5ive Girls (2006)

Five delinquent girls are sent to a Catholic boarding school reformatory in which they are to be rehabilitated. First they are strip searched. Later come the spankings.

Then stranger things start to happen. They can speak and write in tongues. They are lured into arcane rituals. Crosses fly through the air and impale priests.

Usual Catholic school stuff. Reminded me of my high school.

Who's causing the mischief? Oh, I don't know, let me think ... could it be ... SATAN?

Actually, it's one of Satan's little pals called Legion, whom you may remember from one of those Exorcist movies. Fortunately, the girls each have supernatural powers, and together they can combine to battle the demon.

That's not to say they can win, but they can at least battle.

5ive Girls had the potential to be a great exploitation film or a great horror film. I mean, five hot chicks locked into a demon-possessed abandoned schoolhouse with a troubled priest and a hot lesbian headmistress who's into domination? Ron Perlman as the priest? That could have been good. Unfortunately, the film couldn't decide where to go. Not enough gore to please the slasher crowd. Not enough T&A to be a good exploitation film. Why? Because it decided to blend the Exorcist elements with the usual tired WB-style teen bonding elements. The usual stock stereotyped characters have the usual personality conflicts and engage in the typical bickering, like a road company performance of Buffy, the Movie.

It's not an awful movie, but an opportunity squandered.



Jennifer Miller. She's the chick from Lucky Number Slevin



Tasha May




Third party videos:


  • Helen Mirren in The Cook, The Thief, His Wife, and Her Lover. Pretty much of an incomprehensible movie, as per Peter Greenaway's usual modus operandi, but Mirren is naked a lot. I mean a LOT.   (Four .avis zipped together - very large download not safe for dial-up - 100 meg.) Plus it's one of the most artistic movies ever created. Spectacular and beautiful visual symbolism. (Movie House review.)





CD Zapping: "Take one CD, Microwave at full power for 5 seconds, and place on top of tesla coil. Enjoy!"

Stoned in suburbia - a documentary about the UK's changes in attitude toward cannabis

George Costanza Sick Of Being Called George Costanza's Early Report October 24

The Diebold Variations

Urban Legend: The Milky Way and 3 Musketeers candy bars were given the wrong names when their wrappers were inadvertently switched. ... Status: Utter bullcrap.

The trailer for Holla, a new low-budget horror comedy

Leftover pictures fo Suri Cruise

  • She is a beautiful little girl, and her looks don't leave much doubt about the identity of her parents.

Movie trivia game - indentify film titles from visual puns.

SIRIUS Satellite Radio is now available on the internet as well

Elvis finally loses his crown as the top-earning dead celeb (Can you guess the new champ before clicking?)

Letterman's "Top Ten Signs A Baseball Player Is Cheating"

White House Courts Vote of Amnesia Victim ... Rove Masterminds Latest Electoral Strategy

Tony Snow Comments on Seditious Essay by Sniveling Crybaby Brother of FREEDOM Martyr Pat Tillman (

Many reasons not to drink in Poland

Mozart's favorite instrument: The Fartsichord

Nah, this can't be done. Can it?

The Smoking Gun: Streisand Goes To The Dogs

Death and Taxes: A Visual Guide to Where Your Federal Tax Dollars Go (This may be the world's largest graph.)

What the world needs now? No, not love sweet love, but a Haunted House Search Engine

Super-duper close-up of a snowflake


Blue Oyster Cult: video of Don't Fear the Reaper. Man, this needs WAY more cowbell.

Enron's Skilling sent up the river for 24 years





Movie Reviews:

Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe). White asterisk: expanded format. Blue asterisk: not mine. No asterisk: it probably sucks.


The L Word Season 3 Episodes 9 through 12 (2005)

Season Three finished with a flurry of activity. Dana did die of breast cancer, and I must say that the show did a tremendous job portraying how this affected all of her friends. Shane proposed to Carmen, even got her family's blessings, then stood her up at the altar. Jenny has become tired of Max, who is becoming too much of a guy to suit her. Alice and Laura are becoming interested in each other. Helena nearly ruins the company over a sexual harassment suit, and then her mother cuts her off without a cent, in a move to force her to be self-reliant and stop trying to buy friendship. Tina is in love with a man, and she and Bette are squaring off for a custody battle. Kit is pregnant.

Writing Dana out of the script was a major event, and a good deal of the special features was devoted to explaining it. In writers' sessions, they figured that giving her character a medical problem would work well for the season. That evolved into breast cancer, and even then, they were going to have her survive, until they got further along in the scripting. At that point, they felt the message was important enough to justify losing one of the original and best loved characters. In fact, it was the fact that Dana was so popular with the legions of counter-culture fans that made that particular plot line so powerful. It was during the support for Dana, and the grieving process after her death, that I finally accepted these women as a group of very close friends.

Mostly because of these final four episodes, I am suddenly looking forward to the next season.

With the sudden glut of content, there was not much room for nudity in the last four episodes.


Tara Fynn, as a monk, shows breasts, as does Alexandra Hedison in EPISODE 9.


Tara Flynn



Alexandra Hedison




Mia Kirshner finally shows her breasts in Episode 12.


Mia Kirshner




The L Word has accomplished what very few series manage for me. It remains interesting after three full seasons. The prologues that I thought were random end up all tying together to show a section of Alice's relationship chart, finally tied together in the 12th Episode. This show clearly has a great deal of life left in it, and I give bonus points to this third season for the heart-wrenching breast cancer plot line. The original year of 90210 I thought was brave TV, as it dealt honestly with some important issues. It looks like the L Word is moving in that direction. This is the very highest C+, a must see, I am told, for Lesbians, and of interest to those who think lesbians can be hot.





Today from the really bad movie category we have "Mr. Hell." Tracy Smith shows off her "Big Uns" in an outdoor lovemaking scene.

Clip (zipped .avi)



Kelly Brown in the late-night cable series "Hotel Erotica Cabo"






Notes and collages

Patricia Arquette in Human Nature

...hmmm, a naked Patricia Arquette carefully dropping down from a tree limb to the ground....I appreciate that....




Michelle Pfeiffer in Into the Night

She was so stunningly pretty here; I'm glad she choose this film to get naked in...




Mary-Louise Parker in Grand Canyon

This is a heartfelt film from Lawrence Kasdan about normal human beings coping with crises and change and trust, a film which I recommend to everyone. The scene captured in this collage is the tail end of Kevin Kline's flying dream in which he visits his mistress (Mary Louise Parker) from outside her high rise apartment window, the dream culminating with the glass window and the dream both shattering at the touch of his fingers. Very cool.






Diane Keaton in Reds. Good on ya, Mr. Skin. Hell, I just watched Reds, and I don't even remember this.

Alison Lohman just hanging out, in more ways than one.



Pat's comments in yellow...

John Spencer, Hillary Clinton's Republican Senate rival, was quoted as saying that when Hillary was young, she was so ugly that, "Whew. I don't know why Bill married her," but she's had "millions of dollars" worth of work done and "looks good now."  Spencer hotly denied ever saying that, and the reporter who quoted him admitted he didn't have it on tape.  Hillary responded by joking that she thought "my high school yearbook picture was cute."  But her aide railed that she's had no work at all, and for Spencer to say that, then lie and deny it, shows he's not fit to be in the US Senate.

*  Sounds to me like that makes him well-qualified for the job.


Friday in Namur, Belgium, a man who was carrying stolen jewels was arrested for allegedly committing eight robberies.  He had been released from jail the day before.

*  He had to make up for a lot of lost time.

Here's good news for guys: a federal judge in Baltimore ruled that women who go topless in public can't stop magazines from printing photos of them.  Tonya Barnhart flashed her boobs at a gathering of motorcycle clubs, and a photographer for Easy Riders magazine snapped a photo.  She sued for invasion of privacy, but the judge dismissed it, ruling that she can't claim that lifting her shirt at an outdoor public event was a private act.

*  But it was aimed at the 250 motorcycle gang members ONLY!

*  She never meant for her breasts to appear in Easy Rider!  They were for
the "Girls Gone Wild" cameras alone!

A study by genetic researchers in Oslo, Norway, found that blue-eyed men
prefer blue-eyed women

* Possibly because that's all there are in Norway.