting pavement, but there will be no parachute and "no dummy, either." Asked why he keeps doing these things, he said, "I'm going to keep doing these things as long as I can. That's what I feel my reason is."

  • I thought the reason was because learning to do actual magic tricks is really hard.
  • He's so thin now, he should part the water easily.
  • He was in the box when that idiot went over Niagara Falls, so he doesn't know this has already been done.
  • After 44 days without a bath, it was his girlfriend's idea that he plunge into water.
  • No dummy? That's a matter for debate.

    What A Revoltin' Development - The hip-hop group Arrested Development, which split up in 1995 but is reforming for a new album, is suing Fox TV and Ron Howard's company for naming a new sitcom "Arrested Development." AD spokesman Todd "Speech" Thomas said, "Fox has no more right to use Arrested Development for its show than a band would have to name itself after one of Fox's sitcoms." He claimed the sitcom name will confuse the public and "significantly dilute what the name means to our fans."

  • If they'd had any since 1995.
  • What a self-centered attitude! That is SO immature!
  • They didn't invent arrested development...Pauly Shore could sue both of them.
  • Apparently, the new line-up of Arrested Development includes Spike Lee.

    The Panties Help Reduce Your Butts - Thursday in Tokyo, Triumph International unveiled a new bra and panty set designed to help the wearer quit smoking. The bra has fragrance capsules in the front that supposedly help calm nicotine cravings. The underwear also is treated with liquefied titanium oxide to break down the smell of cigarette smoke.

  • If you're already undressed enough that a man can smell your underwear, he's not going to care if you smoke.
  • The problem is, you look so hot in the bra and panties, you end up having sex, and then you want a cigarette.
  • Instead of the bra, why not just wear two nicotine patches?

    NOTE! Excellent photo here: