Just one quick note on Rise. I wrote quite an enthusiastic review of the DVD screener, and mentioned that I was looking forward to the unrated DVD, which was about a half-hour longer. I pre-ordered the long version, and I got conned. Not only is the extended version much harder to follow, with less dramatic tension, but it actually has LESS nudity from Lucy Liu. These two scenes, which were taken from the screener, have been cut from the longer version! Yes, you read that right. CUT from the LONGER version.

In fairness, the longer version does have a bit more nudity from Cameron Richardson (which I covered a while back), but there's nothing new to see. It's just that the scene goes on longer.

I still think the film has some good elements, but the unrated version is a complete disappointment.



* Yellow asterisk: funny (maybe).

* White asterisk: expanded format.

* Blue asterisk: not mine.

No asterisk: it probably sucks.


Catch the deluxe version of Other Crap in real time, with all the bells and whistles, here.










Crawlspace (1986) is a psychological horror offering starring two things which humans find naturally creepy: rats and Klaus Kinski. Kinski runs an apartment house for women. He was formerly a physician and, before that, son of a Nazi war criminal. His specialty is killing -- mercy killing at first, until he becomes addicted. The title comes from the fact that his workshop, where he keeps a woman whose tongue he has cut out, is connected to a crawl space where he can spy into all of the apartments through ventilator grates. As the film opens, one of his tenants discovers his workshop, so he dispatches her and puts out the "apartment for rent" sign. Student Talia Balsam takes the room, meets the other tenants, but becomes suspicious of the place and the landlord, leading to the final confrontation.

Flesh: FAIL. There were five attractive young women in the cast, but only one showed skin, and not much at that.

Gore: FAIL. Nearly everyone is killed, but mostly off camera.

Yes, there is some suspense, but Klaus Kinski and a bunch of rats, while forming a strong enough basis for a nightmare, don't add up to a whole motion picture.

IMDb: 4.4.

Me: gentleman's C-.



One of the tenants, Tane McClure, shows nipples customizing her bra, then her left breast in a dark sex scene.











Today is a non-nudity day, but we do have cleavage from the dynamic duo of Penelope Cruz and Salma Hayek as these two lovelies have a hard time keeping their bosoms from popping out of their clothes.












Notes and collages


Shannen Doherty, Andrea Baker Season 1, Episode 18





Nothing from episode 17.






Skeletor Spice doing a photo shoot outside the Louvre


Two collages of Sienna Miller's nude scenes from the set of Hippie Hippie Shake


Jessica Biel in Chuck and Larry


Carla Gugino in the all-green-screen version of Sin City
A thorough compilation of Jane March's nude scenes in The Lover, which would get my vote as the best softcore sex film ever made. This is what Emmanuelle would have been like if actually written by a woman, filmed by a genius director, and created by people of normal intelligence. Massive download, but worth it if this film is not in your collection.
Film footage from Nadesha Brennicke in Tattoo.









At last. The cinema welcomes the story everyone said could not be filmed. The epic story of those annoying little pamphlets that the Jehovah's Witnesses hand out to everyone in the world.

Or, perhaps it's just a renamed version of a straight-to-DVD film from 2001 called Cruel and Unusual, starring Tom Berenger.


Rachel Hayward




Elizabeth Savenkoff









Luz y Sombra

Ana Lilia (Ana La Salvia) is a wife who becomes disgusted with the drunken behavior of her husband at an important gathering. After arguing with him and hurrying out of the venue towards her home, Ana happens upon the irrational and seemingly crazy Juan Manuel who kidnaps her and holds her hostage. While in captivity, Ana slowly realizes that Juan Manuel is someone from her dark past and she begins to learn more about her husband's past life as well.



Ana La Salvia









The Comedy Wire

POLITICAL QUOTE OF THE DAY!  Mitt Romney said the Republican debate was like "Law & Order": "It's got a large cast, the series goes on forever, and Fred Thompson shows up at the end."

* Also, with all those politicians, there's a good chance someone will end up going to jail.

Having money doesn't necessarily make for a happy marriage.  Forbes
reports that a study by Prince & Associates found almost half of rich Americans say they're unhappy with their marriages.  30 percent are considering divorce, but most say it would cost them too much money.  43 percent of the rich husbands admitted to having affairs in the past three years, and surprisingly, so did 61 percent of the rich wives. 

*  See, money can't buy happiness!...Although it can hire a studly gardener, which makes the wife pretty happy.

The New York Post reports that Holly Madison has been appointed as the new junior photo editor of Playboy magazine, and she  plans to shake it up. She said, "I'm looking for natural bodies. I pay attention to what readers write in - and they do like to see diversity...I think
readers are sick of seeing the same cookie-cutter blondes."  Madison is one of Hugh Hefner's three silicone-enhanced, nearly-identical, blonde girlfriends. 

*  But they all have different names, which is Hef's idea of diversity.

*  Who'd she have to sleep with to get THAT job?!

Nick Nolte's girlfriend has given birth to a baby daughter, making him a father again at 66. He looks stunned. 

* Of course, he always looks stunned.

* If you've seen what he looks like now, can you imagine how he'll look after six months with no sleep!