• Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site has been updated

Other Crap:

IBM slows down the speed of light, readies it for networking. The potential for computers is spectacular, but will require a complete overhaul of hardware architecture.

View the moon in 3-D on your desktop.

Original theatrical trailers for some older and classic movies

George Clooney says he will not appear in any more romantic films.

Outsmart women the fun way - using the Bush Method

"Human remains excavated in a cathedral in northern Poland are very likely those of the Renaissance astronomer Nicolas Copernicus"

Rome drama draws in a massive audience in British premiere - six times the number of viewers who watched the same time slot on BBC2 last week!!

  • "Six times as many" reminds me how Bob Uecker used to brag on the talk shows that he hit .250 in 1963. Upon further questioning, he would crow, "Yup, four for sixteen."
  • It's not really like that. They pulled in 6.6 million viewers.

Watch the trailer premiere for Hostel, "an intense tale of terror from executive producer Quentin Tarantino."

The full trailer for I Love Your Work

  • "Sometimes somber, sometimes sly and self-parodying, and always surreal, I LOVE YOUR WORK chronicles the disintegration of Gray Evans, a movie star losing his grip on reality, unable to adjust to his own celebrity, and consumed by a twisted nostalgia for love and simplicity lost. A genre bending tale of obsession? voyeurism and the cult of celebrity."
  • The film was written, edited, and directed by that way-too-intense guy who played The Hebrew Hammer and Eddie, Chandler's roommate after Joey moved out.
  • Here is Entertainment Online's long, scornful review, which followed the Toronto screening.

The trailer from The Ant Bully

  • Nicolas Cage, Paul Giamatti, Julia Roberts and Meryl Streep do voices for an animated feature about a child who is shrunken down to ant size

"CHENEY MOVES TO SECURE, SUBPOENA-PROOF LOCATION" ... Angry Fitzgerald Demands Veep's Mailing Address

Federline mania!!

Steven Colbert explains the fatwa against him.: "For those of you unfamiliar with having your death called for by a religious group, let Stephen explain."

"Stephen Colbert believes all of God's creatures have a soul. Except bears."

"Phase 1 of the Colbert Report Emergency Evacuation Plan: Save Stephen."

"Jon Stewart divulges an important fact to Mike Wallace: college kids love to read about history"

Daily Show: There's been a strange sight on the floor of the Senate: a freshly grown pair of donkey testicles.

"Jennifer Aniston says sexier film roles have helped her cope with splitting up with Brad Pitt."

  • So doing some porn flicks should really leave her feeling perkier than Katie Couric

Stephen Colbert debates with himself about the value of charity

Stephen Colbert interviews Ken Burns.

  • The interview is nothing special, but hang on for the last minute or so - the documentary film about the interview - which is a lot of fun!!

Dallas woman has almost 3000 toll violations in a year and a half (That's about 5 per day!!) She owes $76,000 in back-tolls.

Mozilla Firefox 1.5 RC 1 is ready for downloading. (This is not the final release, and is still in non-support mode, but for you early adopters ....)


Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.




The Night that Never Happened (1997)

The Night that Never Happened (1997) is a couples soft core drama. Colleen McDermott is to attend the Wedding of her best friend, Kira Reed, as maid of honor. Her husband not only announces that he can't go with her, but presents her with a chocolate birthday cake, forgetting that she hates chocolate. She leaves in a huff for the airport, then goes back to get the forgotten wedding present, and finds hubby doing the nasty with J. Nichole Italiano-Zaza (aka Nikki Nova). So much for hubby.

McDermott arrives at her friends house, and after her friend has sex with her fiancee, is roped into chaperoning the groom and his two friends for a bachelor party, which, of course, must start at a strip club. Seems McDermott has slept with the groom, and known one of the other two men since college. She was a real party girl in school, and the tradition was that someone would remove her panties, she would through them out of the car, and that meant that Nothing that happened that night ever happened.

The groom gets a lap dance with Marie Webster, and McDermott gets one with star stripper Lisa Boyle. Lisa has a problem or two. She hates her boss, who is into selling drugs and abusing her, and her father is about to be whacked by his bookie. When she sees a large sum of cash in the boss's office, she figures to solve her problems by stealing the cash, paying of her fathers debt, and leaving town with the rest. She places the cash in the trunk of our bachelor party group, and asks them for a ride home. Not everything goes as planned.

IMDb readers have this at 5.1 of 10. It is exactly what it is supposed to be, nearly non-stop nudity and simulated sex, with some pretext of a plot, and is therefore a C. This is one you watch for the nudity and simulated sex, and it had plenty:

Nikki Nova (Zaza): Breasts and buns
Colleen McDermott: 3 Bs
Kira Reed: 3 Bs
Lisa Boyle: 3 Bs
Marie Webster: 3 Bs
Sandy Wasko: 3 Bs plus some rear gynocam shots
Unknown Stripper: Breasts and Buns





Susan Featherly in "Bedtime Stories"



Today the old Time Machine goes all the way back to 1969 and "Eugenie...The Story of Her Journey into Perversion".

We start with Marie Liljedahl full frontal nude in the bathtub.

Then she becomes a "Damsel in Distress" who gets a whipping while topless.
Then we have Marie and Maria Rohm with some topless sunbathing.
Wrapping it up with some more boobies from Maria Rohm.


Dann reports on Vlad:

This very good 2003 offering is really three movies in one. It is a historical drama telling the story of Vlad Tep Drakul, who some think became Dracula. Supposedly, the filmmakers tried for accuracy in the historical portions. Next we have a horror film, as Vlad runs amok in modern Romania, which leads us to the third part, a fantasy time travel story. They're all packed into this movie, and pretty well, too. What it is NOT is a bloodsucker movie.

Three American students are in the Carpathian Mountains, home of Vlad, to research his life. One of them, actually a native of the area, neglects to mention that she has a necklace allegedly belonging to Vlad Tep Drakul. Unknown to her, a cult of Vlad worshippers is trying to find her to get the necklace for themselves.

Meanwhile, we switch to ancient times, where a young maiden disappears as she is about to be beheaded by Vlad. She re-appears in a cave being explored by the Americans. Hot on her heels comes Vlad himself, and he wants his necklace back.

Well done and much better than it sounds, this movie is worth watching regardless of which aspect holds the most interest for you.

Monica Davidescu



Piper Perabo in the extended scenes from the director's cut of Coyote Ugly
Jillian McWhirter in Progeny
Vicki Binns in Nature Boy (UK Series)
Dominique Sanda in Les ailes de la colombe
Dominique Sanda in A Room In Town




Hulk Mad!! - Carnegie Mellon psychologist Jennifer Lerner proved that anger can be good for you, if it's kept under control.  92 UCLA students were asked to perform a tough math task as Lerner harassed them.  Those who got angry had lower blood pressure and stress hormone levels and more sense of control than those who felt fear.  She said it suggests that in situations where anger is appropriate, such as terrorist attacks, anger is a healthier reaction than fear.  People who get angry feel in control and more optimistic about the risks of taking aggressive action.

*  So more bad news for Democrats: Bush is gonna live forever.
*  But they still suck at math.
*  So she's saying the only thing we have to fear is fear itself?
*  But anger can also be bad for your health...For instance, she got punched 46 times.

Thank You, Viagra! - Scientists at the Birbal Sahni Institute of Paleobotany in India have discovered two 65-million-year fossils fused together in sexual union.  This is the first time that sexual copulation has been discovered in a fossil state.  But don't get too excited: the fossils that were preserved in mid-coitus were tiny swarm cells, a stage in the development of a fungus we  know as slime molds.

*  Slime molds have sex, but they never call you in the morning.
*  At least they died happy.
*  This is the only example ever found of a prehistoric fossil having sex, aside from Hugh Hefner.

The American Way To Play - On the TV show "Nevada Newsmakers," Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman suggested that punks who deface the lovely desert murals on the freeway should have their thumbs cut off on TV.  He said, "That may be the right thing to do," noting that "in the old days in France, they had beheadings of people who commit heinous crimes."  He also suggested canings for kids who repeatedly get into trouble, adding, "I'm dead serious," and "they would get a trial first."  Another guest told Mayor Goodman to "use his head for something other than a hat rack."

*  So the mayor head-butted the other guest.
*  He's not a violent maniac, he just really loves those murals.
*  He's just nostalgic for the old days, when the Mob ran Vegas efficiently.
*  They would never cut off kids' thumbs on TV in Vegas...A show like that, they'd put at Caesar's Palace and charge $100 a ticket.
*  This is Las Vegas!  Let a tiger bite their thumbs off!

Bleeding The Lizard - AFP reports that a woman in western Norway was helping her three-year-old son learn to use the toilet instead of diapers when a three-foot Teju lizard, a carnivorous South American reptile, emerged from the toilet.  It apparently escaped from an illegal importer, and it can hold its breath for half an hour.  An expert from the Bergen Aquarium said, "If it had had the possibility, I'm sure that it would have planted its teeth in anything that presented itself."  Nobody was hurt, but he said the boy's toilet training has "suffered a serious setback."

*  Oh, he'll NEVER be toilet trained...
*  But that'll be nothing compared to the castration complex.
*  Whoever had to clean the bathroom after this had to hold HIS breath for half an hour.
*  Now, everyone in western Norway is wearing diapers instead of using the toilets.

What A Clown! - James Green of Detroit was sentenced to 30 days in jail for stealing half a dozen DVDs from a video store, thanks to his fashionably baggy pants.  Police spotted him in the alley and gave chase, but his pants were so baggy, they fell to his ankles and tripped him.  He finally kicked off his shoes and pants, jumped a fence, and was captured in a backyard in his underwear.

*  ...which fell down.
*  He tried to claim he was a superhero.
*  Next time, he'll shoplift some pants that fit.

Who Could've Foreseen It?! - High schools in Fredericton, New Brunswick, decided that kids shouldn't eat junk food, so the cafeterias replaced burgers and fries with healthy items, such as fresh fruits and vegetables.  One unanticipated problem: the students won't eat it.  They're going out to fast food places, and the company that runs the cafeterias is losing so much money, they're cutting staff hours.  A spokeswoman said it takes education and awareness to make people eat healthier, and they'll stick with the policy until the students
catch on.

*  They'll just wait until teenagers prefer broccoli to hamburgers, which should be around the time the Earth plunges into the Sun.
*  Yeah, but it takes education, and schools aren't very good at that.
*  To make ends meet, the cafeteria staffers took jobs at McDonald's.

How Do The Mexicans Afford It?! - Harlan Vineyards in California's Napa Valley has started an invitation-only club for wealthy wine lovers who want to create their own personal wines.  They get to wake up at 4 a.m.; join the Mexican laborers in tending and harvesting the grapes; work at fermenting and bottling; and take home 900 bottles of wine with their own label on it.  For this honor, they pay a $140,000 deposit and up to $45,000 a year.

*  Anyone who'd agree to that must drink a LOT of wine.
*  This is something Frasier and Niles would do, then they'd last about 20 minutes.
*  The big question: are there enough rich suckers to put all the Mexican migrant laborers out of work?

Today Manhattan, Tomorrow The World! - Thursday in Manhattan, "The Original Soup Man" restaurant had its grand opening.  It's owned by Al Yeganeh, who was furious when "Seinfeld" did an episode inspired by his former soup counter in Hell's Kitchen, featuring a nasty owner called "The Soup Nazi."  Yeganeh wasn't there to greet the crowds, but he might not have been pleased.  It's a big, gleaming place with smiling servers.  His old list of strict rules (customers will be ejected for dillydallying, etc.) is posted, but only as a decoration.  The New York Post noted that one person cut in line, and was cordially told what soups were available.

*  He left in tears...
*  And after they listed all the soups, they added, "But NO SOUP FOR YOU!!"
*  It's the first restaurant where employees will be fired BECAUSE they smile.
*  So now, the only restaurant in New York where the waiters aren't surly is the one owned by the Soup Nazi.

K-Fed Is So Dead - A clip of Kevin Federline's rap debut leaked onto the Internet.  It's a typical series of boasts about how the listener wishes he could be like the cool rapper, now calling himself "K-Fed."  Meanwhile, US Weekly claims Britney Spears is fed up with his partying, the last straw came when she was left to change diapers while he spent two hours having his hair braided, and she asked him to move out for a trial separation.

*  Wow!  I wish I were him!
*  That should be easy: he hasn't been home since the baby was born, anyway.
*  The CD by K-Fed will soon be in the remainder bin at K-Mart.
*  Kevin doesn't need her: there must be millions of highly-paid female morons who want to be impregnated.

(LINK! The clip is here, if it hasn't been removed yet:

See? It's All Her Fault - Shar Jackson, the actress Federline dumped for Spears when she was pregnant with their second child, had a message for Britney: "C'mon, kiddo, did you think things were going to be different?  Kevin was there for (his daughter) every single day of her life until I told him to go out and get a job."

*  But he HAS a job now: Rap star!
*  His rap name "K-Fed" is in honor of a woman named Kay who used to feed him.

I'm Shocked - Pollster John Zogby polled "West Wing" viewers and found that the liberal Democrat presidential candidate played by Jimmy Smits is burying the Republican (Alan Alda) by about 59-29 percent.  72 percent believe Smits will win, but only 17.7 percent think it's because he's the better candidate, while twice as many think he'll win because it would make for better TV.

*  Well, that's the way we pick real presidential candidates.
*  So the liberal Democrat will be elected president by the biggest landslide in history...Still wonder why Hollywood is called "fantasyland"?
*  The Republican was hurt after the "West Wing" writers had him endorse public executions for baby dolphins.

He Was, Like, A Virgin - In his new book, "I Should Be Dead By Now," Dennis Rodman claims Madonna wanted him to father her child and kept calling and trying to introduce herself.  He said she "would do the weirdest things to make sure she was going to get impregnated" by him.  But he didn't care who she was and "her music pretty much sucked," so he wouldn't return her calls.

*  He even started wearing women's clothes to throw her off the track.
*  He has one standard moral rule: he only impregnates chicks who make good music.
*  When Madonna heard this, she agreed: he SHOULD be dead by now... And if  she ever does meet him, he will be.