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"Slaughterhouse-Five" (1972)

Slaughterhouse-Five is, of course, based on the Kurt Vonnegut Jr. novel of the same name. The title refers to the building that he is housed in in Dresden as a POW. It is considered to be one of the best adaptations of a Vonnegut novel, and succeeded for two reasons. First, the novel is one of the easiest of Vonnegut's to adapt for film, and second, they followed the book very closely in the adaptation. Like anything by Vonnegut, there are a million theories of themes and symbols -- it is an English teachers dream. It is clear that this autobiographical work relating his experience as a German POW who lived through the Allied bombing of Dresden is saying that war is bad. That was, of course, a very popular message in 1972. I hate sounding like a High School English teacher, but there is much more going on here.

The story is told with very non-linear time. We are warned of this in the opening scene, where the hero, Billy Pilgrim (Michael Sacks) is typing a letter to a magazine, explaining that he has become "unstuck in time." He goes on to say that he is transported from one time to another without any warning. The main time periods include WW2 Germany, his youth, present day suburbia, and the planet "Tralfamadore." Even within each era, events are not told sequentially. This makes it very hard to follow, even after you catch on to what is happening. I think the real theme is summarized in a statement made by Billy to his daughter near the end of the film. "The world is just a collection of moments, all strung together in beautiful random order. And if we're going to survive, it's up to us to concentrate on the good moments, and ignore the bad." The exposure comes from Valerie Perrine, who is not given to taking her clothes off. She plays an actress/centerfold who ends up on Tralfamadore with Billy.

If any of you are Vonnegut experts, and know a lot about this work, I would appreciate further insight. It was a long watch, but I had the feeling when it ended that I had just watched something important. I was just not sure what it all meant, and I am still not sure if I liked it or not. The DVD quality is poor, with bad focus, lots of grain, low saturation, etc. There were no special features at all. IMDB viewers have it at 7.2/10, and Maltin gives it three stars.

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  • Valerie Perrine (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
  • Johnny Web

    Shadow Hours (2000)

    New release. Do you even have to watch this one? All the clues are there. It stars Tane McClure, so you know there will be nudity. It starts Peter Weller, so you know it will be twisted. And it stars Balthazar Getty, so you know it will suck.

    The supporting players include Brad Dourif and the guy who plays Worf on Star Trek. Just your run-of-the-mill cast.

    I guess you'd have to say it's a grade C-plus, since McClure is the Grade C Shannon Tweed, and Getty is the Grade C Charlie Sheen, but Weller uplifts it a bit by being the Grade B James Woods.

    Getty is recovering from substance abuse, working the night shift at a 24 hour convenience store in a run-down urban neighborhood. The only ray of hope in his life is an angel who found him and helped him pull himself up from addiction - his angel is his sweet Memphis wife (Rebecca Gayheart), and she's pregnant with their first baby.

    Into this scene comes Weller, who is a psycho or Satan or who knows what. Maybe he's also the guy who is mass- murdering women and twisting their heads 180 degrees. Some detectives seem to think so, like Worf and that guy who became evil when he put on Jim Carrey's mask.

    Whatever he is, Weller has an infinite amount of money, an infinite taste for the demented side of the city, and an infinite interest in corrupting Getty, so he starts by offering the recovering alcoholic the best wine in the world, and proceeds to run him through every temptation L.A. has to offer - sex clubs, opium dens, Knott's Berry Farm, underground fight clubs, S&M, B&D, M&M's, and gambling dens where you can bet on Russian Roulette. Russian Roulette? What a bunch of pussies. In my family we played Polish Roulette, in which all six barrels are full. This is why we don't need a big hall for a family reunion. Usually a mop closet is plenty of room.

    All these "temptations" are shown through montages with plenty of dissolves and fast cuts, cameras turned at odd angles, and Satanic heavy metal music. The newest-wave cinema cliche is to pick a song with a strong back beat for the sound track, then switch to a new film image on every beat or every second beat, in synch with the music. Of course, you have to choose the music correctly to suit the filmmaker's pace. Bergman would have to use "Volga Boatman". Spike Jonez could go for "Flight of the Bumblebee"

    Well, ol' Getty survives somehow. Oh, sure, he picks up a few scars along the way, falls back off the wagon, and gets some serious knott's berry stains on his 7-Eleven uniform, but he survives.

    Weller does as well. In a climactic shoot out with police, Weller kills a bunch of cops, takes a few bullets to the chest, then walks away into the shadows. He could kill one of the detectives on his way out, but he just holds a gun to the guy's head and says "see ya next time".

    When Getty leaves town with his wife, Weller gets himself a new deluxe car and stars over again with another young man down on his luck.

    Bring up Twilight Zone music and Rod Serling narration..

    NUDITY: Quite a bit of seedy incidental nudity. The primary characters were TaneMcClure and Cheryl dent as two strippers who leave the club with Getty and Robocop.

  • Dent (1, 2)
  • McClure (1, 2, 3)

    IMDB summary: 5.5 out of 10.

    Not available for sale. Available for rental in DVD or VHS exclusively at Blockbuster.

    American Pimp (1999)

    New release. I only lasted a minute on this one. It's a documentary from the Hughes brothers about real pimps. I like their movies, especially Dead Presidents, but this ...

    ... well, it's just not my kind of entertainment, and no celebrities, so .....

    I did see some nudity as I fast-forwarded ...

    Box Office: It took in only $250,000 at the box, but no big deal. It cost $650,000. It only played the art house circuit and only in the top markets.

    IMDB summary: 5.7 out of 10.

    DVD info from Amazon.

    Casual Sex? (2000)

    It's one of those slice-of-life comedies where people talk endlessly about their problems with relationships. This particular one is narrated from the feminine point of view, written and directed by women, with Lea Thompson and Victoria Jackson talking directly to the camera.

    IMDb viewers rate it very low, but I don't really agree that it should be below 5.0. There are some much worse moviesthat rank a point or a point and a half higher. It has some funny moments, and it has some fairly incisive thoughts about man-woman relationships, packaged in light comedy.

    The famous "how to pretend you are a nice and caring person" schtick in Magnolia was derived straight out of Andrew Dice Clay's role in this movie. He was studying a book with a title something like "how to fake being sensitive".

    People underestimate how hard it is to act in comedy. Most actors aren't any good at it, and most comedians aren't any good at it. It is a special skill that requires one to be funny, but to stay in character and make the audience sympathize with you or hate you or whatever is necessary. So while it is possible that Lea Thompson and Victoria Jackson won't be stealing any roles from Francesca Annis, I think they are very good at this kind of character-based comedy. I watched them act in character, and I liked them. So the movie isn't that hard to watch.

    NUDITY. The bad news: they manage to get through the entire movie without showing any breasts! Actually, you can see the side of Lea's at one point, but it's subtle. The good news: a fest for butt-lovers. Victoria shows hers in three different scenes, and although Lea's is visible in only one scene, there are two different camera set-ups, one of which is a slow and lusty pan across her whole back side in clear sunlight.

    Hell, you can even see the Diceman's butt, if you're so inclined.

  • Jackson (1, 2, 3)
  • Thompson (1, 2, 3, 4)

    IMDB summary: 4.8 out of 10.

    DVD info from Amazon. decent image quality, but a bare bones DVD of an 87 minute film.

    Keeping the Faith (2000)

    Two childhood friends grow up to be a priest and a rabbi side-by-side in their old neighborhood. Their lively attitudes revitalize their congregations, and life is good until their best friend from childhod comes back into their lives.

    She's a woman. A non-Jewish woman. And they both fall in love with her. Well, the rabbi can't marry her, and the priest can't ... well, you get the picture.

    Edward Norton produced, directed and starred in this fluff comedy, which co-stars Jenna Elfman and Ben Stiller. More than anything else, it is a love-poem to New York City, and I liked it on that level, but not really any other. I didn't think it was so romantic, or so very funny, either. The funniest scene was in the previews, and you've already seen it. (Stiller punching the woman in the stomach)

    It just wasn't that good an idea. It's a romantic comedy in which none of the possible pairings can work in harmony with the lives of the lovers, so it really can't come to a very satisfying conclusion. The first 45 minutes are fast-paced and lively and heart-warming, and then it really bogs down, and just deteriorates into a mess that goes nowhere with no humor and not much emotion either until the artificial conclusion.

    The conclusion, and several of the other plot elements, hinges on the three main characters lying to or keeping secrets from each other, which seemed to me totally out of synch considering that two of them were religious leaders who also server as psychologist/confessors to their communities. I think they would discuss these things with each other. But then there would be no movie.

    Norton's directorial debut had the advantage of about the best thing any movie can have - Edward Norton starring in the movie. And it wasn't such a bad coup to land Anne Bancroft either.

    Norton's charming performance almost makes up for his unlearned directing.

    .... almost, but not quite.

    NOTE: look for a director Milos Forman in a small role .

    NUDITY: Oh, brother. Elfman does about four thousand sex scenes with her clothes on or under the sheets! She did show some serious pokiosity in a deleted scene in which she fell into a museum fountain. In another deleted scene she strapped a vibrating cell phone to her crotch, then jumped in ecstasy when the call arrived at an inopportune time. This would have been the funniest scene in the movie, and they cut it.

  • Elfman (1, 2, 3)

    Box Office: A profit-maker. Took in $37 million domestic plus foreign and other, thus handsomely paying back the $30 million budget. Was released in about 2000 theaters. (That's a general wide release. Expected blockbusters reach 3000 screens. Targeted quality films like American Beauty will be shown in about a thousand.)

    IMDB summary: 7.5 out of 10. A good score. The film was liked by moviegoers more than by critics.

    Rotten Tomatoes summary. 66% from all critics, 53% from the elite critics..

    DVD info from Amazon. Several deleted scenes, plus a gag reel. In addition to the funny scene I mentioned above, they also cut a very touching scene between Elfman and Bancroft. I suppose they cut it because it was too somber for the movie and maintained the grave tone for too long, but it is worth a look.

  • Hot off the Press
    Paula Jones
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
    From the new Penthouse.
    All comments by Oz:

    The first two collages should not be viewed on a full stomach. They also demonstrate why naturism should only be practiced at night.

    Lynn Redgrave The film is Touched and was made in 1999. This makes Lynn 56 years old. In the film she has an affair with a twenty-something man. Better him than me.
    Ruth Cracknell Another actress getting on in years (this time 71 years old), Ruth played Rose in the film Spider and Rose. The bloke in the bath is Spider. Ruth is very well known in Australia both as a serious actress and comedy actress. There was no sex as might be suggested in the collage - they were only saving water.
    Polly Draper Polly bares her butt in Family Blues. It was a brief flash. Her mother was using her as a bum model whilst Polly was preparing a meal.
    Erin O'Reilly
    (1, 2, 3)

    Marsha Mason
    (1, 2)

    From "Blume in Love". Two actresses bared themselves in this 1973 movie. Erin O'Reilly was a bar pick-up who also liked to 'swing'. She's topless but, as you can see in the third collage, nobody was likely to see her nether regions.

    Marsha Mason gave a brief flash in one of her bedroom scenes with George Segal.

    (1, 2)

    Marya Henrique

    Tisha Sterling

    "Coogan's Bluff" is another oldie, this time starring a young Clint Eastwood as a hick detective from the mid-west. Most of the nudity comes from unknown extras in the night club scene. Marya Henrique was the exception. She did nothing but slide down a long wire and land in Clint's arms. No nudity from Tisha Sterling, but she is wearing a very nice outfit.
    Charlotte Francis
    (1, 2)
    This really is a golden oldie. The Silence of Dean Maitland was made in 1935 and Charlotte had a bit of a nipple slip. I don't know anything about the movie, this collage was taken from a documentary.
    Brigitte Bardot
    (1, 2)
    This was taken from another documentary and the film is La Lumière d'ene Face (or The Light Across the Street) made in 1956.
    Kim Morgan Greene Looks like every angle of nudity is here, but the lighting might require a bit of imagination. Scenes from "The Soft Kill".
    Sandrine Bonnaire
    (1, 2)
    Topless images from "A nos amours".
    Kobe Tai
    (1, 2, 3, 4)
    More hardcore 'caps...this time it's the porn favorite Kobe in scenes from "Motel Blue" (as if the title really matters)

    Actually, I had the pleasure of meeting Kobe back in January, she was incredibly nice, and much better looking in person. Plus, she was surprisingly small. Her IMDb bio says she's 5'3". I think she might be shorter than that. Plus, I doubt she weighs more that 100 pounds soaking wet.

    Nikki Fritz
    (1, 2)
    Today's Skinemax update begins with the always popular and always nude, Nikki Fritz in scenes from "Secret Pleasures". Of course she's topless, plus #1 has a thong view, and #2 has some nice frontal nudity as well.
    Michelle von Flotow
    (1, 2)
    Along with Amy Rochelle, Michelle is one of my least favorite late night actresses. (And my standards are pretty low!) I guess it just bothers me when they try to act. If I want acting, I'll change the channel to a Kenneth Branagh retrospective on Bravo or something. But at 3am, the last thing I want to see is a grade Z bimbo trying to show off how she's been taking acting classes 3 nights a week at a community college. Just show the goods and try to make the phony sex look not so phony. Is that too much to ask?

    Anyway, Michelle and her rock solid fake boobs from "Secret Pleasures".

    Kim Yates
    (1, 2)
    Also in scenes from "Secret Pleasures". Mostly topless stuff, but #1 has two close ups of her bum.
    Ahmo Hight Ahmo and Michelle von Flotow in a lesbo scene from "Secret Pleasures".
    Sondra Locke A non-late night bimbo? From Helcrom? Stranger things have happened I suppose. Here is Clint's former girlfriend topless in scenes from "The Gauntlet".
    Kimberly Kelly From "Hard Bounty"
    Rochelle Swanson Also from from "Hard Bounty"....

    Where should I start with this one? "Hard Bounty" is one of the worst of the worst. Mainly because once again, they take a skin flick (of sorts) and try to give it a plot. Actually, from the erotic late night perspective this could have been a good idea. Take an Old West Brothel, add lot's of drifters passing through town looking for a bath, a bottle, and a bed (old west cliche 006-B in the big book of movie cliches) and you have infinite reasons to film sex scenes. But nooooo...this time they get a B-rated actor doing a grade Z Clint Eastwood impression, and Kelly LeBrock not only not nekkid, but a little chunky and with obviously with her degree from the Shatner School (Kirk pause) for Acting.

    The basics...LeBrock and sister are town whores. Sis is killed by Bad Guy because Bad Guy is enemies with LeBrock's boyfriend. LeBrock and surviving town whores get guns and kill Bad Guy and his posse. The end.

    Also, for a story about 4 whores, only two of them get nekkid, and Rochelle got nekkid twice, and there really wasn't that much nudity. So...needless to say, NEVER RENT THIS MOVIE!

    and ...
    Toni Braxton See-thru nipple exposure.
    Charlize Theron No nudity, but Charlize is still sexy enough in lingerie.
    Lara Flynn Boyle Paparazzi pic of Lara in a thong at the beach with Jack Nicholson. Thanks to FR.
    Amy Smart Topless scene from "Road Trip".
    Therese Larsson Another excellent scan from the SSG team. I'm not sure who she is, and there is no real nudity, but this is a prime example of just how talented some of the imaging artists are. The colors and quality here if outstanding. Thanks to Warchild.
    Terese Gargas Also from the SSG team, this time we have XerXes to thank, not only for the superb quality, but the beautiful nipple exposure as well.
    Sophie Anderton A topless B&W of the popular model.
    Carla Gugino Another sneak peek at Carla going topless in the not yet released movie "Center of the World"
    Molly Parker Also topless in the upcoming "Center of the World".
    Julie Benz
    (1, 2, 3)
    A fantastic find...from the completely obscure, low-budget sci-fi movie "Darkdrive". Here is the popular young actress from "Jawbreaker", "Angel", and "Roswell" going topless and doing a sex scene!
    Angela Asher Some German stuff....Angela in a sex scene from an episode of "Die Cleveren".
    Angela Sandritter More from "Die Cleveren".
    Stefanie Schmid Topless in a love scene from the German TV series "Laila"
    The Funnies
    Furry woodland creatures after 5pm Vote Bush!

    This Year's Darwins Awards:

    They have finally been released! For those not familiar with the Darwin Award, It's an annual honor given to the person who provided the universal human gene pool the biggest service by getting killed in the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always, competition this year has been keen. Some candidates appear to have trained their whole lives for this event!


    1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

    2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned when he ran," according to his wife, accidentally jogged off 100-foot-high cliff on his daily run.

    3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach goers said Daniel Jones 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

    4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing. Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the floor.

    5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20, was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey Hoffman, 23, who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flack vest Berrena was wearing.

    6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville, DE, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.

    7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta, 27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in the game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.

    8. Taos, NM - A woman went to a poison control center after eating three birth-control vaginal inserts. Her English was so bad she had to draw a picture describing how she believed she had poisoned herself. A translator arrived shortly thereafter and confirmed doctors' suspicions. Marie Valishnokov thought the inserts were some kind of candy or gum, being unable to read the foil wrappers. After the third one, she realized something was wrong when her throat and mouth began to fill with a sour-tasting foam. She ran for the Poison Control Center, only a few blocks away where doctors were able to flush the foam from her mouth, throat and stomach with no ill effects.

    9. La Grange, GA - Attorney Antonio Mendoza was released from a trauma center after having a cell phone removed from his rectum. "My dog drags the thing all over the house," he said later. "He must have dragged it into the shower. I slipped on the tile, tripped against the dog and sat down right on the thing." The extraction took more than three hours due to the fact that the cover to Mr. Mendoza's phone had opened during insertion. "He was a real trooper during the entire episode," said Dr.Dennis Crobe. "Tony just cracked jokes and really seemed to be enjoying himself. Three times during the extraction his phone rang and each time, he made jokes about it that just had us rolling on the floor. By the time we finished, we really did expect to find an answering machine in there."

    10. Bremererton, WA - Christopher Coulter and his wife, Emily, were engaging in bondage games when Christopher suggested spreading peanut butter on his genitals and letting Rudy, their Irish Setter, lick them clean. Sadly,Rudy lost control and began tearing at Christopher's penis and testicles. Rudy refused to obey commands and a panicked Emily threw a half-gallon bottle of perfume at the dog. The bottle broke, covering the dog and Christopher with perfume. Startled, Rudy leaped back, tearing away the penis. While trying to get her unconscious husband in the car to take him to the hospital, Emily fell twice, injuring her wrist and ankle. Christopher's penis was in a Styrofoam ice cooler. "Chris is just plain lucky," said the surgeon who spent eight hours reattaching the penis. "Believe it or not, the perfume turned out to be very fortuitous. The high alcohol content, which must have been excruciatingly painful, helped sterilize the wound. Also, aside from it being removed, the damage caused by the dog's teeth to the penis per se is minimal. It's really a very stringy piece of flesh. Mr Coulter stands an excellent chance of regaining the use of that limb because of this." Washington Animal Control has no plans to seize Rudy.


    Paderborn, Germany - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed his constipated elephant Stefan 22 doses of animal laxative and more than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged-up pachyderm finally let fly and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of shit! Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing elephant an olive-oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him like a dump truck full of mud. "The sheer force of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him.

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