- Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site has been
IBM slows down the speed of light, readies it for
networking. The potential for computers is
spectacular, but will require a complete overhaul of
View the moon in 3-D on your desktop.
Original theatrical trailers for some older and classic
George Clooney says he will not appear in any more
Outsmart women the fun way - using the Bush Method
"Human remains excavated in a cathedral in northern Poland
are very likely those of the Renaissance astronomer
Rome drama draws in a massive audience in British premiere
- six times the number of viewers who watched the same
time slot on BBC2 last week!!
- "Six times as many" reminds me how Bob Uecker used
to brag on the talk shows that he hit .250 in 1963. Upon
further questioning, he would crow, "Yup, four for
- It's not really like that. They pulled in 6.6
Watch the trailer premiere for Hostel, "an intense
tale of terror from executive producer Quentin Tarantino."
The full trailer for I Love Your Work
- "Sometimes somber, sometimes sly and self-parodying,
and always surreal, I LOVE YOUR WORK chronicles the
disintegration of Gray Evans, a movie star losing his
grip on reality, unable to adjust to his own celebrity,
and consumed by a twisted nostalgia for love and
simplicity lost. A genre bending tale of obsession?
voyeurism and the cult of celebrity."
- The film was written, edited, and directed by that
way-too-intense guy who played The Hebrew Hammer and
Eddie, Chandler's roommate after Joey moved out.
Here is Entertainment Online's long, scornful review,
which followed the Toronto screening.
The trailer from The Ant Bully
- Nicolas Cage, Paul Giamatti, Julia Roberts and Meryl
Streep do voices for an animated feature about a child
who is shrunken down to ant size
"CHENEY MOVES TO SECURE, SUBPOENA-PROOF LOCATION" ...
Angry Fitzgerald Demands Veep's Mailing Address
Steven Colbert explains the fatwa against him.: "For
those of you unfamiliar with having your death called for
by a religious group, let Stephen explain."
"Stephen Colbert believes all of God's creatures have a
soul. Except bears."
"Phase 1 of the Colbert Report Emergency Evacuation Plan:
"Jon Stewart divulges an important fact to Mike Wallace:
college kids love to read about history"
There's been a strange sight on the floor of the Senate: a
freshly grown pair of donkey testicles.
"Jennifer Aniston says sexier film roles have helped her
cope with splitting up with Brad Pitt."
- So doing some porn flicks should really leave her
feeling perkier than Katie Couric
Stephen Colbert debates with himself about the value of
Stephen Colbert interviews Ken Burns.
- The interview is nothing special, but hang on for
the last minute or so - the documentary film about the
interview - which is a lot of fun!!
Dallas woman has almost 3000 toll violations in a year and
a half (That's about 5 per day!!) She owes $76,000 in
Mozilla Firefox 1.5 RC 1 is ready for downloading.
(This is not the final release, and is still in
non-support mode, but for you early adopters ....)
Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format.
Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.
The Night that Never Happened (1997)
The Night that Never Happened (1997) is a couples soft core
drama. Colleen McDermott is to attend the Wedding of her best friend, Kira Reed, as maid of
honor. Her husband not only announces that he can't go with her, but presents
her with a chocolate birthday cake, forgetting that she hates chocolate. She
leaves in a huff for the airport, then goes back to get the forgotten wedding
present, and finds hubby doing the nasty with J. Nichole Italiano-Zaza (aka
Nikki Nova). So much for hubby.
McDermott arrives at her friends house, and after her friend has sex with her
fiancee, is roped into chaperoning the groom and his two friends for a bachelor
party, which, of course, must start at a strip club. Seems McDermott has slept
with the groom, and known one of the other two men since college. She was a real
party girl in school, and the tradition was that someone would remove her
panties, she would through them out of the car, and that meant that Nothing that
happened that night ever happened.
The groom gets a lap dance with Marie Webster, and McDermott gets one with
star stripper Lisa Boyle. Lisa has a problem or two. She hates her boss, who is
into selling drugs and abusing her, and her father is about to be whacked by his
bookie. When she sees a large sum of cash in the boss's office, she figures to
solve her problems by stealing the cash, paying of her fathers debt, and leaving
town with the rest. She places the cash in the trunk of our bachelor party
group, and asks them for a ride home. Not everything goes as planned.
IMDb readers have this at 5.1 of 10. It is exactly what it is supposed to be,
nearly non-stop nudity and simulated sex, with some pretext of a plot, and is
therefore a C. This is one you watch for the nudity and simulated sex, and it
|Nikki Nova (Zaza): Breasts and buns
|Colleen McDermott: 3 Bs
|Kira Reed: 3 Bs
|Lisa Boyle: 3 Bs
|Marie Webster: 3 Bs
|Sandy Wasko: 3 Bs plus some rear gynocam shots
|Unknown Stripper: Breasts and Buns
Dann reports on Vlad:
This very good 2003 offering is really three
movies in one. It is a historical drama telling the story of Vlad Tep
Drakul, who some think became Dracula. Supposedly, the filmmakers tried
for accuracy in the historical portions. Next we have a horror film, as
Vlad runs amok in modern Romania, which leads us to the third part, a
fantasy time travel story. They're all packed into this movie, and pretty
well, too. What it is NOT is a bloodsucker movie.
Three American students are in the
Carpathian Mountains, home of Vlad, to research his life. One of them,
actually a native of the area, neglects to mention that she has a necklace
allegedly belonging to Vlad Tep Drakul. Unknown to her, a cult of Vlad
worshippers is trying to find her to get the necklace for themselves.
Meanwhile, we switch to ancient times,
where a young maiden disappears as she is about to be beheaded by Vlad.
She re-appears in a cave being explored by the Americans. Hot on her heels
comes Vlad himself, and he wants his necklace back.
Well done and much better than it sounds,
this movie is worth watching regardless of which aspect holds the most
interest for you.
ANGER IS GOOD FOR YOU
Hulk Mad!! - Carnegie Mellon psychologist Jennifer Lerner proved that anger can
be good for you, if it's kept under control. 92 UCLA students were asked to
perform a tough math task as Lerner harassed them. Those who got angry had
lower blood pressure and stress hormone levels and more sense of control than
those who felt fear. She said it suggests that in situations where anger is
appropriate, such as terrorist attacks, anger is a healthier reaction than
fear. People who get angry feel in control and more optimistic about the risks
of taking aggressive action.
* So more bad news for Democrats: Bush is gonna live
* But they still suck at math.
* So she's saying the only thing we have to fear is fear itself?
* But anger can also be bad for your health...For instance, she got punched 46
PREHISTORIC FOSSILS HAVING SEX
Thank You, Viagra! - Scientists at the Birbal Sahni Institute of Paleobotany in
India have discovered two 65-million-year fossils fused together in sexual
union. This is the first time that sexual copulation has been discovered in a
fossil state. But don't get too excited: the fossils that were preserved in
mid-coitus were tiny swarm cells, a stage in the development of a fungus we
know as slime molds.
* Slime molds have sex, but they never call you in the
* At least they died happy.
* This is the only example ever found of a prehistoric fossil having sex, aside
from Hugh Hefner.
VEGAS MAYOR SEZ, "CUT OFF KIDS' THUMBS ON TV"
The American Way To Play - On the TV show "Nevada Newsmakers," Las Vegas Mayor
Oscar Goodman suggested that punks who deface the lovely desert murals on the
freeway should have their thumbs cut off on TV. He said, "That may be the right
thing to do," noting that "in the old days in France, they had beheadings of
people who commit heinous crimes." He also suggested canings for kids who
repeatedly get into trouble, adding, "I'm dead serious," and "they would get a
trial first." Another guest told Mayor Goodman to "use his head for something
other than a hat rack."
* So the mayor head-butted the other guest.
* He's not a violent maniac, he just really loves those murals.
* He's just nostalgic for the old days, when the Mob ran Vegas efficiently.
* They would never cut off kids' thumbs on TV in Vegas...A show like that,
they'd put at Caesar's Palace and charge $100 a ticket.
* This is Las Vegas! Let a tiger bite their thumbs off!
CARNIVOROUS LIZARD POPS OUT OF TOILET
Bleeding The Lizard - AFP reports that a woman in western Norway was helping her
three-year-old son learn to use the toilet instead of diapers when a three-foot
Teju lizard, a carnivorous South American reptile, emerged from the toilet. It
apparently escaped from an illegal importer, and it can hold its breath for half
an hour. An expert from the Bergen Aquarium said, "If it had had the
possibility, I'm sure that it would have planted its teeth in anything that
presented itself." Nobody was hurt, but he said the boy's toilet training has
"suffered a serious setback."
* Oh, he'll NEVER be toilet trained...
* But that'll be nothing compared to the castration complex.
* Whoever had to clean the bathroom after this had to hold HIS breath for half
* Now, everyone in western Norway is wearing diapers instead of using the
THIEF TRAPPED BY HIS BAGGY PANTS
What A Clown! - James Green of Detroit was sentenced to 30 days in jail for
stealing half a dozen DVDs from a video store, thanks to his fashionably baggy
pants. Police spotted him in the alley and gave chase, but his pants were so
baggy, they fell to his ankles and tripped him. He finally kicked off his shoes
and pants, jumped a fence, and was captured in a backyard in his underwear.
* ...which fell down.
* He tried to claim he was a superhero.
* Next time, he'll shoplift some pants that fit.
STUDENTS REJECT HEALTHY MEALS
Who Could've Foreseen It?! - High schools in Fredericton, New Brunswick, decided
that kids shouldn't eat junk food, so the cafeterias replaced burgers and fries
with healthy items, such as fresh fruits and vegetables. One unanticipated
problem: the students won't eat it. They're going out to fast food places, and
the company that runs the cafeterias is losing so much money, they're cutting
staff hours. A spokeswoman said it takes education and awareness to make people
eat healthier, and they'll stick with the policy until the students
* They'll just wait until teenagers prefer broccoli to
hamburgers, which should be around the time the Earth plunges into the Sun.
* Yeah, but it takes education, and schools aren't very good at that.
* To make ends meet, the cafeteria staffers took jobs at McDonald's.
PAY $185,000 TO BE A FARMHAND
How Do The Mexicans Afford It?! - Harlan Vineyards in California's Napa Valley
has started an invitation-only club for wealthy wine lovers who want to create
their own personal wines. They get to wake up at 4 a.m.; join the Mexican
laborers in tending and harvesting the grapes; work at fermenting and bottling;
and take home 900 bottles of wine with their own label on it. For this honor,
they pay a $140,000 deposit and up to $45,000 a year.
* Anyone who'd agree to that must drink a LOT of wine.
* This is something Frasier and Niles would do, then they'd last about 20
* The big question: are there enough rich suckers to put all the Mexican
migrant laborers out of work?
SOUP NAZI HITS THE BIG TIME
Today Manhattan, Tomorrow The World! - Thursday in Manhattan, "The Original Soup
Man" restaurant had its grand opening. It's owned by Al Yeganeh, who was
furious when "Seinfeld" did an episode inspired by his former soup counter in
Hell's Kitchen, featuring a nasty owner called "The Soup Nazi." Yeganeh wasn't
there to greet the crowds, but he might not have been pleased. It's a big,
gleaming place with smiling servers. His old list of strict rules (customers
will be ejected for dillydallying, etc.) is posted, but only as a decoration.
The New York Post noted that one person cut in line, and was cordially told what
soups were available.
* He left in tears...
* And after they listed all the soups, they added, "But NO SOUP FOR YOU!!"
* It's the first restaurant where employees will be fired BECAUSE they smile.
* So now, the only restaurant in New York where the waiters aren't surly is the
one owned by the Soup Nazi.
REPORT: BRITNEY AND KEVIN SEPARATE
K-Fed Is So Dead - A clip of Kevin Federline's rap debut leaked onto the
Internet. It's a typical series of boasts about how the listener wishes he
could be like the cool rapper, now calling himself "K-Fed." Meanwhile, US
Weekly claims Britney Spears is fed up with his partying, the last straw came
when she was left to change diapers while he spent two hours having his hair
braided, and she asked him to move out for a trial separation.
* Wow! I wish I were him!
* That should be easy: he hasn't been home since the baby was born, anyway.
* The CD by K-Fed will soon be in the remainder bin at K-Mart.
* Kevin doesn't need her: there must be millions of highly-paid female morons
who want to be impregnated.
(LINK! The clip is here, if it hasn't been removed yet:
See? It's All Her Fault - Shar Jackson, the actress Federline dumped for Spears
when she was pregnant with their second child, had a message for Britney:
"C'mon, kiddo, did you think things were going to be different? Kevin was there
for (his daughter) every single day of her life until I told him to go out and
get a job."
* But he HAS a job now: Rap star!
* His rap name "K-Fed" is in honor of a woman named Kay who used to feed him.
PRESIDENTIAL POLL FOR FICTIONAL CANDIDATES
I'm Shocked - Pollster John Zogby polled "West Wing" viewers and found that the
liberal Democrat presidential candidate played by Jimmy Smits is burying the
Republican (Alan Alda) by about 59-29 percent. 72 percent believe Smits will
win, but only 17.7 percent think it's because he's the better candidate, while
twice as many think he'll win because it would make for better TV.
* Well, that's the way we pick real presidential
* So the liberal Democrat will be elected president by the biggest landslide in
history...Still wonder why Hollywood is called "fantasyland"?
* The Republican was hurt after the "West Wing" writers had him endorse public
executions for baby dolphins.
RODMAN SAYS MADONNA WANTED HIS BABY
He Was, Like, A Virgin - In his new book, "I Should Be Dead By Now," Dennis
Rodman claims Madonna wanted him to father her child and kept calling and trying
to introduce herself. He said she "would do the weirdest things to make sure
she was going to get impregnated" by him. But he didn't care who she was and
"her music pretty much sucked," so he wouldn't return her calls.
* He even started wearing women's clothes to throw her off the track.
* He has one standard moral rule: he only impregnates chicks who make good
* When Madonna heard this, she agreed: he SHOULD be dead by now... And if
she ever does meet him, he will be.