States of Control (1998) is arty and pretentious, very talky, has no real plot, and no clear point that I could see, and is a terrible transfer with nearly no color. Interestingly, the trailer looks ok. Jennifer Van Dyck is the focus of the film, and shows her breasts twice. As the film opens, she is experimenting with sleep deprivation, and says that she fills in what she doesn't like about her life with fantasy. I gathered that nothing that followed was necessarily true. The rest of the film has her doing one strange thing after another. She is not happy with her snobbish and impotent husband, she is fascinated by the director and the author of a play that the theater she works in is doing, spends time saying profound but nonsensical things to her girlfriends, leaves her husband, has an affair, then builds a bomb, blows up a New York Porn shop, and escapes into the woods.

Ok, I can buy all that, but then she picks up her snub nosed 38 for the first time, and shoots a rabbit in the head for dinner. Some critics compare it to Antonioni, I compare it to toxic waste. F.

Gunblast Vodka is a really fucked-up French-Polish film in English, starring Angie Everhart, who stays dressed.

Are you ready for this? It is a flippant, cavalier comedy about the snuff film industry. I suppose it is probably the Citizen Kane of snuff film comedies.

One of the 15-20 worst movies I've ever encountered, not to mention one of the oddest. One would have to question the sanity of its makers.

• Anyway, here's the (anonymous) nudity:

Here are my all-time favorites, in no special order other than that Glam is worst. I have actually made it through the others. I can't do it with Glam, and I don't think anybody ever has. Of all the people I've shown it to, the record was five minutes before asking me to shut it off.

• Glam
• Gunblast Vodka
• Mother and Son
• Going Overboard (2.0 at IMDb)
• High Strung
• The Loss of Sexual Innocence
• Barn of the Naked Dead
• Arizona Werewolf
• Manos, the Hands of Fate (1.6 at IMDb)
• Gummo
• Dead Babies
• Yor, Hunter from the Future
• Island of the Dead.
• Last Year at Marienbad
• The Godmonster of Indian Flats
• Greaser's Palace
• Don't Touch the White Woman

Don't go out and rent these thinking they would be fun to watch. If a movie is so bad it's good, I consider that entertainment, and leave it off the list. These are movies that are sheer torture to watch. (The exception might be Greaser's Palace, which is on the borderline of "so strange it's almost good".)

A few of the movies on this list are worth watching for a couple of minutes just because people can't possible explain them to you until you've seen a little for yourself. There are no words to explain how bad or how odd they are.  Gunblast Vodka is in this general category, along with Don't Touch the White Woman.

(In Don't Touch the White Woman, General Custer battles the Indians in downtown Paris during the Nixon administration. Ol' Yellowhair is played by Marcello Mastroianni. Nuff said. That was odd, but a wacky comedy about the snuff film industry is getting into that same league)

Hard as Nails is a recently released straight-to-vid. OK - a good plot and a lot of action for what is basically just a titty flick, but a poor transfer. The quality of the film was awful. This is the second worst DVD I've ever had to work with, the other being Kill Cruise, that early Liz Hurley movie.  Since Tuna already wrestled with this just a coupe of days ago,  I just did Lorissa, and I shrunk the images to 240 lines in the hopes of creating something with a little different look from what Tuna already did.

• Lorissa McComas (1, 2, 3, 4)

There is no nudity in The Animal. Not much entertainment, either. It's kinda cute and sweet, sort of a modernization of the Flubber movies. It would be a cute movie for little kids, except it has some fairly raunchy jokes. Even those shouldn't put parents off too much. Schneider woos a goat, for example, but that's a scene more sentimental than anything else, and little kids would think that he just wants to pet the goat, not make it his carnal love-muffin. I think your ten year olds would probably get a kick out of the movie.

Oh, brother. Look at the Mariah Carey gallery at Fansites' section on the Radio Music Awards. Look at picture 22. It might be showing something. Only one problem. That's where they chose to put their copyright information

Titbits. (Yes, I know how to spell it)

• Memento has now generated $48 million in rental income and remains in the top 20 selling DVD's for the seventh straight week. Pretty good for a title that maxed out at $25 million at the domestic box office.

• DVD region 1 release date on Center of the World delayed until December 18th

• DVD region 1 release date on Baise-Moi is December 11th

• DVD region 1 release date on Dancing at the Blue Iguana is December 26th

LETTERS

Hey, Scoop. For your list of entertainers better at their second career: Mark Wahlberg is better at acting than at ... ahem ... rapping.

Yes - a great example. Wahlberg has surprised a lot of people, including me. He is a remarkably good, unaffected actor. He's not likely to take any of those typical Masterpiece Theater parts away from Rupert Everett, but he's really good at what he does

Scoop - a perfect example is Nat King Cole, who was famous as a singer but was an incredible jazz pianist. Many jazz fans think his success in vocal music was a great loss to jazz piano.

I have to take your word for it, but he must have been a pretty friggin' good pianist for you to make the comparison, because his singin' ain't so bad either! Most of the people we have talked about are on the list because they aren't that good at their primary career, but Cole is the only example which has been offered of a person excellent at the vocation that made him famous and even better at something else.

Of course, the all-time example is Michelangelo. He started out apprenticed to a painter, and as you know he was a pretty damned good one, but he turned out to be even better as a sculptor, probably the best that ever lived.

You know how old farts always say that music and athletes and everything else was better in their day? What do you think middle-aged people said when they saw Michelangelo's David and Pieta? Maybe something like - "Oh, that fuckin' Michelangelo can't sculpt for shit. Not like the sculptors when we were young."

Hey, Scoop. The theme from Benny Hill is now a Disco Tune. Click here.

Various

Melissa Stone
(1, 2, 3)

Melissa also reveals her breasts, but with much better exposure.

10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colors.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your bangs to make them grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
AND, the Number One thing only women understand

1. OTHER WOMEN