Saturday

Tuna
"Blown Away"

Blown Away (1992) is a Canadian direct to video that is being released on DVD next week. It stars Corey Feldman, Corey Haim, and Nicole Eggert. This is a 92 minute R rated version. There seems to have been an Unrated version, also 92 minutes, released on VHS and no longer available. Comments indicate that the Unrated version extended the sex scenes, of which there are many. I have to say that, in this case, there is more than enough sex and nudity from Eggert already. There are at least 4 sex scenes and a shower scene, and we get many long clear looks at her breasts and buns. She appears to be completely nude in some scenes, but in the one crotch shot (image 44), which has motion blur, she is clearly wearing a flimsy g-string.

This is either a soft-core with a little better than average plot and is a little light on the nudity, or a thriller with a very weak plot and enough sex and nudity to detract from the story. Either way, the 5.1 IMDB rating is deserved. Comments fall neatly into two camps, those who love seeing Eggert naked, and those who hate the lame plot. Eggert is a spoiled rich girl whose mother is killed by a car bomb in the opening scene. Police rule it an accident.

Cut to a year in the future. Haim is the activities director at a ski lodge owned by Eggert's overbearing father. Feldman is his half brother, who also works at the lodge. Haim meets Eggert when her horse spooks, and is invited to a party at her fathers home. She is 17 at the time, but that doesn't stop Haim from bedding her, time after time. Eventually, she make sit obvious that she wants him to help kill her father. She also claims her father killed her mother. The plot twists and turns from there in a mostly predictable fashion, but was never really engaging. Marina Sirtis had a walk on part as the exploding mother.

They could have tightened up the sex scenes, and overhauled the plot, and created a decent erotic thriller with these characters and basic premise and created a much better film. As it is, this is barely watchable. C-.

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  • Nicole Eggert (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44)

    • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Respiro (2002):

    The Italian language film, Respiro, is a touch of magical realism, Sicilian style, based upon an old local legend:

    The legend:

    A small-minded and insulated island community ostracized a free-spirited young mother, because they were unable to relate to her mood swings and unfettered behavior. Many thought she was insane. She disappeared one day, leaving no clue, no note, no trace except her clothing abandoned on the beach. The townspeople felt guilty for causing her to commit suicide in the sea, but their prayers brought her back to life, whereupon she resumed normal life with her family.

    The film's interpretation:

    The Sicilian wife (Valeria Golino) was subject to severe mood swings and fits which could only be controlled through medication. She refused to follow everyone else's rules. She freed all the wild dogs, she swam topless in view of the local fishermen, and she had a very strange, pseudo-incestuous relationship with her oldest son. The townspeople, especially her mother-in-law, felt that she should be sent to Milan for treatment of her mental condition. Golino didn't much care for that whole Milan plan, so she conspired with her oldest son to fake her own disappearance. The townspeople then mourned her as dead, realized what they had lost, and talked about her as if she were a Saint.

    How did the film end? I won't tell you. I probably should pretend that I am deliberately holding back to avoid a spoiler, but in reality, I don't know what the hell happened. The magic and the realism got intertwined, and then the credits started rolling.

    It's a film for the turtle neck crowd, thus too arty and subtle for me. There is very little dialogue. The characters speak in single, simple sentences or even just grunts, and the people in this film slap each other more often than the skipper bopped Gilligan with his hat. Literary types will find foreshadowing and lots of symbolism in the fate of trapped animals on the island, symbolizing Golino's own feeling of entrapment in the provincial fishing village.

    Frankly, I found it more soporific than a Hugh Hudson film festival.

    Based on this description, this is a C-. It got some excellent reviews from respected reviewers, and some awards, thus mandating at least a C-, but it is a film for a miniscule arthouse audience. (In Italian, with subtitles.)

    • Valeria Golino. She looks pretty much the same as she has looked for the last 15 years or so (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

     

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    MOVIE REVIEWS:

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Brainscan
    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Got an A list babe and a veteran B movie bim for all y'all today.

    The A lister is Reese Witherspoon in Twilight. Now that she's gotten all famous and seems to regret this righteous topless scene, it is prob'ly the last time we are gonna see them hooties. And that would put Twilight into the same category as Bobbi Jo and the Outlaw and Night School and just a couple other movies in which gals who would become megastars gave up serious goodies for the only time.

    • Reese Witherspoon (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)


    B movie bim is Regina Russell, she of natural body and unnatural red hair. Caps come from Sex Court: The Movie. Wierdest damn thing about this movie-- some scenes are well-crafted, well-lighted and nicely transferred to DVD, whereas others look as though a couple of high school kids got ahold of daddy's video camera. These scenes are some of the first type. I should add that Regina has a brief what-woulda-been gynocam sequence, but she's wearin' one of them crotch patches, so I just didn't bother. Tuna and I agree: the patch is understandable but not photographable.

    • Regina Russell (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    CKRoach
    'Caps and comments by CKRoach:

    "The Omega Man"
    An old movie with a definite relevance for today. An end of the world movie that was scary when I first watched it as a kid. With the new fears of bio-terrorism today, this movie is even more disturbing.

    Boris Sagal directed this 1971 movie that is seemingly a remake of the 1964 film "The Last Man on Earth." Strangely enough, both movies have writer Richard Matheson listed in the writing credits. Matheson, displeased at the end product of "The Last Man on Earth." Was listed under his pseudonym "Logan Swanson" "The Omega Man" is based on the Matheson novel "I Am Legend."

    The "The Omega Man" shines where the 1964 movie seems very dull. This movie combines a scary plot with the makings of an early action movie. In the 1964 movie the world is ending due to a plague that results in vampirism whereas "The Omega Man" is based on an all to real terror of modern biological warfare.

    Charlton Heston stars in the role of Robert Neville. Neville is a former Army bio-war defense scientist. He stars opposite Anthony Zerbe as Mathias, the leader of a group of insane, mutated plague survivors. Rosalind Cash plays as one of the few people who are still infected by the plague but are currently asymptomatic.

    The movie takes place during a border war between Red China and the Soviet Union. The Chinese release a deadly biological agent that not only destroys the Russians but themselves and everyone else as well.

    Neville is described as a doctor who designed cures for diseases "That didn't even exist yet." He finds himself suddenly being affected by the disease as everyone is. He quickly injects himself with a vaccine that he designed but is totally untested. He tests it on himself and is rapidly cured.

    He finds himself alive in Los Angeles but now at war with the photophobic, mutated survivors who form a group called "The Family." Led by Mathias, this group is hell bent on destroying all vestiges of the past, which unfortunately includes Neville.

    Neville entertains himself watching endless replays of the movie "Woodstock" or playing chess with a bust of Caesar. He also suffers from occasional auditory delusions of all the phones ringing at once. He even finds himself staring at female mannequins in an abandoned department store. Which takes us to the next players in this story.

    There are other people who while infected haven't yet become symptomatic with the disease. One is Rosalind Cash who plays Lisa. Since Neville seems to shoot at most anything that moves (probably why the family has yet to kill him) the other humans tend to hide from him. Lisa tries to hide by posing as a mannequin while Neville walks by. It doesn't work, He chases her, very unsuccessfully.

    She reappears when Neville is captured and about to be burned to death in Los Angeles' "memorial Coliseum. Her and the other survivors rescue him moments from being toasted. He is taken back to the mountain cabin where the survivors get him to help cure Lisa's son who has sadly become symptomatic.

    I won't spoil the rest of this excellent story by telling how it eventually ends. The DVD is available at most outlets for under $15. If you enjoy this kind of story please buy it!

    The movie is rated by the IMDb at 6.4/10

    The DVD version comes with some biographical material and a short on the making of the film. The transfer quality is mediocre but acceptable.

    Cash shows some skin getting up after a night with Neville ("..the only boy and girl in the world..") and while she tries on some clothes in an abandoned department store.

    Variety
    Victoria Sinclair
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)


    		'Caps and comments by Gentleman George

    As you know I am a regular viewer of the Naked News. Occasioinally, the lead anchor Victoria Sinclair, does this really incredibly erotic routine during her segment. She removes her stockings. Now that might seem like 'ho-hum' to the average joe, especially considering the quality of nudity your site has on an every day basis.

    But The mere fact that this lady is doing a striptease, to begin with and the way she just ... does it! Makes it all the more erotic. Here are several caps from a few days ago - black stockings this time.

    For my money, she is, without a doubt, the most outright beautiful of all the Naked News girls!


    Tiffany Limos
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    Maeve Quinlan
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)

    		The Skin-man takes a look at "Ken Park" (2002), the controversial movie from indie director Larry Clark. Both bare all including some upclose and personal gyno-cam views from Limos in a 3-way scene.

    D'oh!
    Vaitiare Bandera
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

    		Thanks to everyone who caught the mistake yesterday...Mr Skin accidently mis-labeled Bandera as Bobbie Phillips. Here are the corrected topless and full frontal 'caps from the pilot episode of the sci-fi series "Stargate SG-1".

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    YANKEES BEAT RED SOX; BARTMAN MOVIE ALREADY OKAYED
    I'd Rather Watch "Gigli" - Last night, the Yankees beat the Red Sox 6-5, so instead of a Cinderella World Series of perennial losers the Cubs vs. the Red Sox, it will be the Yankees again vs. a Florida team with little history. For entertainment, viewers might want to catch instead the made-for-TV movie "Fan Interference," based on Cubs fan Steve Bartman's ill-fated attempt to catch a foul. Daily Variety reports that it happened Tuesday, the movie was pitched and bought Wednesday, and they've already cast Kevin James of "King Of Queens" as Bartman. It's from Revolution Studios, the producers of "Gigli."

  • So the curse continues!!
  • Kevin James will play the king of losers.
  • In fact, EVERY major studio already has this story in production.
  • Kevin James? Bartman must be under so much stress, he's gained 200 pounds in three days!
  • I wanted to see a Cubs-Red Sox Series because I wanted to see how, in a best-of-7 series, they'd both manage to lose.
  • It's a toss-up as to who's feeling more suicidal: Sox and Cubs fans, or Fox Network advertising salesmen.


    SHOOTING THE FINGER NOT ILLEGAL
    When In Rome... - The 3rd Court of Appeals in Austin, Texas, ruled that "shooting the bird" may be rude, but it's not illegal. The case involved a Lockhart, Texas, man who gave the finger to a slow-moving driver and was charged with disorderly conduct under an obscure state law for knowingly making an offensive gesture in public that tends to incite a breach of the peace. In finding insufficient evidence to claim that shooting the bird incites a breach of the peace, the judges outlined the 2,000-year-long history of the gesture, noting its popularity among the ancient Romans, who called it "digitus impudicus."

  • And when they did it, they would say, "Uppus urus."
  • That's also the Latin term for a proctology exam.
  • Roman gladiators got one of two signs: "thumbs up" or "digitus impudicus."
  • In Texas, it's legal to shoot ANYTHING.
  • Giving a Texan the finger may not be illegal, but it can get you the death penalty.


    "DR. PHIL" A FRAUD?
    He'll Give Them A Fat Lip - The National Enquirer is accusing TV psychologist Dr. Phil McGraw of being a fraud. The tabloid claims that two 370-pound-plus women were guests on an episode about fat acceptance, and a camera crew followed them around to get the rude reaction of strangers to fat people. They went to an L.A. mall, a fitness center and a buffet restaurant...but nobody insulted them. One of the women claims the frustrated producers finally paid a stranger and a cameraman to say something rude to them.

  • Something the other people were only thinking.
  • So many Americans are fat now, these women looked perfectly normal.
  • From now on, I only get my psychological advice from a real TV doctor: Frasier Crane!


    MARTHA RETURNS TO KMART COMMERCIALS
    You Spell "Click" With A "C" - Martha Stewart goes on trial on security charges in January, but before that, she'll finally return to doing Kmart commercials for Christmas. She'll promote sheets and towels, write the letter "K" and say, "It's in the K."

  • And Martha will be in the pen.
  • Martha will be in cell block K.
  • She notes that the sheets and towels are very strong, perfect for tying together and escaping out the window.