'Caps and comments by Tuna
The Morning After
The Morning After (1986) is an American Giallo directed by Sidney Lumet.
It stars Jane Fonda as an aging almost-was actress and full-time lush, who
is subject to blackouts when she drinks, which is nearly all of the time.
She awakens from one such episode to find herself in bed with a stiff,
complete with butcher knife through his heart. Of course, she remembers
nothing, and is not sure if she did it or not. A chance encounter with
Jeff Bridges as an ex cop gives her one person on her side. Jeff figures
out rather quickly that Jane didn't do it, and the rest of the movie is
the search for who did and why to clear her name. Raul Julia is effective
as her ex husband, who is a straight hair dresser.
Jane looked frighteningly like an aging lush, but, in many scenes, way
overacted, which is really the only negative in what is a pretty good
little mystery. The ending is a little bit of a stretch, which is not all
that unusual for the genre. Jane shows most of a breast in a sex scene,
then has a nipple slip shortly after. Although you can't see her face and
nipple in the same frame, you do see face then nipple in one continuous
IMDb readers say 5.6 of 10. Fonda received a Best Actress nomination. This
is a solid C, and should please genre lovers.
The Fourth Man (1983)
De Vierda Man (1983), or The Fourth Man, is an early Paul Verhoeven effort
from his Dutch artistic period. It is the story of Gerard Reve, a gay
alcoholic author, who travels to a paid speaking engagement, and ends up
sleeping with the treasurer of the group he is speaking to, as he wants to
seduce her boyfriend, and also is enamored of her wealth. He learns that
she is three times a widow, and finally suspects that she murdered her
three husbands, and is sure either he, or her boyfriend will be The Fourth
Man. The film never solves the mystery, which I found somewhat
disappointing. Renée Soutendijk, in a three B performance, is very easy on
the eyes, and expert cinematographer Jon de Bont created a very dark and
claustrophobic feel to the film.
IMDb readers say 7.3. It won three small festival awards. It is loaded
with symbolism, as was the book it was based on, but Verhoeven claims to
have added symbolism to impress Dutch critics! Scoopy enjoyed this, and I
have to say I agree. Verhoeven was wonderful in his early career, and this
is one of the best. Even if supernatural thrillers and foreign film don't
interest you, you might want to give this one a try. B-
Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Broken Flowers (2005)
Here's the official blurb/summary for
"As the devoutly single Don Johnston (Murray) is dumped
by his latest girlfriend (Delpy), he receives a anonymous pink letter
informing him that he has a son who may be looking for him. The situation
causes Don to examine his relationships with women instead of moving on to
the next one, and he embarks on a cross-country search for his old flames
who might possess clues to the mystery at hand."
In other words, it has
the official "Bill Murray in his fifties" plot. This is basically the only
movie he does now. The guy who writes his plot outlines has less to do
than the guy who lights Mia Sara's nude scenes.
Snide remarks aside,
it's supposed to be a good flick, from respected auteur Jim Jarmusch.
For our purposes, the key fact is that Alexis Dziena does a nude scene
from every angle. Pretty cute, too. She just wandering around nekkid in
front of ol' Bill.
Film clips (zipped .wmvs) (1,
Saving Face (2004)
It's the Citizen Kane of Chinese Lesbian Soap
Operas! I'll write more about this excellent chick-flick tomorrow.
Very entertaining and genuine film, romantic comedy with some subversive
wit. For now, the key point is that Michelle Krusiec and Lynn Chen have a
lesbian sex scene.
Batman Begins (2005)
I have never really thought of myself as a fan
of movies made from comic books, but I think my three favorite
non-comedies of the year all fall into that category: Sin City, A History
of Violence, Batman Begins
Katie Holmes (no nudity)
Captures and comments from the Ghost.
Zipped .avis, caps, and comments by ICMS
Today we have 1970's "There was a crooked man"
featuring Jeanne Cooper and
Pamela Hensley topless. As you are probably aware
Jeanne is best known for her long-time role on The Young and the Restless.
Besides that she is also the mother of Fun House hero Corbin Bernsen. Pamela's
last IMDB credits go back to the early eighties but the fossils among you may
still remember her, just like me, as Princess Ardala from "Buck Rogers in the
'Caps and comments by Hankster:
Wow, the "Tuna" is back, so good to see that and we wish you continued
Kate Moss during the Pirelli Calendar shoot
Elisha Cuthbert see-through
Carla Gugino kinda see-through
Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
In case you missed the video of Charles Rocket saying "fuck" on SNL,
here's another version.
Breasts for Peace
Actor Ashton Kutcher, the brand new husband of superstar Demi Moore
who is 15 years his senior, is planning to make a television sitcom
about life with an older woman. Kutcher is not afraid of
offending Demi with the show's content since it will not be
close-captioned for the hearing impaired.
Hugh Jackman too "fey" to play Bond, Ewan McGregor "too short",
Colin Farrell "too sleazy" Outrageous lies! Well, except maybe
for the Colin Farrell part.
- Kidding aside, I'm having trouble believing that this memo is
genuine. Ewan is 5'10.5". As I have written elsewhere, that also
seems to be Daniel Craig's real height, although he claims 6". As
for Hugh Jackman - well, fey means "possessing or displaying a
strange and otherworldly aspect or quality; magical or fairylike;
elfin." Frankly he doesn't seem all that ethereal or fairylike
when he plays Wolverine, but what the hell do I know?
The latest quotables from Late Night with Conan O'Brien
- "A lost manuscript by the composer Ludwig van Beethoven has
been discovered - and it's going to be sold for over one million
dollars. When he heard that Beethoven had written a manuscript,
President Bush said, 'That dog can do anything!'"
- "Tonight on '20/20,' Barbara Walters interviewed the new King
of Saudi Arabia about women's rights and Walters asked why the
King doesn't let women drive cars. The King answered with two
words: Lindsay Lohan."
Stephen Colbert and Stone Phillips have a gravitas-off.
The premiere of the Colbert Report: "Anyone can read the news to
you. Stephen promises to feel the news at you."
A sweet five minutes of stand-up from Pablo Francisco
Vince Vaughn - Jennifer Aniston ... rumor central. Vince denies
that they are romantically involved, because there's no romance at
all. He's just tappin' that sweet ass like a fresh keg at a New
Year's eve party.
Brian Wilson's Christmas Album.
- "A very hazy, drug-addled, kind of depressed Christmas"
- All kidding aside, most of the cuts are awful, but you may get
a kick out of Deck the Halls sung Beach Boys style!
Favreau shows some taste and turns down a big paycheck from the
producers of Elf II.
- The more cynical Will Ferrell responded to their feelers by
inviting them to come to his sacred throne with bejeweled
offerings, sumptuous treasures, human sacrifices, dancing girls,
gold, frankincense, and especially myrrh. The Hollywood rumor mill
reports that Will has a $200-a-day myrrh habit.
The First Music Video Filmed Entirely Using Cellphones
"Of course I'm not a real person, I'm a big piece of poop." The
legendary costumed character, Mr Floatie, wants to run for mayor of
Victoria, but may be disqualified because he's actually a big turd.
- That's odd. I thought that being a big piece of shit was a
requirement for public office. I guess the problem is that he
is an imaginary piece of shit instead of the real ones we usually
have to vote for.
Dave Barry's choice for headline o' the day so far ...
"Birds battle buttocks for top art prize "
This week's movies (1800 screens):
Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story - 57% positive reviews
- Wittiest review: "I wonder if the 'true story' Dreamer was
'inspired by' was the one where Seabiscuit made over 120 million
dollars at the box-office in 2003?"
This week's movies (2600 screens):
North Country - 88% positive reviews. This is Charlize Theron's
"small guy versus the establishment" movie which has some Oscar
This week's movies (1700+ screens):
Stay - 0% good reviews. It has been described as a pale,
pretentious grade-B imitation of Antonioni and David Lynch.
This week's movies (3000+ screens):
Doom - no advance reviews, but some enthusiasm from those who
like such things. One genre site called it "Easily the best
videogame-to-film adaptation yet." Unfortunately, that is not much
help. Considering the competition in that field, it could range in
quality anywhere from a bad episode of the Scooby Laff-a-Lympics
(which pissed me off. I lost a ton of money betting on the Dastardly
team.) all the way up to Casablanca. By the way, it is rated R -
thus eliminating a big chunk of the potential video game audience.
The Weekend Warrior makes his predictions for October 21-23
- He thinks Doom (3000 screens) will make an impressive debut
(for this time of year), with Oscar-hopeful North Country (2600
screens) a distant second.
- The other two new films, each on about 1800 screens are
Dreamer (the Seabiscuit clone from Dream Works), and Stay, a
psychological thriller starring Obi-Wan and Naomi Watts. The
Warrior thinks Dreamer will finish a respectable fourth, with Stay
a distant and forgotten ninth, soon to disappear back into the
obscurity whence it emerged.
- Clooney's Murrow film is expected to expand modestly (200
theaters or so), and is not expected to crack the top 10
Saturday night is dead to TV. "ABC has essentially put a
prime-time slot up for auction to anyone who has a compelling idea."
"NEW SUPER-TINY IPOD IS IMPLANTED DIRECTLY INTO THE BRAIN" ...
100 Million Americans Could Be Hardwired for Sound By 2008, Says
"Jon Stewart points out to Dolly Parton that the way people think of
her is not so sisterly and auntish."
The Daily Show's Rob Corddry recalls the best moments from America's
favorite TV show, 'The White House.'
"Madonna has revealed she had to write a grovelling letter to Abba "
In order to get the rights to some of their music, she had to beg
and plead and say how much she loved them. They didn't believe her,
until they realized it was THE Madonna, and she is undoubtedly tone
Weekly World News: "HOW TO FOOL BABES INTO THINKING YOU'RE A DOCTOR"
The American people think their government sucks across the board.
Unfortunately, in a democracy, "people get the government they
What's Really in Your Halloween Candy? Eye of newt? Toe of frog?
The Daily Show:
"If Bush's delivery made you think he was engaging in impromptu
discussion with soldiers, fear not."
"Adam Carolla wants Alec Baldwin to gain 80 pounds and become the
'mountain man' who will be the next president."
"Miers Tells Senator the Constitution Protects Right to Privacy "
- "U.S. Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers says she believes
there's a constitutional right to privacy and that two cases the
court relied upon when it legalized abortion were ``correctly
decided,'' according to Senator Arlen Specter. "
"Crazy lady from this weeks episode of Trading Spouses. I bet her
husband changed all the locks as soon as she left. This woman needs
her own show, I would watch every week."
Four clips from Prime
- "'Prime' is a sophisticated, character comedy set in New York
City about Rafi (Uma Thurman), a recently divorced 37-year-old
career woman from Manhattan, and what happens when Dave (Bryan
Greenberg), a talented 23-year-old painter from Brooklyn, falls in
love with her."
The trailer for Breakfast on Pluto
- "A vibrant, picturesque new movie from Neil Jordan, the award
winning director of 'The Crying Game,' 'Interview with the
Vampire,' and 'The End of the Affair. Set in the 1970's,
'Breakfast on Pluto' follows the exploits of Patrick Braden (Cilian
Murphy), an endearing, but deceptively tough young man. Abandoned
as a baby in his small Irish hometown and aware from a very early
age that he is different, Patrick survives this harsh environment
with the aid of his wit and charm, plus a sweet refusal to let
anyone and anything change who he is. Jordan weaves a wonderfully
surreal and magical tale to bring us this funny, moving and
poignant rites of passage account of a young man enduring the
trials and tribulations he faces with a smile and unwavering faith
in the inherent goodness in us all."
"Two trade groups
sued Arnold Schwarzenegger over a law he passed banning the sale of
violent video games to children under the age of 18."
Top ten signs that your barber is working for al-Qaeda
- "Instead of small talk about sports, it's small talk about
streets flowing with Zionist blood"
- "Customers pay with cash, credit card, or goat"
Stephen Colbert - National Treasure
"Stephen Colbert is the first name in journalism. Not
alphabetically, of course."
Stephen Colbert discusses the public trust.
Colbert Report: Journalistic Courage
The Colts fell behind 17-0 early. No problem, except that they only
won by 17. The scary thing is that they don't even need Manning
The 'stros were one out away from the World Series. Unfortunately
for them, that out needed to come from the best hitter on the
IMDb celebrates its 15th Anniversary
Pat Reeder - www.comedy-wire.com
HILLARY'S OPPONENT HITS HER UP FOR MONEY
What The Heck, Hillary's Resigning In 2007, Anyway - Hillary Clinton's
Republican New York Senate opponent Jeanine Pirro must be working off an old
mailing list. Her campaign sent a donor solicitation letter to "Hillary
Clinton, 1600 Pennsylvania Ave., Washington, DC," saying, "I cannot win
without your support."
* Well, there's one thing she and Hillary agree on.
* If she's really hot-looking, Bill Clinton might support her.
SMOKING MAKES YOU STUPID
In A Fog - A University of Michigan study found that contrary to smokers' claims
that having a cigarette helps them concentrate, long-term tobacco smoking
actually can lower the I.Q. and dull thinking. The researchers can't say why,
but it could be because smoking damages blood vessels that supply the brain.
* Maybe this is why so many bad decisions come out of smoke-filled rooms.
PRISON INMATE SUES GOD
George Burns Testified In Court - A Romanian prisoner identified as Pavel M. is
suing God for failing to save him from Satan. He claims he gave God "various
goods and prayers in exchange for forgiveness and the promise I would be rid of
problems and have a better life." But God reneged on the contract, leaving him
in the Devil's hands and causing him to be jailed for murder. He is suing God,
through the Romanian Orthodox Church, for cheating, concealment, abuse against
people's interest, taking bribes and traffic of influence. Prosecutors say it
will probably be dropped because God can't be subpoenaed to court.
* That's because no lawyer has any idea how to find God.
* Even if he won, it would be appealed to the highest court, which is
God...And He'd throw it out, because, hey: it was an act of God.
* He should sue God for making him stupid enough to think this'll work.
* I just want to see God's signature on the contract.
HOTEL OKAYS DOGS, BANS KIDS
Better Make It 21 - Roland Ballner, owner of the luxurious Hotel Cortisen resort
on Wolfgagsee Lake in Austria, has banned children under 12. He said his guests
want peace and quiet, but children today are too badly behaved, and their
parents want to relax and won't discipline the little vandals. The hotel is fed
up with kids screaming, running and drawing on the white leather couches with
felt-tip pens. But he said dogs are still allowed because they're far better
trained than today's kids.
* If they're housebroken, they're better trained than today's kids.
* Rich people's dogs are better-behaved than most kids, and better-dressed.
* He thinks dogs should be allowed to reproduce and humans should be neutered.
* Children age 13 to 17 are allowed, if they're muzzled and kept on leashes.
TURNER PRIZE FRONTRUNNER: BUTT PAINTINGS
I Vote For The Hummingbirds On Acid - The short list of contenders was released
for Britain's controversial $44,000 (US) Turner Prize for modern art. They
include some garish hummingbird ornaments from a junk shop laid in a
brightly-colored room that looks like a '60s acid trip; and "Shedboatshed," a
shed an artist turned into a boat, floated down the Rhine River, then rebuilt
into a shed, to illustrate "the physical manifestation of my thought
processes." But the frontrunner is Gillian Carnegie, who does "bum paintings,"
realistic oil paintings of a naked butt.
* That's the physical manifestation of HER thought processes.
* She's the frontrunner? In most art contests, she'd be bringing up the rear.
* Whoever wins, art is getting a bum deal.
* Say, aren't ALL artworks the physical manifestation of someone's thought
DOLPHINS TALKING TO FETUSES
"Your Mom Looks Like Shamu!" - Pregnant women are flocking to Peru to don
bikinis and let dolphins talk to their fetuses. Elizabeth Yalan, dean of the
Obstetrician College of Peru, believes the energy generated by dolphin calls can
stimulate a baby's brain in the womb and help develop its senses and
intelligence. The therapy is called delfinoterapia. They have dolphins trained
to swim up to pregnant women and chitter at their stomachs.
* Here's what they're saying, translated from dolphin language: "Hey, kid!
Your mom is NUTS!"
* These kids need all the help they get, because they obviously won't
inherit much intelligence from mom.
DUMB CRIMINAL ROUND-UP
He's Facing A Big Legal Bill - Police in Twin Falls, Idaho, busted a man who may
be one of the worst counterfeiters ever. He attempted to deposit 999 phony $1
million bills, just short of $1 billion, in a bank as loan collateral. The
police chief said it was so comical, "It would have been remarkable if anyone
would have accepted them as legitimate."
* Especially considering they had Donald Trump's picture on them.
* Most counterfeiters stick to small denominations, like $100,000 bills.
* He needed a billion-dollar loan to buy more printer ink cartridges.
The Hamburglar's New Look - Last Wednesday night in Rochester, Minnesota, a man
entered a McDonald's, claiming to be a corporate executive there to audit the
store. He stalled for 90 minutes as the manager kept pressing him for I.D.,
then finally admitted it was a robbery, took some money and fled, but police
caught him. The manager said she suspected he wasn't from corporate because he
was wearing sunglasses, a black Halloween wig, face makeup and pink tape on his
earlobe to disguise a piercing; and when he wiped his cheek, his fake mole
* Usually, people from McDonald's corporate wear red wigs and clown makeup.
* Plus, he kept asking, "How are the Whoppers selling?"
* Corporate types usually arrive bearing red tape.
NO DWARFS IN P.C. "SNOW WHITE"
The Height Of Idiocy - The Coxheath Players drama group in Kent, England,
planned to do a Christmas show of "Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs," but they were
stunned when the script arrived and the word "dwarfs" had been censored. The
actors said it smacked of political correctness and would confuse children. But
the publishers said "dwarfs" might be offensive, and referred to the characters
as "gnomes" or "guardians of the forest."
* Instead, they changed it to "Snow White and the 7 Average-Sized Men," thus
putting seven dwarfs out of work.
* It would take a really small man to be offended by that.
* There's also no Wicked Queen, because that might offend transvestites.
* If they do away with plays about the seven dwarfs, the only tiny actor who'll
still get work is Tom Cruise.
WOMEN CAN READ MAPS, SOMETIMES
Where The Hell Is That Chocolate Store?! - Researchers at Ruhr University in
Germany discovered that true to the stereotype, women generally are not as good
as men at reading maps. However, their spatial ability increases when there is
more testosterone in their systems, which means their ability to read maps
improves during their menstrual periods.
* But that's the time when men are least likely to ask them to handle the
* Now, you can not only go horseback riding, you can figure out where you're
* If testosterone increases a woman's spatial ability, why isn't Rosie
O'Donnell an aerospace engineer?
MADONNA SAYS WE'RE GOING TO HELL
Anti-Material Girl - Matt Drudge reports that in a new documentary called "I'm
Going To Tell You A Secret," Madonna expounds on all the spiritual wisdom she's
gained. She says, "I refer to an entity called 'The Beast,'" which is "the
modern world we live in...The material world. The physical world. The world of
illusion, that we think is real. We live for it, we're enslaved by it. And it
will ultimately be our undoing."
* Yea, heed the call of Madonna to reject the material
world, from her estate in the English countryside!
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