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Halle Berry's Breasts (2001) are finally being released, both from the confines of her bra, and on region 1 DVD next Tuesday. The transfer is very nice, and I was able to do a fairly large (1024 x 768) image, as well as several composites that cover the now famous breast exposure, which is gratuitous, as well as the bra and panties scene, which is not gratuitous. Oh, the film is also known as Swordfish.

The film started out slowly for me, and the plot was pretty muddled and confusing. The film starts in the middle of the story, does the first half in flashback, then goes for the conclusion. In case I am not the only one who didn't see it in the theaters, I won't write spoilers, but there is a very topical anti-terrorism theme, computer hacking, lots of intrigue, chases and explosions, shoot-outs and plenty of plot twists. I found it more enjoyable as the film progressed, and, by the end, was on the edge of my seat. An interesting point is that they managed lots of dramatic conflict with no real bad guys, acts of nature, or evil presences. The IMDB 6.6/10 is probably about right. If you are interested in Halle Berry, I am sure you have already ordered it. Otherwise, it is a slightly better than average thriller, with good production values. C+.

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  • Halle Berry (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

    "Keetje Tippel" (1975)

    Keetje Tippel (1975) is a biopic based on a series of autobiographical works by Neel Doof (1858 to 1942), who started to write late in life. She was then living in Belgium, and the books were in French, as she was more fluent by then in French than in her native Dutch. Her books were praised for their absolute honesty in describing her early life, and hence the life of the Dutch lower class at the start of the industrial revolution under the monarchy. One of the things that makes this film so interesting to me is that, true to Doof's honesty, the film is very honest. It would have been easy to romanticize, and show the peasant proletariat as friendly, good-natured, industrious and united against tyranny. Paul Verhoeven recognized that some of the poor actually react badly to a lifetime of abuse, and become unpleasant people.

    Three examples come to mind. Keetje's mother is a baby factory, but seems to be breeding children for the express purpose of exploiting them, as she does with Keetje, forcing her to become a streetwalker when her older sister is fired from the whorehouse, then spends her first earnings on a sausage for herself. The second is Keetje's sister, played by Hannah de Leeuwe. An elderly customer is not pleased with his three choices of women, one of whom is Leeuwe. Keetje happens to be in the building selling hats, and Leeuwe talks her into letting the old letch fondle her thighs while Leeuwe masturbates on a sofa. Leeuwe gained a lot of weight for this part, and the masturbation scene is brilliantly photographed partly in a ceiling mirror. It is at this point that Keetje learns that her sister is a prostitute, and that she is nearly the sole support for the large family. The third example is the women who work with Keetje in a wool dyeing sweat shop. Even though they are from the same social level she is, they are very cruel to her. Also, when she sings a socialist song, they counter with a patriotic song. Despite what they are living through, they are loyal to the House of Orange.

    Keetje Tippel would be properly translated Katie the Streetwalker. Monique van de Ven as Keetje, moves quickly from streetwalker to artists model to kept woman, but it was a much more painful process for Doof. We are given a hint in the opening scene that Keetje will amount to something. She is reading Jules Verne's 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea, while her sister is screwing a sailor for a loaf of bread and some bacon. Keetje clearly has aspirations. So, in the end, the film is hopeful, even though it depicts abject poverty and the abuse of the upper class.

    Something about Verhoeven's work speaks to me in a very personal way. He doesn't make films for critics, other than one of his early Dutch projects, in which he added a bunch of artsy symbolism as a joke on the critics. As predicted, the critics loved the film. He uses what he calls hyper-reality, and is not afraid to take you into the bathroom, indeed into the toilet contents, to make an impression. He loves to shock audiences. My only criticism of his work is that he manipulates audiences with mis-direction, seemingly for the pure joy of it. Basic Instincts is an example of that, and is my least favorite of his films. Even those who berate Showgirls acknowledge that he does a great job with nudity, photography and art/set design. I find it interesting that so many people spend so much time criticizing Showgirls. For a "bad film," they all watch it, think about it, and spend hours writing about it.

    In a feature length commentary, Verhoeven explains that there were not many films being made in the Netherlands while he was there, and that he always used the same people, as he was familiar with them, they were always available, and they were glad for the work. I find it a very well-made film, about a topic I find interesting. The grade, however, reflects cross-over appeal, and this film has little. C+

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  • Hannah de Leeuwe (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
  • Monique van de Ven (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Wishmaster 3 has some gorgeous photography. (See the caps of Jackson and Dubuisson). Unfortunately, about halfway into the shooting schedule, the director must have finally asked to see the script - and realized there wasn't one. Details, details!

    • Louisette Geiss (1, 2)

    • Angela Jackson and Ruth Dubuisson. I don't know who they are and I don't even know which is which. Does it matter? (1, 2)

    Ginger Snaps is a hybrid teenage angst meets teenage werewolf movie that many reviewers adored, but I thought was mostly a yawner, partially redeemed by a terrific comedy turn from a somewhat unlikely source - Mimi Rogers. No nudity.

    Tuna's comments on "WORDS"

    As the Word discussions are winding down, it is time for a quick look at what I call Jenglish, any creative snippet of prose that is nearly English but with far more charm. My favorite example was from the 70's, and was the unpacking instructions for a low-cost digital multimeter. It said "Please to see meter in serene black case. Not to connect battery with a wrong polarity."

     The spam I received just now is a classic example, and left me wondering exactly which culture produced it:

     The Most Powerful CD you have Ever seem.

     This CD contained the most powerful information that ever release to the Internat.

    See it for yourself now and prepare to be amazing !!!

    To be remove, please replay the email with "REMOVE" in the subject line.

    I would, of course, advise against replaying it, and I am not sure how to protect myself against the dread Internat. Possibly I can hire a soprano to inhale for a high note, and suck all the Internats in.

    Prepare to be amazing,

    • There is a new encyclopedia page for Monique van de Ven. The following pages are updated: Asia Argento, Virginie Ledoyen, Kathleen Kinmont.

    Alexandra Gilbreath
    (1, 2)

    Olivia Williams

    Hayley Carr
    (1, 2)

    All 3 ladies
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    From the movie "Dead Babies" (2000). Scoop summed it up with this sentence from his review..."It is basically incoherent gibberish. It looks like it is not only about drug use, but also involved some intensive study on the set."

    But at least there is plenty of quality nudity! Each image has a two breast minimum, and the 'caps with all three...well I'm sure you can do the math. Hayley Carr also has a full frontal nude scene, and shows a bit of bum as well.

    Kate Winslet
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Kate's very lovely topless scene from "Quills".

    Noelle Evans
    (1, 2)

    Stripping down to nothing but her panties in scenes from "15 Minutes".

    Anna Levine
    (1, 2)

    The mainstream actress with more names than most porn stars. She also is credited as Anna Levine Thompson, Anna Thompson, Anna Levine Thomson, Anna Thomson, and Anne Thomson.

    Regardless of her many names, if you're like me, you simply know her best as the ugly chick with big boobs from "Bad Boys". Here she is showing off the big'uns both unleashed and in cleavage form in scenes from "Fast Food, Fast Women" (2000).

    Heike Makatsch

    Jasmin Tabatabai

    Heike and Jasmin
    (1, 2, 3)

    A little dark, but here are several 'caps of breast exposure and lesbo lovin' from the German movie "Gripsholm" (2000).

    Melissa George
    (1, 2)

    The beautiful Aussie actress topless in "Dark City".

    Élodie Bouchez The French actress once again going topless on screen. This time in scenes from "Les Kidnappeurs" (1998).

    Renee Griffin
    (1, 2)

    Topless just before getting her noggin lopped off in scenes from "Showdown in Little Tokyo" (1991). Not a bad genre flick. Brandon Lee and Dolph Lundgren team up for this buddy cop/karate flick with pretty good results. Actually, this movie may have a small place in cinema history if I'm not mistaken. Besides being Brandon Lee's first big role, this is one of, if not the last of the pre-John Woo karate movies to come out of Hollywood (with a decent budget, notable stars, and to see theatrical release, etc.) The first Woo film arrived in 1993 disguised as the Jean-Claude Van Damme movie "Hard Target" (1993).

    Kate Winslet
    (1, 2)

    From "Holy Smoke"...Link #1 has full frontal (and full figured) nudity. Links #2 shows Kate kissing a chick.

    Salma Hayek As Santanico Pandemonium in "From Dusk Till Dawn" (1996). Bikini only, but she sure does fill it out nicely.

    Tara Reid Topless in scenes from "Body Shots".

    The Funnies by Number 6
    The Airlines are taking steps to prevent future terrorist attacks. Here are few ideas to safeguard the skies of the world...

  • New cockpit security
  • New emergency safety cards found in the seat pocket in front of you.

  • Click Here!