"Flesh for the Beast"
Flesh for the Beast (2003) was written and directed by a familiar name, Terry West. We know him from the best of the Misty Mundae films, such as Lord of the G-Strings, Spiderbabe, Playmate of the Apes and Roxanna. This time, he tries his hand at a European style gore feste sexy horror film. A group of psychic researchers are called to a mansion recently acquired by the current owner, who is paying them a lot of money to rid the house of the ghosts. The former owner of the house was an occultist, but ran it as a whore house/gambling emporium. Now, the house is possessed by ancient hooker succubus flesh-eaters, who first fuck, the fuck over each of the team in turn.
The last to be engaged by a succubus is the only female member of the team, Jane Scarlett. The three ancient succubus hookers are played by Ruby LaRocca, Caroline Hoermann and Barbara Joyce. Joyce shows breasts. The other three women all show everything. West succeeded at what he was trying to do. He made a European style gore horror film with lots of nudity and sex, and a surprise ending. The film is heavy on fake blood and intestines. It is also heavy on nudity and simulated sex. My only real complaint was that all of the ancient succubus prostitutes had very trimmed pubic hair. This seemed out of place on old sexy ghosts.
IMDB readers have this at 4.9 of 10 based on only 8 votes. This is a worthy addition to this gory genre, and hence a C-.
Ruby La Rocca
Zapped Again (again) -- I received a request from a Linda Blair fan today who is reasonably sure the upskirt is really her, and not a butt double. He wanted the up-skirt, and the slow pan from skirt slit down her leg and ending with spike heels. So, here are a few new images of Linda.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
- New volumes: Jodie Fisher
- Updated volumes: Jodie Foster, Shannon Tweed (including two
movies not previously in her volume)
Wow, two bullshit films today, but at least an addition to our
Shannon Tweed collection.
Dead by Dawn (1998):
Alan Pakula was a serious-minded Yale graduate who
migrated west to California-style showbiz, and made his mark in the movies as a producer.
He must have
been pretty damned good at it, because his credits include To Kill a
Mockingbird. After he did that for a decade or so, the studio system
started to crumble in the late sixties and early seventies, so Pakula started directing his own films. He was a top-notch filmmaker
in the 70s and 80s, having directed such acknowledged triumphs as
Sophie's Choice and All the President's Men, and other noteworthy
films which were characterized by their intelligence and their
compassionate liberalism. After All The President's Men, his career
took a downturn, and by the 1990s he was directing thrillers, some
pretty good (1990's Presumed Innocent, with Harrison Ford), some not
so good at all (1986's Dream Lover, starring Kristy McNichol).
If you are an intelligent and patient person, you
are probably wondering why I am discussing one of Hollywood's most
beloved A-list icons in an article that is supposed to be about a
lame softcore sex movie made a year after Pakula's death.
I'm getting there. Stay patient for a minute.
In 1992, during the thriller phase of his career, Pakula
directed a movie called Consenting Adults, which didn't do much at
the box office ($21 million) and is now largely forgotten. It has
been forgotten for good reason. It sucked. Here are his directorial
efforts sorted by IMDb rating:
- (7.99) -
All the President's
- (7.48) -
- (7.16) -
Parallax View, The
- (7.07) -
- (6.79) -
- (6.67) -
- (6.51) -
Love and Pain and
the Whole Damn Thing (1973)
- (6.37) -
Sterile Cuckoo, The
- (6.20) -
Pelican Brief, The
- (6.12) -
Starting Over (1979)
- (5.71) -
Comes a Horseman
- (5.70) -
Devil's Own, The
- (5.53) -
See You in the
- (5.34) -
- (5.19) -
- (4.68) -
Consenting Adults did, however, star two major
Hollywood names, Kevin Spacey (pre-stardom) and Kevin Kline. "The
Two Kevins" are the grade-A version of "The Two Coreys". Spacey
played a shifty wheeler-dealer who was always looking for the
bigger, better deal. Kline played a 40ish fuddy-duddy who found
himself trapped in a joyless suburban life. The two men became neighbors and
then friends, after a fashion, and Spacey started to seduce Kline
into a more sinful and daring world-view. The piece de resistance
of the seduction was an offer to swap wives. Simple enough - one
night they would each go to the other's wife in the dark, and make
love to her. The women would catch on, but if they refused, well, so
what? Nothing ventured, nothing gained. The women consented without
any problems, but Kline woke up with a major one. Spacey's wife was
killed during the swap-night, bludgeoned to death with a Louisville
Slugger. When the bloody bat was found with Kline's fingerprints all over it,
he seemed to be headed for the electric chair. There are many more
twists to the plot, but I can't reveal them without spoiling the
entire movie. You have the idea, and can probably guess the rest.
I suppose even the most patient among you has now
lost patience with me, so I'll get to the point. Dead by Dawn is
basically the same movie as Consenting Adults. The plot description
is identical - right down to the baseball bat. The only
difference is generated by the fact that Dead by Dawn is a softcore
sex film, so it has lengthy sex scenes. By adding 25 minutes worth
of sex, the script had to economize somewhere else, so Dawn of the
Dead has only about the first 60% of the plot of Consenting Adults,
cramming the last 40% into two short scenes which skip over some
of the interim revelations and get straight to the finale. I guess
that was a pretty good edit, since the second half of Consenting
Adults was implausible to being with, but Dawn of The Dead condensed
the plot to the point where it ends with our abruptly-discovered understanding that the
ersatz Kevin Kline character will fry for a crime he did not commit.
I'll bet you are thinking, "So, a softcore sex
movie actually had a plot as good as an Alan Pakula film. That's a
good thing, right?"
- Remember that Consenting Adults was a flop to
begin with .
- The plot was butchered so badly with
inexplicable editing and a an unsatisfying and too-abrupt ending
that it was no longer at even the mediocre level of the original.
- It isn't a good softcore sex film in the other
areas where a softcore should be good, like the sex scenes.
- Shannon Tweed, 40ish and near the end of her
career in erotica, did her first sex scene in her underwear
until the final minute, when she removed her clothing while
sitting down with her back to the camera, so that only the top
of her buns were visible. In her second sex scene, she stayed in
her underwear. In the last minute of the film, she finally
flashed one of her mammoth breasts.
- Jodie Fisher's first sex scene basically
wasn't a sex scene at all. It was a topless women hugging a man
interminably, while they flopped around a suburban swimming
pool. Fisher's final sex scene was the only good one in the
film. She was seen fully naked from the rear (she looked great),
and her breasts were exposed from several angles.
I can't recommend this film at all. The borrowed
plot is not really relevant to this evaluation. The salient point is
that it's filled with long, passionless sex scenes in which the
participants are fully-dressed or in panties. There's no sign of a
pubic area anywhere, and almost no nudity from Shannon Tweed.
- Jodie Fisher. (1,
11) I also created a new Encyclopedia volume for
her. It appears that she retired from showbiz after this movie.
- Shannon Tweed (1,
The summary of Knightwalks on the DVD box is as follows:
"Detective Joe Average is faced with the
mysterious and unexplainable murder of the daughter of Paris Martel,
a high-stakes drug dealer. As you would expect, the investigation
goes deep into the underworld of crime and leads to big trouble."
Doesn't sound too bad.
Has nothing to do with this movie.
This is the story of a pimp and his designated
driver, the tough guy who drives various hookers around from client
to client. The driver is a nice guy who minds his own business and
reads magazines while the girls are with their clients. The pimp is
a psychotic asshole, and some of the girls whisper that some of the
previous girls have been contracted out to make snuff films. We
don't see anything like that, but we do see him get upset with one
of the girls, and he assigns her an unspeakable punbishment. She can
only screw the clients who look and dress like Jim "The Anvil"
Eventually, the pimp gets mad at the nice guy, but
before Mr Pimp can kill him, the nice guy is saved by a hooker because
the nice guy never made her have sex with Jim "The Anvil" or any other
famous guys named after construction tools. Well, maybe Fred "The
Hammer" Williamson, but no other ones.
exciting stuff, eh? And that was the best stuff. I would guess that
there was enough dialogue and plot to fill about five minutes of air
time. The rest of the movie was as follows:
1. Show stock footage of Los Angeles traffic.
2. Show woman leaving car, meeting client. Show
first half of sex scene in which the woman's lower body is wrapped
in a sheet.
3. Cut to the driver sitting in the car reading a
4. Cut back to the second half of the sex scene,
in which the woman is still covered below the waist.
5. Show more stock footage of Los Angeles traffic.
In fact, show the exact same stock footage each time - same
intersections, same cars, same turnpike exits, same everything. If
the next client is particularly far away, show the stock traffic
footage TWICE to indicate the passage of distance.
Repeat about six times. All the sex scenes are as
identical as the traffic footage, but they are not stock footage. They
scenes can be distinguished because there are two different hookers,
the johns are always different, and - I think you're really gonna like
this - the hookers' lower bodies are covered by a different colored
sheet in each scene! Clearly, they went the extra mile on the
production values and spared no expense to bring us viewing pleasure.
This DVD includes ten films for ten dollars (same DVD as Dead by
get what you pay for. This one is worse than Dead by Dawn. In fact,
this film may represent the very reason why the
expression "lame" was created. The women not especially
attractive, the sex scenes were created by a cookie cutter, the
woman always have a sheet wrapped over their body below the
waist, and the plot is non-existent. Oh, yeah, the acting stinks
as well. To be fair, the photography of the original scenes is
actually pretty good - nice colors, pretty good sharpness. (The
stock footage is hilariously different stock.)
Oh, yeah, it's called Knightwalks because the driver is named
Knight, and ... um ... uh ... Knightdrives sounded like a shitty
title. Interestingly, this is the same process Dickens used to name
Martin Chuzzlewit. I can see that these filmmakers must have been
profoundly affected by Dickens in many other ways as well, ranging
from their use of paper to write the script all the way to the
appearance of The Ghost of Traffic Past.
- Gladys Hans (1,
- Deborah Stevens (1,
Tony Blair's wife whips out a tit in public.
Boston's mayor, Mr Ebeneezer Grinch, has cut
the traditional Enchanted New England Village from Christmas
because of budgetary constraints.
Bostonians, just drive down to Newark and catch the Enchanted
New Jersey Village instead. You want yer fuckin' Chris'mas? We
got yer Chris'mas right here. You need a little extra
imagination to pretend those rats are reindeer, but we think
you'll enjoy da holiday magic in our Enchanted Syringes.
Righteous Brother Bobby Hatfield has lost that
livin' feeling. Now
singin' duets with Jim Morrison in rock 'n roll heaven.
Miss the old Perry Como Christmas specials? Kid
Rock really brings that back, including an obscene version of
Frosty the Snowman, with his own treatment of Holiday Love
. Not to be confused
with his treatment of Holiday Inns.
Continuing with their successful “Re-Imagining
History” series, CBS network today announced that it will
replace the Reagan special with “Betsy Ross: Mini-skirted
Crack Whore” during the upcoming Fall sweeps period.
Controversial rock singer Courtney Love has
claimed she no longer takes drugs.
In a related story, scientists have found that bears now leave
the woods to shit in urban toilets.
Pondering the mysterious and most heinous Keanu
Pamela Anderson has taken on her most amazing
role yet — as a lapdancing cartoon - a secret agent called
An Al Qaeda Web site is running a warning
issued to Muslims to leave Washington, D.C., New York City and
Los Angeles because of implied imminent terrorist attacks,
according to the Middle East Media Research Institute.
URL says it all: NakedProtesters.com
Easter Eggs found in popular DVDs ....
The site also includes Easter Eggs in games, software, etc.
a photographic tribute to carnival sideshow
Dennis Miller explains how he became a
We hear the playback and it seems so long ago -
a quiz on 80s song lyrics
Halle Berry has methane gas shooting out of her
butt constantly. I
didn't make this up. That's really what Halle said.
Here's another gift possibility for the
difficult-to-please name on your Christmas list - a four
hundred year old wax vagina
How to have sex in a cupboard (and other
The Internet Movie Database (IMDb) salutes
Classic Bathing Beauties
Tennis star Andy Roddick will now be the focus
of his own reality series.
NUDE SUPERSTAR MODEL AGENCY
NBC chief admits: Our shows 'sucked'
The legendary Voyager 1 spacecraft, the most
distant human-made object, has reached the end, or perhaps
just the beginning of the end, of our solar system
NBA Cheerleader/Dancers: MEET THE CAVALIER
vote for your favorite NFL cheerleader
A complete summary of Siskel/Ebert reviews
The critics conclude The Matrix Revolutions
sucks: only 36% positive reviews
archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick
Locke, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
- Emmanuelle Seigner, the French actress bares breasts and bum in scenes from the Roman Polanski film "Bitter Moon" (1992), also starring Hugh Grant, Kristin Scott Thomas and Peter Coyote.
Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.
'Caps and comments by Brainscan:
So in a previous incarnation I sent in caps of Julie
Strain, Katie Lohmann, Nikki Fairchild and Regina
Russell from Sex Court: The Movie. Gonna finish up
that movie today with caps of six more babes. All of
them triple B, some seriously so, and with more than a
little honest-to-goodness muff diving to add some
spice. Do I smell an Oscar?
The movie, itself, is a take-off of Sex Court, which I
suppose appears on the bunny channel, but no one I
know admits to getting it, so I'll have to take IMDB's
word for it all. Lemme see, four couples are invited
to Judge Julie's mansion for an off-site trial. Said
trial lasts all of a minute, so you get 99 minutes of
what brought the couples there. None of this is the
least bit profound, but it is a convenient way to show
boys doing girls and girls doing girls.
The movie includes one supposed lesbian couple, played
by cross-over pornabee, Inari Vachs and Skinemax babe
Ava Lake (aka Ava Niche, aka Mia Zottolli, aka just
plain Mia). Damned strangest pair of lesbians,
though, because Inari does three guys at various
points in the movie and Ava does a fourth. The world
could use more of that kind of flexibility.
- Ava Lake
- Inari Vachs
Oh yeah, and the movie shows Judge Julie and her staff
getting it on with one another and with the
contestants. Among those staff members are newcomer
Catrina James... cute as a button... web model Skye
Ashton, pornstar Alexandra Silk and actress Stephania
Swinny. Stephania used to be Stephanie when she
spelled her last name Swinney and appeared in erotic
thrillers, such as Witchcraft 6 and Outside the Law.
Then she was blond and cute with a natural softness to
her features. Now she's brunette, tattooed and pumped
up in more ways than one. Used to be the kind of girl
you'd walk across a quiet street to say hello to, now
she's the kind you'd run across a busy turnpike to get
Lots of positives here, most of them nekkid. Julie
Strain does provide some humor and none of the scenes
is allowed to bog down. It's the just thing when you
got some to waste creatively.
an additional image of Regina Russell I just
had to pass along. It comes from the photogallery in
the DVD extras (which also includes a Julie Strain
home movie that I am saving for another day). The
image is crystal clear, something that superDVD
technology promises to bring to every frame of a
movie. Can you imagine? The improvement would be
comparable to that seen in going from VHS to present
DVDs. We'd have to go back and re-cap movies like
American Pie and Eyes Wide Shut and Showgirls all over
again and the Scoops would have to keep the Funhouse
going just to show them. Sounds like a plan
||The sexy Cuban-American actress in scenes from "2 Fast 2 Furious" (2003). No nudity, but she still looks pretty darn good.
||Hiding behind a shower curtain that just isn't transparent enough for my liking. 'Caps from an episode of her hit show, "Alias".
||The model/actress wearing a tight top, and stipping down to show off her panties in scenes from the recently cancelled FOX series "Skin". Yup, despite being produced by Jerry Bruckheimer and the non-stop advertising by FOX over the past 3 months, "Skin" only made it to three episodes before being axed this week.
|The tenis mega-stars showing legs, cleavage and even a little bit of bum (Venus #2) at some fashion thing.
|An awesome find by the Skin-man! The Bionic Woman topless in scenes from her very first movie, "Two People" (1973).
|Topless in Señor Skin 'caps from the Philippino movie "Tuhog" (2001).
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
Paris Hilton follow up From today's NY Post Page Six:
HILTONS WARN ON SEX TAPE
THE parents of Paris Hilton - reeling from the news that their eldest
daughter made an amateur porn tape - are threatening legal action against
anyone who helps make the tape public. "The Hilton family is greatly
saddened at how low human beings will stoop to exploit their daughter
Paris, who is sweet-natured, for their own self-promotion as well as profit
motives," a statement released last night said. "Paris is working very hard
on her career. The release of a private tape between a younger girl and her
older boyfriend is more than upsetting . . . Anyone in any way involved in
this video is guilty of criminal activity, and will be . . . vigorously
prosecuted." Paris' co-star, Rick Solomon, the husband of Shannen Doherty,
is being blamed for leaking the steamy video. Hilton lawyers looked into
whether Paris was "underage" at the time, but she was 19 when the tape was
made three years ago. Paris, meanwhile, caused major damage to the hotel
where she and her latest fling, "Australian Idol" loser Rob Mills, have
been staying, according to the Sydney Sun Herald. Later, at a Melbourne
nightclub, Hilton blotted her lipstick with a paper towel, gave it to a
stranger and said, "Here, keep this. You might make a fortune with it one
Here's the only assessment of that CBS Reagan movie I've seen that comes
from a professional TV critic who actually saw a little of it. This
actually might be worth catching on Showtime just for the laughs. James
("Gable & Lombard") Brolin has now played three well-known men, and thanks
to his superb acting skills, it sounds like the most accurate portrayal of
a known human being that he's been able to muster was of Pee Wee Herman in
"Pee Wee's Big Adventure."
IT'S SO PATHETICALLY BAD THAT IT'S HYSTERICALLY FUNNY
By ADAM BUCKMAN
November 5, 2003 -- IT WAS one of the funniest tapes I had ever received
from a TV network.
It was a special promo reel sent over early last month for "The Reagans," a
miniseries about Ronald and Nancy Reagan - the very same miniseries that
became so embroiled in controversy that CBS finally dumped it yesterday.
I never saw the finished product, but if it were anything like the promo,
this four-hour miniseries was about to go down in history as one of the
worst made-for-TV movies ever. This tape was so hysterical, I thought it
was a joke.
In the role of Nancy Reagan, Judy Davis was seen barreling comically
through the White House screaming at the top of her lungs at everyone who
crossed her path. Her unabashed scenery-chewing was reminiscent of Faye
Dunaway as Joan Crawford in "Mommie Dearest" - only Davis' performance was
much worse and a lot funnier.
In contrast to Davis' raging first lady, James Brolin was seen playing the
role of Ronald Reagan with all the emotion of a piece of wood - a style
which has long been Brolin's trademark.
Funny as it all was, it was also seriously offensive. I thought CBS had
taken leave of its senses.
Ronald Reagan will always have his detractors, but it seems that right now,
at age 92 and suffering from Alzheimer's disease, he is by and large an
admired figure, remembered as the man whose infectious enthusiasm restored
Americans' confidence in their country following the upheavals of the 1970s
- and who also finished off communism.
And for the millions who have watched a loved one being ravaged by
Alzheimer's, Nancy Reagan is looking just as heroic.
CBS, however, is looking like a gang of idiots for deciding that now would
be the perfect time to air a miniseries attacking this elderly couple
beloved by millions. Maybe CBS got off easy, because I guarantee that,
based on its production qualities alone, "The Reagans" would have been one
of the most critically lambasted miniseries in many seasons.