Thursday

Tuna
"Spider Babe"

Spider Babe (2003) is another Misty Mundae vehicle, this time a spoof of Spider Man. Thankfully, this is a worthy effort, as opposed to the last several Mundae releases. Misty is a quiet, studious college girl living with step parents who seem a loving, normal couple until she leaves, at which point they become kinky sex for sale types. Misty is bitten by a genetically engineered spider, and finds that she has super powers, such as strength, the ability to climb up the side of buildings, an insatiable appetite for sex, and the ability to shoot spider webs from her crotch.

She develops her persona and costume to wrestle "Queen Bee" for $1,000.00, and manages to "lick" her. From there, she runs afoul of the Daily Bunghole, a sleazy tabloid, catches crooks, has a whole lot of sex, and gains an arch nemesis. This film is nearly non-stop nudity and is much too much for one night. Tonight we have the images of Misty Mundae at the ripe old age of 22. She still has that little girl look that has made her a superstar. The entire film was shot in great light, resulting in excellent images for me to work with. Misty shows everything, especially in a long lesbian scene with Darian Caine.

Tomorrow, the rest of the women, and the rest of the review.

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  • Misty Mundae (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 51, 52, 53, 54, 55, 56, 57, 58, 59, 60, 61, 62, 63, 64, 65, 66, 67, 68)

    • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Updates

    • Updated volume:  Charlotte Ayanna

     

    Second String (2002):

    Second String is a harmless, good-natured, but unoriginal football movie that simply recycles and rescrambles the successful characters and plot devices which have worked for sports movies in the past.

    The Buffalo Bills win their division, but their entire first string offense comes down with severe food poisoning in the season-ending victory celebration. That means they have to go through the playoffs with a rag-tag bunch of loveable loser fill-ins. There's the extremely talented dumb tackle who can't memorize the play book. There's the blocking back who refuses to run with the ball. There's the speedy running back who has all the right moves, but fumbles on every key play and drops every key pass. There's the grizzled, embittered veteran who has been on losing teams all his life, got traded to a winner, and lost his starting job to a phenom. There's the lineman who hasn't kicked extra points since high school, and even back then was only one for six. Most important, there's the washed-out quarterback, a former college star who could never quite muster the discipline to play pro ball.

    I'll bet you can guess that every one of them will get some moment of glory and redemption as they manage to battle their way to the final seconds of the Super Bowl.

    In other words, it's pretty much the exact same movie as The Replacements.

    The film paralleled The Replacements so precisely that the script even inserted the identical sub-plot about a star quarterback being brought in for the final game, but complaining about his teammates, and just not working out, until the coach sits him down and puts the loveable second string douchebag back in, with predictable success.

    The film is a pleasant enough watch if you're a sucker for stories about sports underdogs. Gil Bellows and Teri Polo are charming enough as the veteran couple who are not quite ready to give up football and accept his new life as an insurance salesman. To me, the most engaging thing about the film wasn't that man/wife relationship, but the relationship between Bellows and Jon Voight, who are terrific when they are onscreen together, as the laid-back QB who likes improv and the disciplined, controlling, Landry-like coach. This mediocre TV film was lucky to get a major talent like Voight, who managed to breathe real life into the coach, and managed to show the character growing as a person until, finally, he actually got into the trick plays and gimmicks beloved by the QB, and even suggested one himself.

    Sports movies, by their nature, have the potential to manufacture a lot of emotional involvement. Good over evil. Loveable underdogs over arrogant champions. If you like that kind of film, and don't mind seeing the same manipulative heartstring-tugging devices you've seen many times in the past, you may find Second String an inoffensive way to pass the time. Just remember you've already seen it if you have seen The Replacements. If you don't like that kind of movie, and/or don't like football, skip it. It's not original, and it doesn't have Jerry Maguire appeal to crossover audiences.

    • Teri Polo took a bath, and even turned her body around a bit, but she must have had some plastic suds glued to her breasts. (1, 2)

     

    Jan Smithers:

    Thanks to a reader who supplied a good color version of that Jan Smithers Newsweek cover, as well as a picture of Jan from inside the article. (1, 2)

     

    OTHER CRAP:

     

  • Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap

     

     

     

    MOVIE REVIEWS:

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    		•
    BFD
    Carole Bouquet
    (1, 2)

    		The French actress bares her bum and also shows a little breast exposure in scenes from "A Business Affair" (1994).

    Dayle Haddon The French Canadian actress bares breasts and bum in scenes from "Madame Claude" aka "The French Woman" (1977).

    Elizabeth Perkins The "Big" co-star is almost fully frontally nude in scenes from the 1998 movie, "I'm Losing You".

    Linda Fiorentino Showing off her bum in scenes from the erotic thriller "Jade" (1995)..or as I like to call it, 'Basic Instinct Lite'. Both movies were written by Joe Eszterhas, and have way too many similarities for my liking (a cop, a shrink, freaky sex and a murder). "Jade" pretty much plays out like an alternative telling of the same basic story.

    Linda Fiorentino
    (1, 2)

    		Another look at the husky-voiced actress showing some skin. Here she is topless in scenes from "The Last Seduction" (1994).

    Madonna
    (1, 2)

    		The Material Girl bares all while getting it on in several scenes from the erotic thriller "Body of Evidence" (1993).

    Marilu Henner The former "Taxi" star topless and showing just a hint of pubes in scenes from the 1983 Burt Reynolds movie, "The Man Who Loved Women". For those trivia buffs keeping score, Burt and Marilu have worked together 3 times. This was their first joint venture, followed up a year later by "Cannonball Run II", and round number 3 was on the TV series "Evening Shade" (1990-1994).

    Variety
    Elizabeth Hurley
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    		Ed209 sets the way-back machine to the late 80's and takes a look at Liz's first two movies (along with her old nose). Links 1-5 are from "Aria" (1987). Links #6-9 are from "Rowing In the Wind" (1988). Liz is topless in all of these.

    Mindy Clarke A second look at Dann's collage of Mindy Clarke topless in scenes from "Return of the Living Dead III" (1993). When I posted this a couple of days ago I forgot to add to Dann's comments about why this is a significant find. The reason...Clarke is probably best known from "C.S.I." as the very sexy dominatrix/web entrepreneur 'Lady Heather'. In addition, she also has a co-starring role on "The O.C.".

    Jewel Jewel's breasts doing their best to escape the confines of her shirt.

    Halle Berry A huge pic of Halle's famous (and gorgeous) toplessness from "Swordfish".

    Shannon Tweed
    (1, 2)

    		The former Heffer and long time queen of erotic thrillers baring breasts and bush in scenes from "Singapore Sling" aka "Scandalous Behavior" (2000). As you may remember, this movie sparked some conversation about whether or not Shannon was really getting it on during one of her sex scenes. Here's a cap featuring the possible penetration.

    Amy Madigan
    Karen Sillas
    Marcia Cross
    Tilda Swinton


    		The ladies (and nudity) of "Female Perversions" (1996). Everyone bares breasts, Madigan and Swinton also show brief views of the other 2 B's.


    Kim Maddox
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    		Señor Skin 'caps of artificially busty blonde baring her breasts and bum in scenes from "Final Examination" (2003). Directed by B-movie legend Fred Olen Ray.

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    NO MORE FOREIGN AID FOR PARKING SCOFFLAWS
    Pay Up, Or Bush Will Bomb The Crap Out Of You! - Tuesday, the U.S. Senate approved a measure that would cut off some foreign aid to any country whose diplomats refuse to pay their American parking tickets. New York Sen. Chuck Schumer noted that in New York City alone, U.N. diplomats have racked up 186,000 unpaid parking tickets and owe $21 million in fines. He said it makes no sense to give foreign aid to a diplomat who ignores his parking tickets.

  • Especially if he's from Saudi Arabia.
  • They'd better learn to obey the traffic laws because they're all just one military coup away from being New York cab drivers.
  • The British diplomats owe $10 million in fines just for driving on the wrong side of the road.
  • Those nations immediately applied for foreign aid to pay their traffic tickets.


    ABC: OSWALD ACTED ALONE
    Sorry, Oliver Stone - ABC News is planning a two-hour special on the 40th anniversary of President John Kennedy's assassination, and it will shock conspiracy buffs. Producer Tom Yellin said they did an exhaustive investigation -- including computer-generated reconstructions of the shooting using maps, blueprints, over 500 photos, autopsy reports and more -- and it irrefutably confirms that Lee Harvey Oswald acted alone. But he said people don't want to accept that the most powerful man in the world could be killed by a nobody, so they're "going to believe what they want."

  • And what they'll believe is that ABC News is now PART OF THE CONSPIRACY!
  • Wow! Do you realize how many conspirators it must've taken to fool that crime reconstruction computer?!
  • According to an upcoming CBS special, Ronald Reagan was behind it.


    LAP DANCING BAN CHALLENGED
    Settle It At The Poles - Opponents of a new Los Angeles ordinance banning lap dancing have collected more than 106,000 signatures. If 56,941 are verified, the City Council can either rescind the ban or put it on the ballot for voters to decide. A spokesman for adult entertainment businesses said it shows that L.A. residents don't want public-safety resources wasted on over-regulating adult businesses and enforcing laws against strippers touching people.

  • This is just the type of anti-business regulation that Arnold Schwarzenegger HATES!
  • So now, it's in the City Council's lap.
  • Los Angeles dancers can always say, "His lap was on fire, and I was just trying to smother it."
  • If they ban lap dancing, what will all the aspiring actresses do for a living?


    P. DIDDY ACCUSED OF USING SWEATSHOPS
    Sweat 'Til You're Puffy - Tuesday, the National Labor Committee, an anti-sweatshop activist group, accused P. Diddy's "Sean John" clothing line of using Honduran sweatshop labor. A spokesman for Sean John said they were unaware of the situation and would look into it. The group claims that factory workers who make Diddy's clothes work 12-hour days, undergo daily body searches, are paid 24 cents for each $50 shirt they make, and the women are given mandatory pregnancy tests and fired if they're pregnant.

  • 12-hour days, body searches, you're kicked out if you're pregnant...It's like being in P. Diddy's posse!
  • MC Hammer asked where he can apply for that job.
  • When P. Diddy said he was running the marathon "for the children," I didn't realize how much he owed to children.