"Sappho '68"

I received a thorough a persuasive argument via email that I did not properly identify Uschi Digard in the images last night. The comment was, "That ain't Uschi." That was my reaction while watching the film, but the credits, and all available online sources say Uschi is in the film. Of the three actresses credited, Uschi is the only one who has done other films. There are 5 naked women in the film. Assuming that one of them has to be Uschi, I started eliminating possibilities looking for things such as moles on breasts, and obvious physical reasons why each one couldn't be her. I was able to eliminate four of the five naked women in this manner.

The question then became, could this one be a young Uschi? If the answer is yes, she had warts removed from her face, gained some weight, and grew a lot more boob before we saw her next. Following the Sherlock Holmes reasoning, I gathered the facts, threw out the impossible, and what was left, however implausible, had to be the truth. This is, however, an ID based on process of elimination. If anyone has any specific knowledge that will help, or even a well reasoned theory, please share it with us. If this is really Uschi, it would be the earliest nudity we have from her, and before she was fully developed, which is sort of big news.

"Final Examination"

Final Examination (2003) is a high budget direct to vid whodunnit cop film staring Brent Huff and Kari Wuhrer as the police detectives. I will be writing a complete spoiler, so don't read further if you plan on seeing this 3.7 rated masterpiece.

As the film opens, Huff, of the Metropolitan Police Force in LA, somehow screws up a drug bust and pisses of the DEA. He also incites a high speed chase that causes no end of accidents, and the department is in danger of being sued. So, his lieutenant transfers him to Hawaii. Lets examine just that part. LA city has LAPD, and LA County has a sheriffs department, so there is no Metropolitan Police Department. They never actually say the city is LA until much later in the film, so I will excuse that. But what is this about transferring a police detective, not only to another department in another city, but to a totally different state? Policemen are suspended, transferred to another precinct, or drummed off the force, but they are not military, and can't be transferred against their will to another department.

We will excuse that as well, because they needed to have a high speed car chase in a busy city action sequence to open the film, and then they needed to move the guy to Hawaii, where they had a great location to film the actual story. So lets set up the real plot. There is to be a 5 year college reunion at a resort hotel organized by the rich publisher of a girlie magazine, and four sorority sisters are to become the centerfold of the next issue of the magazine. The first night, one of them is strangled in a spa, just after having sex with her boyfriend. Huff and Wuhrer are assigned the case, ad learn pretty quickly that a young woman who was treated pretty badly by the four had committed suicide driving off an unfinished freeway overpass. They specifically mentioned that she had no next of kin, as her single mother died of a drug overdose when she was young.

Another of the sorority sisters is killed, then the boyfriend of the first one killed. then the police begin to unravel it. So, who dun it? The magazine publisher, his female photographer, and the student assistant to a professor who got the dead girl pregnant and then dumped her just before her suicide. And why did these three extract this revenge? Because they were the brothers and sisters of the dead girl with no next of kin. Who knows, they may even do a sequel. It should be easy to transfer Huff to some other city, and come up with a whole new set of brothers and sisters.

We have breasts from three of the four sorority sisters, breasts and buns from the fourth, and breasts from the photographer. Amy Lindsay is the one that shows both breasts and buns in a shower scene. The photographer is played by Debbie Rochon, and the other three sorority sisters are Kim Maddix, Kalau Iwaoka and Belinda Gavin. Wuhrer shows no skin at all. The lighting was bright and the location was picturesque. The transfer is top notch. They use far too many cross fades during the sex scenes, but don't put the camera on a merry-go-round, or flash a bunch of lights, so the nudity is clear. The acting is reasonable. In short, all it lacks is a decent plot. D+.

  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails
  • Thumbnails

  • Amy Lindsay (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
  • Belinda Gavin (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
  • Debbie Rochon (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19)
  • Kalau Iwaoka (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
  • Kim Maddox (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    Demolition Man (1993):

    This futuristic action comedy/drama wasn't the best action movie in the world, but it is an entertaining cartoon. It has two great strengths.

    1. A tongue-in-cheek view of the future in which political correctness has grown to be pandemic. There is no unpleasantness, but the world has also banned anything that is bad for us, therefore just about anything that is fun. Meat is gone, and salt, and cigarettes, and booze, and sex, and cussing, and contact sports ... you get the picture. The whole thing is just plain silly.

    • Taco Bell is the only restaurant left, because they won the "franchise wars". In the future, all restaurants will be Taco Bell. Of course, without cheese and meat and sour cream, that won't be much fun.
    • Stallone, brought into the future from the 20th century, can't figure out how to use the toilets, and there's no toilet paper -only 3 sea shells. But there are ubiquitous machines that issue instant citations for naughty language, so Stallone lets loose with a torrent of raunchy phrases, thus being issued enough paper citations to use as toilet paper.
    • Best of all, the Los Angeles/San Diego area has become a separate society from the rest of the planet, and they don't even care what happens outside of Southern California. Hey, wait a minute. That's no different from now.
    • Sandra Bullock does her research at the Schwarzenegger Library. It seems that Arnold became President after the 61st amendment allowed naturalized citizens to hold the office. It appears that he is dead in 2032, and will not "be back". (Given some decent luck and medical advances, Arnold may well still be alive in 2032.)

    2. Wesley Snipes plays a hilarious over-the-top comic book villain, a man who hurts people just for the sheer joy of it, and who exults in being bad. Snipes is a 20th century criminal who is defrosted from cryo in the 21st century, where he reigns unchallenged over a world of wimps. Stallone is a rogue 20th century cop who is defrosted to combat Snipes because the wimpozoid people in the future need someone just as ruthless and violent as the criminal.

    At one point Snipes decides to defrost other 20th century mass murderers to join him in his ruthless takeover of the future.. His best line: "Jeffrey Dahmer? I love that guy!" (Dahmer was still alive when the movie was made.)

    No, it's not the best drama or the best action picture or the most imaginative sci-fi, and it never takes itself seriously enough to derive any moral currency from its conception of the future, but it is pretty damned funny. As we often do with films we like, I simply overlooked its flaws, sat back, and enjoyed it. Besides, how can you not love a film with Jesse Ventura and Nigel Hawthorne in the same cast?

    Brandy was a Pet of the Month in 1990. She has also worked as Brandy Ledford. Here are the rest of her nude credits in our files:




    Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap





    Hey Uncle Scoop,

    Is it just me or is Bobcat Goldthwait and Nikki Cox a real life version of Roger and Jessica Rabbit?




    In the "Deneuve" volume of the Encyclopedia, the 4th frame from the movie "Le sauvage", actually comes from "Le vice et la vertu" (not from "Satan mène le bal", as the caption would suggest). This Vadim B&W flick, released in 1962, stars a very young Deneuve (only 19 years old), still known as Catherine Dorléac, her real name. It was five years before her older sister, Françoise Dorléac, lost her life in a car crash.


    Scoop replies: thanks and merci. Got it fixed.



    • Updated volumes: (20) Catherine DeNeuve, Carrie-Ann Moss, Jodie Foster, Diane Franklin, Robin Tunney, Angel Tompkins, Monique Parent, Avalon Anders, Charlotte Lewis, Tamara Landry, Amy Locane, Sheryl Lee, Pauline LaFont, Tiffany Limos, Jennifer Lopez, Kay Lenz, Li'l Kim, Jacqueline Lovell. Juliette Lewis, Beverly Lynne
    • New volumes: (25) Claudia Teixeira, April Telek, Sybil Temchen, Ellen Ten Damme, Orly Tepper, Jill Terashita, Tiffany-Amber Thiessen, Frankie Thorn, Lisa Throw, Ingrid Thulin, Julia Thurnau, Jennifer Tilly, Sabine Timoteo,  Saira Todd,  Trisha Todd,  Kathleen Tolan,  Laure Tonke, Nancy Travis, Louise Treamont, Laurence Treil,  Sarah Trigger, Alexandra Tydings, Nikki Tyler,  Hunter Tylo, Susan Tyrrell







    (What about the guys who photograph Charmed and Real Time with Bill Maher?)




    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    "Boat Trip"
    When Scoop said this movie " beyond the very conceptualizing power of even the greatest human minds, or our greatest super-computers. In a hypothetical world in which everything really sucks, the denizens of that unholy world would still notice how thoroughly this film sucks." I really should have listened!

    At it's very best, this could have been an ok SNL bit that would have run a little too long and had no ending. But sadly it didn't even give us it's best. The movie is poorly written, poorly directed, poorly edited and chock full of homosexual stereotypes that even straight people may find offensive. Although I admit, Roger Moore was kinda funny as "an old Queen".

    Even the DVD is lame. There are extra scenes and outtakes, but the deleted scenes were just as lame as the regular movie, and the outtakes are terribly unfunny. The only good thing is the extra nudity found in the "Tanning Tips" section. A few former Heffers try to act and talk about wearing sunblock.

    Save yourself the price of the rental and go try to find one of those deep fried cheeseburgers on a stick instead.

    • Topless Heffers (1, 2)
    • Deanna Brooks, topless (1, 2, 3)
    • Jami Farrell, topless (1, 2, 3)
    • Natalia Sokolova, yup you guessed it, topless. (1, 2)

    Jolene Blalock The sexy Vulcan getting felt up by an alien babe on last week's episode of "Enterprise". Now we're cooking with gas! This is what Star Trek is supposed to be! Hot, barely dressed alien chicks gettin' it on. Now get Shatner on the payroll to teach the men on that show the meaning of the word cojones!

    Lacey Chabert The former "Party of Five" star all grown up and semi nude! An almost full side breast view in scenes from "The Scoundrel's Wife" (2002). 'Caps by C2000.

    Bridget Fonda Rear nudity and and bikini top in scenes from Quentin Tarantino's last movie "Jackie Brown" (1997).

    Niki Taylor
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)

    Sexy bikini 'caps by C2000 featuring lots of cleavage from the 1999 SI Swimsuit video.

    Vaitaire Bandera
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14)

    Wow! An amazing find! Vaitaire Bandera topless and full frontal in scenes from an uncut episode of syndicated hit series "Stargate SG-1". Obviously, this must have been from back when they were made for Showtime, but other than that I have no info on where these came from. (Note the pictures are labeled "1954", and "Bobbie Phillips", which is incorrect)

    Mail Bag
    Hey Scoops,

    Some guy (not me) is selling bootleg copies of nekkid gymnasts. I think the English title is Gold Bird: Stark-Naked Rhythmic Gymnastics It's listed in the so-called "mature" section of Ebay (where softcore hefmag videos are sold alongside with chick-with-dicks hardcore, a real fucking sewer). Click here to see the auction listing (requires ebay password)

    Anyways various gymmasts wearing masks are shown doing gymnastics in the nude (maybe the earlier Romanian Gymnasts not wanting to known to be in adult title). There is alot more full frontal nudity and gynocam shots but the Japanese censors fuzz out the crotch areas.

    The video comes on two VCD disks. The buyer is in Canada but is very discrete in packaging. Again this is a bootleg and comes with no original case with cover art.

  • Here is a scan of the cover art

    The complete Gold Bird series on region free DVD can be ordered here. Again, because it's from Japan they may have fuzzed out the gynocam shots.

  • Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    No Leakier Than The White House - Wednesday, after listening to days of pro and con testimony on silicone breast implants, an FDA advisory panel voted 9-6 to let them back on the market after 11 years, pending FDA approval. But they demanded some conditions, such as close monitoring of women who get them, and ongoing tests to see how they hold up over 10 or more years.

  • They could put Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bill Clinton in charge of doing hands-on tests.
  • Is that really a problem? That women who get silicone breast implants aren't being watched closely enough?
  • The pros won out because the cons were ordinary women, while the pros were...well, pros!

    But No Furniture: Hillary Just Took That - Two House Republicans are introducing the Credit Card Reform Act of 2003 to monitor federal workers' spending. During the Clinton years alone, 700,000 new government credit cards were issued and were used to charge hundreds of millions of dollars to the taxpayers for things such as booze, gambling, prostitutes, lingerie, tattoos, Ozzy Osbourne concert tickets and tuition to bartending school.

  • And that was just Bill Clinton himself.
  • If these federal workers want to become bartenders instead, I say we encourage them!
  • Who better to prevent the squandering of tax money than Congress?

    Good News For Dirty Old Men - The vogue for women showing off their thongs under low rise jeans and skirts is ending. E! Channel lifestyle director Elycia Rubin calls it inappropriate and tacky. Several designers have even sworn off the thong entirely. Victoria's Secret is now pushing "boy shorts," while designer Victoria Bartlett helped create a line of old-style undies called the "Visible Panty Line" collection. She said she's "anti- the thong. It's on the X list. It definitely should not be seen."

  • Sounds like silicone breast implants are coming back just in time!
  • How about a compromise? Go commando! No thongs, plus no panty lines!
  • I blame this on Bridget Jones and her damned Granny Panties!
  • Americans are getting so fat, the latest thing at Victoria's Secret is the long-leg panty girdle.

    They're Sure It Wasn't Ross Perot? - Prince seems to have become a really devoted Jehovah's Witness. A couple told the Minneapolis Star Tribune that someone knocked on their door, and they were stunned to open it and find Prince and his wife on their doorstep, wanting to convert them from Judaism. They said they weren't interested, and he said, "Can I just finish?" Afterward, he got in a car and left.

  • The couple were stunned...They couldn't BELIEVE how short he is!
  • And you thought people would run and hide when REGULAR Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on the door!
  • Prince now believes in God, which is a big change: he used to believe he WAS God.
  • As a Jehovah's Witness, Prince can't speak God's name, so he just uses an unpronounceable symbol.

    Porn Is Entertainment - Beyonce Knowles told the UK's Sun tabloid that God doesn't mind her strutting around in scanty hot pants on stage, but He draws the line at girl-on-girl kissing. The devout Christian star said she believes God is okay with her sexy outfits because "it's entertainment," but she would never do a Britney-Madonna style lip lock because "I have standards. There are things I will not do."

  • If you're going to make it in show business, you have to be prepared to kiss a lot of things God wouldn't approve of.
  • She didn't think the Britney-Madonna kiss was entertaining? There's even more proof that she's not a teenage boy.
  • God used to disapprove of hot pants, but He's loosened up a lot in recent years.