|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
Your Vice Is a Locked Room and Only I Have the Key (1972)|
This film is more commonly known as Eye of the Black Cat, and the
second half of it is a modern adaptation of Poe's short story
The Black Cat.
The first half is in typical Italian
with a succession of very bloody murders committed with a sharp blade
and seen from the killer's POV. Put together, it is a typical drive-in
second or third feature from the early 70s, of the sort that the
Italians churned out in mass production for their own second-tier
theaters as well as international distribution.
The plot centers around the usual pompous
aristocrats, the Count and Countess Arrogante, who have a bickering
loveless marriage. The film's first two murder victims are the count's
mistresses, so the police detective comes around to do some detecting
in the general direction of the count, particularly since the first
victim was killed on a night when she told people she was headed for
an assignation with the count. The film tries very hard - in fact, too
hard - to sell the count's guilt by making him:
(1) an abusive alcoholic;
(2) a violent man who threatens his wife with a
knife to the throat;
(3) demonstrably insane. The insanity is fairly
obvious. Although he fancies himself a writer, he is seen doing the
whole "Jack Torrance at the Overlook" schtick of typing the same
sentence over and over again. We become even further convinced of
his instability when we hear all of his babbling about his late,
Of course, we know that the count could not have
done it, because ... well, what the hell kind of mystery would that
be? It was, of course, the countess who did MOST of the murders (I'll
explain in a bit), and she almost gets away with them except that ...
well, read the Poe story for the general denouement.
There are many strong elements of this film, but
every time I want to like one of these gialli, the writer and director
give me about a score of reasons not to. Here are a few of the more
- The film begins with a total time-waster which
has virtually nothing to do with the main plot. The count invites
some local hippies to dinner at the Castle Arrogante, and they end
up performing some scenes from the Italian equivalent of Hair. One
of them dances naked on the dinner table while the others sing a
merry, hippie song in its entirety.
- That the the first of many completely irrelevant
scenes used to pad out the film's running time. The most blatantly
unnecessary involved several minutes of motocross racing, featuring
a completely extraneous character.
- Although all of the early murder victims are the count's
mistresses, the first victim was killed at a time and in a place that
eliminated the countess as a suspect. So what's the explanation? The
detective explained, "oh, it turned out that her boss killed her. I
ran a check on him and it turned out he was a mass murderer from
Palermo who enjoyed killing women for fun." Perfectly logical
explanation - it was basically just a typical Italian small town
with two serial murderers competing with one another for all the hot
chicks. You know there are so many serial murderers in Italy that it
isn't possible to grant them a territorial monopoly. It's a free
market, and I assume there was just too much competition in Palermo.
- I'm joking of course. In fact, quite the opposite
seems to be true. Although the common folk wisdom holds that the
Italians are violent people, I find that hard to believe since it is
clear to me that no Italian film director has ever seen real blood
at any time! They always use that bright red-orange stage blood.
- In one of the murders shown from the killer's
P.O.V., the director forgot to have the killer wear gloves. Forget
about fingerprints on the murder weapon - that's a minor issue. The
key point is that we could see the killer's hands! This sort of
ruined the whole point of setting up the count as a red herring,
since we could tell that the murderer was a woman.
- When the countess finally confesses, she claims not only the
murders seen on camera (except the one done by the competing serial
killer down the block), but several murders that happened before the
film started. It turns out she also killed the count's lamented
mother, the Black Dahlia, the Zodiac victims, and probably Cock
Robin. It seems like it took her about six minutes of running time
just to confess all her crimes. I think she was just reading from
the phone book for a while.
Yes, it's a hippie musical. Yes, it's a sports
movie. Yes, it's a sex film. A slasher film. A Hercule Poirot murder
mystery. A psychological horror story.
Who was it that said it is not possible to be all
things to all men? That sumbitch never saw this movie!
Credit goes, as usual, to NoShame video for yet
another magnificent restoration. This one was restored and remastered
from the original vault negatives, and it is absolutely pristine. It
probably looks better now than it did during its premiere. Perhaps you
just love these nostalgic drive-in flicks from the early 70s, or
Edwige Fenech's breasts, or the spooky and often syrupy symphonic
music, or all the really terrific touches that these Italian B-movie
directors layered into their movies. I don't blame you. While this is not a
great movie, it has many good moments and some great scenes. If
this is your kind of material, I recommend the DVD transfer
the hippie chick from "Hair Italia!"
'Caps and comments by Hankster:
Well today we wrap up our extended look at "The Godson", a 70's sex extravaganza with just a tad bit of plot thrown in.
Today it's all about Lois Mitchell. In the promo's for the movie, she was touted as the next great star...Funny part is, this is her only screen credit at IMDB. Maybe she just decided this was not for her.
If body parts would make a star, then she qualified. She has gorgeous breasts and a furry bush. The first 4 caps are from the movies opening screen credits and then on to some serious love making with Rocco (who got to lay just about every babe in the movie). Maybe it was the bullet in the head in the last 'cap that discouraged her from doing more movies.
First up from the Ghost today....day time soap actress Gladys Jimenez shows off her robo-hooters in scenes from the direct-to-vid Stephen Baldwin flick, "Bound by Lies" (2005).
Next up, Skinemax babe Landon Hall bares breasts and bum in scenes from an episode of the late night cable series "Intimate Sessions".
'Caps and comments by Oz:
Connie Gauthier has a brief appearance in 18 Again (1988) as a naked artist's model. No nudity by Anita Morris just a bit of sex appeal.
"Circle of Friends"
A brief breast flash by Saffron Burrows in Circle of Friends (1995) and a bit cleavage by Minnie Driver.
Lots more cleavage by Teresa Ganzel in The Toy (1982).
Some nice breast exposure by Drenda Spohnholtz and Melanie Griffith in Nobody's Fool (1994).
'Caps and comments by Spaz:
"The L Word" season II episode "Luminous"
Shane picks up a pair of lesbian twins played by models Sarah Penikett and and Stephanie Penikett. They are also the twin daughters of Canadian politician and former Yukon Premier Tony Penikett.
: bra-less pokies and then having webcam sex.
: tight t-shirt.
"Dead Like Me" pilot
Very funny dark comedy about the undead. It also provides some rare faceshots of stunt babe Laura Boddington best known for her role as female counsellor #2 in "Freddy vs. Jason".
Mashiah Vaughn Hulbert
: very tight sweater
: partial boob having sex.
: faceshot only.
: topless in "Freddy vs. Jason".
"Killer Deal" (1999)
Movie which takes place in 2009 and is about rich people buying organs from the poor or even stealing them outright. Yeah, right.
: legs and cleavage
: tight sweater
: slight pokies
"À ma soeur!" (2001) aka Fat Girl
Very controversial movie but what's overlooked is Mrs. Atom Egoyan plays the mother of the two daughters.
: open dress getting ravaged
One of the few movies with a comedic rape scene.
: nude love scene, then getting ravaged.
"The Outer Limits": episode The Box
Maria del Mar
: tight t-shirt.
"Rescue Me"season II episode Shame
Callie Thorne sports some extra hard pokies through her tight t-shirt and flimsy brassiere.
Cleaning up my harddrive...
: leg in "Trailer Park Boys" episode Propane, Propane.
: partial boob in "Les fleurs sauvages" (1982).
: bra-less pokies in "Tanya's Island" (1980).
|Vejiita serves up a nice variety of babes from the first few episodes of the early 90's series "Eden".
|From the Skin-man, here is ultra-cure Brit Joanna Page in scenes from "Love Actually" (2003).
Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Van Morrison's Contractual Obligation Album, including .mp3s. It
makes Bill Shatner's Transformed Man seem like the work of Mozart.
- "Van Morrison sat down in 1967 or so and cranked out 31 songs
on the spot, on topics ranging from ringworm to wanting a Danish,
to hating his record label and a guy named George."
- My own personal favorite cut: "You say France, and I'll
Evel Knievel is the ass-kickingest man in the entire known universe,
and if you don't agree with that ... he'll kick your ass.
Film Jerk's Early Report for October 16. "This week's Early
Report covers the 63 known new movies opening in theatres between
Wednesday October 19 and Friday November 11."
The wife of prominent defense attorney and TV legal analyst Daniel
Horowitz has been murdered in their home.
"SUNNIS FEAR ANGELINA JOLIE COULD BREAK UP IRAQ" ... Demand
Provision In Constitution Banning Actress From Gulf State
The Patriots fall to 3-3. The rest of the season ain't gonna be
easy, either. They still have their six division games coming up,
but their non-division opponents include the Monday night game
against the mighty Colts, plus the Chiefs, and resurgent Tampa Bay
Stros win again. Backe did what he had to do, held the fort for
Qualls and Lidge. The Cardinals are now down 3-1 and their next
three games will be against Pettitte, Oswalt and Clemens - starting
with one more in Houston! They are in some very deep doo-doo.
Wow - the Vikings really are that bad. How do you lose 28-3 to a
team which can only amass 192 total yards? That required some
effort. To begin with, Culpepper averaged 4.9 per attempt, no
scores, two picks. Beyond that, it took much more than one man. The
team made plenty of errors to help him out.
A new episode of South Park airs Wednedsay. Topical as ever, the
lads take on the New Orleans crisis.
- "A global warming state of emergency is declared in South
Park. The world's largest beaver dam breaks and floods the
adjacent town of Beaverton. As the victims wait for help to
arrive, everyone in South Park tackles priority number one: who is
A scene deleted from The Family Guy (Great clip. The first part
was aired, but hold on for the deleted part.)
You gotta love that wacky Asian humor - real Polar Bear terrifies a
little girl in a baby seal outfit.
"When they were open for business, they'd flip an address sign over
that read 'Crack house'. "
Wisconsin's Roadkill Museum. It is in the basement of a funeral
home. The museum is closed during funerals.
"The Nancy Kerrigan-Tonya Harding story is now an opera."
- And those Europeans think we don't love opera. Well, take
that, Johnny Culture - or should I call you Giovanni Culturo, or
maybe Johann Kultur, or maybe just by your real name - Ivanko
Kultura - you commie! Between this and "Springer," I think we've
shown those continental pansies a thing or two about musical
- By the way, the Springer opera can actually be blamed on the
U.K. As a sidelight, one of the guys to play the part of Jerry
Springer in the West End was the guy who played Hutch on TV's
Starsky and Hutch! He can be seen in the
BBC film of the production.
Nelson remembered 200 years after Trafalgar. Today is the 200th
anniversary of Nelson's defeat of the Napoleonic fleet, a brilliant
victory which cost him his life.
- There are basically two men responsible for this web page
being in English rather than French. One was Nelson, who destroyed
French naval aspirations. The other was General Kutuzov, who never
had the wherewithal to defeat the French army in battle, but
outsmarted Napoleon at every turn, left him to starve and freeze
in an abandoned and burned Moscow, and eventually sent him back to
France with his tail between his legs, accompanied by only a small
fraction of the 600,000 men he brought with him to Russia. Because
Russian historians didn't get much input into English language
history books, Kutuzov's name is generally forgotten except by
scholars, while Nelson's name is familiar to every schoolboy, but
the Russian general could conceivably have been the single most
influential man of the 19th century. Nelson was a hero, but he
faced only 33 ships. Let's be honest and say that 33 boats, more
or less, could not have decided the entire fate of the Napoleonic
Wars. But Russia's total extermination of the Grande Armee did
just that. Napoleon could and did go on to far greater glory after
Trafalgar, but he would never have been defeated at Leipzig, and
Waterloo never would have happened at all, if the original Napster
had still had the 600,000 men he left in Russian graves and
Weekend Box Office Results, October 14-16, 2005
- Led by three weak new releases, the total box was down 19%
from the same week last year.
- Two of the three new films performed well below expectations.
- The Fog performed just about at par with expectations, which
is amazing considering it is a remake and had the worst reviews of
the three new films. It seems to me that the strategy of not
pre-screening it for critics was effective - and cynical, since
they obviously knew what a lemon it was and tried to make as much
lemonade as possible. Cynical or just practical? That's a matter
of spin. Bottom line: it worked! Given the film's modest $18
million budget, it appears that The Fog will break even or better.
It may even be highly profitable. If it grosses $35 million in the
USA, it will cover production costs, thus hauling in a profit from
DVD, overseas, cable, etc.
- I doubt that The Fog will gross $35 million, even though it is
now on target. On the average, films made for adults finish with
3X the opening weekend. (Kids' movies do better.) One would think
that poor word of mouth will drop this one below the 3X average.
But so it does only $27-$30 million? As our President would say,
- A note on the wide range in predictions for Elizabethtown. The
Weekend Warrior makes his predictions on Tuesday, and he had to do
so without seeing the reviews. The Box Office Mojo guy waits until
Friday, and was able to make a much more accurate prediction with
more facts at his disposal.
- The Gospel also tanked, dropping 60% on week two, after its
rousing and surprising start. The initial marketing blitz could
only carry it for a while. Word of mouth failed to support that
- Clooney's Murrow movie continued to kick ass, indicating that
people will still go to movies if they are worth watching (96%
good reviews). In expanding from 11 screens to 69, it was able to
maintain some spectacular revenues per screen, and finished 16th
for the week. It took in more on 69 screens than Emily Rose took
in on a thousand!
- Similarly, Wallace & Gromit and A History of Violence, other
films with 90% positive reviews, also performed well. Wallace &
Gromit dropped only 27% from last week. A History of Violence
actually improved from 9th last week to 8th!
has chosen a winner for the contract to build the world's longest
suspension bridge - one that will link Sicily to the mainland. (Will take 6-7 years to complete)
The White Sox pitchers are making it look easy.
|A quick site note
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