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One of the most famous sex scenes ever filmed, one of the most beautiful, one of the most unusual, and one of the most dramatic (stick it out to the end) ...








Christina Ricci
Prozac Nation
Halle Berry
Kate Beckinsale

Linda Grey
The Graduate

Sienna Miller

Mariah Carey

Lucy Clarkson








Deadline (1999)

Deadline is a Canadian thriller set in Chicago. IMDb calls it a horror film, and has named it Press Run.

Newspaper editor Patrick Bergin has just published a front page spread accusing a rich an powerful man of corruption. Unfortunately, the man has just purchased the paper. He is fired, and later than night is lured to the owner's house by Annie Dufresne, and framed for big-shot's murder. Despite one of the two detectives assigned to the case being his friend, he is assumed to be guilty, and escapes from the lock-up ward of the hospital with a petty crook. Now on the run, he must find the girl, figure out whodunit, and all while avoiding the police and the professional hit man out to silence him.

Dufresne shows breasts and buns in a motel room. IMDb readers have this at 3.7, and I am not sure why it is so low. Of course, it only has 50 votes, but I would place it in the 5.5 region as a rather undistinguished but marginally competent thriller. This is a C-. Genre lovers will probably not hit the fast forward.


Annie Dufresne

Henry's Night In.  (1969):

Henry's Night In stars Forman Shane as a mousy man who is having impotency problems since his mother died. Every time he is in the saddle, he imagines his dead mother disapproving, and goes limp. His overbearing wife, Barbara Kline, is not the type to cut him any slack. He tells a shrink, who advises him to have several affairs to drown out his mother's puritanical memories.

He finally has some luck, finding the invisible man's diary in a trunk he buys at auction. With the formula, all he has to do is sneeze to become invisible. This lets him have easy access to both Phyllis Stangel and Mary Bauer, two neighbors who mistake Henry for their respective boyfriends. After treating his wife's friends to some invisible mice, causing them to pull of their clothes at a get acquainted party for a new neighbor, he is found out.

IMDb has no score as of yet. Barbara Kline, Phyllis Stangel and Mary Bauer all do lengthy full frontal and rear nudity. The basic story structure reminds me of the work of Thorne Smith (1892-1934) (Topper, the Passionate Witch, Turnabout, Night Life of the Gods, The Glorious Pool), who wrote humorous sexy stories. In most of them, a man somehow oppressed or brilliant but preoccupied gains some special power, which sets up lots of room for humor, and more than a little sex. My love of this author could explain part of the appeal the film had for me. As in all the Thorne Smith stories, I found myself rooting for Henry, and rejoicing at his every victory. This is a gem, as are all of the Thorne Smith books. Fortunately, you won't have to sell the farm to buy it, as you would with Smith's rarer books. It is the companion film to The Girl from S.I.N on the recent Something Weird Video release. If an exploitation film ever had crossover appeal, this is the one. Unless you detest screen nudity, which is unlikely among our readership, you will probably find this entertaining. B-.

Barbara Kline

Phillis Stangel

Mary Bauer




The Ghost continues his tribute to Amy Lindsay, this time in "Insatiable Desires"






Today we look at "Blood Feast 2: All U Can Eat". Some forty years after the original "Blood Feast," known as the first gore movie, we have a sequel.  Probably better than the first one in that it has more nudity and some "Babes in Bondage". Gory stuff ... and I tried to spare you the worst of the gore, but good for some laughs if you don't take it seriously.

First up is Christy Brown, underwear and topless with a blade thru the gut.

Christy before her demise topless with a topless Jill Rao.
Christine Cuerca, underwear and as a "BIB" who loses her hands.
Michelle Miller, buns and boobs.
Kristi Polite, "BIB" who gets her throat slit.
Jill Rao, bra & panties and a "BIB" with another throat slashing.
Cindy Roubal, short skirt and "BIB" getting scalped.




Today we conclude our uncoverage of "Performance" (1970 or rather 1968 since the film took 2 years to find a distributor). This film is yet another witness of the late 1960's period. It was co-directed by Nicolas Roeg while Mick Jagger played the lead role.

After Ann Sidney yesterday, it's up to Anita Pallenberg and Michèle Breton to provide us with bare skin. What is a real shame here is the fact that, at least according to the IMDb, the parts these two actresses play were initially to be occupied by Mia Farrow and Tuesday Weld. An opportunity missed, that's what I call it.
Performance, not yet available on DVD to my knowledge, is rated 6.8/10 in the IMDb based on over 900 votes. Even more surprising is the fact that over 27% awarded this film 10/10 and that very few people rated it lower than 6. My guess is that this off-beat film only appeals to its specific target audience and practically nobody else. As there are too many votes for the score to be rigged, a lack of cross-over appeal seems the only plausible explanation for those high marks.
But let us now take a look at the bare facts. You've got 7 clips to choose from (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7). In some clips there is only one of the two girls but bear in mind that Anita Pallenberg is the blond one while Michèle Breton is the dark-haired one and you'll have no trouble knowing who's who.



Marina Glezer - El Polaquito  
Patsy Kensit in 1990's Timebomb  
Candice Michele in Province 77  



Vincent Gallo's sperm is back on the market. (Allegedly)

I-Mockery has fun with the outlandish film, Ichi The Killer

Richard Dreyfuss and Ron Jeremy - together at last.

Michelin's first-ever guide to NYC restaurants gives some a bad taste.

The trailer for Half Light, an R-rated supernatural thriller starring Demi Moore

  • I had never heard of this film. It is going straight to DVD, and is rated R, but I don't know any nudity details. Mr Skin had no info either.
  • Demi Moore stars as Rachael Carson, a successful mystery writer whose life is shattered following the accidental drowning of her 5-year-old son. Knowing she desperately needs solitude and rest, her best friend rents Rachel a secluded cottage in a remote fishing village. But instead of a peaceful retreat, Rachel finds herself caught up in a supernatural murder mystery that rocks the tranquil town and threatens Rachel's fragile sanity - and her life - in this spooky suspense thriller.

Seven clips from Pride and Prejudice

Whatever happened to ... Joey Buttafuoco?

SHAKESPEARE IN LUST! "History's greatest playwright was more indecent than Howard Stern." Although this is from Weekly World News, it is more-or-less true, or rather a combination of truth and speculation.

Mr. Twig has the new South Park episode.

Baghdad Trick or Treating goes awry

The trailer for Match Point. Woody Allen directed this, but you would never guess it from the trailer. Looks like new ground for the Woodman.

I'm gonna haveta go ahead and sorta suggest that you watch Inside the DVD: the Office Space: Special Edition

  • (Includes Gary Cole telling about how he created Lumbergh, plus a deleted scene)

Pee Wee Herman trying to pitch two new movies. (Or he could just work his character into Rocky VI)

The L.A. Times has created a site (The Envelope) for no purpose other than to document showbiz awards

Now - at last - there's Hot Dogs for Homophobes

Two trailers for Master of the Crimson Armor, an Asian period fantasy.

The trailer for Lonesome Jim, a small-town, working-class drama directed by Steve Buscemi

David Schwimmer and Janeane Garofalo - together at last! The trailer for Duane Hopwood -

  • David Schwimmer stars as "Duane Hopwood," a down-on-his-luck divorced father who works the night shift as a pit boss at Caesars Palace in Atlantic City. Heartsick about the demise of his marriage to Linda (Janeane Garofalo), Duane does nothing much in his daily life but work and drink. When his visitation rights are threatened after he's caught driving while intoxicated with his daughter in the backseat, Duane confronts the realization that the time has come to get his life back on track before he loses everything. A moving and humorous look at the limits of unconditional love, what defines a family, and how we're all responsible for our own happiness, "Duane Hopwood" was written and directed by Matt Mulhern.

An American Haunting - starring Donald Sutherland, Sissy Spacek - Trailer

The official blurb:

  • Based on "The Bell Witch: An American Haunting" by Brent Monahan. Known throughout Tennessee as "Old Kate," the Bell Witch took up residence with John Bell's family in 1818. It was a cruel and noisy spirit, given to rapping and gnawing sounds before it found its voices. With these voices and its supernatural acts, the Bell Witch tormented the Bell family. This extraordinary book recounts the only documented case in U.S. history when a spirit actually caused a man's death. The local schoolteacher, Richard Powell, witnessed the strange events and recorded them for his daughter. Members of the Bell family have previously provided information on this fascinating case, but this book recounts the tale with novelistic vigor and verve. It is truly chilling.

U.S. PLANS TO MAKE BIRDS OBESE ... Would Slow the Spread of Avian Flu, President Asserts

  • The president said that he personally developed the strategy for slowing the spread of the deadly flu after realizing that “obesity is America’s secret weapon in the battle for global health.”

Are G-rated films going too far?

  • I don't know, I think it's OK to show small children terrifying images of sharks and shotgun-wielding rednecks. Just as long as there is no chance they will see a breast or hear about evolution.

Welcome to Weiswatchers - To hell with watching your weight; watch Weis's weight instead!

L.A. Lap Dance Battle Continues in Courts

  • Fuck Roe v Wade. Let's find out where Alito stands (or sits) on this issue.

Kelly Brook naked in "Three". This movie stars Billy Zane and - guess what - he's on a sinking ship for the fourth time in his career! (Dead Calm, Titanic, Cleopatra, Three)

Report: Yanks tell A-Rod to avoid illegal poker clubs.

  • A-Rod's agent replies, "The Yankees have never addressed or spoken with me in regard to any off-field activities regarding Alex Rodriguez. And the Yankees have never spoken to Alex regarding any of his off-field activities."
  • That's a pretty direct denial, not the usual weasel-words, so something is wrong here, but I don't know what.

Tony Blair's past life as a wannabe rock and roll star with shaggy hair and lurid underwear is to be exposed in a comedy documentary.

  • He wanted to be Jim Morrison, but had to take the consolation prize - running the U.K.

Colbert Report: Monica Crowley... Monica and Stephen's topic: Second term scandals -- myth or fiction?

Colbert Report: The Death of Rocktober ... "Is it the end of pounding beats, grinding guitars, and single-syllable lyrics about boobs and elves?"

Colbert Report: Ramadan vs. Halloween. "Both are important holidays that involve ritual and tradition. But which one wins?"

Colbert Report - Camilla Mania! (Prince Charles and Camilla visit America)

Senator Boxer refuses to tell the Daily Show whether the Senate has Jell-o fights behind closed doors

The Daily Show: "On Tuesday the Senate was shut down and you know what that means - Senate Sex Party!!!"

"Will Alito get the Supreme Court nomination? Jon Stewart puts him through the Robe-inator 6000."

The Daily Show's Nate Corddry takes a look at the hot new trend everyone's talking about: poverty.

Jon Stewart talks about the new Supreme Court nominee

For sale: the Albanian Air Force

  • Complete record: no kills, except the 35 pilots killed in accidents and malfunctions. The record improved a bit after 1991, because (I'm not kidding) they could no longer afford fuel.

The first eight minutes of National Lampoon's Adam and Eve

Did you know? Singer Johnny Mathis was called “the best all-around athlete to come out of the San Francisco Bay Area”.

Conductor Skitch Henderson Dies at Age 87

  • You older guys will remember that he was Johnny's bandleader before Doc. He was also the bandleader for two previous Tonight hosts, Jack Paar and Steve Allen.

Warren Beatty in radio attack on California governor Schwarzenegger

That's My Bush! Larry and George try to put the Bush family cat to sleep using a douche.

  • This episode was possibly the greatest thing Matt and Trey have ever written. Such a brilliant parody of 50ish sitcoms. Laura overhears George talking about the family pussycat, and assumes George is talking about her own "persqueeter"
  • "And say what? That she's gettin' so old the smell is makin' me sick? [Laura assumes he's talking about her and gasps] Not to mention, it makes the strangest noises. Its hair's all gnarly and gross. You know, Karl, it's gettin' to the point where every time I see it I wanna puke!"
  • Laura goes to her doctor to "take care of the problem," so George thinks she's putting the cat to sleep.
  • Laura comes back with a douche, and George figures that's how you put a cat to sleep ... and that's where the video takes over.
  • Here's the complete transcript

Tyco Execs In The Slammer - Mug Shots at The Smoking Gun

Kirk vs Picard - the argument finally settled.

Hollywood after the Anal. Hole again

  • Under a new proposed Analog Hole bill, it will be illegal to make anything capable of digitizing video unless it either has all its outputs approved by the Hollywood studios, or is closed-source, proprietary and tamper-resistant.

"Google Inc. will resume scanning copyrighted library books into its search engine "

Internet killed the newspaper stars. It's amazing that newspapers have not fallen faster.



Notorious B.U.S.H. - President Bush picked up two unlikely defenders this week.  Gangsta rapper 50 Cent said he doesn't know where Kanye West got the idea that New Orleans was flooded because Bush doesn't like black people, since the hurricane was an act of God and no man could've prevented it. Also, Mike Tyson told Jimmy Kimmel that he likes Bush and is more of a Republican than a Democrat; but mostly because he has no money left, and Republicans throw better parties.

*  Every time Democrats accuse Bush of defending the gun industry, rappers like him more.

Talk About "The Big Lie!" - Newly-released World War II documents from British archives revealed that Allied leaders feared the war coalition would be undone by British prostitutes.  Some U.S. soldiers complained that London hookers constantly accosted them and robbed them when they were drunk.  U.S. generals feared a VD outbreak, and Churchill worried that Germans would score a propaganda coup by portraying Britain as a decadent nation of immoral women preying on men for sex.

*  That would've been a propaganda miracle!
*  On the other hand, we won the war because the French hookers wore out the Nazis.
*  It did make for some great stories when kids asked, "What did you do in the war, daddy?'

Blame The Soviet Flight School - Albania is scrapping its air force of Soviet MiG fighter jets.  Over the years, the MiGs never killed a single enemy, but managed to kill 35 Albanian pilots.  A general said, "If anyone wants to buy them, they are welcome."  He added that there had been some interest from Western entrepreneurs who want to turn them into theme bars.

*  That may be sort of what the pilots did.
*  They'd make a great place to drink until you crash.
*  Their house cocktail will be the Kamikaze.

Creep-Me-Out Elmo - Mattel thinks their hottest toy this year will be another version of Elmo, the furry red Muppet from "Sesame Street," only this one's more advanced that those that danced or liked to be tickled. This one is called "Knows-Your-Name Elmo."  It has computer technology that is programmed when you buy it, so when your child unwraps it and takes it out of the box, it calls the kid by name.

*  The child then screams and screams until he passes out.
*  He also knows your address, so don't try to return him, or he'll find you.
*  "Knows-Your-Name Elmo" was chosen over its original name, "Twilight Zone Elmo."

See, Mom Was Telling The Truth! - An Oxford study of women in Bangladesh found that having several sons can undermine a woman's health and shorten her life.  Sons are heavier and stress the woman's body more; plus they raise their mothers' levels of testosterone, which ages the immune system. And in less developed societies, daughters help their mothers while sons wear them out by needing constant care.

*  Less developed societies, like ours...
*  For instance, they want to be breastfed until they're 30.
*  They're just learning how to be husbands.
*  Of course, in those countries, women who have only daughters die of shame.
*  Fathers of daughters die of heart attacks when their daughters' dates show up at the door.

Explain Susan Sarandon: She Has No Estrogen - Researchers at the University of St. Andrews in England proved for the first time that women with higher levels of estrogen are more attractive.  Photos of 59 women were shown to men, and those with higher levels of estrogen were rated higher.  Estrogen gives a woman more feminine features, such as a smaller nose and chin, large eyes, thicker lips, and fat in the cheeks, hips and buttocks.  They believe men instinctively find these women attractive because their features announce that they are fertile.

*  And that's what every man looks for in a hot chick: one who'll get pregnant immediately.
*  But mostly because their breasts are bigger.
*  Or maybe if women looked like that, men assumed they'd had so much plastic surgery, they must be rich.

It Attracts Paula Abdul - Prof. Timothy Holy of Washington University discovered that male mice sing to attract female mice.  Using ultrasound technology, he recorded the mice singing in high-pitched chirps similar to birdsongs.  He said it's not clear whether singing helps the male mouse attract females.

*  Mickey's been doing it for 70 years, and Minnie still hasn't slept with him.
*  In fact, those might be gay mice singing show tunes.
*  Singing like mice helped the Bee Gees attract a lot of females.

Girls Are Dumb! - In a BBC survey of 2,000 7-to-11-year-old children, more than a quarter said they don't want to get married because they see marriage as "pointless" and think it will lead to a life of boredom.

*  And then, puberty hits...
*  On the bright side, this shows they're actually listening to their parents.
*  They'd just prefer to have lots of meaningless sex...Possibly with R. Kelly.
*  In West Virginia, 11-year-olds don't want to get married because they don't want to be like their 13-year-old sisters.

House Wife - Deborah Hale of Washington Park, Colorado, has her house for sale on eBay at an opening bid of $600,000, and her hand comes with it. She couldn't find love through blind dates or the Internet, so she's offering the house, plus herself as a wife.  eBay allowed it as long as the transaction was non-binding.  Hale said she's looking for a professional, aged 40 to 60.  She's willing to sell the house without marrying, or if someone likes her but not the house, she's open to that, too.  But one neighbor said that at $600,000, any man would be crazy to pass up the deal.

*  For $600,000, you get a great house, plus someone to clean it for free!
*  Both she and the house have had an Extreme Makeover!
*  You get a solid foundation and a nice big balcony, plus the house is well-built, too.
*  It's a trap: you buy the house and marry her, then she divorces you and keeps the house.

He Just Eyeballed It - Mischa Beutling, an engineering student at McMaster University in Hamilton, Ontario, Canada, is pleading not guilty to sexually assaulting a female friend who spent the night with him after drinking at a bar, on grounds that his penis is just too big.  He gave the judge a plastic model that he claims is similar to his organ in a semi-relaxed state, measuring 8.5 inches long and 6.5 inches in girth.  He compared his to a "two-by-four," saying if he'd assaulted her, it would have caused major injuries.  The female prosecutor scoffed, "It's hardly a 2x4," and noted that Beutling had not actually measured his own penis.

*  I object!  ALL men have measured their own penises!
*  It really is a 2x4, only it's two by four inches.
*  Her cross-examination really will be an examination...He was afraid this would come up in court.
*  They also found his footprints at the crime scene, size 5-1/2.

Poor Sap - Stephen Bain of Brattleboro, Vermont, has six prior felony convictions and could be branded a habitual offender.  If so, he might face life in prison because he's been convicted of stealing 75 gallons of maple syrup and selling it to a wholesaler.

*  In Vermont, stealing syrup is like stealing horses in Texas: they get a rope.
*  If he'd known his life was over anyway, he would've just drunk it and died happy.

Pick Carefully, It's A Low Budget Show - Fox is planning a holiday reality special called "Dear Santa."  The US Post Office will pick some of the most moving letters sent to Santa Claus and deliver them to the Fox Network to grant the writer's wishes.

*  This being Fox, if a kid asks for a kitten and a doll, she'll get a Pussycat Doll.
*  Unfortunately, it will take the Post Office at least three months to deliver them.
*  Do kids still write to Santa, or do they send their wish lists directly to Oprah?

Martha Stewart's Next Gig - "Fear Factor" is planning a special edition in which all the contestants will be former participants in other reality shows, including "Survivor," "The Apprentice" and "American Idol."

*  If they make Omarosa and Justin Guarini eat horse rectums, this could be the highest-rated show of the year.
*  It features their most fearsome challenge yet: listening to William Hung sing.
*  Here's my Christmas wish: "Dear Santa, Please keep this show off the air..."

As A Buddhist, Madonna Forgives Her - Sharon Osbourne told GQ magazine that her three nightmare dinner guests would be Mick Jagger, Bryan Ferry and Madonna.  She said she hates Madonna's Kabbalah fixation so much, "I would like to punch her.  She is so full of (BLEEP!)  She's into Kabbalah one minute, she's a Catholic the next.  She'll be a Hindu soon, no doubt."

*  I think she already was, but only for one album.
*  Heavy metal stars have religious integrity: when they become Satanists, they STAY Satanists!
*  Ozzy just hates any dinner guests who won't eat fried bat.

You Had Me At The Commercial Breaks - Renee Zellweger's annulment from country singer Kenny Chesney gave him the worst pain a man can feel.  He told Life magazine that losing her was like "having someone come in and take your big-screen TV off the wall during the big game, and there's nothing you can do about it."

*  Actually, she walked out while he was watching the big game, and he didn't notice.
*  He should be glad it wasn't a divorce: he might've actually lost the TV!
*  She mistakenly thought that when he talked in sports metaphors, he was being romantic and quoting "Jerry McGuire."

Liberals Were Shaken To Their Foundations - According to the new book, "Do As I Say (Not As I Do)," Michael Moore brags that he doesn't own a single share of stock, but his foundation owns tens of thousands of shares of big oil, HMOs, pharmaceuticals and even his favorite target, Haliburton.

*  So it's true: he doesn't own a SINGLE share of stock.
*  He's now camped outside his own house, waiting to ambush himself.
*  This would be like finding out that Rush Limbaugh takes drugs!



Here are the latest movie reviews available at

  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.

  • A white asterisk means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there is something else of interest.

  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan or ICMS, or somebody else besides me)

  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.