'Caps and comments by Tuna

The Morning After (1986)

The Morning After (1986) is an American Giallo directed by Sidney Lumet. It stars Jane Fonda as an aging almost-was actress and full-time lush, who is subject to blackouts when she drinks, which is nearly all of the time. She awakens from one such episode to find herself in bed with a stiff, complete with butcher knife through his heart. Of course, she remembers nothing, and is not sure if she did it or not. A chance encounter with Jeff Bridges as an ex cop gives her one person on her side. Jeff figures out rather quickly that Jane didn't do it, and the rest of the movie is the search for who did and why to clear her name. Raul Julia is effective as her ex husband, who is a straight hair dresser.

Jane looked frighteningly like an aging lush, but, in many scenes, way overacted, which is really the only negative in what is a pretty good little mystery. The ending is a little bit of a stretch, which is not all that unusual for the genre. Jane shows most of a breast in a sex scene, then has a nipple slip shortly after. Although you can't see her face and nipple in the same frame, you do see face then nipple in one continuous take.

IMDb readers say 5.6 of 10. Fonda received a Best Actress nomination. This is a solid C, and should please genre lovers.

Jane Fonda


The Fourth Man (1983)

De Vierda Man (1983), or The Fourth Man, is an early Paul Verhoeven effort from his Dutch artistic period. It is the story of Gerard Reve, a gay alcoholic author, who travels to a paid speaking engagement, and ends up sleeping with the treasurer of the group he is speaking to, as he wants to seduce her boyfriend, and also is enamored of her wealth. He learns that she is three times a widow, and finally suspects that she murdered her three husbands, and is sure either he, or her boyfriend will be The Fourth Man. The film never solves the mystery, which I found somewhat disappointing. Renée Soutendijk, in a three B performance, is very easy on the eyes, and expert cinematographer Jon de Bont created a very dark and claustrophobic feel to the film.

IMDb readers say 7.3. It won three small festival awards. It is loaded with symbolism, as was the book it was based on, but Verhoeven claims to have added symbolism to impress Dutch critics! Scoopy enjoyed this, and I have to say I agree. Verhoeven was wonderful in his early career, and this is one of the best. Even if supernatural thrillers and foreign film don't interest you, you might want to give this one a try. B-

Renee Soutendijk



Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

Broken Flowers (2005)

Here's the official blurb/summary for Broken Flowers

"As the devoutly single Don Johnston (Murray) is dumped by his latest girlfriend (Delpy), he receives a anonymous pink letter informing him that he has a son who may be looking for him. The situation causes Don to examine his relationships with women instead of moving on to the next one, and he embarks on a cross-country search for his old flames who might possess clues to the mystery at hand."

In other words, it has the official "Bill Murray in his fifties" plot. This is basically the only movie he does now. The guy who writes his plot outlines has less to do than the guy who lights Mia Sara's nude scenes.

Snide remarks aside, it's supposed to be a good flick, from respected auteur Jim Jarmusch.

For our purposes, the key fact is that Alexis Dziena does a nude scene from every angle. Pretty cute, too. She just wandering around nekkid in front of ol' Bill.

Film clips (zipped .wmvs) (1, 2)


Saving Face (2004)

It's the Citizen Kane of Chinese Lesbian Soap Operas! I'll write more about this excellent chick-flick tomorrow.  Very entertaining and genuine film, romantic comedy with some subversive wit. For now, the key point is that Michelle Krusiec and Lynn Chen have a lesbian sex scene.

Michelle Krusiec

Lynn Chen

Batman Begins (2005)

I have never really thought of myself as a fan of movies made from comic books, but I think my three favorite non-comedies of the year all fall into that category: Sin City, A History of Violence, Batman Begins

Katie Holmes (no nudity)

Crimson Ghost

Captures and comments from the Ghost.
Christine Nguyen from the new softcore series "Hollywood Sexcapades"




Zipped .avis, caps, and comments by ICMS

Today we have 1970's "There was a crooked man" featuring Jeanne Cooper and Pamela Hensley topless. As you are probably aware Jeanne is best known for her long-time role on The Young and the Restless. Besides that she is also the mother of Fun House hero Corbin Bernsen. Pamela's last IMDB credits go back to the early eighties but the fossils among you may still remember her, just like me, as Princess Ardala from "Buck Rogers in the 25th Century"


'Caps and comments by Hankster:

Wow, the "Tuna" is back, so good to see that and we wish you continued good health.


Today we return to "Below the Belt" and we have a "Babe in Bondage," Jane Tsentas, who was a regular in this genre back then. Jane is up for auction while tied and is stark naked.



Mirka Madnadraszky is back, this time with Terri Johnson for some lesbian love scenes.

Back tomorrow with more and that will feature the legendary Uschi Digard and her fabulous Robo-Hooters.


Kate Moss during the Pirelli Calendar shoot
Elisha Cuthbert see-through
Carla Gugino kinda see-through
Movie Reviews


Here are the latest movie reviews available at

  • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
  • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
  • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
  • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

Other Crap

In case you missed the video of Charles Rocket saying "fuck" on SNL, here's another version.

Breasts for Peace

Actor Ashton Kutcher, the brand new husband of superstar Demi Moore who is 15 years his senior, is planning to make a television sitcom about life with an older woman. Kutcher is not afraid of offending Demi with the show's content since it will not be close-captioned for the hearing impaired.

Hugh Jackman too "fey" to play Bond, Ewan McGregor "too short", Colin Farrell "too sleazy" Outrageous lies! Well, except maybe for the Colin Farrell part.

  • Kidding aside, I'm having trouble believing that this memo is genuine. Ewan is 5'10.5". As I have written elsewhere, that also seems to be Daniel Craig's real height, although he claims 6". As for Hugh Jackman - well, fey means "possessing or displaying a strange and otherworldly aspect or quality; magical or fairylike; elfin." Frankly he doesn't seem all that ethereal or fairylike when he plays Wolverine, but what the hell do I know?

The latest quotables from Late Night with Conan O'Brien

  • "A lost manuscript by the composer Ludwig van Beethoven has been discovered - and it's going to be sold for over one million dollars. When he heard that Beethoven had written a manuscript, President Bush said, 'That dog can do anything!'"
  • "Tonight on '20/20,' Barbara Walters interviewed the new King of Saudi Arabia about women's rights and Walters asked why the King doesn't let women drive cars. The King answered with two words: Lindsay Lohan."

Stephen Colbert and Stone Phillips have a gravitas-off.

The premiere of the Colbert Report: "Anyone can read the news to you. Stephen promises to feel the news at you."

A sweet five minutes of stand-up from Pablo Francisco

Vince Vaughn - Jennifer Aniston ... rumor central. Vince denies that they are romantically involved, because there's no romance at all. He's just tappin' that sweet ass like a fresh keg at a New Year's eve party.

Brian Wilson's Christmas Album.

  • "A very hazy, drug-addled, kind of depressed Christmas"
  • All kidding aside, most of the cuts are awful, but you may get a kick out of Deck the Halls sung Beach Boys style!

Favreau shows some taste and turns down a big paycheck from the producers of Elf II.

  • The more cynical Will Ferrell responded to their feelers by inviting them to come to his sacred throne with bejeweled offerings, sumptuous treasures, human sacrifices, dancing girls, gold, frankincense, and especially myrrh. The Hollywood rumor mill reports that Will has a $200-a-day myrrh habit.

The First Music Video Filmed Entirely Using Cellphones

"Of course I'm not a real person, I'm a big piece of poop." The legendary costumed character, Mr Floatie, wants to run for mayor of Victoria, but may be disqualified because he's actually a big turd.

  • That's odd. I thought that being a big piece of shit was a requirement for public office. I guess the problem is that he is an imaginary piece of shit instead of the real ones we usually have to vote for.

Dave Barry's choice for headline o' the day so far ... "Birds battle buttocks for top art prize "

This week's movies (1800 screens): Dreamer: Inspired by a True Story - 57% positive reviews

  • Wittiest review: "I wonder if the 'true story' Dreamer was 'inspired by' was the one where Seabiscuit made over 120 million dollars at the box-office in 2003?"

This week's movies (2600 screens): North Country - 88% positive reviews. This is Charlize Theron's "small guy versus the establishment" movie which has some Oscar aspirations.

This week's movies (1700+ screens): Stay - 0% good reviews. It has been described as a pale, pretentious grade-B imitation of Antonioni and David Lynch.

This week's movies (3000+ screens): Doom - no advance reviews, but some enthusiasm from those who like such things. One genre site called it "Easily the best videogame-to-film adaptation yet." Unfortunately, that is not much help. Considering the competition in that field, it could range in quality anywhere from a bad episode of the Scooby Laff-a-Lympics (which pissed me off. I lost a ton of money betting on the Dastardly team.) all the way up to Casablanca. By the way, it is rated R - thus eliminating a big chunk of the potential video game audience.

The Weekend Warrior makes his predictions for October 21-23

  • He thinks Doom (3000 screens) will make an impressive debut (for this time of year), with Oscar-hopeful North Country (2600 screens) a distant second.
  • The other two new films, each on about 1800 screens are Dreamer (the Seabiscuit clone from Dream Works), and Stay, a psychological thriller starring Obi-Wan and Naomi Watts. The Warrior thinks Dreamer will finish a respectable fourth, with Stay a distant and forgotten ninth, soon to disappear back into the obscurity whence it emerged.
  • Clooney's Murrow film is expected to expand modestly (200 theaters or so), and is not expected to crack the top 10

Saturday night is dead to TV. "ABC has essentially put a prime-time slot up for auction to anyone who has a compelling idea."

"NEW SUPER-TINY IPOD IS IMPLANTED DIRECTLY INTO THE BRAIN" ... 100 Million Americans Could Be Hardwired for Sound By 2008, Says Jobs

"Jon Stewart points out to Dolly Parton that the way people think of her is not so sisterly and auntish."

The Daily Show's Rob Corddry recalls the best moments from America's favorite TV show, 'The White House.'

"Madonna has revealed she had to write a grovelling letter to Abba " In order to get the rights to some of their music, she had to beg and plead and say how much she loved them. They didn't believe her, until they realized it was THE Madonna, and she is undoubtedly tone deaf.


GALLUP: The American people think their government sucks across the board. Unfortunately, in a democracy, "people get the government they deserve."

What's Really in Your Halloween Candy? Eye of newt? Toe of frog?

The Daily Show: "If Bush's delivery made you think he was engaging in impromptu discussion with soldiers, fear not."

"Adam Carolla wants Alec Baldwin to gain 80 pounds and become the 'mountain man' who will be the next president."

"Miers Tells Senator the Constitution Protects Right to Privacy "

  • "U.S. Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers says she believes there's a constitutional right to privacy and that two cases the court relied upon when it legalized abortion were ``correctly decided,'' according to Senator Arlen Specter. "

"Crazy lady from this weeks episode of Trading Spouses. I bet her husband changed all the locks as soon as she left. This woman needs her own show, I would watch every week."

Four clips from Prime

  • "'Prime' is a sophisticated, character comedy set in New York City about Rafi (Uma Thurman), a recently divorced 37-year-old career woman from Manhattan, and what happens when Dave (Bryan Greenberg), a talented 23-year-old painter from Brooklyn, falls in love with her."

The trailer for Breakfast on Pluto

  • "A vibrant, picturesque new movie from Neil Jordan, the award winning director of 'The Crying Game,' 'Interview with the Vampire,' and 'The End of the Affair. Set in the 1970's, 'Breakfast on Pluto' follows the exploits of Patrick Braden (Cilian Murphy), an endearing, but deceptively tough young man. Abandoned as a baby in his small Irish hometown and aware from a very early age that he is different, Patrick survives this harsh environment with the aid of his wit and charm, plus a sweet refusal to let anyone and anything change who he is. Jordan weaves a wonderfully surreal and magical tale to bring us this funny, moving and poignant rites of passage account of a young man enduring the trials and tribulations he faces with a smile and unwavering faith in the inherent goodness in us all."

"Two trade groups sued Arnold Schwarzenegger over a law he passed banning the sale of violent video games to children under the age of 18."

Top ten signs that your barber is working for al-Qaeda

  • "Instead of small talk about sports, it's small talk about streets flowing with Zionist blood"
  • "Customers pay with cash, credit card, or goat"

Stephen Colbert - National Treasure

"Stephen Colbert is the first name in journalism. Not alphabetically, of course."

Stephen Colbert discusses the public trust.

Colbert Report: Journalistic Courage

The Colts fell behind 17-0 early. No problem, except that they only won by 17. The scary thing is that they don't even need Manning this year.

The 'stros were one out away from the World Series. Unfortunately for them, that out needed to come from the best hitter on the planet.

IMDb celebrates its 15th Anniversary

Pat Reeder -

What The Heck, Hillary's Resigning In 2007, Anyway - Hillary Clinton's Republican New York Senate opponent Jeanine Pirro must be working off an old mailing list.  Her campaign sent a donor solicitation letter to "Hillary Clinton,  1600 Pennsylvania Ave., Washington, DC," saying, "I cannot win without your support."

*  Well, there's one thing she and Hillary agree on.
*  If she's really hot-looking, Bill Clinton might support her.

In A Fog - A University of Michigan study found that contrary to smokers' claims that having a cigarette helps them concentrate, long-term tobacco smoking actually can lower the I.Q. and dull thinking.  The researchers can't say why,  but it could be because smoking damages blood vessels that supply the brain.

*  Maybe this is why so many bad decisions come out of smoke-filled rooms.

George Burns Testified In Court - A Romanian prisoner identified as Pavel M. is suing God for failing to save him from Satan.  He claims he gave God "various goods and prayers in exchange for forgiveness and the promise I would be rid of problems and have a better life."  But God reneged on the contract, leaving him in the Devil's hands and causing him to be jailed for murder.  He is suing God, through the Romanian Orthodox Church, for cheating, concealment, abuse against people's interest, taking bribes and traffic of influence.  Prosecutors say it will probably be dropped because God can't be subpoenaed to court.

*  That's because no lawyer has any idea how to find God.
*  Even if he won, it would be appealed to the highest court, which is  God...And He'd throw it out, because, hey: it was an act of God.
*  He should sue God for making him stupid enough to think this'll work.
*  I just want to see God's signature on the contract.

Better Make It 21 - Roland Ballner, owner of the luxurious Hotel Cortisen resort on Wolfgagsee Lake in Austria, has banned children under 12.  He said his guests want peace and quiet, but children today are too badly behaved, and  their parents want to relax and won't discipline the little vandals.  The hotel is fed up with kids screaming, running and drawing on the white leather couches with felt-tip pens.  But he said dogs are still allowed because they're far better trained than today's kids.

*  If they're housebroken, they're better trained than today's kids.
*  Rich people's dogs are better-behaved than most kids, and better-dressed.
*  He thinks dogs should be allowed to reproduce and humans should be neutered.
*  Children age 13 to 17 are allowed, if they're muzzled and kept on leashes.

I Vote For The Hummingbirds On Acid - The short list of contenders was released for Britain's controversial $44,000 (US) Turner Prize for modern art.  They include some garish hummingbird ornaments from a junk shop laid in a brightly-colored room that looks like a '60s acid trip; and "Shedboatshed," a shed an artist turned into a boat, floated down the Rhine River, then rebuilt into a shed, to illustrate "the physical manifestation of my thought processes."  But the frontrunner is Gillian Carnegie, who does "bum paintings," realistic oil  paintings of a naked butt.

*  That's the physical manifestation of HER thought processes.
*  She's the frontrunner?  In most art contests, she'd be bringing up the rear.
*  Whoever wins, art is getting a bum deal.
*  Say, aren't ALL artworks the physical manifestation of someone's thought processes?

"Your Mom Looks Like Shamu!" - Pregnant women are flocking to Peru to don bikinis and let dolphins talk to their fetuses.  Elizabeth Yalan, dean of the Obstetrician College of Peru, believes the energy generated by dolphin calls can stimulate a baby's brain in the womb and help develop its senses and intelligence.  The therapy is called delfinoterapia.  They have dolphins trained to swim up to pregnant women and chitter at their stomachs.

*  Here's what they're saying, translated from dolphin language: "Hey, kid!  Your mom is NUTS!"
*  These kids need all the help they get, because they obviously won't  inherit much intelligence from mom.

He's Facing A Big Legal Bill - Police in Twin Falls, Idaho, busted a man who may be one of the worst counterfeiters ever.  He attempted to deposit 999 phony $1 million bills, just short of $1 billion, in a bank as loan collateral.  The police chief said it was so comical, "It would have been remarkable if anyone would have accepted them as legitimate."

*  Especially considering they had Donald Trump's picture on them.
*  Most counterfeiters stick to small denominations, like $100,000 bills.
*  He needed a billion-dollar loan to buy more printer ink cartridges.

The Hamburglar's New Look - Last Wednesday night in Rochester, Minnesota, a man entered a McDonald's, claiming to be a corporate executive there to audit the store.  He stalled for 90 minutes as the manager kept pressing him for I.D., then finally admitted it was a robbery, took some money and fled, but police caught him.  The manager said she suspected he wasn't from corporate because he was wearing sunglasses, a black Halloween wig, face makeup and pink tape on his earlobe to disguise a piercing; and when he wiped his cheek, his fake mole smeared.

*  Usually, people from McDonald's corporate wear red wigs and clown makeup.
*  Plus, he kept asking, "How are the Whoppers selling?"
*  Corporate types usually arrive bearing red tape.

The Height Of Idiocy - The Coxheath Players drama group in Kent, England,  planned to do a Christmas show of "Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs," but they were stunned when the script arrived and the word "dwarfs" had been censored.  The actors said it smacked of political correctness and would confuse children. But the publishers said "dwarfs" might be offensive, and referred to the characters as "gnomes" or "guardians of the forest."

*  Instead, they changed it to "Snow White and the 7 Average-Sized Men," thus putting seven dwarfs out of work.
*  It would take a really small man to be offended by that.
*  There's also no Wicked Queen, because that might offend transvestites.
*  If they do away with plays about the seven dwarfs, the only tiny actor who'll still get work is Tom Cruise.

Where The Hell Is That Chocolate Store?! - Researchers at Ruhr University in  Germany discovered that true to the stereotype, women generally are not as good as men at reading maps.  However, their spatial ability increases when there is more testosterone in their systems, which means their ability to read maps improves during their menstrual periods.

*  But that's the time when men are least likely to ask them to handle the map-reading.
*  Now, you can not only go horseback riding, you can figure out where you're riding to!
*  If testosterone increases a woman's spatial ability, why isn't Rosie O'Donnell an aerospace engineer?

Anti-Material Girl - Matt Drudge reports that in a new documentary called "I'm Going To Tell You A Secret," Madonna expounds on all the spiritual wisdom she's gained.  She says, "I refer to an entity called 'The Beast,'" which is "the modern world we live in...The material world.  The physical world.  The world of illusion, that we think is real.  We live for it, we're enslaved by it.  And it will ultimately be our undoing." 

*  Yea, heed the call of Madonna to reject the material world, from her estate in the English countryside!

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