Spider-Man (2002) deluxe set arrived today, and, since I had not seen it, but had heard that Kirsten Dunst had a wet sweater scene with pokies. Although I can see what all the fuss was about, and the pokies were every bit as good as advertised, this is not really my kind of film. The special collectors edition contains a entire disk of special features, a comic book, a limited edition print, and more. The effects, both make-up and digital are top notch, and the photography is outstanding, with brilliant colors, adding to the comic book feel.
I'm sure you all know the story, where we learn about the origins of Spider-Man, and how he came to become a super hero. It is currently #227 at MDB with a score of 7.8 of 10, and dominated the box office, earning $404M against a budget of $139M. Ebert was unimpressed at 2 1/2 stars. Most critics were kind, with 88% at Rotten Tomatoes, and 85% from the top critics. I agree that it is a fine genre picture, very well executed, but it is in a genre that I am not that fond of. Nevertheless, the proper score is B.
Steambath (1973 TV movie) while changing channels in 1973, the PBS offering stopped me in mid-click with a nude Valerie Perrine. Nudity was not common on broadcast TV in 1973, and it got my attention.. But what held my attention was possibly the best piece ever made for television. It is a filming of a stage play that takes place in a steambath. As it opens, Bill Bixby arrives, and starts meeting the other people in the steam bath, which includes a strange mix of people, including an old seaman, a stock broker, two gays who call themselves the fags, and other odd sorts. Then in walks Valerie Perrine, who takes off her robe, and showers nude in front of everyone. She spend the rest of the film with only a towel around her waist, and one draped over her shoulders.
Perrine and Bixby finally realize that they might be dead, but the most startling revelation is that God is a Puerto Rican steam bath attendant, who manages the world when not busy mopping the floors. This is a sort of limbo, where God brings in a few recently departed at a time, and prepares them for the afterlife. The concept is fascinating, and the writing lived up to the concept. By popular demand, PBS replayed it, and I watched it more than once, and have not seen it mentioned since. Now it is finally available on DVD.
IMDB readers have it at 8.9 of 10, but with only 59 votes, which hints that this is an unknown gem waiting for the rest of you. It received two Emmy nominations. While plays tend to be talky when brought to screen, this one is never tedious, and touches on some profound issues, but with lots of humor. This film is a high B+. It was obviously mastered from video, and there were some obvious cuts to reduce the nudity, but neither detracted from my enjoyment.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Pumpkin is one strange
movie from last years Sundance Festival. Imagine Legally Blonde - sorority girl
in a sheltered existence with a perfect life and a prefect boyfriend. Then
imagine that instead of learning abut life from being dumped by her boyfriend,
she learns about life by dumping her boyfriend because she falls in love with a
crippled, retarded boy. Yes, it is that strange. It walked an uneasy line
between sentimentality and cynicism. Critics loved it, and other critics hated it, but
nobody was indifferent except movie-goers, who ignored it completely.|
- Erinn Barlett. She seems to specialize in minor nudity. In addition
to her brief topless scene in Pumpkin, she showed the goods briefly in 100 Women, director Michael Davis's follow-up to 100 Girls, and she came close in that cinema masterpiece, The In Crowd.
- Christina Ricci, No nudity, but it seems to have been cold on the
take control of the Senate, including a victory for John Sununu - hey, at
least we won't be surprised when he uses government resources to enlarge his
stamp collection. The more obvious crook, Traficant, lost but got more than
10% of the votes. Bush's brother also held on to Florida's governorship.
Mysterious sinkhole appears in Houston street
J-Lo and Affleck are engaged. Whoop de fuckin do,
- Speaking of J-Lo's love life,
P Diddy does a
concert in Denmark, yells "Hello, Belgium" at the crowd
Maxim's spread on Leslie Bega, who plays Valentina on The Sopranos
- This is not a joke, but a legitimate UPI news story. Absentee and
overseas ballots have come in and
Hussein ended up with 101% of the votes! How can Bush not love this guy?
- I didn't make this up either. Actual headline -
Big Stink Over Clooney's Butt
- We have discussed this before,
but here is the hard
evidence to show that Bush was not holding that kiddie book upside down
RJ wins his fourth consecutive Cy Young - He has won it every single year
that he has been with the Diamondbacks. He was chosen unanimously. Johnson
sealed the award by going 5-0 with an 0.66 ERA in September. Looking at
Randy's career, it is not unreasonable to argue that he is the best pitcher
of all time. Maybe I'll make that case another day.
Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded
into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant
humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or
Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.
'Caps and comments by Brainscan:
A mixture of things today.
First is nude model Kimberly Fisher (as Kimberly Kay) in Model Solution in which she plays a nude model. Quite well, I might add. All three collages are show full frontal; the woman in back of her in the first collage is Katie Lohmann.
Blood Link (1983) is a mess of movie that can be summed up in two sentences. Good news: it stars a host of serious actors who went on to do lots and lots of really, really good stuff. Really. Bad news: it is an evil twin movie. Not just twins, who must always be identical because it would be stupid if they weren't, but conjoined (Siamese) twins separated at birth. Yes, you read that correctly. Because they were joined at the waist, one has a scar on his right side, the other on his left and that gets kinda important after a while.
Best news of all is that the evil twin is determined to bed every woman the good twin has boffed. They include the very pretty Sarah Langenfeld, the interesting and nicely built Penelope Milford and Hefmate of the Month for July '73, Martha Smith.
Sarah shows boobs in all three collages, the side of her in the third.
- Sarah Langenfeld
Penelope was in three scenes and showed (how to put this?) a nice rack in all three.
- Penelope Milford
Martha was in five or six scenes, depending on how you count these things (do flashbacks count as two or only one?). Breasts in all, including two scenes in which he basically sits topless on the bed for a minute or so.
There was a fourth exposed babe in the movie. Yael Forti showed breasts in a scene that was distorted by stupid camera tricks to show that the principal involved was seeing these things indirectly... as it turns out, through his evil twins eyes. Sigh.
Okay then, hows about a third movie? In this allow me to agree most vigorously with Senior. After Fritz Lang no director has succeeded in making a good vampire movie. The list of stinkers is so long, with movies so bad it is only because I've seen them all that I can make the following statement: the worst vampire movie ever made is Vampire Call Girls (2000).
Hands down. No reason to even hold the election. A guy named Everette Hartsoe wrote, directed and acted in this thing... and like the Army's MREs (Meals Ready to Eat) that statement is three lies for the price of one.
This thing could not have been written, it was most certainly not directed and Mr. Hartsoe is the single worst actor to ever appear on film, or in this case, videotape. He sounds a bit like SNL's The Lady's Man but isn't funny. Not the least. I get the impression he is part of the avant garde comic book scene and he had the bright idea of getting a couple of models who pose for comic books (the richly if not naturally endowed Glori-Anne Gilbert and Roxanne Michaels... whose name is misspelled in the credits, for heaven's sake) to prance 'round nekkid while the camera was running. Great idea for many things but not for a frigging movie.
Lemme give you an idea of how bad this thing is. You know how High Noon starts, with a clock filling the camera frame, showing that it's something like 10:40 AM; and then the rest of the movie, up til high noon, lasts exactly 80 minutes? Film time and real time are the same. Well, Vampire Call Girls is kinda like that for the first scene. In it, Glori-Anne Gilbert rides a washing machine through a full wash cycle and then rolls around on the floor o' the laundry, squirting white lotion on herself (calling Dr. Freud) for the full dry cycle. Timed that puppy. Twelve and one-half minutes of nothing but Glori-Anne topless from every angle that Euclid imagined. I like Glori-Anne. She's a real cutie, 'specially if you are into buxom lasses. But this shit bored me after, I don't know, five, maybe six minutes. Less than halfway through it I'm hoping the damn scene will end soon. And guys, this is the kicker. That scene is the best one in the movie because Glori-Anne is good at what she does whereas everyone else who did anything else in this movie was not. Good that is. A scene with Roxanne Michaels and Mr. Hartsoe is the prototype, because neither appears to have rehearsed. Ever.
Worst of all, the video quality just plain sucks. Glori-Anne is in three scenes and the first is the only one I bothered to cap. Roxanne is topless for five or six minutes but the few frames I grabbed were so awful I threw them into the trash without a moment's hesitation. And a third woman who was the token full-frontal babe... hell, I didn't even try. What we have then is four collages of Glori-Anne's boobs and bum. Those are great, and because of them the collages are not half bad.
- Glori-Anne Gilbert
'Caps and comments by Hankster:
Today we have a "Babe in Bondage", Phyllis Davis in 1990's "Guns", an Andy Sidaris film.
Phyllis is best remembered for the TV show "Vegas" with Robert Urich and some earlier Sexplotation
flicks. Here she is was a 42 year old "Babe in Peril" at the time and I guess Andy couldn't convince her
to get naked, so all we get is some cleavage.
'Caps and comments by DeafBeer:
Here are caps from Sunday's episode of The Sopranos. The gal is Leslie Bega, playing a new character named Valentina La Paz. I checked your archives and you also have a single picture of a Leslie Bega, but its obviously a different gal.
Another excellent collection from the master of Fashion Scans. Images by Marc Baptiste from "Beautiful Nudes"
- Thumbnail Previews
- Thumbnail Previews
- Thumbnail Previews
- Dancer, Tina Williams, fully nude with toplessness and rear nudity in #2.
- Singer, N'Dambi
- Artist, Khadydja Diop, topless and rear nudity
- Tigui, topless and rear nudity
- Hawa Berry, frontal nudity
- Mebrak, topless
- Tanya Parnell, full frontal nudity
- Actress, Lisa Raye, nude pose with rear views in #1, topless in #2.
- Jennifer Espinoza, topless
- Sukee, a hint of pubes
- Singer, N'Dea Davenport, breast exposure
- Mikeko Sakata, full frontal nudity.
- Iris, rear gyno-view
- Joy, a belly button
- Norma, full frontal nudity with gyno-exposure in #2.
- Charlene Roxborough, lovely full frontal nudity
- Kelly Browne, brief breast exposure
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
ROSIE DEFENDS MARTHA
Cancellation: It's A Good Thing - Rosie O'Donnell told TV Guide that if she
still had her talk show, she'd be using it to defend Martha Stewart every
day. She said she wants every housewife in America "to band together and
refuse to let them tear down one of the most successful female
entrepreneurs in our country's history." Rosie said if she still had a
show, "I'd be singing Martha Stewart a love song every day."
Let's all take a moment to silently thank God that Rosie no longer has a show.
Defend her all you like, Rosie, but please, PLEASE don't sing!
Okay, I get it: Rosie thinks Martha Stewart is hot.
EVOLUTION OF THE BOND GIRL
Female Bonding - "Bond Girl" Maryam D'Abo ("The Living Daylights") has
created a documentary for the AMC cable channel called "Bond Girls Are
Forever." It shows how they've changed over the years from jiggly
playmates to brainy, sharp-shooting martial artists. D'Abo says the roles
for today's Bond Girls, like Halle Berry, are edgier and more challenging,
but they've lost some fun. She said they couldn't get away with a name
like Pussy Galore today.
But they should try again because Once Is Not Enough.
Feminists would slap the Living Daylights out of them.
Really? I head Halle Berry's name in the new 007 movie is "Gimmea Lewinsky."
Now, Denise Richards gets to play a nuclear scientist, and that's MUCH more realistic.
Bond Girls are forever, but they all seem to retire by 29.
WINONA TRIAL GOES TO THE JURY
Sak's And The Single Girl - The Winona Ryder shoplifting case went to the
jury Monday, with Ryder never taking the stand. In his closing statement,
her lawyer said Sak's guard lied because he wanted to frame a celebrity,
and suggested he even planted the scissors that she allegedly used to cut
off security tags.
Hey, it's an L.A. jury! That's been known to work!
If the guard really hated celebrities, he would have forced her to buy all that stuff at the retail price.
No Showbiz Hype Here - The prosecutor called the defense "hype" and "a
story that could only have been written in Hollywood." She then used a
David Letterman-style Top 10 List to tell them why Winona should be found
The #1 reason: To make up for O.J.
That was written at the home office in Wahoo, Nebraska.
"Age Of Innocence II: Beyond Innocence" - The trial publicity has actually
made Winona hot again. Her agent says movie offers are pouring in like
Mostly women-in-prison movies, but still...
You can't steal publicity like that!
Before this, she couldn't get arrested in Hollywood.
But by the time she's 35, she'll have to be shoplifting again.