"The Erotic Dreams of Jeannie"
The Erotic Dreams of Jeannie (2004) is a Fred Onlin Ray erotic farce inspired by the I Dream of Jeannie TV show. He never believed a red blooded American male would refuse sex with Jeannie, and foxes that here. Jeannie was played by porn actress Nicole Sheridan, who, it turns out, can act. I found myself bored to tears during the seemingly endless simulated sex scenes, but really enjoying the few moments of plot and dialogue. Jeannie and her male counterpart were banished to containers in Moronico for having sex. Years centuries later, they are discovered by an Army major. He releases Jeannie, and his fiancee's girlfriend releases the male genie.
The girlfriend (Kennedy Johnston) is really after his money and is in a lesbian relationship with her roommate (Beverly Lynne). She tries to hide Jeannie and her bottle, but Jeannie escapes, and, after an episode with a dominatrix ( Dolorian), comes back to save the day. Dolorian and Lynne show breasts and buns, Johnston gives a 3 B performance, and Sheridan shows everything including open crotch shots.
IMDb has not yet heard of this masterpiece. Ray wrote this in three days, and shot it and another film, using the same actors, in one week. The DVD includes a feature length commentary with Ray and his wife. As a skinemax erotic farce, this one is very good, with all of the girl/girl/guy pairings possible, and lots of nudity, and hence a C+. I wish Ray had taken twice the budget, spent two weeks, and developed this as a comedy. What humor was there was very funny, and all of the cast were good enough to carry it off.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Last Rites (1988):
Could there be any more irritating thriller device
than this ...
One character says to another. "I just can't believe
that your running into me was a coincidence. I'm not stupid."
Then the first character, a male (in this case a priest), falls for
the second character (a gorgeous dancer), and forgets about the
perfectly sound logic that led him to make that statement in the
It is galling to me that the author actually knew the
biggest plot hole and, instead of changing it to something more
believable, actually inserted the criticism into the script, turning
one of the characters into a movie critic!
The precise situation in question was this. A woman
who had witnessed a murder went to confession, and it just so
happened that the priest was (1) the best friend of the murder
victim (2) the brother of the murderess! I suppose by having the
priest say "of all the confessionals in all the cities in all the
world, she had to walk into mine", the director was trying to defuse
a situation which could lead to some ugly comments, but he failed.
Roger Ebert made all the expected ugly comments anyway, then
proceeded to give the film a perfect score of NO stars.
As it probably deserved.
Roger Ebert also seemed to be offended by the
cavalier way in which the film used a priest's sexual indiscretions
to advance the plot. I suppose that point must have seemed more
important and more offensive in 1988, when Ebert wrote his review.
Now it seems that the Church would probably be relieved that the
priest's indiscretions involved a willing adult female. (On the
other hand, the dialogue also implies that the priest, when a young
man, lost his virginity to his evil Mafia sister. I know that the
Lord is all-forgiving, and that many priests must have pre-vow dirty
laundry, but I suppose the
Church still might be concerned about a film which portrays a priest
having committed incest
with his murderous teenage sister, even if it did happen before he
took his vows.)
There was actually one more plot hole as well - in
fact, a very
similar one - that bothered me even more than the one I described
above. After the
fortuitous confession, the woman agrees to meet with the priest. She does not
show up for their assignation, but a taxi driver shows up and brings
the priest to the dancer. It turns out
that the impoverished
dancer is living in a very nice artist's garret which is accented by
many beautiful naked paintings of her, pictures in the colorful
Mexican style, which encompass her
entire life from her puberty in Mexico to the present day in New York.
The artist and the dancer are living together in New York, and are from the same village
in Mexico. Logically enough, the priest asks
her if the artist is her lover, and she refuses to answer. He
then mutters some movie cliché like "if I'm going to help you, I need to
ask some hard questions." Yes, all that is true, but he never does
get the answer to that question, because if he had, there would have
been no movie!!! The artist remains unseen through another 65
minutes of plot twists that lead to the very Mexican village where
the artist and his model grew up.
Once again, the priest sees the plot hole, and asks
the right question, but
ignores it. (Meaning, of course, that the scriptwriter did the
same.) The priest never does follow up on that question. He never
does ask her why she needs a priest to take her back to her village
when she is living with a famous artist from that very village. Now
does it take a genius to figure out that the artist must figure into
the plot in some unmentioned way? If you really watch a lot of these
films, you might also figure out that the amazingly well-informed
taxi driver is more than he is pretending to be, particularly after
he conveniently fills in some missing plot exposition by giving the priest a
biography of the dancer, as the two men talk during the long ride
from the cathedral to the garret.
Why, it almost seems that that the taxi driver might
even be from the same part of Mexico, in fact that he might know the
dancer very well ... say, you don't think? ... NAH!!
I have no trouble forgiving a scriptwriter for
missing some details in a noir thriller. Raymond Chandler was
probably the all-time greatest writer of these types of stories, and
even the great Chandler screwed up some stuff in The Big Sleep so
badly that he couldn't remember who killed one of the characters
when he was asked that question by the director. To make matters
worse, he still couldn't figure it out when he re-read his own
story! Let's face it, it is very, very difficult to write these
stories, and the authors will make errors. That I can understand and
forgive. What tests my patience beyond the breaking point, however,
is when the author obviously knows he has two plot holes and tries
to bullshit around them instead of simply fixing them. That's just
In addition to logical gaps, the film has also all sorts
of editing and scripting failures. Characters are dropped.
Situations are resolved without explanation. In one scene, Daphne
Zuniga goes from having a towel wrapped around her, to reaching up
for the towel, and back to having the towel wrapped around her. The
editor simply inserted some footage into the wrong place, and nobody
And you are just not going to believe Daphne Zuniga's
on-again off-again Mexican accent. Although she looks like she might
be a beautiful (albeit exceptionally tall) Mexican woman, and her
father is Guatemalan so she may even speak Spanish, she was born and
raised in California, and that is obvious in the way she speaks
English. Ms. Zuniga is stunningly beautiful, and her acting for the
most part is workmanlike, but accents are obviously not her thing.
It's a very sloppy movie, in very many ways, and you probably want
to skip it unless you are really a genre nut.
- Daphne Zuniga (1,
. Now in her forties and still
beautiful, Daphne is now insisting that she will not do nudity, and has
always been too shy to do nude scenes. While it is obvious that
some of the nudity in this film could have been done by body
doubles (the last two collages and a shower scene not shown
here), it is equally obvious that some of it was done by
Zuniga (the other collages). I mean there is her face and there are her naughty bits
(breasts and pubic area), all in the same shot. I would sure as
hell like to hear her explanation for that.
Electoral Vote Summary from various sources, as of midnight
Les Choristes . Frankified version of Dead Poets
Society. French film about a sensitive new teacher at a strict
Astronomy for Halloween - the Ghost Head Nebula
Della Reese gets a rose named after her. Check out the
picture. If it were not labeled, I would not recognize it as
Can you speak geek?
Proof that there is at least one good scene in that Jimmy Fallon
quoteland.com - Quotations on every topic, by every author, and in
every fashion possible
Electoral-Vote.com calls it for Bush 280-243 today.
Strangely enough, it doesn't add up to 538 because they are
calling New Jersey undecided. (New Fuckin' Joisey!! Zogby said in
an interview yesterday that he doesn't even bother to poll there.)
This election is crazy, with battleground states switching every
day. They moved Colorado, Iowa and Ohio to Bush, but moved
Minnesota, Pennsylvania and Florida to Kerry!
Religious leaders in Scandinavia are outraged by the decision to
chose scientologist star Tom Cruise to co-host the 2004 Nobel
Peace Prize concert in Norway.
Matthew McConaughey naked - a naked ghost - all you need is a set
of bongo drums and you have an evening of top-notch
Matthew-related entertainment. Man, this guy really has
to start cutting back on the hemp.
Bill O'Reilly has settled the lawsuit - but you can read every
word and juicy detail at The Smoking Gun
Top 12 Most Luddite Films of All Time - the Luddite Reader
The Top 10 Movies Made Better With Zombies.
Test your horror movie knowledge
- I laughed a lot when I watched this trailer, and put it on my
The trailer for Churchill: The Hollywood Years: A group
of U.S. movie moguls arrive in the UK to shoot a movie about the
great English wartime prime minister. On arrival for the first day
of the shoot, however, the filmmakers discover the actor playing
Churchill to be a plump, unattractive cigar smoker with an
impenetrably stuffy English accent - box office death - and decide
to replace him with a young good-looking American with an action
hero style and rugged one-liners.
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words from Scoop.
.avi's from Shiloh.
.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.
NOTE: because of a unique combination of
circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial
bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip
format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a
you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in
the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.
I know this is not especially convenient, but it
allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from
hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some
reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not
play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory
work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this
new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want
to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips
The Door in the Floor (2004)
Not the best quality, but here are Basinger's three
sex scenes in the John Irving adaptation
Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble
with the codecs for these movies:
FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use
DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use
virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the
vids says the video codec: DivX Decoder Filter & audio
codec: Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with.
When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG
Layer-3. A friend of mine told me about compressing the
audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been
capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this
info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp &
asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using
camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could
never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost
too much to buy in my opinion.
A reader says:
You mentioned that some users were
having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool
designed to determine what codec is needed for a video.
http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you
or your users.
I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9.
The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in
the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly
larger, and slightly lower quality.
Comments and vids by Striplight:
A couple of short but
sweet ones for you. (zipped .wmv files)
Hope you like them
NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.
Today the Ghost takes a look at one of the many sequels that we just couldn't live without..."Exterminator 2" (1984). The first one just left so many unanswered questions. Thank you Hollywood! At last, I have closure!
- Deborah Geffner, topless in a love scene.
- Deborah Geffner zipped .wmvs
'Caps and comments by Spaz:
First Wave: episode Book of Shadows
Obligatory halloween episode about a coven of teen witches.
Amber Rothwell had a similar role in an episode of Night Man.
Leap Years: episode 19
Obligatory episode with stag party featuring many topless strippers.
Leap Years: episode 20
This is the last episosde of the series which
had a collage of previous nudity at the end.
"Open Heart" (2004) (TV)
With the NHL strike the CBC is airing many of its movies early.
This weekend it's the docu-bio "Don Cherry: The Molson Years".
Mania: Episodes in Terror
Four segment anthology but only one has any nudity.
Cold Squad: season six finale
Typical cop tv series. Every second episode either has a hooker or a
"Prettykill" redux (1986)
The uncredited stripper has been identified as the canadian
hefmag model Lisa Heaughan.
||The young actress having a little lesbo fun, and showing partial breast views in the shower. Scenes from the UK series "Hex".
||Topless and getting felt up a bit in scenes from the made for HBO series "Carnivàle".
|Paris and Nicole
||FOX's dynamic duo barely dressed as usual on "The Simple Life 2".
'Caps and comments by Dann:
Let's get the criticism out of the way first. Frankenfish (2004) is a typical B-movie horror/comedy flick about genetically engineered fish who get loose and run amuck, killing everything in site. It's dumb, lame, and also a lot of fun.
When people start showing up dead in the Louisiana swamps, apparently eaten by something, a medical examiner and a wildlife expert are sent in to figure it out. It turns out the fish are a mutant type of Chinese Snakeheads, known to be vicious and able to leap onto land and live for extended periods.
The two experts team with locals living in the swamp to try and deal with the fish, but things go badly and people turn into fish food at an alarming rate. One line from the movie kind of says it all: "You look great for a girl covered in giant fish brains." Youbetcha.
Naturally, to make this a complete B-movie, the producers were kind enough to throw in some gratuitous nudity which was totally superfluous to the story, out of context, and made no sense, but hey, the boobs were big. A great choice for an evening when you're looking for a fun, no-brainer monster flick.
Another fantastic batch of HDTV 'caps featuring some of the highlights from prime time TV this week.
|All three ladies lookin' good on Thursday night's "CSI". Dedee link #2 and Danielle link #3 both feature lingerie.
|Sweaty and/or kinda wet in both (in a sexy way...after all it is TV). Lilly also stripped down to her bra again on Wednesday night's episode of "Lost" (#2).
||Rollergirl showing off some wonderful wonderbra cleavage on "Scrubs".
||The "Father of the Bride" star wearing a skin tight cat outfit for the Halloween episode of "According to Jim".
||All 3 B's are on display in scenes from the French movie "Flics de choc" aka "Shock Cops' (1983).
|Now here's something you don't see every day....topless scene from an early 80's Italian sword and sorcery flick! Señor Skin takes a look at 1983's "La Conquista" aka "Conquest".