Blood Sisters (1987), which IMDb calls Slash, is a haunted whorehouse sorority initiation slasher film from Roberta Finley. Roberta violates just about every possible genre convention here, including not having nudity and a killing in the first 10 minutes. As a matter of fact, we have to wait nearly an hour for the first death. The back story is that a kid blew way a fat hooker and her customer with a shotgun, and the house is now haunted. Indeed, we are treated to the frequent sight of ghost hookers dressed in Victorian unmentionables. Three problems with that. One, the shooting deaths caused the house to close, so all of these ghost hookers survived, and hence couldn't be ghosts. Two, the deaths happen 13 years before, which means the 1890's underwear is way out of place. Third, we learn that the ghosts are not the slasher. It is, however, easy to tell which characters are ghosts, as the sound track changes to calliope whenever a ghost is visible.
Rather than the usual 5 women, Roberta used 8, and frequently changed costume and makeup, so it is a real chore trying to keep track of the girls. Two show breasts, Amy Brentano and Gretchen Kingsley. IMDb readers have this at 3.8 of 10, and it really is that bad. However, it features a feature length commentary from Joe Bob Briggs. I suggest listening to him while watching the film, as he is very entertaining. There is also a brief interview with Roberta Finley, where she is asked what her inspiration for the film was. She explains that her accountant warned her that her first two films of the year were making too much money, and she better reinvest some quickly or Uncle Sam would get most of it.
For those not familiar with her, her career in film started when she met Michael Finley, and included being the first woman hard core film maker. She also made many many roughies, and has acted, directed, produced, and done sound. Her credits show 74 films at IMdb. The film is one of the worst slashers I have seen, but the commentary makes the DVD worthwhile. Film, D-, DVD package C-.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
- Charlie's French Cinema Nudity Site is updated
Scoop's comments in white:
I had an epiphany during Blueberry.
Like everyone else, I've always wondered how a
handful of movie white guys managed to defeat the millions of movie
Native Americans who held on to this continent before Columbus
arrived with his camera crew.
Then I saw this scene in Blueberry:
Two young Chiricahuas go through a rite of
passage. They have to stand on the edge of a cliff and summon a
bird of prey to land on their arm. They must hold their position
despite the momentum of the gigantic eagle, and then they must
not flinch when the bird's powerful talons rip through the flesh
on their arms. Needless to say, one of them falls over the edge
of the cliff.
That scene got me to thinking about the Aztec
rites of passage, annual Olympic games in which the winners got
their hearts ripped out and sacrificed to the gods. (Hey, would you
piss off a god by sacrificing a loser's heart to him? I think not.)
Then I saw a few more scenes in Blueberry, in
which the Chiricahuas who managed to survive the eagle test spent
their entire adult life stoned on peyote. Then the whole movie white
man's conquest of movie America came into sharp focus for me.
1. The Indians were systematically destroying
their DNA resources with reverse genetic engineering. The virile,
powerful men who could have lend their sperm toward improving the
gene pool were systematically killed off before they could reproduce
in significant numbers, all because of barbaric rites of passage.
2. Tribes with limited or no agriculture were
killing off their best potential meat providers, thus contributing
to the undernourishment, even starvation, of the remaining members.
3. The Native Americans who might have defeated
the white men - the young, healthy, strong men - were all rotting at
the bottom of those cliffs and on those altars. When the white men
attacked, the natives had nobody left to fight except the guys who
lost the Olympics and a bunch of women and children. Even those
losers might have had a chance if they were sober, but they were all
stoned out of their gourds.
I started out this rant thinking that I was joking about Hollywood's version of America,
but actually, there may be some truth to that whole line of
You know, I went to a hypnotist once and I
discovered through regression therapy that I was an Aztec in an
earlier life. I still hold the record for the most consecutive
second place finishes. Under hypnosis, I could clearly see myself
talking to the sports reporters for the Aztec Times, apologizing for
having lost a forty yard lead in the hundred yard dash, and
promising the fans who bet on me that I would train much harder next
spring so I could be the one to get my heart cut out after next
year's games. Yet, somehow, like an Aztec version of the Chicago Cubs, I
always finished ... um ... a heartbeat away. Oh, some years the priests would change the
rules and cut out the hearts of the top three or something instead
of just the top guy, but I'd always finish just barely over the
heart-cutting line. (A little known fact is that this is the
derivation of the golfing expression "to make the cut".) I never
could "make the cut". This is probably the biggest disappointment in any of
my past lives.
Anyway, I'm supposed to be talking about
It's about two hours long, and it seems that about
half of the running time is 60s-style psychedelic stuff, except with
21st century CGI techniques. This psychedelic footage, the
director's attempt to duplicate the peyote experience, is basically
like looking through a kaleidoscope for an hour, except without the
vivid colors. It's mostly in black, grey, dark and russet brown,
white, and muted golds. I don't know about you, but I do enjoy
looking through a kaleidoscope - for maybe thirty seconds. I've
never tried looking through a 'scope after burnin' one. I suppose I
might be able to amuse myself a few minutes in that case, unless I
smelled some good food in the vicinity. I guess I'd really have to
smoke a shitload of peyote to be able to endure 60 minutes of
regular, colorful kaleidoscope activity, but if we're talkin' a
kaleidoscope with just browns and golds, I might have to smoke an
amount about equal to Tommy Chong's lifetime consumption to endure
an hour's worth.
So that should give you some idea whether you want
to watch this movie. If you're willing to make the commitment to
smoke the entire annual hemp output of India, you might find this
What about the other hour?
Does it matter?
Let's assume the other hour includes roughly the sixty best and
most entertaining moments in screen history. Would it be worth
sitting through sixty minutes of color-free kaleidoscopy for that?
Even if those shifting brown images are spiked with some crazy
Chiricahuas ranting on with some pseudo-mystical bullshit about
magic mountains and the interconnectedness of the universe? Even if
it's in their native language, with sub-titles?
Even if you know that Juliette Lewis sings in the movie?
If your answer is still yes, then I guess I have some
decent news for you. The cinematography includes some very fancy
camera work, highlighted by some eagle-eye POV shots. There are some
starkly beautiful desert and canyon locations. The pseudo-mythology
of the Chiricahua includes some haunting and imaginative imagery.
The recreated Western town is comically grungy and is photographed
with some techniques that make it look like it belongs in your
great-great-grandmother's sepia-toned scrapbook. Michael Madsen is a
creepy villain. Juliette Lewis takes off her clothing and spreads
her legs for an underwater camera. Ernest Borgnine (he's still
alive?) is on board to provide bathos with a grotesque portrayal of
a paraplegic sheriff who is wheeled around town by his presumably
retarded son. The great British comic Eddie Izzard plays a cowardly
Prussian mercenary for a dark touch of comic relief, although in
this movie he is neither funny nor relieving.
Frankly, I don't recommend this movie, despite
those ... um ... positives. It does have some kind of demented and
violent appeal, but even if you fast forward through the mysticism
and kaleidoscope images, you will probably still find it to be a
languorous and tedious hour, punctuated by a few (too few) pleasant
surprises. As the BBC put it so accurately, its "one part bonkers
and two parts boring"
This is a D- on our scale. It is not likely to please Western fans.
Frankly, I don't know who it would please. I don't think it is for
the art film crowd. Although it is technically sound, sometimes even
inspired, the most pretentious European reviewers found it too
pretentious, and it was too gratuitously violent for them.
Internet users are doing far fewer searches for sex and
pornography and more for e-commerce and business than they were
seven years ago.
Be a billionaire for Halloween with these printer-friendly masks.
(Also celebrities, dead celebrities, and politicians.)
Necromania, the long-lost final movie of Ed Wood, has been
rediscovered. The 1971 movie is a porn film documenting
the sexual enlightenment of a young couple at the hands of a coven
of witches. Wood, who created Bride of the Monster and Plan 9 From
Outer Space, was the subject of Tim Burton's 1994 film, which
starred Johnny Depp as the oft-maligned moviemaker. Necromania was
filmed over two or three days with a budget of no more than
$7,000, and the only copies went missing soon after it was made. A
copy was unearthed in a warehouse in Los Angeles after more than
15 years of detective work. A pornography Web site called Fleshbot
will start selling the DVD by mail order this week for $19.99. The
DVD will feature two versions of the film, one soft-core, the
other more explicit.
Al-Jazeera airs alleged bin Laden tape - bin Laden specifically
mentions President Bush reading My Pet Goat during the attacks on
the World Trade Center.
- "It never occurred to us that the commander-in-chief of the
American armed forces would leave 50,000 of his citizens in the
two towers to face these horrors alone," he said, referring to
the number of people who worked at the World Trade Center. "It
appeared to him (Bush) that a little girl's talk about her goat
and its butting was more important than the planes and their
butting of the skyscrapers. That gave us three times the
required time to carry out the operations, thank God," he said.
Two brand new featurettes for Jennifer Garner's Elektra.
The Weekend Update site now has the .zipped video ready for
JoBlo is a Red Sox fan, and he's really not happy about this Jimmy
- The ultimate in family entertainment.
Nude KY Jelly wrestling. (Manson Family, that is)
Now THIS is Halloween decoration I approve.
Urban Legend: Senator John Kerry told interviewer Larry King that
he 'hasn't had time' to be briefed on the possibility of new al
Qaeda attacks. Status: True, but ... this happened
before he was the nominee.
Empire Online names the greatest living actors.
Pollster Zogby says, "I think it will be Kerry". Bob
Novak reported in yesterday's Washington Post that Zogby called
the race for President Bush in a conversation he had with the
pollster on Monday. Zogby explains the apparent conflict.
Another Man Denies A Lewinsky Relationship.
The Best Political Humor of Campaign 2004
Just for fun - here are the "disallow" statements for the official
White House site. These prevent search engine robots
from visiting and archiving the directories specified. (The
commands have no effect on regular web surfing.) I don't know why
they do this.
- You HAVE to see this. This is absolutely hilarious.
A Saudi newspaper yesterday reported the discovery of what it
called a rare coin with unique features that belonged to an
ancient civilization. According to the newspaper, the coin
belonged to an ancient civilization that flourished in Al-Jouf.
The article includes a picture of the "ancient" coin.
See if you can identify the ancient land which spawned this hoary,
The Bush campaign abruptly stopped using the 1970's hit 'Still the
One' at campaign rallies Friday after the songwriter claimed the
Republicans never got permission.
New bin Laden tape knocks Rod Stewart from #1
Pop star wants her home sex movie shown in court. That
should change men's attitudes toward jury duty.
MGM/United Artists have released their 2005 Preview early this
JFK dies again. This one is just Camelot nostalgia for
you old guys. Vaughn Meader, JFK impersonator and the creator of
what was once the fastest-selling album in history, has shuffled
off this mortal coil and joined the choir invisible.
Superman is prepared to reverse the rotation of Earth if the
election is not to his liking. Good thing he's not a
Cardinals fan. Now that would be a heartbreaking loss for the Sox.
- One more reason why I love Scandinavia:
Body Art - the decoration of the naked human body
Kerry's edge on Bush narrows in California. It appears
that President Bush might actually have won the state if he hadn't
ignored it. Senator Kerry's lead had been cut to seven points,
with 9% undecided! Senator Kerry dominates the far-left enclaves
like the San Francisco area (63 to 28!), but President Bush is
making up a lot of that ground with solid performances in the
middle-American suburbia of Southern California - Riverside, San
Bernardino, Orange County and San Diego.
Electoral-Vote.com is showing good news for the President today.
They show Bush ahead 281-236 (270 needed to win). Yesterday they
had Kerry ahead 260-254. The changes? Michigan (!!) and Minnesota
to "leans Bush", Pennsylvania to undecided. On the other side of
the ledger, they moved Iowa into the Kerry column.
NICOLLETTE VS. TERI - DESPERATE DIVAS
"So what exactly were Drew Barrymore and Jimmy Fallon doing
amongst the Red Sox players while they were celebrating their
World Series championship? "
Flynt family opens first Hustler store in the UK
Just by coincidence, 60 Minutes was present for the dress
rehearsal of Ashlee Simpson's performance, when she also ran off
stage because her voice failed her, necessitating the now
notorious live lip-sync performance that backfired. See
this week's show on Sunday, Halloween, Oct 31, at 7 PM Eastern and
Flash from Rupert Murdoch's NY Post: John Kerry killed JFK.
He also kidnapped the Lindbergh baby, assassinated Archduke
Ferdinand, and nailed Christ to the cross.
- Talk about potential for suckage.
Disney plans a live action 'Snow White', with the
dwarves as 19th century Shaolin monks. Of course, the film could
work because of the wacky martial arts mayhem from the tiny monks.
I think the casting of basketball star Sleepy Floyd is gimmicky,
even if they do make him look short, but Danny DeVito is said to
be brilliant as Grumpy, and Christian Slater is uncommonly
affecting in his portrayal of the enigmatic Sneezy, showing us the
tears behind the tragic sneezing disease. The Oscars are being
dusted off once again for Linda Hunt, who plays three men this
time, Doc, Dopey, and Bashful. The only casting I'm really not
sure about is Charlie Sheen as former baseball star "Happy" Felsch,
recreating his role from "Eight Men Out". It's not so much that he
doesn't look Chinese, as that Sheen, while not an especially
towering man, just seems to damned tall to be a dwarf.
- Harry will pass on tonights case of Bud.
Major League Baseball : Steve Stone resigns from the Cubs
broadcast booth. Stone made the foolish mistake of
trying to tell the truth about the mismanagement of the franchise.
You knew it was coming - Thomas Harris to release another novel
about Hannibal Lecter. Rumor is that this is a prequel.
So who could play the younger Hannibal Lecter? DiCaprio is creepy
enough, but doesn't seem to have the gravitas. Russell Crowe has
the voice and presence, if he could fake the elegance. Sean Bean
would be good, but isn't a box office draw. I would cast Ralph
Fiennes. He is absolutely perfect - cruel, sophisticated,
obviously demented, and potentially charming when he needs to be -
but I think they would exclude him because he's already played
another character in the series.
Halloween special: Top 10 most frightening sports figures
The long-awaited poster for Revenge of the Sith. Kinda
makth Hayden look like a Sithi.
Astronomy Pic: Triple Red Moon in Eclipse
2004 World Series Statement: President Bush Urges Ecstatic
Northeasterners to Savor Their First and Last Taxachusetts Upset
Victory of 2004.
You or a loved one may have been abducted by space aliens and not
even know it.
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words from Scoop.
.avi's from Shiloh.
.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.
NOTE: because of a unique combination of
circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial
bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip
format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a
you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in
the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.
I know this is not especially convenient, but it
allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from
hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some
reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not
play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory
work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this
new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want
to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips
The Sweet Ride (1968)
I don't know anything about this surfing movie.
Never heard of it, in fact. But it must be one of the rarest finds
Shiloh has ever unearthed.
I'm going to take two guesses here:
1. I guess this was the first-ever screen nudity for
uber-babe Jacqueline Bisset.
2. I guess this was the only time Bisset ever acted
in a movie with Gilligan (who played a character named Choo-Choo)
Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble
with the codecs for these movies:
FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use
DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use
virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the
vids says the video codec: DivX Decoder Filter & audio
codec: Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with.
When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG
Layer-3. A friend of mine told me about compressing the
audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been
capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this
info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp &
asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using
camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could
never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost
too much to buy in my opinion.
A reader says:
You mentioned that some users were
having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool
designed to determine what codec is needed for a video.
http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you
or your users.
I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9.
The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in
the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly
larger, and slightly lower quality.
'Caps and comments by Brainscan:
About a month ago several clips from Test Tube Teens
From the Year 2020 were posted to usenet. Kick ass
movie that I saw years ago and have tried to find for
a while. Not that the IMDb score of 2.9 is any
mistake: the movie is ever so slightly deficient in
script, dialogue and acting but it's full of nekkid
babes, including five girls in a shower scene,
cuteness itself, Sara Suzanne Brown, and the little
known but ever so nude Tamara Tohill. All the
important stuff. So I grabbed a bunch of frames and
stuck them together in five collages:
Sara Suzanne has never looked yummier. She strips
down to a thong.
Tamara Tohill did only a couple of movies but she
looks great in a topless-in-bed scene.
Of the five shower babes, two were identified in the
cedits as Maria Elisa and Julie R. Sell. I am
figuring they are these two women because they were the
only ones with a couple lines of dialogue.
Two others started off in cheerleader outfits and got
down to nothing at all in one very nice scene that I
recommend highly. The women have the kind of slim,
shapely bodies that should be in all showers,
And last up is a lone, uncredited shower girl.
NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.
First up from the Ghost today.... 'caps and vids from the direct to video movie "Diamond Men" (2000), starring Robert Forster and Donnie Wahlberg aka Marky Mark's brother.
- Kristin Minter, the former "Home Alone" star and of course the co-star of the Vanilla Ice movie "Cool As Ice" (1991). Here she is topless before and after a very short sex scene with the former New Kid on the Block.
- Kristin Minter zipped .wmvs
- Shannah Laumeister, showing off her robo-hooters and an interesting giant eye tattoo.
- Shannah Laumeister zipped .wmv
Next up, a few scenes from the Robin Williams movie "The World According to Garp" (1982). Williams turned in a great (and non-annoying) performance, plus Glenn Close and John Lithgow both earned Best Supporting Oscar nods for this movie. Lithgow as the former NFL star who wants to become a woman is worth the price of the rental.
|Fantasitc 'caps by PlasMa of Gyllenhaal in several scenes from "Secretary" (2002).
Here's the breakdown:
Link #1...on all fours and wearing a saddle.
Link #2...on all fours, wearing a saddle, with a carrot in her mouth.
Links #4 and 5...bent over a desk and baring her bum.
Links 6-16 feature a varirty of nude scenes, mostly toplessness.
Link #10...the famous full frontal scene.
|Lohan is joined by her "Mean Girls" co-stars as they all wear an assortment of tight tops and show off some cleavage.
||AS2 'caps of the French actress showing a bit of see-thru nipplage as well as a far off topless views in scenes from "Bingo Bongo" (1982). Most folks probably remember her best as Bond Babe 'Melina Havelock' from "For Your Eyes Only" (1981).
||Tilly showing some cleavage (of course) while dressed up in a French Maid costume during a recent appearance on the Tony Danza talk show (there is one?).
|Señor Skin 'caps of Gebel showing some serious see-thru pokies as well as going topless. Scenes from the German Action/Horror/Sci-Fi flick "Space Wolf" (2003).
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
IRS SAYS PRAYER NOT DEDUCTABLE
No Praying Within 60 Days Of An Election - The Christian Defense Coalition
asked the IRS to clarify whether their traveling group could hold meetings
in churches in which they pray for a Bush victory. The IRS issued a ruling
that churches would lose their tax-exempt status if they pray for Bush to
win. A CDC minister predicted it would spark "massive anger" for the IRS
to tell churchgoers what they're allowed to pray for.
Now they're praying for a national sales tax to replace the IRS.
Yea, though they walk through the valley of the shadow of death, they
shall fear no evil, except the IRS.
They also ruled that you have to fill out a W-2 form before you're
allowed to pray to win the lottery.
SPEND ELECTION DAY WITH PUFFY...OR DIE!
The T-Shirt Reads "Sucka!" - As a fundraiser for his "Vote Or Die!"
campaign, Sean "P. Diddy" Combs held an eBay auction to spend Election Day
with him. The winner has to pay for his own transportation to New York and
accommodations, but gets to go to the polls with P. Diddy when he votes and
take home an autographed T-shirt. The minimum bid was $2004. There were
no bids for a week until someone nicknamed "djayemoney" finally bid.
Eleven bids arrived in the last hour, eight of them from djayemoney, and he
ended up winning with a bid of $3,061.11.
His nickname should be "D-J-too-much-money."
He received a bill that read, "Pay or Die!!"
Of course, since the buyer's not registered in New York, he won't be
able to vote...And P. Diddy will have to kill him.
Joining P. Diddy's entourage on Election Day gives you a chance to both
vote AND die.
SALVATION ARMY BELLRINGERS MOVING TO INTERNET
Bells Aren't Ringing - A Christmas tradition, Salvation Army bell-ringers
collecting pocket change for the needy, may become extinct. Wal-Mart has
limited them to 14 days a year, and Target and a national mall chain have
banned them. Of course, it's because of lawsuits: if they make an
exception to the "no soliciting" rule, every other group can demand equal
space. A spokesman for the Salvation Army said bellringers may be replaced
by "virtual kettles" on website, combined with an Internet marketing
campaign for donations.
This is outrageous! I can't throw my gum wrappers and old condoms into
a virtual kettle!
No more annoying bells...Just pop-up virtual kettles every 15 seconds.
You'll feel good knowing that 90 percent of your donations go to
This is a good way to get a few homeless web designers off the street.