"Blood Sisters"

Blood Sisters (1987), which IMDb calls Slash, is a haunted whorehouse sorority initiation slasher film from Roberta Finley. Roberta violates just about every possible genre convention here, including not having nudity and a killing in the first 10 minutes. As a matter of fact, we have to wait nearly an hour for the first death. The back story is that a kid blew way a fat hooker and her customer with a shotgun, and the house is now haunted. Indeed, we are treated to the frequent sight of ghost hookers dressed in Victorian unmentionables. Three problems with that. One, the shooting deaths caused the house to close, so all of these ghost hookers survived, and hence couldn't be ghosts. Two, the deaths happen 13 years before, which means the 1890's underwear is way out of place. Third, we learn that the ghosts are not the slasher. It is, however, easy to tell which characters are ghosts, as the sound track changes to calliope whenever a ghost is visible.

Rather than the usual 5 women, Roberta used 8, and frequently changed costume and makeup, so it is a real chore trying to keep track of the girls. Two show breasts, Amy Brentano and Gretchen Kingsley. IMDb readers have this at 3.8 of 10, and it really is that bad. However, it features a feature length commentary from Joe Bob Briggs. I suggest listening to him while watching the film, as he is very entertaining. There is also a brief interview with Roberta Finley, where she is asked what her inspiration for the film was. She explains that her accountant warned her that her first two films of the year were making too much money, and she better reinvest some quickly or Uncle Sam would get most of it.

For those not familiar with her, her career in film started when she met Michael Finley, and included being the first woman hard core film maker. She also made many many roughies, and has acted, directed, produced, and done sound. Her credits show 74 films at IMdb. The film is one of the worst slashers I have seen, but the commentary makes the DVD worthwhile. Film, D-, DVD package C-.

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  • Amy Brentano (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)
  • Gretchen Kingsley (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)


    • Charlie's French Cinema Nudity Site is updated


    Blueberry (2004):

    Scoop's comments in white:

    I had an epiphany during Blueberry.

    Like everyone else, I've always wondered how a handful of movie white guys managed to defeat the millions of movie Native Americans who held on to this continent before Columbus arrived with his camera crew.

    Then I saw this scene in Blueberry:

    Two young Chiricahuas go through a rite of passage. They have to stand on the edge of a cliff and summon a bird of prey to land on their arm. They must hold their position despite the momentum of the gigantic eagle, and then they must not flinch when the bird's powerful talons rip through the flesh on their arms. Needless to say, one of them falls over the edge of the cliff.

    That scene got me to thinking about the Aztec rites of passage, annual Olympic games in which the winners got their hearts ripped out and sacrificed to the gods. (Hey, would you piss off a god by sacrificing a loser's heart to him? I think not.)

    Then I saw a few more scenes in Blueberry, in which the Chiricahuas who managed to survive the eagle test spent their entire adult life stoned on peyote. Then the whole movie white man's conquest of movie America came into sharp focus for me.

    1. The Indians were systematically destroying their DNA resources with reverse genetic engineering. The virile, powerful men who could have lend their sperm toward improving the gene pool were systematically killed off before they could reproduce in significant numbers, all because of barbaric rites of passage.

    2. Tribes with limited or no agriculture were killing off their best potential meat providers, thus contributing to the undernourishment, even starvation, of the remaining members.

    3. The Native Americans who might have defeated the white men - the young, healthy, strong men - were all rotting at the bottom of those cliffs and on those altars. When the white men attacked, the natives had nobody left to fight except the guys who lost the Olympics and a bunch of women and children. Even those losers might have had a chance if they were sober, but they were all stoned out of their gourds.

    I started out this rant thinking that I was joking about Hollywood's version of America, but actually, there may be some truth to that whole line of reasoning.

    You know, I went to a hypnotist once and I discovered through regression therapy that I was an Aztec in an earlier life. I still hold the record for the most consecutive second place finishes. Under hypnosis, I could clearly see myself talking to the sports reporters for the Aztec Times, apologizing for having lost a forty yard lead in the hundred yard dash, and promising the fans who bet on me that I would train much harder next spring so I could be the one to get my heart cut out after next year's games. Yet, somehow, like an Aztec version of the Chicago Cubs, I always finished ... um ... a heartbeat away. Oh, some years the priests would change the rules and cut out the hearts of the top three or something instead of just the top guy, but I'd always finish just barely over the heart-cutting line. (A little known fact is that this is the derivation of the golfing expression "to make the cut".) I never could "make the cut".  This is probably the biggest disappointment in any of my past lives.

    Anyway, I'm supposed to be talking about Blueberry.

    It's about two hours long, and it seems that about half of the running time is 60s-style psychedelic stuff, except with 21st century CGI techniques. This psychedelic footage, the director's attempt to duplicate the peyote experience, is basically like looking through a kaleidoscope for an hour, except without the vivid colors. It's mostly in black, grey, dark and russet brown, white, and muted golds. I don't know about you, but I do enjoy looking through a kaleidoscope - for maybe thirty seconds. I've never tried looking through a 'scope after burnin' one. I suppose I might be able to amuse myself a few minutes in that case, unless I smelled some good food in the vicinity. I guess I'd really have to smoke a shitload of peyote to be able to endure 60 minutes of regular, colorful kaleidoscope activity, but if we're talkin' a kaleidoscope with just browns and golds, I might have to smoke an amount about equal to Tommy Chong's lifetime consumption to endure an hour's worth.

    So that should give you some idea whether you want to watch this movie. If you're willing to make the commitment to smoke the entire annual hemp output of India, you might find this footage fascinating.

    What about the other hour?

    Does it matter?

    Let's assume the other hour includes roughly the sixty best and most entertaining moments in screen history. Would it be worth sitting through sixty minutes of color-free kaleidoscopy for that? Even if those shifting brown images are spiked with some crazy Chiricahuas ranting on with some pseudo-mystical bullshit about magic mountains and the interconnectedness of the universe? Even if it's in their native language, with sub-titles?

    Even if you know that Juliette Lewis sings in the movie?

    If your answer is still yes, then I guess I have some decent news for you. The cinematography includes some very fancy camera work, highlighted by some eagle-eye POV shots. There are some starkly beautiful desert and canyon locations. The pseudo-mythology of the Chiricahua includes some haunting and imaginative imagery. The recreated Western town is comically grungy and is photographed with some techniques that make it look like it belongs in your great-great-grandmother's sepia-toned scrapbook. Michael Madsen is a creepy villain. Juliette Lewis takes off her clothing and spreads her legs for an underwater camera. Ernest Borgnine (he's still alive?) is on board to provide bathos with a grotesque portrayal of a paraplegic sheriff who is wheeled around town by his presumably retarded son. The great British comic Eddie Izzard plays a cowardly Prussian mercenary for a dark touch of comic relief, although in this movie he is neither funny nor relieving.

    Frankly, I don't recommend this movie, despite those ... um ... positives. It does have some kind of demented and violent appeal, but even if you fast forward through the mysticism and kaleidoscope images, you will probably still find it to be a languorous and tedious hour, punctuated by a few (too few) pleasant surprises. As the BBC put it so accurately, its "one part bonkers and two parts boring"

    This is a D- on our scale. It is not likely to please Western fans. Frankly, I don't know who it would please. I don't think it is for the art film crowd. Although it is technically sound, sometimes even inspired, the most pretentious European reviewers found it too pretentious, and it was too gratuitously violent for them.


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    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

    NOTE: because of a unique combination of circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a picture. When you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.

    I know this is not especially convenient, but it allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips altogether.


    The Sweet Ride (1968)

    I don't know anything about this surfing movie. Never heard of it, in fact. But it must be one of the rarest finds Shiloh has ever unearthed.

    I'm going to take two guesses here:

    1. I guess this was the first-ever screen nudity for uber-babe Jacqueline Bisset.

    2. I guess this was the only time Bisset ever acted in a movie with Gilligan (who played a character named Choo-Choo)




    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    About a month ago several clips from Test Tube Teens From the Year 2020 were posted to usenet. Kick ass movie that I saw years ago and have tried to find for a while. Not that the IMDb score of 2.9 is any mistake: the movie is ever so slightly deficient in script, dialogue and acting but it's full of nekkid babes, including five girls in a shower scene, cuteness itself, Sara Suzanne Brown, and the little known but ever so nude Tamara Tohill. All the important stuff. So I grabbed a bunch of frames and stuck them together in five collages:

    Sara Suzanne has never looked yummier. She strips down to a thong.

    Tamara Tohill did only a couple of movies but she looks great in a topless-in-bed scene.

    Of the five shower babes, two were identified in the cedits as Maria Elisa and Julie R. Sell. I am figuring they are these two women because they were the only ones with a couple lines of dialogue.

    Two others started off in cheerleader outfits and got down to nothing at all in one very nice scene that I recommend highly. The women have the kind of slim, shapely bodies that should be in all showers, including mine.

    And last up is a lone, uncredited shower girl.

    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.

    First up from the Ghost today.... 'caps and vids from the direct to video movie "Diamond Men" (2000), starring Robert Forster and Donnie Wahlberg aka Marky Mark's brother.

    • Kristin Minter, the former "Home Alone" star and of course the co-star of the Vanilla Ice movie "Cool As Ice" (1991). Here she is topless before and after a very short sex scene with the former New Kid on the Block. (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
    • Kristin Minter zipped .wmvs (1, 2)

    • Shannah Laumeister, showing off her robo-hooters and an interesting giant eye tattoo. (1, 2)
    • Shannah Laumeister zipped .wmv

    Next up, a few scenes from the Robin Williams movie "The World According to Garp" (1982). Williams turned in a great (and non-annoying) performance, plus Glenn Close and John Lithgow both earned Best Supporting Oscar nods for this movie. Lithgow as the former NFL star who wants to become a woman is worth the price of the rental.

    Maggie Gyllenhaal
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)

    Fantasitc 'caps by PlasMa of Gyllenhaal in several scenes from "Secretary" (2002).

    Here's the breakdown:
    Link #1...on all fours and wearing a saddle.
    Link #2...on all fours, wearing a saddle, with a carrot in her mouth.
    Link #3...masturbating.
    Links #4 and 5...bent over a desk and baring her bum.
    Links 6-16 feature a varirty of nude scenes, mostly toplessness.
    Link #10...the famous full frontal scene.

    Linday Lohan
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    Lohan is joined by her "Mean Girls" co-stars as they all wear an assortment of tight tops and show off some cleavage.

    Carole Bouquet AS2 'caps of the French actress showing a bit of see-thru nipplage as well as a far off topless views in scenes from "Bingo Bongo" (1982). Most folks probably remember her best as Bond Babe 'Melina Havelock' from "For Your Eyes Only" (1981).

    Jennifer Tilly Tilly showing some cleavage (of course) while dressed up in a French Maid costume during a recent appearance on the Tony Danza talk show (there is one?).

    Anja Gebel
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    Señor Skin 'caps of Gebel showing some serious see-thru pokies as well as going topless. Scenes from the German Action/Horror/Sci-Fi flick "Space Wolf" (2003).

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    No Praying Within 60 Days Of An Election - The Christian Defense Coalition asked the IRS to clarify whether their traveling group could hold meetings in churches in which they pray for a Bush victory. The IRS issued a ruling that churches would lose their tax-exempt status if they pray for Bush to win. A CDC minister predicted it would spark "massive anger" for the IRS to tell churchgoers what they're allowed to pray for.

  • Now they're praying for a national sales tax to replace the IRS.
  • Yea, though they walk through the valley of the shadow of death, they shall fear no evil, except the IRS.
  • They also ruled that you have to fill out a W-2 form before you're allowed to pray to win the lottery.

    The T-Shirt Reads "Sucka!" - As a fundraiser for his "Vote Or Die!" campaign, Sean "P. Diddy" Combs held an eBay auction to spend Election Day with him. The winner has to pay for his own transportation to New York and accommodations, but gets to go to the polls with P. Diddy when he votes and take home an autographed T-shirt. The minimum bid was $2004. There were no bids for a week until someone nicknamed "djayemoney" finally bid. Eleven bids arrived in the last hour, eight of them from djayemoney, and he ended up winning with a bid of $3,061.11.

  • His nickname should be "D-J-too-much-money."
  • He received a bill that read, "Pay or Die!!"
  • Of course, since the buyer's not registered in New York, he won't be able to vote...And P. Diddy will have to kill him.
  • Joining P. Diddy's entourage on Election Day gives you a chance to both vote AND die.

    Bells Aren't Ringing - A Christmas tradition, Salvation Army bell-ringers collecting pocket change for the needy, may become extinct. Wal-Mart has limited them to 14 days a year, and Target and a national mall chain have banned them. Of course, it's because of lawsuits: if they make an exception to the "no soliciting" rule, every other group can demand equal space. A spokesman for the Salvation Army said bellringers may be replaced by "virtual kettles" on website, combined with an Internet marketing campaign for donations.

  • This is outrageous! I can't throw my gum wrappers and old condoms into a virtual kettle!
  • No more annoying bells...Just pop-up virtual kettles every 15 seconds.
  • You'll feel good knowing that 90 percent of your donations go to marketing costs.
  • This is a good way to get a few homeless web designers off the street.