NOTE TO ALL: Scoopy Jr writes the bulk of the commentary these days, while Uncle Scoopy continues to add his daily column, Contact junior by writing junior@scoopy.com. Contact Scoopy by writing unclescoopy@msn.com. Contact Tuna by writing tuna@scoopy.com Send submissions to scoopy@scoopy.net

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Entertainment News
New Jolie Scam
The last time it was cellulite on her butt, requiring a butt double. This time Kevin Costner's upcoming movie "Beyond Borders" is on hold after co-star Angelina Jolie refused to do love scenes with him because he's old enough to be her father.

*Costner is 45, the same age as Jolie's husband Billy Bob Thornton.

Anna Nicole Smith is being sued for $4 million by a producer who says she backed out of an agreement to appear in his movie.

*And probably another six million by the producer of Skyscraper for agreeing to appear in it.


Attention!!! We interrupt your regularly scheduled nudity to bring you a special Tuna tangent. What is nearly 40 years old, deserved and won 10 Oscars, and is just as relevant today as it was on October 18, 1961?

West Side Story

Before I watched the DVD, I remembered great dancing, wonderful songs, the best modernization of Romeo and Juliet ever, and great supporting performances. What I did not remember was the superb art direction and photography. The story takes place in New York, in a poor neighborhood composed of second generation European immigrants, and recent Puerto Rican arrivals. The two groups, naturally, hate each other, and have formed rival gangs. The head of the Jets, Tony, has tried to leave the gang and has gotten a job, but "When you're a Jet. you're a Jet all the way from your first cigarette to your last dying day." Tension is running high, and Bernardo (George Chakiris), head of the Sharks, and Riff (Russ Tamblyn) are moving closer to all out warfare. 'Nardo is in love with Anita (Rita Moreno), and very protective of his sister, Maria (Natalie Wood).

The plan is for the Jets to challenge the Sharks to a rumble while at a dance in a gym which is neutral territory. Tony meets Maria at the gym, and the two fall instantly and desperately in love. Like Shakespeare's version, there are happy endings for nobody. In 1961, gang warfare was something that happened in large cities, and was something of an unknown to most in the US. Like Romeo and Juliet, all of the problems stemmed from hatred and prejudice, and just like Romeo and Juliet, love could have solved all of the problems. What a sad commentary that most of us have rival gangs in our communities still fighting over prejudice and hatred, and often killing each other.

The actual violence in West Side Story was toned way down, and shown as intricate dances. That did not, however, rob them of their power or effectiveness. There was no blood shown, even after gun shots. Rather the film focused on how the senseless violence effected everyone who remained. Was this a perfect film? No, not quite. Natalie Wood was cast in the lead despite the fact that she couldn't sing, and was not very convincing as a Puerto Rican, because she was a big box office draw, and could dance. The male lead, Richard Beymer was cast based on dance ability, but could neither sing nor act. The material is strong enough that some of the scenes between them worked anyway.

Oscars for:

  1. Best Picture
  2. Best Supporting Actor (Gerge Chakiris)
  3. Best Supporting Actress (Rita Moreno)
  4. Best Art Direction/Set Decoration
  5. Best Cinematography
  6. Best Costume Design
  7. Best Director
  8. Best Film Editing
  9. Best Music, scoring of a musical
  10. Best Sound

Despite the fact that the songs, words by Stephen Sondheim, music by Leonard Bernstien has at least 4 classic still popular today (Tonight, Maria, Somewhere and I feel Pretty), Moon River won best song. I watched this last night, and capped it this evening, and will probably watch it again tomorrow. Maltin gives it 4 stars, and over 4,000 IMDB readers have it at 7.7/10. If you have not seen this, or have not seen it in Widescreen from DVD, do it.

  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails

  • Rita Moreno (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
  • Natalie Wood (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34)
  • Color Samples (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

    "The Living Daylights" (1987)

    The Living Daylights features Timothy Dalton as a Bond who doesn't have fun. Not only doesn't he joke, but he is nearly celibate. Maryam d'Abo plays a soviet cello player who is one of a harem belonging to a high ranking, but self serving Russian General. When British agents start dying, General Koskov feigns defection, and claims that the head of the KGB is out to kill all British agents. The defection and claim is really a plot to get Bond to kill the head of the KGB. This is necessary, as the KGB is near catching on to an arms/diamond/dope deal meant to enrich Koskov and arms dealer Brad Whitaker (played by Fun House legend, Joe Don Baker!).

    Most agree this is one of the weakest Bond films, and I concur. On the other hand, Australian actress Virginia Hey actually exposes her breasts as the girlfriend of the head of the KGB. d'Abo either had no role to work with, or wasn't up to the challenge. She also wore far too many clothes.

  • Thumbnails

  • Maryam D'Abo (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
  • Virginia Hey (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Johnny Web

    Leon: The Professional (1994)

    This is a notable movie in many ways. It is the flick that jump-started Natalie Portman's career in almost the same way that Taxi Driver started Jodie Foster's or Pretty baby played Brooke Shield's. All three played kids too old for their years. It was also the first American film from French auteur Luc Besson, and is rated by IMDb viewers as among the best 100 of all time.

    Well, don't believe that best 100 stuff. It is a beautiful piece of filmmaking. The violence is done with spectacular balletic choreography and pin-point coordination with the music. In fact, the coordination of photography, music, acting, characterization and emotional intensity could easily qualify this as one of the best movies ever made.

    But there is one big flaw. And we're not talking about a zit here. We're talking the Black Plague

    This script makes no sense at all.

    First of all, let's get the general premise out of the way. Jean Reno is a professional hitman who lives in a succession of cold water flats, wears 10 year old shoes, never shaves, and has only one pair of pants (and that pair five or six inches too short). He makes a lot of money doing hits for the mob, but he never takes any of the money because he has no use for it. the mob boss "holds" it for him. He can't read or write. By the way, this is more or less exactly the same character Reno played in Besson's "La Femme Nikita", except that the first name is different.

    Natalie Portman plays a 12 year old kid whose drug dealer dad and her entire family are killed by renegade DEA agents. She was spared only because of some fast thinking and Reno's aid.

    Well, she decides that she's in love with Reno and that she wants to be a hit woman to get revenge on the DEA. Reno agrees to teach her, but doesn't agree to screw her - although he's moving in that direction and has started sleeping with her.

    In a hilariously over-the-top finale, Portman and Reno are trapped in their apartment by 200 cops and federal agents. Portman escapes through a ventilation shaft, and Reno almost escapes after taking out about 100 of the cops and disguising himself as one of them. He probably would have made it except that his wounds caused him to collapse just before he made it out to the streets.

    So there you have the general premise.

    Now, some of the additional details. These are great. Mind you that we find out at the end that the entire movie took place over a four week period.

    • About halfway through, Reno tells the mob boss "I can read now". OK, he's a quick study. Name an adult who learned to read in two weeks. This guy would have taken that long to learn the alphabet.
    • To show that she's ready, Portman takes one of Reno's guns and fires it repeatedly down at passersby. Nothing ever comes of it. No police, no neighbors. Nobody checks it out,
    • Reno teaches Portman how to be a sniper from the top of the Plaza Hotel, firing at joggers in Central Park, about five hundred yards away. It is silly enough that Portman hits a guy on her first-ever shot with a rifle from that distance (with blood capsule bullets), but when Reno sets up the scope, he never adjusts it for wind or gravity (more important at long distances). He just pops it on there, she looks through, and hits the guy in the chest. Then they calmly pack up the rifle and leave.
    • We hear that Portman's school in is Wildwood, New Jersey, but she is able to get there by taking the skyride to Roosevelt Island.
    • At the end, Portman returns to the room and is captured on the way. They ask for her keys and if there is a special secret knock she uses. She gives them a false knock to warn Leon, but why would they ask even her about a knock if she took the keys.
    • There are at least two day-night continuity errors.

    As the baddie, Gary Oldman outdoes even his own high standard for overacting. He make Chris Walken and Woody Harrelson seem as wholesome as Tom Hanks.

    But as bad as the script is, I actually watched some scenes over again several times to admire the precision of the music and the actor's movements. Besson is a brilliant director, and the Portman/Reno combination was excellent, Portman so effective as a child with an adult mind, and Reno so effective as an adult with a child's mind. If you just ignore all the holes in the plot and play along with his fantasies, Besson will deliver a good thrill ride.

    But the boy genius Besson is no boy any more. He's older than Atom Egoyan, and he's a decade older than Hollywood's wunderkind, P.T. Anderson. Both of them have eclipsed him in the past decade, even though he was the cock of the walk ten years ago when he was barely thirty and Nikita was released.

    Besson has never directed a script that he didn't write. I'd say it's time for Besson the great director to fire Besson the hack writer.

    No nudity. C'mon. Portman was 12. Here's a couple of cool collages.

  • Portman (1, 2)

    General consensus: Ebert and Maltin gave it two stars, Berardinelli gave three (although he called the film script "preposterous" and "not grounded in reality". Pretty low for a movie that viewers rate as one of the best 100 ever made, eh? Berardinelli hit the nail on the head when he said that it delivers what people want from an action film - a romantic world-view, tons of action, really evil bad guys, revenge, humor, and interesting characters performed by good actors. And after all, it is four star performance and direction of a one star script.

    IMDB summary: 8.3 out of 10.

    DVD info from Amazon.

    Crimes of Passion (1984)

    Quick, name a movie where Anthony Perkins is totally loony, hangs around a run-down hotel/motel, talks to himself, peeps through peepholes at naked women, and ends up being killed while in drag wearing a cheap wig.

    Maybe I worded the question wrong. Too easy. If you can name a Tony Perkins movie at all, he probably did those things. In addition to Psycho 1 through 37, there's also Crimes of Passion.

    Such a strange movie. It's essentially three stories. Kathleen Turner is an uptight workaholic fashion executive who has some kind of psychosexual problem, which she works out through another personality who wanders the streets at night as a $50 hooker. Tony Perkins is some kind of pervert/derelict who claims to be an ex-reverend, and utters sentences from both ends of his split personality, like "Lord, in thy mercy, yeah and verily, smite these douchebags". He isn't sure if he wants to fuck Turner or save her soul. Finally, John Laughlin plays a boy scout suburban husband whose deteriorating marriage drives him into the arms of both parts of Kathleen Turner's personality. The movie is about the interaction between the three characters.

    Each of the three characters has a unique stylistic element. When Turner's night personality, China Blue, is the focus, the movie uses her characteristic blue and rose pastel lighting, and plays her theme music in the background. Perkins gets harsh reds and yellows, and Onward Christian Soldiers. Laughlin gets natural lighting. So it all seems like some kind of adult version of Peter and the Frigging Wolf. Oh, yeah, there's the oboe, it must be a cop.

    The director tops off all the theme music with a heaping helping of wah-wah mutes to punctuate the humorous incidents, like when Gilligan gets hit in the head with a coconut.

    And then there's the completely unrelated fantasy. Russell liked an unrelated idea and he couldn't fit it into the movie, so here's how he did it. Laughlin and his wife are watching TV one night, and they are channel-surfing when this fantasy comes on. Cutlery falls into a swimming pool, and people dive in to get it. Good stuff, eh? I couldn't figure out any relation of any kind to the rest of the film.

    Odd filmmaking, lurid and obsessive, as Ken Russell's films tend to be. He wanted to make a comedy, and he wanted to make a very serious black drama about the underbelly of society, ala 8mm. And then he figured, why not make them both in the same movie? What a concept.

    Despite the fact that I've ragged on this movie, it must be the most watchable bad movie ever made. You will hit the FF once in a while, but you'll also watch some parts with fascination. The movie was saved from being another "Lonely Lady" by actors who played everything with their tongues deep in their cheeks. Both Perkins (all the time) and Russell (in her hooker guise) play their parts for ultra high camp, and the movie is very entertaining when China Blue and/or Perkins are on screen. Hiring these two was a masterstroke, because they brought an obvious over-the-top glee to the roles that made the whole thing dotty fun.

    To add to the general sense of craziness, they both sang. Turner sang "Onward Christian Soldiers" (poorly), and Perkins sang "Forget Your Troubles C'mon Get Happy" (surprisingly well).

    NUDITY: another reason to watch the film.

    Turner showed her bosom several times, in both characters, and the film is heavy with both erotic fantasies and more realistic steamy sex scenes.

    The other nudity came from a stripper, played by Janice Renney. As far as I know, she has never appeared in any other film.

    In addition to the nudity, there are plenty of sexual appliances, and plenty of dirty talk, and it's often quite amusing.

  • Turner (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Renney (1, 2)

    IMDB summary: 5.9 out of 10. Yes, that is about where I would place it as well, but it's much more watchable than most movies of that caliber. Maltin gave it two stars.

    DVD info from Amazon. The sound track is monaural. It's a 1.85-1 widescreen version. The DVD is currently out of print.

    "Le hasard et la violence"(1974) from TomCat

    Well, I' ll tell you what. The two Polish boys did damned good on this collaboration.

    The existing caps of Katherine Ross' topless scene in this movie have usually been small and dark, and that's a pity because Ross didn't go flashing very often. But sometime in the past couple days, some European TV station ran this movie, a gentleman in Poland snapped some screen shots because he realized this was a rare treat, and he fired them off electronically to another guy many thousands of miles away, who worked on them a lot. I think this is about the most editing I've ever done on pictures, and I don't think I'd do it for very many projects. They were dark and grainy and virtually colorless. In one case, I sewed together two halves of a smooth stationary pan, one half with breasts the other with a face. (You can see that I had to overlap another picture to avoid leaving a blank space. Lots of work. But, hey, it's Katherine Ross. Plastics, Benjamin, plastics.

  • Ross (1, 2)

    Award Show Mania

    I think these were from the award show to give the award for the best award show honoring other award shows.

    It's called something like the VH1 Dinah Shore Colgate-Palmolive Paul McCartney Vogue Magazine Fashion Awards and Bowl Games. (Plenty of tight ends in sight.)

    The only visible nipple of the night belonged to model Carolyn Murphy, who is also about eleven or twelve months pregnant. She looks good pregnant, and has a much larger chest than usual, but I wish some of the non-pregnant women had been more daring.

    The following women showed the side or bottom of their breasts because of cleavage-baring designs:


    Other curiosities:

    1. Liv Tyler is either pregnant or really out of shape.
  • Rasslin' with Crow
    Jasmin St. Clair The former anal porn queen and XPW wrestler showing off her backside (it's like second nature to her). Vidcaps from a recent ECW match.
    "Lita" Amy Dumas from WWF Raw. Tons of cleavage.
    Teri Runnels From WWF Smackdown.
    Stephanie McMahon
    (1, 2)
    More rasslin' cleavage. This time from WWF No Mercy.
    Christine Lindberg
    (1, 2)
    Woo-Hoo! More 70's Sleaze! I get a kick out of this old stuff. The boobs are real, the nudity is often full frontal, and the babes are often doing something weird or wearing funky polyester clothes, or both. Of course today's softcore will probably be laughed at in 20+ years too for it's overly dramatic themes, but the classics will always be great! These first vidcaps are from "Swinging Co-eds".
    Jennifer Brooks Topless images from 1972's "The Adult Version of Jekyll & Hyde"
    Rene Bond Full frontal scenes from "The Adult Version of Jekyll & Hyde"
    Unknown From "Swinging Co-eds."
    and ...
    Cheryl Ladd
    (1, 2)
    An interesting find by Freakie...Vidcaps of a young Cheryl looking great in a bikini from the 1976 movie "Treasure of Jamaica Reef" a.k.a "Evil in the Deep". Freakie mentioned in his email that she was credited as Cheryl Stoppelmoor in this one.
    Stephanie LaFleur
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
    A whole mess o' caps of the late night blonde and her big fake boobs from a couple of movies.
    #1 from "I Like to Play Games Too" by Helcrom
    #2-#8 from "Sexual Chemistry" by Umpire
    #9 from "Veronica 2030", by Snowblind.
    Paulina Porizkova
    (1, 2, 3)
    New from Scanman...Paulina in "Thursday". I've commented in the past that in my book, Paulina looks much better with her clothes on. In fact, as a still frame, I say "Paulina, throw on a parka". But after having seen "Thursday" a couple of times on cable, I have to admit that her evil-porno-slut character looked pretty darn good. I felt that her acting, look for the movie, and character really meshed well to create a very sexual beast of a woman.
    Rachel Leigh Cook
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
    A few non-nudes by NWAR
    Mandy Moore One more by NWAR
    Lil Kim As always, wearing very Lil' clothing. Actually, this is a pretty hot posed pic of the rap-stress.
    Kathleen Kinmont Excellent topless scene from 1985's "Fraternity Vacation".
    Katharina Eckerfeld Posing topless in "Himmel und Erde".
    Annett Renneberg Vidcaps of a shower scene from "Models".
    Joan Severance From "Criminal Passion". I caught this one on cable a few weeks ago...Here's my Breakdown...Poor plot, poor acting, not enough nudity.
    Virginie Ledoyen New to me topless scenes from "Fin août, début septembre" ("Late August, Early September"). Vidcaps by UC99.
    America Pie Babes Cool scan of all four in bikinis. Pretty rare photo actually since you never see Alyson Hannigan show much, and Tara Reid can only be seen covering everything except her face and cleavage these days.
    Phoebe Cates One more time...the famous topless scene from "Fast Times at Ridgemont High", by HBS.
    Jennifer Jason Leigh Also from "Fast Times" by HBS. Here is Jennifer in the pool house.
    Natasha Henstridge More familiar nudity...this time Watty does an excellent job 'capping "Species".
    Laetitia Casta
    (1, 2)
    Two huge, and very nice desktop wallpaper images by ZonononZor.
    Danyi Deats
    (1, 2)
    From "The River's Edge". In most of the frames she's a corpse. But she is a full frontal corpse! So just keep the fact that she's only acting in mind, and you should be OK.
    The Funnies
    The New York Times endorsed Hillary Clinton, saying that if she can overcome her ethical lapses, demonizing of opponents and stonewalling of investigators, she could have a promising Senate career.

    *And if she can't, she could have a brilliant Presidential career!

    Last week, Italy was shocked when police raided one of the nation's top schools, the University of Messina in Sicily, arrested 37 academics, doctors and students, and put 79 professors and researchers under investigation. They said the 452-year-old university had been run by the Mafia for 25 years. Two professors have been kneecapped by unknown assailants, one was murdered in a contract killing ordered by a colleague, four buildings were bombed and several lecturers' cars were set on fire, and teachers were routinely threatened before exams by students claiming Mafia connections.

    *That explains the correlation between straight A's and students with middle names including quote marks and the word "the".

    *The reason Italians were shocked by the raid is that they thought the Sicilian police were also run by the Mafia.

    Top Ten Rejected Gore/Lieberman Campaign Slogans

    10. "Vote For Me Or I'll Come To Your Home And Explain My 191-Page Economic Plan To You In Excruciating Detail"
    9. "Remember, America: I Gave You The Internet, And I Can Take It Away. Think About It"
    8. "Your Vote Automatically Enters You In Drawing For The 123 Billion-Dollar Budget Surplus"
    7. "With Lieberman On The Ticket, You Get All Kinds Of Fun New Days Off"
    6. "We Know When The Microphone Is On"
    5. "Vote For Me, And I Will Take Whatever Steps Necessary To Outlaw The Term, 'Whazzzup!'"
    4. "Gore/Lieberman -- You Don't Have To Worry About Pork Barrel Politics"
    3. "You'll Thank Us In Four Years When The Escalator To The Moon Is Finished"
    2. "If I Can Handle Letterman, I Can Handle Saddam Hussein"
    1. "I'll Be Twice As Cool As That President Guy On 'The West Wing'"

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