• Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site has been updated

Other Crap:

Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.

ANGER IS GOOD FOR YOU
Hulk Mad!! - Carnegie Mellon psychologist Jennifer Lerner proved that anger can be good for you, if it's kept under control.  92 UCLA students were asked to perform a tough math task as Lerner harassed them.  Those who got angry had lower blood pressure and stress hormone levels and more sense of control than those who felt fear.  She said it suggests that in situations where anger is appropriate, such as terrorist attacks, anger is a healthier reaction than fear.  People who get angry feel in control and more optimistic about the risks of taking aggressive action.

*  So more bad news for Democrats: Bush is gonna live forever.
*  But they still suck at math.
*  So she's saying the only thing we have to fear is fear itself?
*  But anger can also be bad for your health...For instance, she got punched 46 times.



PREHISTORIC FOSSILS HAVING SEX
Thank You, Viagra! - Scientists at the Birbal Sahni Institute of Paleobotany in India have discovered two 65-million-year fossils fused together in sexual union.  This is the first time that sexual copulation has been discovered in a fossil state.  But don't get too excited: the fossils that were preserved in mid-coitus were tiny swarm cells, a stage in the development of a fungus we  know as slime molds.

*  Slime molds have sex, but they never call you in the morning.
*  At least they died happy.
*  This is the only example ever found of a prehistoric fossil having sex, aside from Hugh Hefner.



VEGAS MAYOR SEZ, "CUT OFF KIDS' THUMBS ON TV"
The American Way To Play - On the TV show "Nevada Newsmakers," Las Vegas Mayor Oscar Goodman suggested that punks who deface the lovely desert murals on the freeway should have their thumbs cut off on TV.  He said, "That may be the right thing to do," noting that "in the old days in France, they had beheadings of people who commit heinous crimes."  He also suggested canings for kids who repeatedly get into trouble, adding, "I'm dead serious," and "they would get a trial first."  Another guest told Mayor Goodman to "use his head for something other than a hat rack."

*  So the mayor head-butted the other guest.
*  He's not a violent maniac, he just really loves those murals.
*  He's just nostalgic for the old days, when the Mob ran Vegas efficiently.
*  They would never cut off kids' thumbs on TV in Vegas...A show like that, they'd put at Caesar's Palace and charge $100 a ticket.
*  This is Las Vegas!  Let a tiger bite their thumbs off!


CARNIVOROUS LIZARD POPS OUT OF TOILET
Bleeding The Lizard - AFP reports that a woman in western Norway was helping her three-year-old son learn to use the toilet instead of diapers when a three-foot Teju lizard, a carnivorous South American reptile, emerged from the toilet.  It apparently escaped from an illegal importer, and it can hold its breath for half an hour.  An expert from the Bergen Aquarium said, "If it had had the possibility, I'm sure that it would have planted its teeth in anything that presented itself."  Nobody was hurt, but he said the boy's toilet training has "suffered a serious setback."

*  Oh, he'll NEVER be toilet trained...
*  But that'll be nothing compared to the castration complex.
*  Whoever had to clean the bathroom after this had to hold HIS breath for half an hour.
*  Now, everyone in western Norway is wearing diapers instead of using the toilets.



THIEF TRAPPED BY HIS BAGGY PANTS
What A Clown! - James Green of Detroit was sentenced to 30 days in jail for stealing half a dozen DVDs from a video store, thanks to his fashionably baggy pants.  Police spotted him in the alley and gave chase, but his pants were so baggy, they fell to his ankles and tripped him.  He finally kicked off his shoes and pants, jumped a fence, and was captured in a backyard in his underwear.

*  ...which fell down.
*  He tried to claim he was a superhero.
*  Next time, he'll shoplift some pants that fit.



STUDENTS REJECT HEALTHY MEALS
Who Could've Foreseen It?! - High schools in Fredericton, New Brunswick, decided that kids shouldn't eat junk food, so the cafeterias replaced burgers and fries with healthy items, such as fresh fruits and vegetables.  One unanticipated problem: the students won't eat it.  They're going out to fast food places, and the company that runs the cafeterias is losing so much money, they're cutting staff hours.  A spokeswoman said it takes education and awareness to make people eat healthier, and they'll stick with the policy until the students
catch on.

*  They'll just wait until teenagers prefer broccoli to hamburgers, which should be around the time the Earth plunges into the Sun.
*  Yeah, but it takes education, and schools aren't very good at that.
*  To make ends meet, the cafeteria staffers took jobs at McDonald's.



PAY $185,000 TO BE A FARMHAND
How Do The Mexicans Afford It?! - Harlan Vineyards in California's Napa Valley has started an invitation-only club for wealthy wine lovers who want to create their own personal wines.  They get to wake up at 4 a.m.; join the Mexican laborers in tending and harvesting the grapes; work at fermenting and bottling; and take home 900 bottles of wine with their own label on it.  For this honor, they pay a $140,000 deposit and up to $45,000 a year.

*  Anyone who'd agree to that must drink a LOT of wine.
*  This is something Frasier and Niles would do, then they'd last about 20 minutes.
*  The big question: are there enough rich suckers to put all the Mexican migrant laborers out of work?



SOUP NAZI HITS THE BIG TIME
Today Manhattan, Tomorrow The World! - Thursday in Manhattan, "The Original Soup Man" restaurant had its grand opening.  It's owned by Al Yeganeh, who was furious when "Seinfeld" did an episode inspired by his former soup counter in Hell's Kitchen, featuring a nasty owner called "The Soup Nazi."  Yeganeh wasn't there to greet the crowds, but he might not have been pleased.  It's a big, gleaming place with smiling servers.  His old list of strict rules (customers will be ejected for dillydallying, etc.) is posted, but only as a decoration.  The New York Post noted that one person cut in line, and was cordially told what soups were available.

*  He left in tears...
*  And after they listed all the soups, they added, "But NO SOUP FOR YOU!!"
*  It's the first restaurant where employees will be fired BECAUSE they smile.
*  So now, the only restaurant in New York where the waiters aren't surly is the one owned by the Soup Nazi.




REPORT: BRITNEY AND KEVIN SEPARATE
K-Fed Is So Dead - A clip of Kevin Federline's rap debut leaked onto the Internet.  It's a typical series of boasts about how the listener wishes he could be like the cool rapper, now calling himself "K-Fed."  Meanwhile, US Weekly claims Britney Spears is fed up with his partying, the last straw came when she was left to change diapers while he spent two hours having his hair braided, and she asked him to move out for a trial separation.

*  Wow!  I wish I were him!
*  That should be easy: he hasn't been home since the baby was born, anyway.
*  The CD by K-Fed will soon be in the remainder bin at K-Mart.
*  Kevin doesn't need her: there must be millions of highly-paid female morons who want to be impregnated.

(LINK! The clip is here, if it hasn't been removed yet: 
http://wwtdd.com/index.php?type=box&p=kfedsong.shtml


See? It's All Her Fault - Shar Jackson, the actress Federline dumped for Spears when she was pregnant with their second child, had a message for Britney: "C'mon, kiddo, did you think things were going to be different?  Kevin was there for (his daughter) every single day of her life until I told him to go out and get a job."

*  But he HAS a job now: Rap star!
*  His rap name "K-Fed" is in honor of a woman named Kay who used to feed him.



PRESIDENTIAL POLL FOR FICTIONAL CANDIDATES
I'm Shocked - Pollster John Zogby polled "West Wing" viewers and found that the liberal Democrat presidential candidate played by Jimmy Smits is burying the Republican (Alan Alda) by about 59-29 percent.  72 percent believe Smits will win, but only 17.7 percent think it's because he's the better candidate, while twice as many think he'll win because it would make for better TV.

*  Well, that's the way we pick real presidential candidates.
*  So the liberal Democrat will be elected president by the biggest landslide in history...Still wonder why Hollywood is called "fantasyland"?
*  The Republican was hurt after the "West Wing" writers had him endorse public executions for baby dolphins.



RODMAN SAYS MADONNA WANTED HIS BABY
He Was, Like, A Virgin - In his new book, "I Should Be Dead By Now," Dennis Rodman claims Madonna wanted him to father her child and kept calling and trying to introduce herself.  He said she "would do the weirdest things to make sure she was going to get impregnated" by him.  But he didn't care who she was and "her music pretty much sucked," so he wouldn't return her calls.

*  He even started wearing women's clothes to throw her off the track.
*  He has one standard moral rule: he only impregnates chicks who make good music.
*  When Madonna heard this, she agreed: he SHOULD be dead by now... And if  she ever does meet him, he will be.