L'Idole (2002), or The Idol, has finally been released in France (R2 PAL) at sell-through prices. It was a very long watch, as it is a very talky character driven drama entirely in French with no subtitles. I not only missed all of the plot nuances, but probably main points as well. Leelee Sobieski causes a stir in an apartment house. She is attractive, noisily sexually active, and an aspiring actress. James Hong lives in the apartment opposite her, is a retired chef, and is thinking about moving into a rest home, mostly our of loneliness. Other characters include Leelee's actor boyfriend, a landlady who minds everyone else's business, and her henpecked husband, who even has to sneak smokes.

Leelee and Hong form a friendship, based on their mutual loneliness. He cooks for her, and does her laundry. For her part, she has sex, practices her lines, and contemplates suicide. I will probably watch a sub-titled or dubbed version when and if it becomes available, to see if understanding what is being said helps, but I didn't get much from this film, other than the glimpses of Leelee. We see her nude, from the side, brushing her hair, then from the back sitting on the bed.

IMDB readers have this at 5.5 of 10. Most reviews are tepid, and question the wisdom of Australian writer/director Samantha Long taking her act to France, and making a French language film with two American actresses of different ethnicity. They made excessive use of tinting, such that we have yellow, orange, blue, and green scenes. I couldn't tell if this was done with lighting or in post prod. I will wait for an English version before giving a final score, but, as it stands, it is a C- at best for non-French speaking audiences.

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  • Leelee Sobieski (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    The Juror

    Complete spoilers.

    The core ingredients of a good movie are present in The Juror. Alec Baldwin is intimidating as a soft-spoken, educated, high IQ hit man. Demi Moore is intimidated, then determined, as the victim of an intricate mafia plot. James Gandolfini is excellent as a low-level wise guy with a compassionate streak.

    But the ingredients don't combine properly. The whole is less than the sum of its parts. Part of the problem is that the film sprawls over far too much landscape. In a character-based film, it's OK to stretch the film out over a long running time. When we are really into a character's life, we want to know more about them. In Lost in Translation, I wanted the film to be longer, not shorter. In Once Upon a Time in America, I want to see the original 10 hour cut. But a thriller with the typical implausible elements can't really be stretched ad infinitum. By the nature of the genre, each additional plot twist provides an additional strain on the credulity of the audience. People are willing to put up with one unlikely event, or two, but when it starts to get up near a dozen, well, people have a limited amount of patience, and there is a breaking point.

    The original premise wasn't bad at all. A mob boss was on trial. Demi Moore was on the jury. Alec Baldwin played a psychotic mob enforcer who let Demi Moore know that a "not guilty" vote was the only way to save her own life, and her son's. Just to show how vulnerable mother and son are, Baldwin and Gandolfini kept popping up everywhere Demi turned, kind of like Waldo. You know the drill. Head to a museum, Gandolfini is a guard. Go to a ballgame, Gandolfini is selling hot dogs. Go to a secluded mountain village in Guatemala, Baldwin is the local priest, speaking fluent Spanish with a proper Guatemalan accent.

    That much was reasonable by the standards of Hollywood thrillers. Demi got convinced that she was trapped and she just didn't know what to do.

    But then things got crazy.

    • It turns out that Baldwin didn't just want Demi to vote "not guilty". He also insisted that she had to convince the other 11 jurors of the innocence of the accused mobster, even though the guy had actually been recorded ordering the crime, and the prosecution had an airtight case. If she was unable to do so, it was to be curtains for her and the kid.
    • It also turned out that Baldwin had no trouble getting into her guarded hotel room while she was sequestered.
    • On top of all that, Baldwin also had bugs in the jury deliberation room, and heard every word.
    • Ok, so Demi managed to convince the jury. Not guilty.
    • Then the mob boss was worried that Demi would waver after the trial, so Baldwin continued to intimidate her. He started out by fucking and killing Demi's best friend (Anne Heche). As far as I can see, that scene served no purpose in the film other than to expose Anne Heche's breasts. Now that I think about it, what better purpose could there be?
    • Then it got really crazy, with Demi double crossing the DA after agreeing to co-operate, then double-crossing Baldwin by getting him, caught in a mob war.
    • Then the mob war, which consisted of Alec Baldwin against the Five Families, ended with every mobster in the NY/NJ area dead except Baldwin. He was one tough cookie.
    • Then Baldwin, surviving the double-cross, and knowing that Demi had betrayed him, raced Moore to a remote hamlet in Guatemala, where Demi had stashed her son with a scientist who was studying local customs.
    • Demi missed the plane to Guatemala, but she still managed to get there before Baldwin, by chartering a Guatemalan military plane and hiring the entire Guatemalan army to assist her. Baldwin, flush with his victory over the entire Mafia, was almost able to defeat the entire army of Guatemala as well, but finally lost when Demi broke the tie by shooting him with a handgun.

    If the script had stayed closer to the original premise, a one-on-one psychological thriller pitting Demi against Baldwin, and if the script had made Baldwin more of an ordinary mortal man rather than a criminal genius on the Lex Luthor level, it might have been a good flick. It had some good moments, and some good ingredients.

    As it was, it just piled on more and more incredible Baldwin accomplishments, and it was at the point where it needed the "too silly" guy from Monty Python to break up the sketch.

    Barely watchable movie. It had some good elements that enabled me to survive without the FF, but I don't recommend it. When it was over, I felt I had been watching it for days.

    • Anne Heche. (1, 2, 3, 4) Her name awareness has surely cooled in the past three years, eh? Like a female Johnny Depp, she is attractive and has a monstrous amount of talent, despite her personal eccentricities.



    Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap





    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Graphic Response
    • Jenny Agutter the UK actress and star of the classic sci-fi flick "Logan's Run" baring breasts bum and bush in scenes from the 1971 movie "Walkabout".

    Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

    Beth Bates
    (1, 2)

    Shannon Hart Cleary

    Toplessness, full frontal nudity and even a gyno cam view in scenes from the indie "mind fuck" film "The Attic Expeditions". Scoop, Tuna and I have all covered this movie so there are plenty of 'caps and reviews in the archives. It's not the best movie in the world, but first time director Jeremy Kasten showed a lot of promise, and did some pretty good work with a limited budget and 'unusual' script.

    Marķa Botto
    (1, 2)

    Breast exposure in scenes from the Spanish film "Soldados de Salamina" (2003).

    Jennifer Aniston Since you really can't go wrong with girl on girl action...here's Aniston kissing a chick in scenes from "Rockstar".

    Jessica Biel It's sad, but true....Biel's current movie "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" is currently number 1 at the box office. Don't get me wrong, this girl is hot! I have nothing against her and hope her career goes well (or at least goes nude). But seriously, did we really need another remake of this movie?

    Anywho....here's Biel in a bikini from the 2001 stink-fest "Summer Catch".

    Mila Kunis The "That '70s Show" co-star wearing a flower-covered bikini and playing with her boobs.

    Sophie Marceau
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    The beautiful French mega-star and Bond-babe bares all in scenes from "Mes nuits sont plus belles que vos jours" aka "My Nights Are More Beautiful Than Your Days" (1989).

    Kimberley Kates Topless and full frontal in scenes from the straight-vid-flick "Armstrong". Her name didn't ring any bells until I looked her up...turns out most of us do know who she is, just not by name. Turns out she was one of the princesses from the comedy classic, "Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure".

    Judith Hoag Topless in scenes from the HBO series "Carnivąle", episode: "Black Blizzard".

    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Christina Baby
    (1, 2)

    Ananda Saint James
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)

    Kennedy Johnston
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20)

    Cecelia Simon
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)

    Señor Skin's take on the massive amount of nudity in scenes from straight-to-vid movie "The Secret Cellar" (breasts, bums, bush and gyno views). Tuna covered this very thoroughly with 223 colages and reviews in the Sept. 28 and 29 updates. Here is the short version of Tuna's review...
    It is the rare soft-core that is serious at all about plot...though the sex scenes occupied most of the 96 minute running time, they never became boring. There was enough character development among the main characters that I became involved with their struggle. I applaud director Quinn for making what is in my top ten list of soft-core films.

    This is one hell of an effort, especially given the time and budget constraints. The physical locations were good, the plot was better than many soft-core efforts, all of the players could deliver lines, The special effects were not terrible and the sex scenes sizzled.

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Look For His New Book, "The Idiot Diet" - Sunday, magician David Blaine finally exited the plastic box in London, where he's been living on nothing but water for 44 days. He said, "I learned more in that box than I have in years." He lost 55 pounds and is so weak and emaciated, he'll have to be on a liquid diet. Doctors say if he swallows solid food, or does anything strenuous like having sex with his hot model girlfriend, for at least three days, it could kill him.

  • Now, THAT would be an impressive stunt!
  • That's okay: she's no longer attracted to him.
  • After 44 days, if he DOESN'T have sex, it'll kill him!
  • As emaciated as he is, he still looks fat next to his model girlfriend.

    For Stripping, Parts And Body Work - RC's Auto Salvage in suburban Columbus, Ohio, was busted for allegedly running a prostitution ring. Police claim at least five women hung around the junkyard waiting for calls and charging $150 an hour, of which $50 went back to the owner. Police said prostitution rings usually claim to be massage parlors or adult entertainment stores, but this is the first they've found one in a junk yard.

  • Their slogan gave it away: "We've got the body parts you're looking for!"
  • You could have sex in your choice of over 300 back seats.
  • These were ugly hookers...Their nickname was "The Junkyard Dogs."

    And Men Like Scared Women - The ultra-gory remake of "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" was the #1 movie over the weekend, knocking "Kill Bill" to #2 and earning $29.1 million, three times what it cost to make. A studio spokesman said audiences were evenly split between men and women, and while the gore turns off the female audience, "women love to be scared, perhaps more than men."

  • Women are scared of Leatherface because it reminds them of what happens if you don't use a moisturizer.
  • Turns out "Kill Bill" just wasn't bloody enough.
  • It cost less than $10 million, and most of that was for fake blood, animal carcasses and barf bags for the actors.
  • We should send this movie to the Middle East with a note reading, "George W. Bush is from Texas"...That might scare 'em away for another hundred years!

    She's Too Old! Yeah, That's It! - Drew Barrymore blamed all the hoopla over Demi Moore's comeback for "overshadowing" the last "Charlie's Angels" movie and making it a box office disappointment. But she said she loves Cameron Diaz and Lucy Liu so much that "if a dynamite third script surfaces, I'm pretty certain we'd all come back for more."

  • There was no script at all for the second one, but I'm sure Demi was the reason it flopped.
  • Yeah, all that hoopla about Demi looking so hot in a string bikini drove the "Charlie's Angels" audience away.

    Legally, He HAD To Ask Her Approval - The Globe tabloid claims that Ashton Kutcher proposed to Demi Moore, and they plan to get married in a lavish ceremony in Las Vegas. They claim that Ashton asked his mother's approval to marry Demi, and his mom confirmed that she and Demi sat down together, talked about their kids and "got on like a house on fire."

  • They both have very similar ideas about how to raise Ashton.
  • They chatted all night about hair dye, spider veins, what they did during the Vietnam War...
  • Of course they had a lot in common! They're the same age!
  • She didn't know she was meeting Ashton's fiancee; she thought she was interviewing for a new nanny.