Les Baigneuses (2003) -- It should have been fair warning that this French film is already available on Region 1 DVD. Information at IMDB is sketchy at best, and it stands at 5.4 with only 5 votes. The story takes place in a seedy Parisian peep show, and is mostly a slice of life film about the girls there, but, to have a central plot, they introduce the father of one of the girls, a strange, quiet man, who is on furlough from prison where he is serving a life sentence for killing his wife. He has never met his daughter, but has determined to rescue her from her life and from drug addiction, and run away with her.
The daughter is played by Ann-Gisel Glass, who shows breasts and buns. Nadège Beausson-Diagne plays a girl who is fired for bringing her sister's baby to work. She shows breasts and buns. Emmanuelle Michelet plays her replacement. Her husband is out of work, and she needs the money to pay the mortgage. She also shows everything. The last main character is played by Carolkim Tran, who is the most popular of the girls because she is a mute. She shows all three Bs.
I had a hard time telling if this was meant as a comedy. It was full of multiple mirror sets, odd lighting, and a lot of the nudity appeared on monitors. It is a poor letterboxed transfer, and the subtitles, which could easily have fit on the black border, were placed over the images, and could not be turned off. I have no idea how they came up with the title, which means The Bathers. D-.
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Hallow's End (2003):
This is a small budget independent horror movie made in Texas. It is
based around one of those Halloween Haunted Houses, and it was shot
in a widescreen aspect ratio, so it seems that the director had
hopes of Halloween theatrical release. It didn't work out that
way, but the film got a Halloween video release.
is a minor film, and not many people will ever see it, but it is
an illustration of how to create a pretty decent little flick with
no money at all. Here's how they pulled it off: there is a haunted
house in Richland Hills, in the DFW area, which is one of the
biggest, if not the biggest in the world. The Boneyard. It's a popular attraction
in the Autumn,
but the giant warehouse lies dormant for many months of the year, so
the director of this film figured that he might as well locate the
film entirely in the haunted house. I'm surmising that no money
changed hands, and he was able to get this perfect location, with
the set already decorated suitably to start filming, for free. My guess is that the haunted
house people let him use their facility in exchange for a monstrous
promotional presence in the film. He delivered. Their URL
visible throughout the movie, so the deal was sweet foe everyone.
They got a full-length feature ad
for their haunted house, and he got an ideal fully-decorated set
Again, I'm just guessing at the deal, and I may be
wrong. There is a director's commentary, but I didn't listen to it.
The plot is nothing very special. The
college kids who run the haunted house start to fall under the spell of an
ancient book of magic, and that causes each of them to turn into the
character they play in the Halloween exhibition. The first hour of the film
basically consists of fraternity horseplay and various romantic
triangles between the college kids. Nothing supernatural happens
until about an hour into the film, although there are some pretty
spooky moments before that, since one of the kids is a joker, and
uses the props in the house to scare the others, as well as the
visitors. There was a
mysterious murder of a minor character about 25 minutes in, but that
was a throwaway, because 1) none of the other kids noticed he was
missing! 2) even after the film ended, I still had no idea who
committed that first murder, which occurred before the kids started
It's not a completely ineffective little horror
flick, and most (but not all) of the actors are fine, but I'm not
sure which market the director hoped to sell to. The film has no
explicit gore, no very original concepts, no stars, limited
production values, and basically one set. There is some T&A, but it
certainly isn't enough to please the people who want a horrotica.
The two sex scenes are dark, brief, and inexplicit.
Given all that, I can't see a very wide audience
for the film, not even a decent-sized cult audience.
- Brandy Little. (1,
A week ago, her name meant nothing to me, and I
had never seen her in a movie. Now I have seen her in two movies
within a few days. (She also played one of the detention students
in Learning Curve, which was also filmed somewhere in the DFW
- Camille Chen. (1,
Too bad there wasn't some better T&A with her,
because she is sexy/beautiful, has a gorgeous body, and an
even better smile.
- Amy Jo Hearron (1,
Electra Woman & Dyna girl gallery
playwithyourself.co.uk - The Big Masturbation
'Peanuts' packaged in books. "In all the gushing
over Peanuts' belated burial this month, you would think someone
would've admitted how bad it sucked"
Important scientific query: How do Breasts Stay
Pamela Anderson says hepatitis C may kill her in
David Gest Sues Liza Minnelli for $10M, as
compensation for the neurological damage and headaches she
caused him. Hey, I want
a piece of that. I sat through The Sterile Cuckoo.
Affleck, Schwimmer extend "celebrity poker" play,
Affleck drinkin' again
Dilbert.com - The Weasel Awards
Whiny gasbag Bill O'Reilly whines and flatulates
about being called a whiny gasbag.
In related stories Dennis Miller made some smug, obscure
objections to being called smug and obscure, and Michael Moore
made some shallow, rhetorical objections to being called shallow
England appoints Johnny Depp to Ministry of Silly
Alternate script to Kill Bill!
Letterman mocks Schwarzenegger, but Arnold is a
girly man, afraid to face Letterman's sardonic questions,
preferring to deal with his personal designated suck-up, Jay
Jesus's Top Pickup Lines
The mystery of what happened to $1.5 million in
cash missing since a 1995 armored car robbery was solved over
the weekend in a swamp.
They used it to buy an alligator farm? Nah. Police said the
money was just a hunk of goo, and was worthless, much like
Canadian currency. (And, now that I think about it, Canadian
cigarettes as well)
Mindless Crap - More Budweiser Real American
Heroes and Real Men of Genius
If you think our legal system is just so much
jerking off, you should see what it's like in France
California comic eyed for Senate - can comedian
Dennis Miller unseat Democratic Sen. Barbara Boxer?
If he chopped off any more
democratic heads, we'd have to call him Robespierre. He'll make
Boxer scurry around like a dancing cigarette pack girl in a room
full of horny chain smokers. If his aspirations were any more
melodramatic, Gaston Leroux would have written a story about
them. Insert more obscure references here.
Runnin' With the Pack - the inside scoop on flash
url says it all DialAnOrgasm.com
Will T4 star The Rock?
this site is FULL OF SHAT
BillShat, to be precise.
10 ways to improve professional hockey
Ginger Lynn feels that her role as a retired porn
star in the new Fox drama Skin is the role of a lifetime – and
it's probably no coincidence that the role seems to be about her
Stuff Online has a nice new pictorial on the
former Mrs Rodman. Other
galleries are linked on the right side of the page.
Matt Damon dumps girlfriend to have more time for
Ben. "Because he's worth
archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick
Locke, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
'Caps and comments by Brainscan:
Got a mini-update of Hefmates and Pets on the silver screen.
Boat Trip. Okay, so I thought I'd be the first to do this one, but a whole bunch of folks got the DVD movie even before it was available to us common folk and they done capped the Heffers in it. So all I could do was jam a mess of frames into a series of collages.
- We got Jami Ferrell (Miss Jan '97) topless as she sits, stands and jumps. Jami fits into the soft-and-bountiful category of Hefmates.
- Victoria Silvstedt (Dec '96) in a bikini and in underwear.
- Natalia Sokolova, topless in the DVD menu portion of the disk.
Then we have Shanna Moakler from Poison Ivy 3. She was Miss Dec 2001, but is also famous for being Miss USA 1995.
Shanna plays a spoiled rich bitch who is shocked, shocked mind you to wake up from a drunken stupor, lying next to Jaime Pressly. What's the deal? Wouldn't bother me. How 'bout you guys? We see Shanna in undies, including a fairly nice shot of her bum (collage 3).
Today's pair of Pets includes:
And then... the best find of the bunch... Michelle Bauer in Chickboxer (1992). This DVD is part of a collection marketed as a re-release by the Bad Movie Police. Cute idea, but why this one? So mean bad movies to choose from... could Chickboxer be any worse? In a word: Yep. I've seen bad, but this one should be the standard by which all other bad movies are judged. Nothing works... not that anyone was really trying.
Michelle has one long scene in a revealing pink outfit... cleavage and pokies... and a movie-ending sport-humpin scene in which she shows off her robo-hooters. DVD was burned from a VHS copy so it was the dickens to work with... but its Michelle in a movie that hadn't been capped before. Worth the effort.
'Caps and comments by Dann:
A terrific thriller from 1994 just slightly reminiscent of Audrey Hepburn's "Wait Until Dark". In this movie also, blindness of the central character is the key to the mystery.
Just recovering from surgery to restore her sight after 20 years, Madeleine Stowe can see but not clearly when she glimpses the face of a serial killer. To make matters worse, she sees mainly in next-day flashbacks, so can the police trust anything she sees? A very worthwhile movie.
||Barely dressed and going for a swim on last week's episode of "Alias".
|Excellent toplessness and thong views in scenes from the really lame Kirsten Dunst movie "Luckytown" (2000).
|Señor Skin 'caps featuring scenes from the John Badham movie "Incognito" (1997). Jacob is topless, Ottesen bares breasts and bum clearly, and shows a hint of pubes in link #4.
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
OPRAH FOR PRESIDENT!
Besides, She'd Win - Patrick Crowe, owner of the Wonderful Waldo Car Wash
in Kansas City, Missouri, has taken up a political cause: he wants to draft
Oprah Winfrey to run for president. He's turned his car wash into "Draft
Oprah" headquarters and festooned it with posters, dubbed a restored
aquamarine 1959 Ford Skyliner "The Oprahmobile" and is driving it around to
gather support, and he's giving free car washes to people who sign
petitions. Crowe insists it's not a joke: he says Oprah is more successful
than Ross Perot and surrounds herself with great people, which she would do
She could make Dr. Phil Surgeon General, and he could get Americans to
stop being so fat.
Plus she could cash in a CD and pay off the national debt.
Somebody's got to attract the female vote, and have you SEEN the
Oprah doesn't want to be president: it's too big a step down in both pay
ITALIAN GROUP TARGETS SHARK CARTOON
Loan Sharks - The Italian Institute of America is trying to kill an
animated movie currently in production at Dreamworks. The film,
"Sharkslayer," features cartoon sharks in the role of undersea mobsters.
The IIA claims it will promote defamation of Italians to children, and
called it a throwback to insensitive cartoons of the past such as "Song of
the South," "which made harmful stereotypes seem cute and cuddly."
And what could be cuter and cuddlier than a bunch of mafia sharks?
Who says they're Italian sharks? Maybe they're Jewish or Irish.
They don't even like to see Italians in sharkskin suits.
When they say a shark mobster "sleeps with the fishes," you don't know
if he's dead or just horny.
Sharks who are also mobsters? This could be bloodier than "Kill Bill!"
EMINEM LAWSUIT DISMISSED
Here Come Da Judge! - Monday, Michigan Judge Deborah Servitto dismissed a
million dollar lawsuit against Eminem by sanitation engineer DeAngelo
Bailey, who said he was defamed by a song which depicted him as a vicious
bully when he and Eminem were in school. The judge wrote her decision in
rap form. An excerpt: "The lyrics are stories no one would take as fact,
they're an exaggeration of a childish act...It is therefore this court's
ultimate position, that Eminem is entitled to summary disposition."
"Frivolous lawsuits are a terminal disease, So I decree that Bailey must
pay all legal fees!"
Who says that Eminem is the only white person who can rap?
Next, Eminem might defame him by suggesting that he's actually just a
"HIGH TIMES" MAKES A MOVIE
See It On Drugs - The pro-cannabis magazine High Times is emulating the
National Lampoon by producing its first movie. In "High Times' Potluck," a
mobster gives a punk rocker a suitcase full of pot and they become unlikely
pals. The magazine describes it as "Cheech & Chong meet the Sopranos."
They smoke a whole lot of pot like Cheech & Chong, then they eat a whole
lot of food, like the Sopranos.
The feds finally manage to send the mobster to prison...for selling
They plan to produce a second movie, if they can ever, like, get their
heads together, man...