Scoopy:

 

"Home for lunch and watching Y&R.  Appears to me that Michelle Stafford aka Phyllis was wearing a black dress that may have been see through.  Just wondering if anyone out there potentially capped this."

 

Thanks,

ice

Scoop's note: Anyone? Bueller?

Love Camp (1981):

This is a soft-core sex film, also known as Divine Emanuelle, Death-goddess of the Love Camp, Love Cult, and probably several other names. The DVD is called Divine Emanuelle, but it has no connection to the Emanuelle series other than that the star is Laura Gemser, who was the "Black Emanuelle" back in the 70s. She is not playing the original character in this film, and her character in the film is not even named Emanuelle. The divine part of the title works, however, since Gemser's character is called the Divine One

This had to be one of the "highest-concept" nudie films ever. First, imagine a cult kind of like the Jonestown group, ostensibly about peace and love, but doomed eventually to ritualistic mass suicide/murder. The cult is ruled by a woman who enforces strict rules: if the girls in the Love Camp refuse to support the cult by having sex with strangers, they get whipped and beaten. If a couple decides to become monogamous, they get whipped and beaten. If somebody misses a semicolon when transcribing a cult ritual ... well, you know the drill. One girl even got a beating for - I'm not making this up - refusing to let some hairy, drunken guy stick a light candle up her ass. Just about everything earns a whipping or beating, the number of lashes ranging from a minimum for getting a hangnail, all the way to the maximum for paying too much for a muffler for the Love Jeep. The one thing that does not earn a whipping is trying to leave the cult, which earns being tossed down a bottomless pit by a guy who seems to have escaped from one of those "sons of Hercules" movies, except that he's sculpted his facial hair in a futile attempt to disguise himself as Abner Doubleday.

The Divine One's biggest money producer is a long-haired "peace and love" guy who looks and talks like the original DNA model from which Owen Wilson was cloned. He doesn't live in Love Camp, but in a stark apartment in town where he has given up all his worldly possessions except a radio, a telephone, and some candles. Owen Wilson Guy is assigned to bring in the recruits, while Hercules Guy is assigned to keep them there. The shit really hits the sacred fan when Owen Wilson Guy beings in the daughter of a wealthy U.S. Senator, then falls in love with her, then tries to escape - prompting a one-on-one battle between Owen Wilson Guy and Hercules Guy. Sound like a mismatch? Well, Owen Guy is a master of the oriental arts, but it really doesn't do any good, because Herc just stands there with his arms crossed and allows Owen to hit him a few hundred times to no avail.

On the way to their ultimate doom, the cultists sing several groovy original musical numbers, ala "Hair,"  and each of the numbers reflects their mood at the time. There's even a groovy End of Days number which they do during the mass orgy which precedes the ritual suicide. The suicide itself consists of Hercules Guy planting some dynamite charges which are timed to explode while the orgiasts are fucking their way into eternity.

And there you go. The Senator's daughter finally helps Owen defeat Herc, the camp blows up, and the senator is relieved that his daughter is the only survivor - so relieved that he even gives his daughter a thumbs-up on  her relationship with Owen.

That's actually quite a bit of plot for what is essentially just a nudie film. Of course, it includes bad songs, bad acting, bad dubbing, bad sets, and bad dialogue, but it is not the boring kind of bad. It is the ludicrous high-camp kind of bad that will have you guffawing out loud at scene after scene. If MST3K ever does an R-rated movie, this is the one they need!

Apart from the general silliness, the film does,in fact, deliver what it is supposed to: non-stop nudity, male and female, during dance and romp scenes, during various sex scenes short of penetration, and during an orgy with a hundred or more participants. Laura Gemser has sex with several people of both sexes, many of them in excellent light. Many other attractive women get naked or just stay naked constantly. Unfortunately, the film has no closing credits, so I don't know who any of them are, although several could be identified by the characters' names. IMDb offers no assistance in this regard.

The quality of the full-screen transfer is inconsistent. Some scenes are lustrously colorful, while other scenes are substantially worse. Either the DVD producers worked from multiple sources, or lighting was inconsistent in the original film. On balance, however, the good outweighs the bad.

The DVD is uncut, and has a surprisingly rich assortment of additional material. There are many, many minutes of deleted/unused footage from the film and from alternate trailers, and there is also a gallery of various promotional stills and posters. The quality of the extra material ranges from abysmal to outstanding, but if you are a Laura Gemser fan, it is well worth culling through it for the outstanding material.

How can you complain? Nudity in almost every frame, hot girl-on-girl action, pretty good quality on the transfer, tons of extra footage, and a ludicrous high-camp film that will have you laughing out loud. Pretty enjoyable crap!

I

 

Laura Gemser

Various others

Cobb is the story of sportswriter Al Stump who, during the course of his career, wrote two very different biographies of baseball immortal Ty Cobb. Stump's dilemma was whether to tell the story Cobb wanted him to, or to tell the truth. He chose to romanticize Cobb in the first biography, and not until years later did he write the story accurately. The film chronicles a trip in which Cobb and Stump traveled together to the Hall of Fame for a testimonial. Stump was to work on the (first) biography en route.

The film was directed by Ron Shelton, who has brought us many popular sports films including The Best of Times, Bull Durham, White Men Can't Jump, and Tin Cup. Cobb was not as popular at the box office as Shelton's other films, and the probable reason for that is that Ty Cobb himself, arguably the greatest ballplayer of all time, and the first inducted into the hall of fame, was a world class maniac and monster. Although the film does not neglect Cobb's brilliant baseball career, or the successful stock trading which left him very wealthy, the star is accurately shown to be a bigoted, foul-mouthed, hard-drinking, abusive bully who always carried a loaded gun (even on his death bed).  Hence, the entire film is about an extremely unsympathetic character. Roger Ebert accurately isolated the film's greatest problem in his largely unfavorable two star review: Ty Cobb was simply not someone you would willingly spend 128 minutes with.

James Berardinelli liked it better at three stars, and pointed out how well the film shows the gap between legend and real life. Both Ebert and Berardinelli are right, in my opinion. Cobb does accomplish everything it was trying to do. I found it a very well made film. Cobb was played brilliantly by Tommy Lee Jones, and Robert Wuhl did fine as the everyman, "Stumpy." On the other hand, it's a film about a despicable character, and the experience of sharing his life is often unpleasant. '

 

Rhoda Griffis did a full frontal in a flashback scene depicting the night Cobb's father was murdered, an incident often thought to be the cause of his personality problems.

Lolita Davidovitch showed breasts as a cigarette casino girl whom Cobb terrorized (based on a true incident).

"The L Word"

Season 2, episode 13

 

Mia Kirshner
Laurel Holloman

** In 1973 the prolific director John Frankenheimer made a movie called "Story of a Love Story" aka Impossible Object. It stars Alan Bates and 1970's French babe Dominique Sanda, and never obtained a cinema release according to the IMDb.

I"ll just present you here the most interesting parts of the movie for Fun House purposes:

- Dominique Sanda exposing her beautiful breasts in several short scenes, and

- Italian actress Lea Massari, fully nude, but somehow managing to show only far-off breasts and buns.

** In "The Hunted" (1995) we can enjoy some romantic toplessness by Joan Chen in a huge bath tub.

CELEBS DODGING "SEXIEST MAN ALIVE" TITLE

Every 007 Is Fired Eventually - It's the 20th anniversary of People magazine's "Sexiest Man Alive" title, but they can't find anyone willing to take it because it's seen as a curse.  Previous winners include JFK Jr. (deceased); Nick Nolte (arrested); Jude Law (scandalous break-up); George Clooney (injury); Pierce Brosnan (fired as 007); Harry Hamlin, Patrick Swayze and Ben Affleck (career meltdowns).  Brad Pitt won twice: both times, he had flop movies, and the second time, a messy divorce.  A film critic said the title makes people root for the pretty boy to fail.  But one skeptic said you could make a list of cursed non-Sexiest Men winners, from Michael Jackson to Robert Blake.

*  This year, they're the only celebrities willing to take it.
*  Yeah, this curse talk is silly!  We ALWAYS root for every pretty boy to fail!
*  At least Nick Nolte got one flattering picture of himself out of it.
*  Yeah, poor Brad Pitt ended up with Angelina Jolie!  It's a curse, I tells ya!


LOTTERY WINNER NOT ENTHUSIASTIC

Anonymity: Priceless - Steven West of Jacksonville, Oregon, won the record $340 million Powerball lottery, but he doesn't seem too thrilled.  He said he'd never played before, he thought he was "just throwing away $40," and he and his wife don't want their lives to change radically and keep saying, "Maybe we shouldn't have bought that."  He agreed to appear on "Good Morning America" only if his face isn't shown.  He said he wants a sports car and his wife wants a new house, but other than that, he just wants to keep working as a landscaper.

*  So he bought Oregon, and he's landscaping it.
*  On the bright side, he can now afford to pay his workers minimum wage.
*  Really, he'd be happy to settle for getting his $40 back.



FEMINIST PARTY GOES TOO FAR

"Norva?" - In Sweden, sexual equality is so ingrained, half the parliament is female, but the new Feminist Initiative Party took a dive in polls after radical gender studies professor Tiina Rosenberg took charge and issued a party platform.  It called for taxing men to pay for all the evil they do, abolishing marriage and adding more non-gender-specific names such as "Robin" and "Norva" to the list of approved names parents must choose from for their babies.  The media ridiculed her as a lunatic.  Defenders claimed they were just attacking her because she's a lesbian.

*  Really?  A lesbian?!  Get outta here!
*  At least she has experience in taking a dive.
*  She wants to abolish all marriage, except gay marriage.
*  If everyone has a non-gender-specific name, it's gonna make it hard to tax the men.

Scoop's note: Swedish parents have to choose baby names from an approved list? As Johnny C. would have said, " I did not know that."


BEST HOLIDAY TOY IS LOW-TECH

And A Stocking Full Of Grout - Hamley's department store in London announced its annual list of the best holiday toys.  They include: I-Video, a digital video camera that kids can plug into a TV and edit their own films; an electric go-kart called Billy Kart; and the #1 best toy of the year: "creaAtiles", a set of 49 colorful fabric and velcro tiles made by a tiny London company.  The judges said it was perfect for inspiring young imaginations.  It's also much more low-tech than last year's winner: the Robosapien robot.

*  Also, unlike last year's winner, it won't kill people in their sleep.
*  I'm so old, I remember when velcro was high-tech.
*  It inspires kids' imaginations: they look at it and think, "What the heck am I gonna do with a box full of tiles?..."
*  The tiles are really cool: kids can make movies of themselves driving their go-karts over them.


AD GURU LOSES JOB 

He's Had Lots Of Chivas Thrown In His Face - WWP Group PLC Marketing accepted the resignation of advertising guru Neil French, after he infuriated women at an industry speech in Toronto.  As a woman in a French maid outfit brought him drinks, he said women don't make it to the top at ad agencies because "they're crap;" they don't commit to the job, want to take time off every time their kids are ill, and "inevitably wimp out and go suckle something."  French is known for his in-your-face style, such as a classic ad for Chivas Regal that said, "If you don't recognize it, you're probably not ready for it."

*  Sounds like before this speech, he was ready for a LOT of Chivas Regal.
*  If you don't recognize that you're blowing your career with your big mouth, you probably weren't ready for it.



DEAD MAN CRASHES MOTORCYCLE

CSI: Tijuana - Friday in downtown Tijuana, Mexico, a motorcyclist with a man seated behind him lost control and skidded.  A police officer came over to investigate and found that the passenger was a dead man who'd been strapped to the driver's back.  Police said he'd been dead at least six hours and was riding all over Tijuana.

*  He was ticketed for not wearing a helmet and released.
*  They were shooting a movie called "Weekend at Bernardo's."
*  No wonder they call Tijuana the "land of enchantment!"



JANET JACKSON'S SECRET DAUGHTER?
Rhythm Method Nation - Young DeBarge, whose brother James was briefly married to Janet Jackson in the 1980s, made the bombshell claim that Janet has a secret 18-year-old daughter named Renee.  Young said Renee was sent away in shame to live with Janet's sister Rebbie, and the girl is not happy about her mom's refusal to acknowledge her existence.  Janet's rep didn't deny it, but said Janet had no comment.

*  Except, "Are these the abs of someone who's had a baby?"
*  The kid should just be grateful she wasn't sent away with live with Michael.
*  Normally, a kid would be devastated at being kicked out of her own family, but when it's the Jacksons, it's like dodging a bullet.
*  Now, we can see what Janet would've looked like without plastic surgery.



NEW "WIZARD OF OZ" IN TOO-SHARP FOCUS

Margaret Hamilton In High-Def! Yippee! - Warners is releasing a new high-resolution DVD of "The Wizard of Oz" that's so sharp, the restorers say it reveals the production tricks, enabling viewers to see everything from the trapdoor the Witch sinks through to the fishing line that holds up the Cowardly Lion's tail.  A spokesman said they didn't want to add or remove anything, so "we didn't remove the fishing lines as a matter of philosophy."

*  They just didn't have the nerve...Or the brains or the heart.
*  You can see all the MGM men behind the curtain, but pay no attention to them.
*  You can see the fleas on the flying monkeys...Toto, too!
*  You can see the Thom McAn label on the ruby slippers...The outline of a diet pill bottle in Judy Garland's apron pocket...And three Munchkins flashing each other.
 


HUTTON TO POSE NUDE AT 62
Miss December - Model/actress Lauren Hutton refused $1 million to pose nude in the 1970s, but she's doing it next month, when she turns 62.  Big magazine is doing an issue in her honor and asked her to pose nude.  She was shocked, but her 14 godchildren said she looked okay in a swimsuit and it would be "inspirational."  She said she wants women to stop listening to a 2,000-year-old patriarchal society and being "ashamed of who they are when they're in bed." She also insisted that for the first time, her photos not be retouched, because "where would you start?"

*  The gap in her teeth?
*  She won't inspire a lot of 60-something women to pose nude, because most of them already have, for charity calendars.



"FRIDAY THE 13TH" ANNIVERSARY PARTY

Devil's Food - Saturday night at the ScreamFest Horror Film Festival at Universal Studios in Los Angeles, alumni of all 11 "Friday the 13th" movies gathered for a 25th anniversary party.  The creators unveiled a coffee table book about the movie series and sang "Happy Birthday" to an actor dressed as Jason, who then pulled out a machete and hacked off the first piece.

*  How could he have known there was a girl inside that cake?
*  The actors who made these movies were just grateful for free food.



CRUISE'S POPULARITY NOSEDIVES

And He Owes It All To Scientology - Tom Cruise's sudden promotions of Scientology, attacks on psychiatry and over-the-top declarations of love for Katie Holmes are not sitting well with fans.  In the latest Genius Starpower survey, he's plunged from the 12th most-popular star to the 50th.  Worse, he dropped from 11th most-liked star to 197th.  But he did make the top five list of most controversial actors, those who are either passionately liked or disliked, along with David Spade, Ashton Kutcher, Tom Green and Pauly Shore.

*  Tom's decided to really torpedo his career and make that the cast of "Mission Impossible 3."
*  The only person they could find who still likes him is Katie Holmes.
*  If this depresses Tom, I prescribe exercise and vitamins.
*  Say, wasn't he once named People's "Sexiest Man Alive?"



Michael Drennon of Philadelphia was charged with robbing a Wachovia Bank Friday, but the FBI said "it wasn't a huge forensic undertaking," since he wrote the hold-up note on his pay stub with his name and address crossed out with a marker

...A yellow highlighting marker

...Then he left behind the marker, which was engraved with his name

...He'd better hire Robert Blake's lawyer.