"Spider Babe"

Spider Babe (2003) day two. Tonight, we have another flood of nudity from this Spiderman spoof, including:

Darian Caine, as Mundae's best friend/roomie. Darian shows everything.

Chesley Hampshire, as the Bungwhole reporter shows everything.

C. J. DiMarsico, as a Mundae fantasy girl, is naked, but all we see are her breasts.

Julian Wells, as a scientist and Caine's sister shows everything. She also becomes Spider Babe's nemesis.

Kelly Summers, as Wells "over paid eye candy" shows all three Bs.

Shelby Taylor, as the bee woman, shows everything

Tiffiny Sinclaire, as a mugging victim, briefly flashes her breasts.

It is very nice to see Surrender Cinema return to form with this new release. This is a clear C, with everything you watch a Misty Mundae film for.

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  • Chelsy Hampshire (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)

  • CJ DiMarsico (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

  • Darian Caine (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

  • Julian Wells (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)

  • Kelly Summers (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25)

  • Shelby Taylor (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

  • Tiffany Sinclair

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    • Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site is updated. Be sure to check out his new caps of Leonor Varela, the beautiful Chilean actress who is known in that States from playing Cleopatra in that movie with Dalton as Caesar and Zane as Antony


    Wide Sargasso Sea (1993):

    In our various discussions over the years, we have established an objective chick-flick measurement from the demographic breakdowns at IMDb. We subtract the male score from the female score. A chick-flick is one in which the average score awarded by females is at least one full point higher than the score awarded by males. One point may not sound like much, but even at the modest level of a one point difference, films exhibit some serious estrogen levels, as evidenced by the fact that Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, for example, scores +1.1 on this scale, while Beaches scores +1.4. This is a tough enough standard that Gone With The Wind does not even qualify as a chick-flick, with a score of "only" +0.7. As far as we had previously known, the all-time estrogen champion was Dirty Dancing, with 1.9, and that movie has such mystical power that many women will perform oral sex for hours on a man merely because he is willing to acknowledge (insincerely of course, but don't tell any women) that Dirty Dancing doesn't totally suck.

    Wide Sargasso Sea scores 2.6.

    How could it be otherwise? It is a prequel to Jane Eyre, which is the Dirty Dancing of novels. Wide Sargasso Sea reveals the story left previously unrevealed by Charlotte Bronte in Jane Eyre, the details of the first marriage of the dark, mysterious Mr Rochester to a woman in the Caribbean who eventually became the madwoman in his attic in England. Jean Rhys wrote the novel, and she was supremely qualified, not only because of her literary ability, but also because she grew up in the Caribbean island of Dominica, knew the setting, and understood the relationships between the races on those islands, having often been the only white child in a playground filled with dark faces. Fulfilling the expectations of a good ersatz 19th century romantic novel set in the Caribbean (Caribbean Gothic?), it includes plenty of obeah magic and colorful patois, as well as a variety of characters who are mad, drunk, horny, racist, corrupt, or any combination thereof.

    Ms Rhys is a bit of a romantic mystery herself. She published a few respected but obscure novels and short stories in the late 1920s and 1930's, when she was already in her forties, then disappeared from view for twenty years, until the BBC dramatized one of her works as a radio play in 1958. The popularity of the show sparked a renewed interest in her writing, so she sat down and worked for eight years on a new novel, Wide Sargasso Sea. This story was finally published in 1966, at which point she hadn't published anything meaningful in a quarter of a century and was almost as old as the universe itself. (She was 76, to be slightly more precise.)

    I found the whole movie pointless and boring as all get-out, and beautiful Karina Lombard couldn't act her way out of a Keanu Reeves lunchbox. To make matters worse, Karina was cast as a Welsh/Irish/French woman when she's obviously from Polynesian, Native American, or Southeast Asian stock. I kept expecting them to work that into the plot somewhere, perhaps in the revelation of some family secret. At the very least, I expected somebody else in the cast to ask why that pretty Cambodian woman was claiming to be Welsh. Nothing like that ever happened. Odd.

    It's a guys-with-loose-blouses flick. No gettin' around it. But there is some good news for us guys:

    1. you don't have to go back and read or re-read Jane Eyre. This story stands alone. That's a big plus. Scientific studies have shown that most men would willingly give up a wild threesome with Kelly LeBrock and Jessica Alba if they can just avoid reading Jane Eyre.
    2. there's sex, nudity, and then more sex and nudity, all directed by John Duigan, a celebrity nudity hall-of-famer. Duigan is the same guy who directed Sirens, the Citizen Kane of celebrity nudity, and the Sirens cinematographer, Geoff Burton, also worked on this film.

    How the others saw it:

    • General critical consensus: a wide diversity of opinions. Ebert hailed it as a near masterpiece with a score of 3.5/4, Berardinelli deemed it mediocre at 2/4. Rotten Tomatoes says the reviews were 57% positive.
    • IMDB summary. IMDb voters score it 5.1/10 (Men 4.9, Women 7.5)
    • A failure. USA box office receipts: $1.6 million. It went into theaters rated NC-17, thereby reducing distribution and attendance to minimal levels.

    The DVD? I was a bit disappointed. It has no features at all, and it provides a rather dark transfer of the gorgeous Duigan/Burton cinematography. Since there's no other reason to watch the sumbitch unless you have a vagina, or at least some Kenny G albums, I have to say that it could have been better, even though it is acceptable. This movie deserved better than an acceptable transfer.





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    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

  • Graphic Response
    • French actress Mathilda May showing some very lovely breast exposure in scenes from "La Teta y la luna" aka "The Tit and the Moon" (1995).

    • Leonor Watling, the Spanish actress topless and full frontal in scenes from "Son de mar" (2001).

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Julie Brown. Funny woman. And in her prime, circa 1980, she owned a really, really impressive form. We're talkin' nice rack and killer bum. She did this scene in "Bloody Birthday" which elevated that implausible piece of wasted time into a cinematic achievement of the first order. Boobs and hum, that's what we be talking about. Long scene, shot in part as though a couple of horny, soon-to-be-homicidal prepubescent adolescent types had just paid a quarter to watch her undress, dance around and then redress. Quite a bargain. I, myself, paid $8.50 to see the very same thing on DVD. The value of truly seeing it live and in person? Priceless.

    Tuna did this one up real good a couple of weeks ago; onliest thing different I've done is stitch together fifty-eight frames into eight handy dandy collages. And what fun I had doing it, too.

    There is a second topless babe in Bloody Birthday. Her name is Sylvia Wright. I first saw Sylvia in a movie called Sizzle Beach, which sorta had Kevin Costner in it... and that fact was prominently displayed on the boxes of the videotapes in the days when common knowledge held that Mr. Costner could do no wrong.

    Anyway, Sylvia played a topless babe in Sizzle Beach, too. And as I watched her go from playing a bimbo who was paying no attention to some fat dude, to a bimbo who actually believed the fat dude when he said he was a movie producer, I thought to myself, "Self, this woman has a couple of big careers in front of her." The movie roles were certain to be many. But, alas, it was not to be, mon cheri. Sylvia faded from view after Bloody Birthday, perhaps to pursue her real dream of one day proving Fermat's Last Theorem. I hear someone else beat her to it.

    • Sylvia Wright (1, 2)

    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    "Final Examination"
    This 2003 movie starts out as the typical T&A B-movie that it mostly is, but in the last few minutes it grows a brain.

    Four sorority sisters gather for a five-year reunion and start dieing at the hands of a revengeful serial killer. Plenty of time for lots of nudity and dumb script and acting, with the most surprising feature that Kari Wuhrer did NOT get naked. :-)

    The only other real surprise through most of the movie was a pretty cool car chase in the beginning.

    Then suddenly in the last few minutes, a real plot emerges, and is capped by a really surprise ending that is quite good. All-in-all, I've seen a lot worse.

    Courtney Love
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    For my money, she's really only famous for being famous, not because she's an amazing talent. But I do give her full props for staying on the A-list all these years. Here she is posing topless, full frontal and baring her bum. Excellent scans by Figgis.

    Angelina Jolie No nudity, but Zorg does give us our first 'caps of the always sexy Jolie in scenes from "Tomb Raider: The Cradle of Life". The DVD hits shelves on November 17.

    Gretchen Mol
    (1, 2, 3)

    Vejiita 'caps of a gorgeous woman in equally gorgeous nude scenes from the 1999 movie "Forever Mine". The movie itself is a stinker, but Gretchen's love scenes are must sees.

    Melissa Gilbert Wow...the Little House star all grown up and showing some nipple in scenes from the recent made for TV movie "Jackie Collins' Hollywood Wives: The New Generation". Thanks to Tmo.

    Alison Lohman You may have seen this young actress recently co-starring in "Matchstick Men" and "White Oleander". Here's a subtle nip slip from a Premiere Magazine media event.

    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Elvira...back in the days before she was "The Mistress of the Dark" and was still Cassandra Peterson. But since today is her big day, I thought we'd share these 'caps by Señor Skin of her topless and in a thong in scenes from "The Working Girls" (1973).

    The Funnies by Number 6
    Top 10 Signs You Are Too Old to Be Trick or Treating
    • 10. You get winded from knocking on the door.
    • 9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.
    • 8. You ask for high fiber candy only.
    • 7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balance and fall over.
    • 6. People say, "Great Keith Richard's mask!" and you're not wearing a mask.
    • 5. When the door opens you yell, "Trick or..." and can't remember the rest.
    • 4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.
    • 3. You have to carefully choose a costume that won't dislodge your hairpiece.
    • 2. You're the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.
    • 1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.
    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    He's Just A Yankee Doodler Boy - Scott Switzer, 14, of Colts Neck, New Jersey, was suspended from school for five days for drawing a stick figure of a U.S. Marine blowing away a Taliban fighter on his computer. A teacher saw it and reported him, and school officials called it "highly inappropriate" and "not the work of a normal mind." But Switzer, whose father and stepfather are both serving in the military in the Middle East, said he thought the doodle was patriotic; and he's not a bully, he's the class clown.

  • No, at this school, the officials are the clowns.
  • He's being transferred to Barbra Streisand Middle School for reeducation.
  • He was also sentenced to listen to three hours of the Dixie Chicks.

    Hallmark Of An Idiot - MTV's "Newlyweds" star Jessica Simpson may be an airhead, but she's going to be a very rich airhead. A spokesman for a licensing company that represents her says offers are flooding in, and they won't even look at deals for under a million dollars. Aside from several tuna companies, they include posters, calendars, T-shirts, cell phone covers, a credit card for newlyweds, furniture for newlyweds, and the one her rep is most excited about, a line of greeting cards featuring "the wit and wisdom of Jessica Simpson."

  • They already have those: They're the cards that are totally blank.
  • For when you care enough to send the very stupidest.
  • Wisdom like, "If you can't stand the heat...Get out of the heat."
  • She doesn't understand why tuna companies want her and not chicken companies.
  • Her agent wrote the book "Negotiating for Dummies."

    Sorry, Gwyneth's Too Old - Channel 4 TV in Britain is launching an unusual "Bachelor" type show in which viewers will vote on a wife for Prince William. The producers have made up a roster of 25 potential mates, including minor European royalty, rich heiresses and well-bred celebrities. A spokeswoman said they hope William will watch, and that "given the mess the royals have made in finding their own partners," maybe TV viewers can do a better job.

  • Right! Prince William will end up married to Trista Rehn!
  • But they're only allowed to pick from the 25 most worthless people on Earth!
  • They'll have to flip a coin to choose between Paris or Nikki Hilton.