"Neon Maniacs"

Neon Maniacs (1986) is a Horror/Comedy about an odd group of monsters that live inside the west tower of the Golden Gate Bridge. They kill a bunch of High School students, and the police won't believe the one that escaped. A younger girl and horror movie fanatic also manages to get a look at the monsters, and discovers that they are defenseless against water. The big climax comes during a battle of bands in the High School gym, where the weapon of choice is squirt guns.

Susan Mierisch plays the designate naked girl (remember, this is the 80s, and every movie needed at least breast exposure). She is a lover in a park, and murdered by the monsters. The monsters waited long enough for her to show her breasts. IMDb readers have this at 3.6 of 10. This relatively low budget ($1.5M) effort has surprisingly good acting, and charismatic characters. The low budget effects are also not bad. Actually, the film is too well made to score bad movie points, but the plot is a little weak for it to rate highly as a good movie. This is a high C-. If this is your genre, there are worse ways to spend 90 minutes of your time.

  • Thumbnails

  • Susan Mierisch (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Delta of Venus (1995):

    Scoop's notes in white:

    Are you going to like this movie?

    Consider these facts:

    1. It is based on some stories and diaries of Anais Nin, who is most famous as one of the rare females who have made major contributions to written erotica. Her work is sexually charged, to be sure, but is also literary and ... well ... pretentious.

    2. It was directed by Zalman King, whose penis belies the fact that he's essentially the Anais Nin of filmed erotica. He makes the kind of sexy films that appeal greatly to women - swirling colors, sensuous music, elaborate courtships, stolen glances, smoldering looks exchanged across crowded rooms, romantic liaisons in the fog on ancient bridges.

    Even if you are still interested in the film after having read to this point, you have much better choices. This isn't the best screen adaptation of Nin's work. That would be Henry and June, directed by the very talented Phil Kaufman. Neither is this the best Zalman King contribution to couples-oriented erotica. That would be 9 1/2 Weeks, which was produced and written by ZK, but was directed by the very talented Adrian Lyne. I recommend that you watch one of those two movies. See Henry and June if you want to focus on the aesthetic aspects of lust, see 9 1/2 Weeks if you want to skip the art and focus on some more straightforward erotica that turns women on.

    Except for a few good moments of eroticism (the scene with the black dude and the redhead was hot, except that his ass blocked our view of the best stuff), Delta of Venus is just plain boring, and the performers are weak.

    Tuna already nailed the images for this film. He did about 100 collages plus thumbnails, and those can be found in his archives or in the back issues on November 1st, so I just cherry-picked a few images that I liked.





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    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Graphic Response
    • Jodie Foster, the multi-Oscar winning actress going topless and full frontal in scenes from the the 1994 movie "Nell".

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

    Fay Masterson
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    The firey red headed co-star of such films as "Eyes Wide Shut", "The Quick and the Dead", "Cops and Robbersons" and "The Man Without a Face" going topless in scenes from "Sorted" (2000).

    Vinessa Shaw
    (1, 2, 3)

    Natassia Malthe

    From the Josh Hartnett, lightweight-youth-semi-comedy, "40 Days and 40 Nights" (2002). The busty Shaw shows some cleavage, and gives us a bit of an upskirt view while stradling Hartnett. Natassia Malthe bares her bum.

    Kathleen Robertson
    (1, 2, 3)

    The Canadian actress best known from "Scary Movie 2" and "Beverly Hills, 90210" showing some pokies in scenes from "Nowhere" (1997).

    Laura Linney Full frontal nudity in scenes from "Maze" (2000).

    Monica Bellucci
    (1, 2, 3)

    The Italian mega-babe and co-star of 2 out of the 3 "Matrix" movies stripping down to black undies, and even going topless in link #2. Scenes from "L'Ultimo capodanno" (1998).

    Ornella Muti
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    The Italian actress gets topless in scenes from the 1998 indie flick, "Somewhere in the City".

    Phoebe Cates
    (1, 2, 3)

    1982 was definitely her year! Point #1...her nudity in "Fast Times at Ridgemont High" is of course one of the most classic moments in nude cinema history. Point #2 that same year she also showed off her amazing body in "Paradise".

    Sherilyn Fenn
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Topless and showing a bit of bum in a shower scenes from the 1988 Zalman King movie, "Two Moon Junction".

    Jennifer Garner
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Excellent high quality 'caps of the "Alias" star showing some pokies on Sunday night's episode.

    Helen Campitelli
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Señor Skin 'caps of the one-timer topless in scenes from an early Troma picture, "Squeeze Play" (1980).

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Pissed Away His Job - The Springfield, Missouri, city manager upheld the firing of a policeman who drank 70 beers confiscated from underage drinkers. The cop's attorney claimed this was not theft because officers are instructed to dispose of confiscated alcohol and "turning beer to urine is disposal."

  • He was going to pour it down the toilet anyway, but he just let it take the scenic route.
  • And he's so hard-working, he disposed of all 70 beers in one night.
  • Tt's the same way he disposes of PCP, Ecstasy and heroin.
  • If the lawyer makes that defense work, then he can turn crap into gold.

    Don't Walk Away, Renee! Not In Stretch Pants, Anyway! - Renee Zellweger was paid $24 million to get fat again for the sequel to "Bridget Jones' Diary," and now she's being offered $3.3 million to lose weight. WeightWatchers is tempting her with an endorsement deal which would pay her $110,000 per pound for losing 30 pounds. Since she has to lose weight for her next movie anyway, an insider called it "the easiest cash she'll ever earn."

  • And she normally makes $24 million for kissing Hugh Grant, so that's saying something.
  • She could quit acting entirely and just get rich gaining and losing weight.
  • If WeightWatchers paid everyone $110,000 a pound to lose weight, Americans would be the skinniest people on Earth.

    20 Minutes Should Do It - Actress Minnie Driver plans to draw attention to Third World sweat shops by taking a job in a Cambodian clothing factory for "as long as it takes for me to raise awareness." She'll be accompanied by a photographer friend who's making a documentary about the experience.

  • And of course, a makeup girl who'll spray her with glycerine if she's not sweating sexily enough.
  • What about the plight of Third World workers who are unemployed because Minnie Driver took their jobs?
  • While raising awareness, she can also buy designer clothes at a fraction of the retail price.
  • What if she CAN'T get a job there? After all, she has no skills.

    Hilary Is "The Young Mandy Moore" - Mandy Moore, 19, posed with other young stars for Vanity Fair, and she told the A.P. that being around 16-year-old Hilary Duff and the Olsen twins in their sexy, low-slung pants and tight tops made her think, "My God...I felt so old!" She said, "I'm like, I did not dress like that when I was 16!"

  • Well, of course not! It was a whole different era back then!
  • And at 19, she's too old for it.
  • Maybe she's getting senile and just can't remember.
  • She'd be frowning about this, if it weren't for the Botox.