Sunday

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To see and use all the Funhouse features, you need Netscape 6.+ or MSIE 5.+.

• Netscape 7.0 is available free for download or on CD.
• MSIE 6.0 is available free.

Cannibal Holocaust (1979) is an out of print DVD that is often available on eBay. The copy I got seems to be German/English, and Region 2 PAL. It is so extreme that it was band nearly everywhere, including its native Italy. The gore involving people is very realistic, and the mutilation of animals, including a muskrat, a large turtle and a snake is absolutely real. What makes it even more chilling is that it is shot like a documentary. Four young film makers, three men and a woman (Francesca Ciardi), travel to the Amazon to make a documentary about the last few cannibal tribes, and don't return. An anthropology professor is sent on a rescue mission, discovers their remains, and manages to retrieve the footage they shot.

We then see the footage, which basically shows that the film makers were far more savage than the cannibals, and probably got what they deserved. Included with the cannibal footage are three scenes with Ciardi naked. IN the first, she walks in after a shower, showing full frontal. The other two are sex scenes, which the cameraman films. The native footage includes a ritual rape and execution of an adulteress by her husband, the rape of a native girl by the film crew, and countless shots of naked natives.

IMDB readers score this 5.9 of 10, and the reviews, all by sites devoted to the genre, declare it a cult favorite. The format reminded me of Blair Witch Project, and the supposed documentary footage was poor quality. This is a must for genre addicts, but the rest of you will probably want to avoid it, as some of the scenes are positively sickening. C.

Action Jackson is a grade-b actioner that was supposed to make Carl Weathers the black Clint Eastwood. Instead, it made him the black Dolph Lundgren. Some of the images of Sharon Stone were in very difficult light, but the images of Vanity were lovely.

• Vanity (1, 2, 3, 4)
• Sharon Stone (1, 2, 3)

Other crap:

• Hey, Chucky baby, drinks on me. Interview with The Unknown Comic, in which he discussed my own personal idol, Gene, Gene, the Dancing Machine.
• Cristina wasn't kidding about her newfound love of sleaze
• Whoopie Goldberg says we should all learn to discuss farts as a preliminary step to world peace. Columnist Mark Morford (S.F Gate)  observed the scene, "Imagine how great the world would be if we communicated these things," Goldberg said, which was apparently some sort of punchline, as everyone in the room just sort of sat there, in that awkward silence, as someone in the back of the room coughed, and everyone wondered why this woman is famous, as she appears to be one of those celebs you never ever find the slightest bit funny but who keeps getting all this press saying oh my God she's so hilarious, so you think maybe something's wrong with you, and then you give in and go hear her standup routine again, or speaking extemporaneously about gas or menstruation or whatever, and you realize you were right all along, and you just wasted like, 25 bucks, though she was pretty sharp in "Ghost," you are forced to admit, because you want to be nice.
• Interesting article about many big-budget films which are sitting on the shelf unable to obtain a release because they are so bad or unmarketable, despite major names in the cast. The article also touches on films which are unreleaseable or in release hiatus because of the post-911 political climate.
• screenit.com's summary of the sex and nudity in Abandon . (None, really. No more Katie Holmes goodies.)
   

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

• The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
• If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
• A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
• If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

• Adrienne Corri, topless and full frontal nudity in the Kubrick classic, "A Clockwork Orange".

• Camille Keaton, all three B's in the 1978 b-movie/horror classic "I Spit on Your Grave".

Be sure to pay Graphic Response a visit at his website. www.graphic-barry.com.

A couple of new DVD releases:

"Starfire Mutiny" (2002) is the latest direct-to-video Czechploitation by Scoopy favorite, Lloyd Simandl. A director so tough he defected back to Eastern Europe. Stars Nikita-lookalike Elise Muller and Maureen LaVette plus Hefmag Czechmates Eva Aichmajerova and Petra Martincova. This movie was made in Praque in 1999 but held under wraps until now. It is not even listed in the Internet Movie Database.

Rated PG-13 for "violence and some nudity" the nudity is still gratuitous enough to warrant an R-rating, although the obligatory lesbian scene (a Simandl trademark) between Elise Muller and Maureen LaVette seems to be missing. Eva Aichmajerova who showed full nudity in previous Simandl films only flashed her boobs a couple of times. A lesbian scene with Eva and Petra could have also added some spice to this stinker.

• Elise Muller: topless getting dressed after doing the nasty with Maureen LaVette (the actual lesbian scene was not shown)
• Maureen LaVette: no nudity but all tied up after getting seduced by Elise.
• Eva Aichmajerova and Petra Martincova: breast exposure asleep in cyrogenetics chamber getting felt up by perv, more breast exposure later in catfight. Eva is the brunette and Petra the blonde.
• Unknowns: nude models in computer database.

"Guaranteed On Delivery" (2000) (aka "Guaranteed Overnight Delivery" aka G.O.D. on the indie circuit) is an action-crime-thriller starring Olivier Gruner, Jalal Merhi and Kung Fu's David Carradine.

• Justine Priestley (902310 Jason Priestley's sister): butt in dental-floss thong doing her Marilyn Monroe impression.

Today we take a look at Boti Bliss in "Ted Bundy". Now I guess everyone knows who Ted Bundy is and cute Boti played his girl friend who had no idea what a monster he was. In this scene Boti and Ted make love and Ted starts to get a little rough. A very dark scene, but we do get to see some breasts. Next time we will show a scene where he talks her into letting him tie her up while they make love.

• Boti Bliss (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)