Lifeforce (2006):

This is one of the greatest films to bring to "bad movie night." Unlike many bad films, it does not suffer from poor production values. It was directed by Tobe Hooper, with special effects by John Dykstra and a score by Henry Mancini. That makes it easy on the eyes and ears. It also has the screwiest plot you'd ever want to see, over-the-top acting, and 19-year-old Mathilda May stark naked for about 15 minutes. That's about all the entertainment you and your wasted buddies will ever need.

You can do even better than showing it to a room full of drunks. Try stoners. This is arguably the single best movie in history to watch stoned, maybe even better than 2001, because the latter is so-so serious, and this one allows for the giggles. (Movie House review)

Here (zipped .avi) is the magnificent Ms May in high definition (a third-party video). This is an incredible improvement over the DVD. The DVD is in  2.35:1 aspect ratio, and it is not anamorphically enhanced. If you do all the math, you'll find that it means there are only about 306 lines of meaningful vertical info on the DVD, with black bars occupying the rest of the 480 lines of DVD output. This HD film clip has 720 lines of vertical info, making it about two and a half times as sharp as the DVD. That is greater than the normal difference between DVD and VHS! In other words, you want to see this. It is by far the best-ever version of one of the best nude scenes in history.

Here are some samples. The first one is a definite keeper.






Letterman's "Top Ten Ways To Make The World Series More Exciting"
  • Instead of fireworks, games kick off with North Korean nuclear test
  • Get 'Weird Al' Yankovic to write wacky new lyrics to national anthem
  • Give Mel Gibson some tequila and ask what he thinks of Sandy Koufax
  • Between innings, Madonna adopts a ball boy

"What happens if a werewolf bites a vampire? What's the minimum daily requirement of blood for a vampire? Can you get zombified by having sex with a zombie?"

Oscar buzz grows for Penelope Cruz in "Volver"

Steve Miller sings The Joker with only an acoustic guitar for accompaniment

This week in Unnecessary Censorship: Oct 22nd, 2006

The many faces of Sacha Baron Cohen (Borat, Ali G)

"Watch the SECOND Republican National Committee ad about Harold Ford Jr. that is being CENSORED by the liberal media." (Not a real ad. I hope.)

Bizarre: "In 1984, Director Stanley Kubrick placed ads throughout the U.S. for young aspiring actors to send in audition tapes for 'Full Metal Jacket'. This is one of them..."

The teaser/trailer for The Dead Girl

  • "'The Dead Girl' centers on the dark mystery surrounding a young woman's death, which is gradually revealed when the lives of seemingly uninvolved people intersect."

Six clips from Tenacious D in The Pick of Destiny

The trailer for Bridge to Terabithia, a Narnia-style fantasy

  • Josh Hutcherson stars as Jess Aarons, an 11 year old boy whose efforts to be the fastest runner in his grade are thwarted by a new girl who outruns all the boys. Anna Sophia Robb stars as Leslie Burke, the new girl who becomes friends with Jess despite their awkward introduction. She ultimately opens up a world of imagination for Jess in the land of Terabithia that changes his life forever.

    Zooey Deschanel stars as Miss Edmunds, the music teacher at Jess and Leslie's school, and Robert Patrick is Jess Aarons' father. Together Jess and Leslie create the world of Terabithia, an imaginary kingdom filled with all manner of magical beings. While the real world of family and school may be filled with challenges, in Terabithia, Jess and Leslie rule as King and Queen. Based on Katherine Paterson's Newbery Honor award winning best-selling novel.

Director Eli Roth introduces the exclusive teaser trailer for 'Hostel: Part II.'

The high definition trailer for The Messengers, a supernatural thriller.

  • The Solomon family has left big city life for a secluded farm in North Dakota. Soon after they arrive at their new home, 16 year-old Jess and her 3 year-old brother begin seeing ominous apparitions that no one else can see, and are repeatedly attacked by something from the other side, possibly as far away as South Dakota

"Nicole Richie is seeking treatment for what her camp describes as an inability to put on weight."

Halloween: "the shoddiest and lamest costumes available for sale."


  • "the GOP position is becoming crystal-clear: If you want gay sex, don’t do it with consenting adults, just under-age kids."

Tara Reid's famous pop-out

Oldies but goodies - Hilary Swank See-Thrus





Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Body Heat (1981)

This deluxe edition marks the 25th anniversary of one of the few perfect films. I fully admit that I am incapable of objectivity on this film. The first time I watched it, it hooked me in the first few minutes, and  it just gets better each time I see it. '

First-time director Lawrence Kasdan didn't copy 40s film noir, he reinvented it in color. He began by writing a superlative screen play, something that he had already been known for. This time, however, it was for his own direction, which give him an extra incentive. He felt that it could well be his only chance to direct, especially if he didn't do well, so he was determined to get as much fun out of the project as possible. 

He was intent on hiring the perfect leads, but from relatively unknown performers. That way the audience would have no baggage from other roles to lay on the characters. William Hurt and Kathleen Turner were both trained and experienced stage actors, but were not cinema names.  When they tested together, Kasdan knew he had his leads. Turner had the perfect voice for the character, and was not at all hard to look at. She effortlessly made Mattie scorchingly sexy. Turner says the nudity and sex scenes were very difficult for her emotionally. After she heard "cut," she would hide in her dressing room shaking, trying to recover, although you would never guess that from her performance. Both Hurt and Turner loved the four weeks of rehearsal. It felt very comfortable to performers that were stage-trained.

Filming started with a serious problem. The script was set in New Jersey, and a SAG strike prevented start of filming until the weather in New Jersey was too cold for the story. They settled on Florida as a replacement, but it was the coldest winter Florida had seen to date, which makes their achievement of creating a heat wave you can feel as you watch it even more amazing.

Another of Kasdan's goals was to build complete characters in the supporting roles, and he managed brilliant choices for each of them as well, including Mickey Rourke and Ted Danson in their youthful days. I said in the beginning that this is a perfect film. I say that because I can't think of a single thing I would change about it, right down to the ending, where Mattie shows some regret. According to Hurt, Kasdan earned his chops as a director during the first scene they shot. The musical score was simply perfect in establishing the mood, the cinematography was amazing, and even the editing was done by someone who clearly shared Kasdan's vision.

If you also love this film, you will want this edition. It includes five deleted scenes, fully color graded, that add up to plot twists that were removed. While there is nothing wrong with the scenes, the decision to cut was a good one, as they would have delayed rather than advanced the story. While there is nothing new about the transfer, the special features are both interesting and informative, and it is a perfect excuse to watch this film yet again.

The last time I wrote about this film, I gave it a B. I see no reason to change my vote.

IMDb readers say 7.2. (Which seems a tad low to both of us.)



Kathleen Turner



Tiki (2006)

From the sublime to ... Tiki, a monster/horror film which is soon to be released by Fred Olin Ray's Retromedia.

Amy Connelly (Joelene Smith) comes to the mainland from Hawaii to study drama at a small community college. The members of the "in crowd," who have been together since grade school, don't welcome her warmly, especially when she makes friends with the professor, and lands the lead in the class production of Pygmalion. Her classmates trick her into showing up nearly naked in the professor's bedroom, and when he doesn't greet her warmly, she has a seizure, and ends up in a coma.

That is when the horror film really begins. Her aunt arrives, and sics the dread Tiki on those who harassed her. The story is narrated by the one survivor.

Produced and directed by Ron Ford, it is a low budget, by-the-numbers monster film with a cast mostly taken from a junior college play, and filmed in four weekends in Spokane, Washington. It is marginally better than that makes it sound. It features breast exposure from two new faces, and it looks far batter than its budget would lead you to believe, so I'll call it a C, asking for your understanding that it means "watchable and competent for a low-budget monster film."

IMDb has not heard of this, and the Retromedia Website has only the cover image.



Joelene Smith shows breasts in the green-room when the professor rushes in without knocking.



Ashley Williamson-Payne shows breasts in a lesbo three-way before getting tiki'ed.


Trivia: why do they call it the "green-room"? (Written correctly with a hyphen, as per OED.) Nobody knows, although the term seems to have originated in the late 1600s.


OED thinks it may be because of the original color of the room somewhere in some theater. That's logical enough, but the proof, if it exists, has been lost to history. The OED entry: "A room in a theatre provided for the accommodation of actors and actresses when not required on the stage, probably so called because it was originally painted green. To talk green-room: to talk theatrical gossip."






Today the Time Machine travels back to 1970 for Beyond the Valley of the Dolls.

Cynthia Myers, cleavage only.

Angel Ray, with Robo-Hooters.

Boobies from Dolly Read.

Susan Reed, topless in panties only.

Samantha Scott, titties.

Speaking of Samantha, she is best known for a 1968 exploitation piece, "Brand of Shame," which features her in a rather explicit whipping scene. It is said that Samantha later went to jail for murdering her husband.  Here's the movie clip (zipped .wmv) from "Brand of Shame." Not the best quality. This one never made it to DVD.

Here's a sample cap from "Brand of Shame." 

The whole set can be found in the archives on Dec. 22, 2001.



Dann reports on 5ive Girls:

If you like your horror demonic, 2006's 5ive Girls will be right up your alley. It's pretty cool, and there's even a scene with the headmistress strip-searching the girls, and another where she beats one on the butt with a yardstick. My kind of school.

Five wayward girls are sent to a religious reformatory. They are told their parents don't want them any more, because they are possessed by the devil. In fact, they all do exhibit supernatural powers, which made it impossible for their parents to control them.

What they don't know is that besides the leering priest and mean headmistress, the school is populated by Legion, an ancient demon who holds a grip over the institution.

It becomes the girls' job to battle the demon, but it turns out that some of the staff also have an interest in them confronting the demon, so the girls really have no one to turn to but one another.

A pretty decent demon horror flick, well acted and interesting. I especially enjoyed it because I'm a fan of Ron Perlman who played the priest. Definitely worth watching for horror/occult fans.


Tasha May Jennifer Miller Barbara Mamabolo Jordan Madley






Notes and collages

Ullie Birve in "Epsilon"


- Apparently this film was also released under the title of "Alien Visitor," perhaps to bring in an audience with an eighth grade reading level (which is a fairly normal event in U.S. culture now that we have banned DODGEBALL and LAWN DARTS and made the purchase of MODEL GLUE a behind-the-counter experience.)

- Aside from the above rant, this is a very pretty lady; my desert camping experiences never had visitors like this...

- If you have seen this film then you know that I did an aesthetic cheat with the imagery: I flopped the pics from left-facing to right-facing so that it "flowed" better as a collage.

- doh!





A brief TV nip-slip from Rachel Ray

Cheryl Pollak in No Strings Attached. Mr. Skin did not identify this as a body double, and he knows more than anyone about such matters, but there is not one instance in which a recognizable face appears in the same frame as a nekkid naughty bit.

Helen Baxendale in Bolshe Vita. Never heard of it. I like Baxendale, and I didn't even know this existed!