Rats and Cats


Rats and Cats is a low-budget indie mockumentary from Australia.

A tabloid journalist is assigned to do a "where are they now" piece about a former star in the Aussie TV and film industry named Darren McWarren. The actor disappeared from the acting scene some years earlier, in the wake of some lurid controversy about his relationships with the wife of his producer and his 15-year-old co-star.

Darren's entire fictional back-story is available at a bogus My Space page. As the film begins, Darren has settled into a small, isolated town on the seacoast in far western Victoria, where he is the local BMOC. The town line is marked by a a billboard that says "Home of Darren McWarren." His rock band packs in the local club, and all the single girls in town want to sample his lovin'. He also competes in local boxing competitions (incompetently), drives a local hooker to her assignations, and pays the bills by running a string of "lucky claw" vending machines.

The film takes a lot of comic swipes at the Aussie film industry and its stars. If you noticed that the rock band and the boxing make Darren quite similar to Russell Crowe, you're probably not the only one to draw that inference, although Crowe was obviously only one of many who inspired parts of the Darren character.

Rats and Cats has just about the most laid-back pace of any I've ever seen. The two lead actors deliver every line in the deadpan manner of people who ask and answer questions without caring about the response of the other person in the conversation, and without passing any judgment on the actions described. Nobody ever seems to get excited about anything.

"No worries, mate."

The cinematography and direction are quite effective in catching the mood and look of a forlorn, decaying seacoast town, and the performing is natural enough to convince one that it really is a documentary. The script supports the performers' efforts in that regard, which is not surprising since the lead actors are also the co-authors, deriving the character-based humor from natural performing styles in situations which are almost, but not quite, realistic. The film can be very funny in spots, especially if you like the sort of humor created by false sincerity, but the monotony and the complete lack of energy made it a tough watch for me at its current running time. If it had been my call, I would have cut it to an hour and run it on TV as a documentary without telling people it was all fictional, just to see how audiences reacted. I think the humor is subtle enough that plenty of viewers would have bought it hook, line, and sinker. If it were judiciously edited and run on HBO in the States, where nobody knows anything about the Aussie TV industry, I would be willing to bet that 75% of the audience would think it is a real documentary, especially with a promo campaign to support that idea. And it's just far enough off-kilter to attain minor cult status.

At its existing running length, it runs out of gas towards the end, but achieves partial redemption with a pretty cool ending in which Darren disappears again ... or does he? ... in the manner of Eddie and the Cruisers.

The female nudity comes from Alexis Porter and Jess Beazley, who played two of Darren's local groupies. Jason Gann, as the legendary Darren McWarren himself, provided full-frontal male nudity, which is seen in the Beazley clip. The very, very dark jokes in that clip are (1) Darren doesn't realize he is fucking the wrong girl; (2) and he also fails to notice that she seems to die in the middle of intercourse! That is why you hear him say "Tanya just passed out," and the other girl says "I'm Tanya, you arse."




  • * Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

  • * White asterisk: expanded format.

  • * Blue asterisk: not mine.

  • No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.








The Pom Pom Girls


This is a drive-in movie in the same sense that Beach Girls and H.O.T.S. are, except for the quantity of skin. There are topless performances by four women, including Cheryl (Rainbeaux) Smith and Jennifer Ashley but most of it is packed into a single girls' locker room scene. Not much to recommend this cinematic masterpiece.

Susan Player

Rainbeaux Smith

Jennifer Ashley, Diane Lee Hart, Lisa Reeves.








Another double feature today.



Today we start with an obscure Australian film. Wendy Hughes is our damsel in distress, playing a college professor who is raped by one of her students. Full frontal from Wendy, who is still making movies to this day. Caps and a clip.




The Howling


Beverly Warren as a "Babe in Bondage".  This scene was actually a loop playing in a peep show booth  within the movie, so the quality is not great, but this particular version is bonus footage, and is more complete than what was seen in the actual movie. Beverly shows all as she has nasty things done to her. Caps and a clip.








Friends and Lovers


A film which demonstrates the depths to which Robert Downey's career had sunk before his big recent comeback. To gibe you an idea what level he was playing on, his male co-stars were Sledge Hammer and one of the obscure Baldwin brothers. (The blond, religious one.)

Film clip Captures/Collages
Alison Eastwood
Claudia Schiffer  
Suzanne Cryer








The Cook


In this grim crime thriller, a group of pathologists not only do not cure their patients, of course, but they actually create them.

Fresh out of Harvard Medical School, Dr. Grey is accepted into one of the country's top pathology programs as an intern. As Grey begins his work, he falls in with a group of elite interns whom, when they aren't trying to solve the mystery of death, try to solve the mystery of committing the perfect murder.

Although this is not a particularly pleasant movie, almost a horror flick actually, it does have some interesting twists leading to a fairly cool ending.

Lauren Lee Smith Alyssa Milano (body doubles, cgi, mannequins, etc)






This section will present Defoe's film clips to accompany Charlie's collages, which are found on his own site.

Today's features: Sophies

Sophie Broustal in Le Candidat

Sophie Cattani in Le Tueur

Sophie Duez in Troubles

Sophie Ladmiral in Le Tueur du Dimanche

Sophie Quinton in Sa Raison de Etre







Notes and collages

True Blood

Episode 6

These collages represent the first time Anna flashed the goods, not from this week's episode, but the previous one.







"Hotel Erotica: Model Behavior"


All film clips of Candice Michelle and Tina Leiu. Samples below

Both women:







Lizzy Caplan in this week's True Blood