"Les Baigneuses"

Les Baigneuses (2003) -- It should have been fair warning that this French film is already available on Region 1 DVD. Information at IMDB is sketchy at best, and it stands at 5.4 with only 5 votes. The story takes place in a seedy Parisian peep show, and is mostly a slice of life film about the girls there, but, to have a central plot, they introduce the father of one of the girls, a strange, quiet man, who is on furlough from prison where he is serving a life sentence for killing his wife. He has never met his daughter, but has determined to rescue her from her life and from drug addiction, and run away with her. The daughter is played by Ann-Gisel Glass, who shows breasts and buns. Nadège Beausson-Diagne plays a girl who is fired for bringing her sister's baby to work. She shows breasts and buns. Emmanuelle Michelet plays her replacement. Her husband is out of work, and she needs the money to pay the mortgage. She also shows everything. The last main character is played by Carolkim Tran, who is the most popular of the girls because she is a mute. She shows all three Bs. I had a hard time telling if this was meant as a comedy. It was full of multiple mirror sets, odd lighting, and a lot of the nudity appeared on monitors. It is a poor letterboxed transfer, and the subtitles, which could easily have fit on the black border, were placed over the images, and could not be turned off. I have no idea how they came up with the title, which means The Bathers. D-.

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  • Ann-Gisel Glass (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
  • Carolkim Tran (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17)
  • Emmanuelle Michelet (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
  • Nadege Beausson-Diagne (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Hallow's End (2003):

    This is a small budget independent horror movie made in Texas. It is based around one of those Halloween Haunted Houses, and it was shot in a widescreen aspect ratio, so it seems that the director had hopes of  Halloween theatrical release. It didn't work out that way, but the film got a Halloween video release.

    It is a minor film, and not many people will ever see it, but it is an illustration of how to create a pretty decent little flick with no money at all. Here's how they pulled it off: there is a haunted house in Richland Hills, in the DFW area, which is one of the biggest, if not the biggest in the world. The Boneyard. It's a popular attraction in the Autumn, but the giant warehouse lies dormant for many months of the year, so the director of this film figured that he might as well locate the film entirely in the haunted house. I'm surmising that no money changed hands, and he was able to get this perfect location, with the set already decorated suitably to start filming, for free. My guess is that the haunted house people let him use their facility in exchange for a monstrous promotional presence in the film. He delivered. Their URL is visible throughout the movie, so the deal was sweet foe everyone. They got a full-length feature ad for their haunted house, and he got an ideal fully-decorated set cost-free.

    Again, I'm just guessing at the deal, and I may be wrong. There is a director's commentary, but I didn't listen to it.

    The plot is nothing very special. The college kids who run the haunted house start to fall under the spell of an ancient book of magic, and that causes each of them to turn into the character they play in the Halloween exhibition. The first hour of the film basically consists of fraternity horseplay and various romantic triangles between the college kids. Nothing supernatural happens until about an hour into the film, although there are some pretty spooky moments before that, since one of the kids is a joker, and uses the props in the house to scare the others, as well as the visitors. There was a mysterious murder of a minor character about 25 minutes in, but that was a throwaway, because 1) none of the other kids noticed he was missing! 2) even after the film ended, I still had no idea who committed that first murder, which occurred before the kids started transforming.

    It's not a completely ineffective little horror flick, and most (but not all) of the actors are fine, but I'm not sure which market the director hoped to sell to. The film has no explicit gore, no very original concepts, no stars, limited production values, and basically one set. There is some T&A, but it certainly isn't enough to please the people who want a horrotica. The two sex scenes are dark, brief, and inexplicit.

    Given all that, I can't see a very wide audience for the film, not even a decent-sized cult audience.

    • Brandy Little. (1, 2, 3) A week ago, her name meant nothing to me, and I had never seen her in a movie. Now I have seen her in two movies within a few days. (She also played one of the detention students in Learning Curve, which was also filmed somewhere in the DFW area).
    • Camille Chen. (1, 2) Too bad there wasn't some better T&A with her, because she is sexy/beautiful,  has a gorgeous body, and an even better smile.
    • Amy Jo Hearron (1, 2)




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    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
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    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Got a mini-update of Hefmates and Pets on the silver screen.

    Boat Trip. Okay, so I thought I'd be the first to do this one, but a whole bunch of folks got the DVD movie even before it was available to us common folk and they done capped the Heffers in it. So all I could do was jam a mess of frames into a series of collages.

    • We got Jami Ferrell (Miss Jan '97) topless as she sits, stands and jumps. Jami fits into the soft-and-bountiful category of Hefmates. (1, 2, 3)

    • Victoria Silvstedt (Dec '96) in a bikini and in underwear. (1, 2, 3)

    • Natalia Sokolova, topless in the DVD menu portion of the disk.

    Then we have Shanna Moakler from Poison Ivy 3. She was Miss Dec 2001, but is also famous for being Miss USA 1995.

    Shanna plays a spoiled rich bitch who is shocked, shocked mind you to wake up from a drunken stupor, lying next to Jaime Pressly. What's the deal? Wouldn't bother me. How 'bout you guys? We see Shanna in undies, including a fairly nice shot of her bum (collage 3).

    • Shanna Moakler (1, 2, 3)

    Today's pair of Pets includes:

    And then... the best find of the bunch... Michelle Bauer in Chickboxer (1992). This DVD is part of a collection marketed as a re-release by the Bad Movie Police. Cute idea, but why this one? So mean bad movies to choose from... could Chickboxer be any worse? In a word: Yep. I've seen bad, but this one should be the standard by which all other bad movies are judged. Nothing works... not that anyone was really trying.

    Michelle has one long scene in a revealing pink outfit... cleavage and pokies... and a movie-ending sport-humpin scene in which she shows off her robo-hooters. DVD was burned from a VHS copy so it was the dickens to work with... but its Michelle in a movie that hadn't been capped before. Worth the effort.

    • Michelle Bauer (1, 2)

    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    A terrific thriller from 1994 just slightly reminiscent of Audrey Hepburn's "Wait Until Dark". In this movie also, blindness of the central character is the key to the mystery.

    Just recovering from surgery to restore her sight after 20 years, Madeleine Stowe can see but not clearly when she glimpses the face of a serial killer. To make matters worse, she sees mainly in next-day flashbacks, so can the police trust anything she sees? A very worthwhile movie.

    Jennifer Garner Barely dressed and going for a swim on last week's episode of "Alias".

    Jennifer Gareis
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    Excellent toplessness and thong views in scenes from the really lame Kirsten Dunst movie "Luckytown" (2000).

    Irène Jacob
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Maja Ottesen
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    Señor Skin 'caps featuring scenes from the John Badham movie "Incognito" (1997). Jacob is topless, Ottesen bares breasts and bum clearly, and shows a hint of pubes in link #4.

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Besides, She'd Win - Patrick Crowe, owner of the Wonderful Waldo Car Wash in Kansas City, Missouri, has taken up a political cause: he wants to draft Oprah Winfrey to run for president. He's turned his car wash into "Draft Oprah" headquarters and festooned it with posters, dubbed a restored aquamarine 1959 Ford Skyliner "The Oprahmobile" and is driving it around to gather support, and he's giving free car washes to people who sign petitions. Crowe insists it's not a joke: he says Oprah is more successful than Ross Perot and surrounds herself with great people, which she would do in Washington.

  • She could make Dr. Phil Surgeon General, and he could get Americans to stop being so fat.
  • Plus she could cash in a CD and pay off the national debt.
  • Somebody's got to attract the female vote, and have you SEEN the Democratic candidates?
  • Oprah doesn't want to be president: it's too big a step down in both pay and power.

    Loan Sharks - The Italian Institute of America is trying to kill an animated movie currently in production at Dreamworks. The film, "Sharkslayer," features cartoon sharks in the role of undersea mobsters. The IIA claims it will promote defamation of Italians to children, and called it a throwback to insensitive cartoons of the past such as "Song of the South," "which made harmful stereotypes seem cute and cuddly."

  • And what could be cuter and cuddlier than a bunch of mafia sharks?
  • Who says they're Italian sharks? Maybe they're Jewish or Irish.
  • They don't even like to see Italians in sharkskin suits.
  • When they say a shark mobster "sleeps with the fishes," you don't know if he's dead or just horny.
  • Sharks who are also mobsters? This could be bloodier than "Kill Bill!"

    Here Come Da Judge! - Monday, Michigan Judge Deborah Servitto dismissed a million dollar lawsuit against Eminem by sanitation engineer DeAngelo Bailey, who said he was defamed by a song which depicted him as a vicious bully when he and Eminem were in school. The judge wrote her decision in rap form. An excerpt: "The lyrics are stories no one would take as fact, they're an exaggeration of a childish act...It is therefore this court's ultimate position, that Eminem is entitled to summary disposition."

  • "Frivolous lawsuits are a terminal disease, So I decree that Bailey must pay all legal fees!"
  • Who says that Eminem is the only white person who can rap?
  • Next, Eminem might defame him by suggesting that he's actually just a garbage collector.

    See It On Drugs - The pro-cannabis magazine High Times is emulating the National Lampoon by producing its first movie. In "High Times' Potluck," a mobster gives a punk rocker a suitcase full of pot and they become unlikely pals. The magazine describes it as "Cheech & Chong meet the Sopranos."

  • They smoke a whole lot of pot like Cheech & Chong, then they eat a whole lot of food, like the Sopranos.
  • The feds finally manage to send the mobster to prison...for selling bongs.
  • They plan to produce a second movie, if they can ever, like, get their heads together, man...