The Retrievers is a pretty much unknown action film, and deservedly so. A man is recruited into "the company" as a retriever -- essentially a gopher who fetches people and things, using force as necessary. When he is sent after and ex company operative who has written a book exposing company assassination plots and the like on foreign soil, he figures out that he is on the wrong side, and helps the authors sister avoid other retrievers, and find a publisher. The only notable thing about this film is that the violent scenes are among the most graphic I have seen, and the martial arts actually looks real.

Patricia Monville plays a stewardess who is having an affair with the hero, and is killed by the company. We see her in a wet bra in the shower. Roselyn Royce is the publisher who decides to publish the book. Don't bother with this one.

• ICMS resigned from the Fun House this week. He's our resident expert on all things Flemish. His specialized knowledge and his brilliant sense of humor are irreplaceable, and we'll miss him a lot.
• Charlie's site is updated
• Tomcat did some captures of 23 year old Claudia Christian in 1988's "Never on Tuesday". I have never seen this movie, but I thought it was cool that the following people are listed as uncredited extras: Nicolas Cage, Cary Elwes, Emilio Estevez, Charlie Sheen, Judd Nelson, Gilbert Gottfried. The actual stars of the movie are people you never heard of.
• I did "Coach", the Cathy Lee Crosby film where she coaches a high school male basketball team, and teaches certain members of the team about some other types of sporting activities, if you catch my drift.

In case you skip the reviews and go directly to the pictures, here they are:

First up, some brief, partial breast exposure from one of my all time favorite movie babes, Diane Lane. Vidcaps from a movie I've never heard of before...1989's "Love Dream" a.k.a. "Priceless Beauty". IMDb lists it as an Italian movie also staring Christopher "Highlander" Lambert.

Let's put it this way...the star of the movie is Walter Koenig. That's right, Mr. Chekov. It's been a while since I've seen this one, and all I recall is that there are bad movies...and then there are REALLY bad movies. This one falls into the the really bad category. My memory is foggy on the plot (if any), but if I recall, the nude scene goes something like this....Chekov goes to the moon and finds a alien base. He goes inside. As fate would have it, the Aliens who haven't been there in millennia have left the air on just in case any humans stop by. Chekov opens up a big box, and out pops an alien babe. They have sex.

"Moontrap"'s budget obviously wasn't spent on writing, but rather on special effects. Yup, Chekov's wig never fell off once!

Unfortunately, I haven't picked this one up for a more thorough review, but perhaps it's time.

On a separate note...it would be an interesting poll to see which classic Trek star has made the worst non-Trek movie or guest appearance.

And Shatner doesn't count! Why? Because whether intentional or not he has become a parody of himself, and quite a funny guy. Although he may have been serious while making straight-to crap like the Jeff Speakman movie "Land of the Free", at least he poked fun at himself in "Airplane 2", "Loaded Weapon 1", the WebTv ads, and of course the wonderful Priceline.com commercials!

As opposed to Chekov who was really trying to be a Sci-fi action stud in "Moontrap". (including a scene where he did some push-ups). So...there's the basic criteria. Any ideas?

** New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first."

** And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the 'Skins say, "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too."

** Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

** Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss goodbye."

** Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."

** Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up, alphabetically by height." ....And.... "You guys pair up in groups of three then line up in a circle."

** Clemson recruit Ray Forsythe, who was ineligible as a freshman because of academic requirements: "I play football. I'm not trying to be a professor. The tests don't seem to make sense to me, measuring your brain on stuff I haven't been through in school."

** Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson hooking up again with promoter Don King: "Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton."

** Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my @#%#%@ clothes."

** Shaquille O'Neal on whether he had visited Parthenon during his visit to Greece: "I can't really remember the names of the clubs that we went to."

** Shaquille O'Neal, on his lack of Championships: "I've won at every level, except college and pro."

** Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of Heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what time it is."

** Pat Williams, Orlando Magic general manager, on his team's 7-27 Record: We can't win at home. We can't win on the road. As general manager, I just can't figure out where else to play." (1992)

** Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." (1982)

** Tommy Lasorda, Dodger manager, when asked what terms Mexican-born pitching sensation Fernando Valenzuela might settle for in his upcoming contract negotiations: "He wants Texas back." (1981)

** Darrell Royal, Texas football coach, asked if the abnormal number of Longhorn injuries that season resulted from poor physical conditioning: "One player was lost because he broke his nose. How do you go about getting a nose in condition for football?" ('66)

** Mike McCormack, coach of the hapless Baltimore Colts after the team's co-captain, offensive guard Robert Pratt, pulled a hamstring running onto the field for the coin toss against St. Louis: "I'm going to send the injured reserve players out for the toss next time." (1981)

** Steve Spurrier, Florida football coach, telling Gator fans that a fire at Auburn's football dorm had destroyed 20 books: "But the real tragedy was that 15 hadn't been colored yet." (1991)

** Jim Finks, New Orleans Saints G.M., when asked after a loss what he thought of the refs: "I'm not allowed to comment on lousy officiating." (1986)

** Alan Kulwicki, stock car racer, on racing Saturday nights as opposed to Sunday afternoons: "It's basically the same, just darker." (1991)

** Lincoln Kennedy, Oakland Raiders tackle, on his decision not to vote: "I was going to write myself in, but I was afraid I'd get shot."(1996)

** Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings." (1991)

** Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F's and one D: "Son, looks to me like you are spending too much time on one subject." (1987)