Blood Sisters (1987), which IMDb calls Slash, is a haunted whorehouse sorority initiation slasher film from Roberta Finley. Roberta violates just about every possible genre convention here, including not having nudity and a killing in the first 10 minutes. As a matter of fact, we have to wait nearly an hour for the first death. The back story is that a kid blew way a fat hooker and her customer with a shotgun, and the house is now haunted. Indeed, we are treated to the frequent sight of ghost hookers dressed in Victorian unmentionables. Three problems with that. One, the shooting deaths caused the house to close, so all of these ghost hookers survived, and hence couldn't be ghosts. Two, the deaths happen 13 years before, which means the 1890's underwear is way out of place. Third, we learn that the ghosts are not the slasher. It is, however, easy to tell which characters are ghosts, as the sound track changes to calliope whenever a ghost is visible.

Rather than the usual 5 women, Roberta used 8, and frequently changed costume and makeup, so it is a real chore trying to keep track of the girls. Two show breasts, Amy Brentano and Gretchen Kingsley. IMDb readers have this at 3.8 of 10, and it really is that bad. However, it features a feature length commentary from Joe Bob Briggs. I suggest listening to him while watching the film, as he is very entertaining. There is also a brief interview with Roberta Finley, where she is asked what her inspiration for the film was. She explains that her accountant warned her that her first two films of the year were making too much money, and she better reinvest some quickly or Uncle Sam would get most of it.

For those not familiar with her, her career in film started when she met Michael Finley, and included being the first woman hard core film maker. She also made many many roughies, and has acted, directed, produced, and done sound. Her credits show 74 films at IMdb. The film is one of the worst slashers I have seen, but the commentary makes the DVD worthwhile. Film, D-, DVD package C-.

UPDATES:

• Charlie's French Cinema Nudity Site is updated

Blueberry (2004):

Scoop's comments in white:

I had an epiphany during Blueberry.

Like everyone else, I've always wondered how a handful of movie white guys managed to defeat the millions of movie Native Americans who held on to this continent before Columbus arrived with his camera crew.

Then I saw this scene in Blueberry:

Two young Chiricahuas go through a rite of passage. They have to stand on the edge of a cliff and summon a bird of prey to land on their arm. They must hold their position despite the momentum of the gigantic eagle, and then they must not flinch when the bird's powerful talons rip through the flesh on their arms. Needless to say, one of them falls over the edge of the cliff.

That scene got me to thinking about the Aztec rites of passage, annual Olympic games in which the winners got their hearts ripped out and sacrificed to the gods. (Hey, would you piss off a god by sacrificing a loser's heart to him? I think not.)

Then I saw a few more scenes in Blueberry, in which the Chiricahuas who managed to survive the eagle test spent their entire adult life stoned on peyote. Then the whole movie white man's conquest of movie America came into sharp focus for me.

1. The Indians were systematically destroying their DNA resources with reverse genetic engineering. The virile, powerful men who could have lend their sperm toward improving the gene pool were systematically killed off before they could reproduce in significant numbers, all because of barbaric rites of passage.

2. Tribes with limited or no agriculture were killing off their best potential meat providers, thus contributing to the undernourishment, even starvation, of the remaining members.

3. The Native Americans who might have defeated the white men - the young, healthy, strong men - were all rotting at the bottom of those cliffs and on those altars. When the white men attacked, the natives had nobody left to fight except the guys who lost the Olympics and a bunch of women and children. Even those losers might have had a chance if they were sober, but they were all stoned out of their gourds.

I started out this rant thinking that I was joking about Hollywood's version of America, but actually, there may be some truth to that whole line of reasoning.

You know, I went to a hypnotist once and I discovered through regression therapy that I was an Aztec in an earlier life. I still hold the record for the most consecutive second place finishes. Under hypnosis, I could clearly see myself talking to the sports reporters for the Aztec Times, apologizing for having lost a forty yard lead in the hundred yard dash, and promising the fans who bet on me that I would train much harder next spring so I could be the one to get my heart cut out after next year's games. Yet, somehow, like an Aztec version of the Chicago Cubs, I always finished ... um ... a heartbeat away. Oh, some years the priests would change the rules and cut out the hearts of the top three or something instead of just the top guy, but I'd always finish just barely over the heart-cutting line. (A little known fact is that this is the derivation of the golfing expression "to make the cut".) I never could "make the cut".  This is probably the biggest disappointment in any of my past lives.

Anyway, I'm supposed to be talking about Blueberry.

It's about two hours long, and it seems that about half of the running time is 60s-style psychedelic stuff, except with 21st century CGI techniques. This psychedelic footage, the director's attempt to duplicate the peyote experience, is basically like looking through a kaleidoscope for an hour, except without the vivid colors. It's mostly in black, grey, dark and russet brown, white, and muted golds. I don't know about you, but I do enjoy looking through a kaleidoscope - for maybe thirty seconds. I've never tried looking through a 'scope after burnin' one. I suppose I might be able to amuse myself a few minutes in that case, unless I smelled some good food in the vicinity. I guess I'd really have to smoke a shitload of peyote to be able to endure 60 minutes of regular, colorful kaleidoscope activity, but if we're talkin' a kaleidoscope with just browns and golds, I might have to smoke an amount about equal to Tommy Chong's lifetime consumption to endure an hour's worth.

So that should give you some idea whether you want to watch this movie. If you're willing to make the commitment to smoke the entire annual hemp output of India, you might find this footage fascinating.

What about the other hour?

Does it matter?

Let's assume the other hour includes roughly the sixty best and most entertaining moments in screen history. Would it be worth sitting through sixty minutes of color-free kaleidoscopy for that? Even if those shifting brown images are spiked with some crazy Chiricahuas ranting on with some pseudo-mystical bullshit about magic mountains and the interconnectedness of the universe? Even if it's in their native language, with sub-titles?

Even if you know that Juliette Lewis sings in the movie?

If your answer is still yes, then I guess I have some decent news for you. The cinematography includes some very fancy camera work, highlighted by some eagle-eye POV shots. There are some starkly beautiful desert and canyon locations. The pseudo-mythology of the Chiricahua includes some haunting and imaginative imagery. The recreated Western town is comically grungy and is photographed with some techniques that make it look like it belongs in your great-great-grandmother's sepia-toned scrapbook. Michael Madsen is a creepy villain. Juliette Lewis takes off her clothing and spreads her legs for an underwater camera. Ernest Borgnine (he's still alive?) is on board to provide bathos with a grotesque portrayal of a paraplegic sheriff who is wheeled around town by his presumably retarded son. The great British comic Eddie Izzard plays a cowardly Prussian mercenary for a dark touch of comic relief, although in this movie he is neither funny nor relieving.

Frankly, I don't recommend this movie, despite those ... um ... positives. It does have some kind of demented and violent appeal, but even if you fast forward through the mysticism and kaleidoscope images, you will probably still find it to be a languorous and tedious hour, punctuated by a few (too few) pleasant surprises. As the BBC put it so accurately, its "one part bonkers and two parts boring"

This is a D- on our scale. It is not likely to please Western fans. Frankly, I don't know who it would please. I don't think it is for the art film crowd. Although it is technically sound, sometimes even inspired, the most pretentious European reviewers found it too pretentious, and it was too gratuitously violent for them.

• Juliette Lewis (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
• Vahina Giocante

Other Crap:

• Internet users are doing far fewer searches for sex and pornography and more for e-commerce and business than they were seven years ago.
• Be a billionaire for Halloween with these printer-friendly masks. (Also celebrities, dead celebrities, and politicians.)
• Necromania, the long-lost final movie of Ed Wood, has been rediscovered. The 1971 movie is a porn film documenting the sexual enlightenment of a young couple at the hands of a coven of witches. Wood, who created Bride of the Monster and Plan 9 From Outer Space, was the subject of Tim Burton's 1994 film, which starred Johnny Depp as the oft-maligned moviemaker. Necromania was filmed over two or three days with a budget of no more than $7,000, and the only copies went missing soon after it was made. A copy was unearthed in a warehouse in Los Angeles after more than 15 years of detective work. A pornography Web site called Fleshbot will start selling the DVD by mail order this week for $19.99. The DVD will feature two versions of the film, one soft-core, the other more explicit.
• Al-Jazeera airs alleged bin Laden tape - bin Laden specifically mentions President Bush reading My Pet Goat during the attacks on the World Trade Center.
  • "It never occurred to us that the commander-in-chief of the American armed forces would leave 50,000 of his citizens in the two towers to face these horrors alone," he said, referring to the number of people who worked at the World Trade Center. "It appeared to him (Bush) that a little girl's talk about her goat and its butting was more important than the planes and their butting of the skyscrapers. That gave us three times the required time to carry out the operations, thank God," he said.
• Two brand new featurettes for Jennifer Garner's Elektra.
• The Weekend Update site now has the .zipped video ready for download.
• JoBlo is a Red Sox fan, and he's really not happy about this Jimmy Fallon thing.
• The ultimate in family entertainment. Nude KY Jelly wrestling. (Manson Family, that is)
• Now THIS is Halloween decoration I approve.
• Urban Legend: Senator John Kerry told interviewer Larry King that he 'hasn't had time' to be briefed on the possibility of new al Qaeda attacks. Status: True, but ... this happened before he was the nominee.
• Empire Online names the greatest living actors.
• Pollster Zogby says, "I think it will be Kerry". Bob Novak reported in yesterday's Washington Post that Zogby called the race for President Bush in a conversation he had with the pollster on Monday. Zogby explains the apparent conflict.
• Another Man Denies A Lewinsky Relationship.
• The Best Political Humor of Campaign 2004
• Just for fun - here are the "disallow" statements for the official White House site. These prevent search engine robots from visiting and archiving the directories specified. (The commands have no effect on regular web surfing.) I don't know why they do this.
• You HAVE to see this. This is absolutely hilarious. A Saudi newspaper yesterday reported the discovery of what it called a rare coin with unique features that belonged to an ancient civilization. According to the newspaper, the coin belonged to an ancient civilization that flourished in Al-Jouf. The article includes a picture of the "ancient" coin. See if you can identify the ancient land which spawned this hoary, mysterious artifact.
• The Bush campaign abruptly stopped using the 1970's hit 'Still the One' at campaign rallies Friday after the songwriter claimed the Republicans never got permission.
• New bin Laden tape knocks Rod Stewart from #1
• Pop star wants her home sex movie shown in court. That should change men's attitudes toward jury duty.
• MGM/United Artists have released their 2005 Preview early this year
• JFK dies again. This one is just Camelot nostalgia for you old guys. Vaughn Meader, JFK impersonator and the creator of what was once the fastest-selling album in history, has shuffled off this mortal coil and joined the choir invisible.
• Superman is prepared to reverse the rotation of Earth if the election is not to his liking. Good thing he's not a Cardinals fan. Now that would be a heartbreaking loss for the Sox.
• One more reason why I love Scandinavia: Body Art - the decoration of the naked human body
• Kerry's edge on Bush narrows in California. It appears that President Bush might actually have won the state if he hadn't ignored it. Senator Kerry's lead had been cut to seven points, with 9% undecided! Senator Kerry dominates the far-left enclaves like the San Francisco area (63 to 28!), but President Bush is making up a lot of that ground with solid performances in the middle-American suburbia of Southern California - Riverside, San Bernardino, Orange County and San Diego.
• Electoral-Vote.com is showing good news for the President today. They show Bush ahead 281-236 (270 needed to win). Yesterday they had Kerry ahead 260-254. The changes? Michigan (!!) and Minnesota to "leans Bush", Pennsylvania to undecided. On the other side of the ledger, they moved Iowa into the Kerry column.
• NICOLLETTE VS. TERI - DESPERATE DIVAS
• "So what exactly were Drew Barrymore and Jimmy Fallon doing amongst the Red Sox players while they were celebrating their World Series championship? "
• Flynt family opens first Hustler store in the UK
• BUSTED!! Just by coincidence, 60 Minutes was present for the dress rehearsal of Ashlee Simpson's performance, when she also ran off stage because her voice failed her, necessitating the now notorious live lip-sync performance that backfired. See this week's show on Sunday, Halloween, Oct 31, at 7 PM Eastern and Pacific.
• Flash from Rupert Murdoch's NY Post: John Kerry killed JFK. He also kidnapped the Lindbergh baby, assassinated Archduke Ferdinand, and nailed Christ to the cross.
• Talk about potential for suckage. Disney plans a live action 'Snow White', with the dwarves as 19th century Shaolin monks. Of course, the film could work because of the wacky martial arts mayhem from the tiny monks. I think the casting of basketball star Sleepy Floyd is gimmicky, even if they do make him look short, but Danny DeVito is said to be brilliant as Grumpy, and Christian Slater is uncommonly affecting in his portrayal of the enigmatic Sneezy, showing us the tears behind the tragic sneezing disease. The Oscars are being dusted off once again for Linda Hunt, who plays three men this time, Doc, Dopey, and Bashful. The only casting I'm really not sure about is Charlie Sheen as former baseball star "Happy" Felsch, recreating his role from "Eight Men Out". It's not so much that he doesn't look Chinese, as that Sheen, while not an especially towering man, just seems to damned tall to be a dwarf.
• Harry will pass on tonights case of Bud. Major League Baseball : Steve Stone resigns from the Cubs broadcast booth. Stone made the foolish mistake of trying to tell the truth about the mismanagement of the franchise.
• You knew it was coming - Thomas Harris to release another novel about Hannibal Lecter. Rumor is that this is a prequel. So who could play the younger Hannibal Lecter? DiCaprio is creepy enough, but doesn't seem to have the gravitas. Russell Crowe has the voice and presence, if he could fake the elegance. Sean Bean would be good, but isn't a box office draw. I would cast Ralph Fiennes. He is absolutely perfect - cruel, sophisticated, obviously demented, and potentially charming when he needs to be - but I think they would exclude him because he's already played another character in the series.
• Halloween special: Top 10 most frightening sports figures
• The long-awaited poster for Revenge of the Sith. Kinda makth Hayden look like a Sithi.
• Astronomy Pic: Triple Red Moon in Eclipse
• 2004 World Series Statement: President Bush Urges Ecstatic Northeasterners to Savor Their First and Last Taxachusetts Upset Victory of 2004.
• You or a loved one may have been abducted by space aliens and not even know it.

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the links above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Words from Scoop.

.avi's from Shiloh.

.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

NOTE: because of a unique combination of circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a picture. When you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.

I know this is not especially convenient, but it allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips altogether.

Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

Shiloh says:

FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.

 

When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

A reader says:

You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

Scoop says:

I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

About a month ago several clips from Test Tube Teens From the Year 2020 were posted to usenet. Kick ass movie that I saw years ago and have tried to find for a while. Not that the IMDb score of 2.9 is any mistake: the movie is ever so slightly deficient in script, dialogue and acting but it's full of nekkid babes, including five girls in a shower scene, cuteness itself, Sara Suzanne Brown, and the little known but ever so nude Tamara Tohill. All the important stuff. So I grabbed a bunch of frames and stuck them together in five collages:

Sara Suzanne has never looked yummier. She strips down to a thong.

• Sara Suzanne Brown

Tamara Tohill did only a couple of movies but she looks great in a topless-in-bed scene.

• Tamara Tohill

Of the five shower babes, two were identified in the cedits as Maria Elisa and Julie R. Sell. I am figuring they are these two women because they were the only ones with a couple lines of dialogue.

• Maria Elisa and Julie R. Sell

Two others started off in cheerleader outfits and got down to nothing at all in one very nice scene that I recommend highly. The women have the kind of slim, shapely bodies that should be in all showers, including mine.

• Other shower babes

And last up is a lone, uncredited shower girl.

• A single unknown shower babe

First up from the Ghost today.... 'caps and vids from the direct to video movie "Diamond Men" (2000), starring Robert Forster and Donnie Wahlberg aka Marky Mark's brother.

• Kristin Minter, the former "Home Alone" star and of course the co-star of the Vanilla Ice movie "Cool As Ice" (1991). Here she is topless before and after a very short sex scene with the former New Kid on the Block. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
• Kristin Minter zipped .wmvs (1, 2)

• Shannah Laumeister, showing off her robo-hooters and an interesting giant eye tattoo. (1, 2)
• Shannah Laumeister zipped .wmv

Next up, a few scenes from the Robin Williams movie "The World According to Garp" (1982). Williams turned in a great (and non-annoying) performance, plus Glenn Close and John Lithgow both earned Best Supporting Oscar nods for this movie. Lithgow as the former NFL star who wants to become a woman is worth the price of the rental.

• Jenny Wright, topless in a sex scene with Williams. (1, 2, 3)
• Jenny Wright zipped .wmv

Here's the breakdown:
Link #1...on all fours and wearing a saddle.
Link #2...on all fours, wearing a saddle, with a carrot in her mouth.
Link #3...masturbating.
Links #4 and 5...bent over a desk and baring her bum.
Links 6-16 feature a varirty of nude scenes, mostly toplessness.
Link #10...the famous full frontal scene.

IRS SAYS PRAYER NOT DEDUCTABLE
No Praying Within 60 Days Of An Election - The Christian Defense Coalition asked the IRS to clarify whether their traveling group could hold meetings in churches in which they pray for a Bush victory. The IRS issued a ruling that churches would lose their tax-exempt status if they pray for Bush to win. A CDC minister predicted it would spark "massive anger" for the IRS to tell churchgoers what they're allowed to pray for.