'Caps and comments by Tuna

The Morning After (1986)

The Morning After (1986) is an American Giallo directed by Sidney Lumet. It stars Jane Fonda as an aging almost-was actress and full-time lush, who is subject to blackouts when she drinks, which is nearly all of the time. She awakens from one such episode to find herself in bed with a stiff, complete with butcher knife through his heart. Of course, she remembers nothing, and is not sure if she did it or not. A chance encounter with Jeff Bridges as an ex cop gives her one person on her side. Jeff figures out rather quickly that Jane didn't do it, and the rest of the movie is the search for who did and why to clear her name. Raul Julia is effective as her ex husband, who is a straight hair dresser.

Jane looked frighteningly like an aging lush, but, in many scenes, way overacted, which is really the only negative in what is a pretty good little mystery. The ending is a little bit of a stretch, which is not all that unusual for the genre. Jane shows most of a breast in a sex scene, then has a nipple slip shortly after. Although you can't see her face and nipple in the same frame, you do see face then nipple in one continuous take.

IMDb readers say 5.6 of 10. Fonda received a Best Actress nomination. This is a solid C, and should please genre lovers.
 

Jane Fonda

The Fourth Man (1983)

De Vierda Man (1983), or The Fourth Man, is an early Paul Verhoeven effort from his Dutch artistic period. It is the story of Gerard Reve, a gay alcoholic author, who travels to a paid speaking engagement, and ends up sleeping with the treasurer of the group he is speaking to, as he wants to seduce her boyfriend, and also is enamored of her wealth. He learns that she is three times a widow, and finally suspects that she murdered her three husbands, and is sure either he, or her boyfriend will be The Fourth Man. The film never solves the mystery, which I found somewhat disappointing. Renée Soutendijk, in a three B performance, is very easy on the eyes, and expert cinematographer Jon de Bont created a very dark and claustrophobic feel to the film.

IMDb readers say 7.3. It won three small festival awards. It is loaded with symbolism, as was the book it was based on, but Verhoeven claims to have added symbolism to impress Dutch critics! Scoopy enjoyed this, and I have to say I agree. Verhoeven was wonderful in his early career, and this is one of the best. Even if supernatural thrillers and foreign film don't interest you, you might want to give this one a try. B-
 

Renee Soutendijk

Broken Flowers (2005)

Here's the official blurb/summary for Broken Flowers

"As the devoutly single Don Johnston (Murray) is dumped by his latest girlfriend (Delpy), he receives a anonymous pink letter informing him that he has a son who may be looking for him. The situation causes Don to examine his relationships with women instead of moving on to the next one, and he embarks on a cross-country search for his old flames who might possess clues to the mystery at hand."

In other words, it has the official "Bill Murray in his fifties" plot. This is basically the only movie he does now. The guy who writes his plot outlines has less to do than the guy who lights Mia Sara's nude scenes.

Snide remarks aside, it's supposed to be a good flick, from respected auteur Jim Jarmusch.

For our purposes, the key fact is that Alexis Dziena does a nude scene from every angle. Pretty cute, too. She just wandering around nekkid in front of ol' Bill.

Film clips (zipped .wmvs) (1, 2)

Saving Face (2004)

It's the Citizen Kane of Chinese Lesbian Soap Operas! I'll write more about this excellent chick-flick tomorrow.  Very entertaining and genuine film, romantic comedy with some subversive wit. For now, the key point is that Michelle Krusiec and Lynn Chen have a lesbian sex scene.

Michelle Krusiec
Lynn Chen

Batman Begins (2005)

I have never really thought of myself as a fan of movies made from comic books, but I think my three favorite non-comedies of the year all fall into that category: Sin City, A History of Violence, Batman Begins

Katie Holmes (no nudity)

Today we have 1970's "There was a crooked man" featuring Jeanne Cooper and Pamela Hensley topless. As you are probably aware Jeanne is best known for her long-time role on The Young and the Restless. Besides that she is also the mother of Fun House hero Corbin Bernsen. Pamela's last IMDB credits go back to the early eighties but the fossils among you may still remember her, just like me, as Princess Ardala from "Buck Rogers in the 25th Century"

Wow, the "Tuna" is back, so good to see that and we wish you continued good health.

Today we return to "Below the Belt" and we have a "Babe in Bondage," Jane Tsentas, who was a regular in this genre back then. Jane is up for auction while tied and is stark naked.

Mirka Madnadraszky is back, this time with Terri Johnson for some lesbian love scenes.

Back tomorrow with more and that will feature the legendary Uschi Digard and her fabulous Robo-Hooters.

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

HILLARY'S OPPONENT HITS HER UP FOR MONEY
What The Heck, Hillary's Resigning In 2007, Anyway - Hillary Clinton's Republican New York Senate opponent Jeanine Pirro must be working off an old mailing list.  Her campaign sent a donor solicitation letter to "Hillary Clinton,  1600 Pennsylvania Ave., Washington, DC," saying, "I cannot win without your support."

*  Well, there's one thing she and Hillary agree on.
*  If she's really hot-looking, Bill Clinton might support her.


SMOKING MAKES YOU STUPID
In A Fog - A University of Michigan study found that contrary to smokers' claims that having a cigarette helps them concentrate, long-term tobacco smoking actually can lower the I.Q. and dull thinking.  The researchers can't say why,  but it could be because smoking damages blood vessels that supply the brain.

*  Maybe this is why so many bad decisions come out of smoke-filled rooms.



PRISON INMATE SUES GOD
George Burns Testified In Court - A Romanian prisoner identified as Pavel M. is suing God for failing to save him from Satan.  He claims he gave God "various goods and prayers in exchange for forgiveness and the promise I would be rid of problems and have a better life."  But God reneged on the contract, leaving him in the Devil's hands and causing him to be jailed for murder.  He is suing God, through the Romanian Orthodox Church, for cheating, concealment, abuse against people's interest, taking bribes and traffic of influence.  Prosecutors say it will probably be dropped because God can't be subpoenaed to court.

*  That's because no lawyer has any idea how to find God.
*  Even if he won, it would be appealed to the highest court, which is  God...And He'd throw it out, because, hey: it was an act of God.
*  He should sue God for making him stupid enough to think this'll work.
*  I just want to see God's signature on the contract.



HOTEL OKAYS DOGS, BANS KIDS
Better Make It 21 - Roland Ballner, owner of the luxurious Hotel Cortisen resort on Wolfgagsee Lake in Austria, has banned children under 12.  He said his guests want peace and quiet, but children today are too badly behaved, and  their parents want to relax and won't discipline the little vandals.  The hotel is fed up with kids screaming, running and drawing on the white leather couches with felt-tip pens.  But he said dogs are still allowed because they're far better trained than today's kids.

*  If they're housebroken, they're better trained than today's kids.
*  Rich people's dogs are better-behaved than most kids, and better-dressed.
*  He thinks dogs should be allowed to reproduce and humans should be neutered.
*  Children age 13 to 17 are allowed, if they're muzzled and kept on leashes.



TURNER PRIZE FRONTRUNNER: BUTT PAINTINGS
I Vote For The Hummingbirds On Acid - The short list of contenders was released for Britain's controversial $44,000 (US) Turner Prize for modern art.  They include some garish hummingbird ornaments from a junk shop laid in a brightly-colored room that looks like a '60s acid trip; and "Shedboatshed," a shed an artist turned into a boat, floated down the Rhine River, then rebuilt into a shed, to illustrate "the physical manifestation of my thought processes."  But the frontrunner is Gillian Carnegie, who does "bum paintings," realistic oil  paintings of a naked butt.

*  That's the physical manifestation of HER thought processes.
*  She's the frontrunner?  In most art contests, she'd be bringing up the rear.
*  Whoever wins, art is getting a bum deal.
*  Say, aren't ALL artworks the physical manifestation of someone's thought processes?



DOLPHINS TALKING TO FETUSES
"Your Mom Looks Like Shamu!" - Pregnant women are flocking to Peru to don bikinis and let dolphins talk to their fetuses.  Elizabeth Yalan, dean of the Obstetrician College of Peru, believes the energy generated by dolphin calls can stimulate a baby's brain in the womb and help develop its senses and intelligence.  The therapy is called delfinoterapia.  They have dolphins trained to swim up to pregnant women and chitter at their stomachs.

*  Here's what they're saying, translated from dolphin language: "Hey, kid!  Your mom is NUTS!"
*  These kids need all the help they get, because they obviously won't  inherit much intelligence from mom.



DUMB CRIMINAL ROUND-UP
He's Facing A Big Legal Bill - Police in Twin Falls, Idaho, busted a man who may be one of the worst counterfeiters ever.  He attempted to deposit 999 phony $1 million bills, just short of $1 billion, in a bank as loan collateral.  The police chief said it was so comical, "It would have been remarkable if anyone would have accepted them as legitimate."

*  Especially considering they had Donald Trump's picture on them.
*  Most counterfeiters stick to small denominations, like $100,000 bills.
*  He needed a billion-dollar loan to buy more printer ink cartridges.


The Hamburglar's New Look - Last Wednesday night in Rochester, Minnesota, a man entered a McDonald's, claiming to be a corporate executive there to audit the store.  He stalled for 90 minutes as the manager kept pressing him for I.D., then finally admitted it was a robbery, took some money and fled, but police caught him.  The manager said she suspected he wasn't from corporate because he was wearing sunglasses, a black Halloween wig, face makeup and pink tape on his earlobe to disguise a piercing; and when he wiped his cheek, his fake mole smeared.

*  Usually, people from McDonald's corporate wear red wigs and clown makeup.
*  Plus, he kept asking, "How are the Whoppers selling?"
*  Corporate types usually arrive bearing red tape.

NO DWARFS IN P.C. "SNOW WHITE"
The Height Of Idiocy - The Coxheath Players drama group in Kent, England,  planned to do a Christmas show of "Snow White & the Seven Dwarfs," but they were stunned when the script arrived and the word "dwarfs" had been censored.  The actors said it smacked of political correctness and would confuse children. But the publishers said "dwarfs" might be offensive, and referred to the characters as "gnomes" or "guardians of the forest."

*  Instead, they changed it to "Snow White and the 7 Average-Sized Men," thus putting seven dwarfs out of work.
*  It would take a really small man to be offended by that.
*  There's also no Wicked Queen, because that might offend transvestites.
*  If they do away with plays about the seven dwarfs, the only tiny actor who'll still get work is Tom Cruise.



WOMEN CAN READ MAPS, SOMETIMES 
Where The Hell Is That Chocolate Store?! - Researchers at Ruhr University in  Germany discovered that true to the stereotype, women generally are not as good as men at reading maps.  However, their spatial ability increases when there is more testosterone in their systems, which means their ability to read maps improves during their menstrual periods.

*  But that's the time when men are least likely to ask them to handle the map-reading.
*  Now, you can not only go horseback riding, you can figure out where you're riding to!
*  If testosterone increases a woman's spatial ability, why isn't Rosie O'Donnell an aerospace engineer?



MADONNA SAYS WE'RE GOING TO HELL
Anti-Material Girl - Matt Drudge reports that in a new documentary called "I'm Going To Tell You A Secret," Madonna expounds on all the spiritual wisdom she's gained.  She says, "I refer to an entity called 'The Beast,'" which is "the modern world we live in...The material world.  The physical world.  The world of illusion, that we think is real.  We live for it, we're enslaved by it.  And it will ultimately be our undoing." 

*  Yea, heed the call of Madonna to reject the material world, from her estate in the English countryside!

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