"Naked Jane"

Naked Jane (1995) was a first effort from writer, director, editor Linda Kandel that was first screened at Sundance. It is decidedly an art film, but manages to be intriguing. It is basically the story of a dysfunctional woman (Renee Stahl) who types for a living, writes in her spare time, and is trying o get over the death of her father, and a long separation from her model boyfriend. Her life suddenly gets more interesting when she meets another man.

She half narrates the story, and it is all about knowing what is going on in her head. This is a very unique view of a woman in transition, and Kandel obviously knew her character very well. Stahl, in her first credited role, managed to become a sympathetic character, and showed all of her body parts along the way. Barbara Planck, as a stripper, also turned in a 3 B performance. Peta Wilson also appeared in a small role early in her career.

A very few IMDb readers have this at 8.1 of 10, which only shows that mainstream viewers have stayed away so far. Some of the photography is lovely, and I enjoyed the intimate portrait of this woman. It was also a plus that you had to figure it out as you went along, rather than being spoon fed the plot points. This is a C+ as an art house film, but many of you will want to skip it.

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  • Barbara Planck (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
  • Renee Stahl (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34)
  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    The Soft Kill (1994):

    I wrote of this film yesterday. Mediocre movie, maybe worse than mediocre, but there are two highlights worth seeing: (1) Michael Harris's never-seen sex scene with the mysterious Judith Ziehn (2) Carrie-Anne Moss's first screen nudity.

    Here are some film clips of those two scenes in convenient .zipped .wmv format.

    • Carrie-Anne Moss. What a shame that Carrie-Anne never showed her incredible breasts straight on in good light. At the 1994 stage in her life, they were full and round and just magnificent. I suppose it is too late now. What a loss!

    • Judith Ziehn and Michael Harris. Some crazy, frenetic softcore action which had no place in the film at all, and which nobody seems to have seen until now. Harris's dick even makes some guest appearances as the two of them act out the Kama Sutra in a scene eerily similar to the puppet sex scene in Team America.



    Paradise (1982):

    Phoebe Cates and Willie Aames play two young teens who are on a caravan between Baghdad and Damascus in the early 19th century. The caravan is attacked by marauders, and the two teens end up as the only survivors. Their escape does not please the Evil Arab Ransacking Dude, because he is a white slaver, and the main reason he attacked the caravan was to get Phoebe Cates in the first place. Of course, before he sells her, he plans to  ... well, you know.

    The two teens miraculously live through their solo trek in the desert, and they eventually settle down and build magnificent living quarters out of palm fronds and dates. Evil Arab Ransacking Dude pursues them, and captures Cates, but Aames rescues her, and they run off to create an even more impressive camp out of sand and coconuts. This time they settle on the coast of the Mediterranean, which is no simple matter when one considers the precise route from Baghdad to Damascus. They learn about sex, they adopt a family of chimps, they encounter the Evil Arab Ransacking Dude again, and ...

    Oh, who am I kidding? There is really only one reason for this film to exist - Phoebe Cates gets naked constantly. She showers naked under several different waterfalls, walks naked around their deluxe hut, swims naked near colorful coral reefs, bathes naked in lagoons, wades naked in the Mediterranean, has sex with Willie Aames ...

    I guess some of you may also enjoy looking at Willie Aames naked. I know when I used to watch Aames and Van Patten in Eight is Enough, I'd think to myself, I gotta see willie and dick, if you catch my drift, but that was a deeply troubled time in my life. Strangely enough, my dream has been deferred once more, since Willie's willie has been digitally blurred in every scene on the Asian DVD. The IMDb says that this was simply done in the DVD mastering process.

    Phoebe Cates certainly made an interesting, unique contribution to cinema nudity. Basically, she spent the entire year of 1982 naked (this film plus Fast Times at Ridgemont High), and then kept her clothes on for the rest of her career, which was only about a dozen years. Then she retired to raise a family, and hasn't really been seen on screen with or without clothing for a decade. So her entire collection of nude scenes was packed into a single year. But what a year! It is possible to argue that her nudity in this film is the all-time summit of celebrity nudity in film. She was 19 years old and as cute as a button, she looked even younger and sufficiently virginal to fulfill any man's schoolgirl fantasies (no wonder this film went to DVD in Japan before any other country!), her body was flawless and natural, and there was no tease. She showed everything again and again.

    There is one other positive feature of this film: the locations and cinematography are interesting. The director found some beautiful locations in the desert, and the cinematographer did a great job on photographing them, as he did on photographing Phoebe.

    The rest of the film? Well, the story is ridiculous and maudlin, and their co-stars are a family of chimps. The acting is terrible. The Arab guys are one-dimensional villains. Phoebe herself is simply not that good an actress, but she seems like Siobhan McKenna compared to Willie Aames. Come to think of it, the chimps seemed like the Royal Shakespeare Company compared to Willie Aames. I notice that the distinguished Lord Aames basically called it a career in 1986 or 87, except for a couple of Eight is Enough Reunion shows, and has been living in Portland.

    In 1999, he tried a bit of a showbiz comeback by writing and directing and starring in Bible Man, "a Christian video series designed for children ages 3-9," who are presumably too young to criticize his acting. That series of videos then expanded into a Bibleman road show, which Aames starred in until 2003, when he announced that he would be stepping down from the part of Bibleman in the touring production in order to spend more time with his family. Presumably to enjoy his kids while they are still too young to realize he sucks.


    Other Crap:


    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap




    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.


    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

    NOTE: because of a unique combination of circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a picture. When you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.

    I know this is not especially convenient, but it allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips altogether.


    Diane Keaton tribute - Day 1

    Long before Something's Gotta Give, Diane showed some skin in Looking for Mr Goodbar. We haven't discussed this much, since the film has never been issued on DVD, but it was probably Diane's sexiest role.

    Here are the first two clips.



    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.


    Words, pictures, and vids from ICMS

    Hi Scoopy !
    Just a short update on this election day. Don't worry, it won't be about politics.
    I've almost (just a few extras left) worked my way through the entire 10 disk box set of Xena Warrior Princess Season 4 (Region 1). Unfortunately there was't much happening in the nudity department. Only Hudson Leick, who was in just one episode, showed a bit of her bum in "The Ides of March" in which we learn that Xena was behind the murder of Caesar, and gives us a nipple peak in the photo gallery on disk one.
    The best part should have been in the bloopers on disk 8. Rob Tapert, the show's producer, tells us in the extras that there's a scene in which Renee O'Connor ended up completely naked in front of the cameras due to an error of a crew member. He wanted to include this scene, although with Renee's naughty bits blurred, but his wife Lucy Lawless vetoed it. And Rob probably didn't want an argument with Xena.
    So I had to choose another clip of a clothed Renee from the bloopers that is particularly fit for this election day, certainly now that both candidates are equal in the polls. You see, Gabrielle has to say to some local dude in charge: "Looks like now you're gonna get a real election". Let's watch how Renee stuffs this one up, shall we. 
    So just to be on the safe side guys, don't stand to close in line to the person in front of you when you're going to vote.
    That's all for now.
    Yours faithfully,
    Graphic Response
    • Alice Krige aka "The Borg Queen". Here she is topless (and looking pretty darn good nekkid at age 43!) in a scene from "Habitat" (1997).

    • "Dead Like Me" co-star Laura Harris also looking terrific topless in scenes from "Habitat".

    • One more of Laura Harris. This time we see her baring breasts and bum in a very dark nude scene from the 1998 Robert Rodriguez movie "The Faculty".

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Cleaning up a few loose ends:

    Ashley St. Jon and a bunch of unknowns (cindy, shelley, the bachelorette and the policewoman) in Stag Party.

    Stills of Brinke Stevens, Linnea Quigley and Michelle Bauer in the DVD extas of Nightmare Sisters.

    A whole mess more of Victoria Zdrok in Satin Smoke and a few of Shannon Leahy.

    And last up is a correction of an error in judgement: I ALWAYS check The Bare Facts for movies I cap, but when I capped the clips of Test Tube Teens From the Year 2000 I just plain forgot. So once again, here are two collages of nekkid shower babes...this time labeled correctly.

    Heather Graham Coming to DVD December 14! Graham stuffs her big'uns into a tight little top, plus we also see a tad of rear/side breast exposure in these scenes from "Blessed".

    Holly Eglington Playing a brass pole enthusiast complete with silly-cones and thong views. These scenes are from the Canadian movie "Whitecoats" aka "Intern Academy", written and directed by SCTV star Dave Thomas. Currently there is no release date info at IMDb.

    Jennifer Jason Leigh Now playing in theaters! Here is Leigh topless in scenes from "The Machinist". The buzz about this movie of course involves Christian Bale's extreme weight loss. He dropped just over 60 pounds to get down to 130! Keep in mind that he is 6'2" and was previously solid muscle. You can see Bale shirtless here, and his ribs are poking through his skin.

    Joanne Kelly, Mayko Nguyen and an Unknown From another Canadian movie without a US release date...here are scenes from "Going the Distance" (2004). Kelly shows a far off thong view, the other two are briefly topless.

    Angelica Domröse Showing all 3 B's in scenes from "Die Verfehlung" (1992).

    Katharina Abt A single breast is exposed as she takes a bubble bath in scenes from an episode of the German TV series "Die Albertis".

    Katharina Schüttler Full frontal nudity from the German actress in scenes from "Sophiiiie!" (2002).

    Katja Woywood Brief, but very nice views of all 3 B's in scenes from the German series "Die Wache" episode: "Schwarzer Panther".

    Maria Valeta Toplessness and rear nudity on an episode of "Wahre Liebe".

    Nina Proll The Austrian actress topless in scenes from "Ternitz, Tennessee" (2000).

    Sabine Vitua Toplessness in scenes from "Klinik unter Palmen - Kuba".

    Jennifer Love Hewitt
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Vejiita 'caps of Hewitt in her undies and showing some partial side breast views (link #6) in scenes from "If Only" (2004).

    Francesca Neri
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    Señor Skin 'caps of the "Collateral Damage" and "Hannibal" co-star going topless and showing a bit of bum in scenes from the Spanish film "Carne trémula" aka "Live Flesh", directed by Pedro Almodóvar.

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Quaking With Indignation - The Philadelphia Inquirer reports that former Miss Arkansas and Hef-mag centerfold Myra Belle Miller is suing the West Chester Meeting of Friends, a Quaker organization for which she worked as director of fundraising and PR. She claims she was subjected to sexual harassment and religious discrimination after Miller admitted in 1992 to having once had a three-month affair with Bill Clinton. She says she was fired after complaining to the EEOC.

  • They directed her to the department that handles all the women who've had affairs with Bill Clinton.
  • This is ridiculous...What former Miss Arkansas HASN'T had an affair with Bill Clinton?!
  • If we start firing women just because they've slept with Bill Clinton, no work will ever get done.
  • So the posing nude, the Quakers had no problem with?

    Cherry Pop - Severina Vuckovic, a top Croatian pop star with a prim, religious image, asked that a video of her having sex with a married business tycoon be played in court. She's suing a porn website that posted the stolen tape, which has now been downloaded 10 million times. She wants it shown in court to prove they violated her copyright. The owner of the porn site also wants it shown, but to prove she shows no "new sexual art" that hasn't been seen before in the porn industry and is therefore copyrightable.

  • In fact, everybody wants it shown, except the married business tycoon.
  • He claims that all her sexual positions were copied from Madonna.
  • Paris Hilton could've told her: ALWAYS copyright your sex tapes!

    Thong Songs - The new album by the British rock group The Darkness was paid for by thongs. The band has sold so much merchandise, including black G-strings with their logo at $18 (US) each, that they made enough money to pay for recording the album and going on tour, even if they sell no records. The music merchandising website Recordstore.com calls it "a new business model."

  • Nothing is better for sales than combining a new model and a G-string.
  • In fact, they may stop recording albums completely and go into the lingerie business.

    Dress As A Hobbit And Sing "The Time Warp" - On two weekends in November at London's Imax theater, the British Film Institute will show the entire "Lord of the Rings" trilogy in one marathon, overnight showing. The manager said, "The idea is for cinema goers to be able to spend an entire night in Middle Earth."

  • These people spend their entire lives in Middle Earth.
  • It's not like they've got anyplace better to spend the night... like with a woman.