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* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).
* White asterisk:
expanded format.
*
Blue asterisk: not mine.
No asterisk: it probably
sucks.
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OTHER CRAP:
Catch the deluxe
version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles,
here.
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Caligula: the Untold Story
(1982)
This was Joe D'Amato's attempt to capitalize on the publicity
caused by the Tinto Brass film. One morning, Caligula (David
Brandon), decides to rape virgin Fabiola Toledo in front of her
boyfriend. When she tries to stab him, he kills both of them. This pisses
off Laura Gemser who was close to the
girl, so Laura decides to infiltrate the palace and kill Caligula.
Meanwhile, he is planning a little urban renewal and needs cash
investors, so he throws a fundraising party, and recruits a bunch of
women, including the vestal virgins, Laura Gemser, and Ulla Luna to
put the guests in a giving mood. Caligula falls for Gemser, and she
in turns falls for Little Boots and elects not to kill him, after
realizing that all of Cali's random killing and raping is just
because he's misunderstood or something.
Of course, you can't make a Caligula film with a happy ending.
Yes, Caligula is nasty here, but Gemser
slept through a role in which her character arc made no sense to
begin with. The weak narrative might have sufficed for an
exploitation film, but there are no real guilty pleasures to speak
of: there is
not that much nudity or simulated sex, and the gore is mostly implied.
To top it all off, the poor quality of the film is compounded by an
abysmal DVD. The English dub is awful and this is one of the worst transfers I have ever seen, obviously
having been created from a poor VHS copy. To compensate for the poor
quality, the transfer is oversaturated to such an extent that
there's more bright pink and robin's-egg blue than a baby shower on
Easter morning.
This is an easy F on our scale, incompetent in every possible
way.
IMDb: 3.5
Laura Gemser shows breasts. Fabiola Toledo does full frontal
while being raped standing with her back to a tree. That must have a
6X degree of difficulty, raping a virgin standing up. Ulla Luna
shows breasts as well.
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Notes and collages
The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas
part 4 of ?
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Mr Bean's Holiday
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Hostel: Part II
Writer/Director Eli Roth does it again, and if you're a fan of 2005's
Hostel, there's no reason not to like 2007's Hostel: Part II. In fact, you
may like it better.
The storyline is faithful to the original, but with some nice
differences. This time, three American girls are lured to a hostel by a
friendly European woman. Instead of the promised good time, they step into
hell.
In the original, the victims were young men, in this one, young women,
but the basic theme is the same. However, the ending is much twistier and
more interesting than the first one, in my opinion.
Like the original, Hostel: Part II is first-rate horror, about as gory
and disgusting as they could possibly make it, and if that's your cup of
tea, as it is mine, then you're gonna like it (in a sick and twisted way).
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| Bijou
Phillips |
Heather
Matarazzo |
Monika
Malacova |
others |
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The Comedy Wire
Thursday, court papers related to Britney Spears' custody
dispute were released, and they revealed how a pop superstar spends her money.
Britney makes about $737,000 a month. Out of that, she pays $35,000 in spousal
and child support to K-Fed and $49,267 in mortgages for her own two homes. She
spends $16,000 a month on clothes; $102,000 on entertainment, gifts and
vacations; and even though she always seems to be eating cheap fast food, she
spends $4,758 a month dining out. She also gives $500 a month to charity, and
spends zero on education, savings and investments.
* Also zero on voice lessons, gym memberships, dance
classes and panties.
* That still leaves nearly $530,000, which is split equally between Jose Cuervo
and the nation of Colombia.
A Scottish scientist proved people could sleep through anything by taping their
eyes open while lights flashed, loud music played and they were given electrical
shocks. They still fell asleep within 12 minutes...
* The music was Barry Manilow.
* The experiment was conducted during a John Kerry
speech.
Two Pennsylvania researchers tested the intensity of the male turkeys' sex drive
by slowly dismantling a model of a female turkey until the males lost interest.
They were still mating with it when it was just a head on a stick...
* This also explained why men get excited over fashion
models.
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