"Street Smart"

Street Smart (1987) stars Christopher Reeve as a writer for a magazine who has lost favor with the editor. He pitches a story, a day in the life of a pimp, and gets a go-ahead. He finds, much to his surprise, that pimps are not very nice people, and are not anxious to tell all their secrets to a journalist. In desperation, he invents a pimp and writes his story, which becomes a cover, and puts him back on top. Meanwhile, real life pimp, Fast Black (Morgan Freeman) has been indicted for murder two for kicking in the face of an abusive John, who died of a heart attack.

Freeman's lawyer comes up with a brilliant strategy. Since everyone thinks the story was about Fast Black anyway, they will claim that Reeve's notes exonerate Fast Black, and rely on the fact that Reeve is not going to reveal his sources to turn it into a First Amendment battle rather than a murder trial. Meanwhile. Reeve can't turn over his notes, as there aren't any.

That set-up makes the film sound better than it actually was. The only highlight for me was an Oscar nominated performance by Morgan Freeman. While the set-up was good, the film never really decided if it was a comedy or a thriller. Marie Barrientos, as the prostitute being abused by the John, shows breasts and buns.

IMDB readers have this at 5.9 of 10. Ebert awarded three stars, admitting that the movie was deeply flawed, but praising the performances of Morgan Freeman and Kathy Baker as one of his stable. between the two, they accounted for 6 awards and another two nominations. Given very limited nudity, and a film rescued by two great performances, this is a C. You might enjoy seeing Freeman and Baker doing it right.

  • Thumbnails

  • Marie Barrientos (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    "Bad Company"

    Bad Company (1995) stars Ellen Barkin and Laurence Fishburne as ex CIA agents working for the "tool shed," a private company that makes their skills available to rich commercial customers. Either Fishburne was actually still working for the CIA, or they had something they were blackmailing him with. The CIA wanted to take over the Tool Shed as an unofficial arm with no government oversight, Barkin wanted to take over the company, and the major ongoing task for the organization included buying a state supreme court judge on behalf of their client.

    Everyone double crosses everyone, and I don't know if I lost interest or lost track first. Ebert loved it at 3 1/2 stars. Berardinelli awarded 2 1/2 stars, and IMDB readers say 5.1 of 10. There has been a running debate as to whether Barkin shows bush, a shaved pubic area, or is wearing something when she hikes up her long skirt to straddle Fishburne. Based on image one, I am going to say sheer g-string. There is no doubt about the right breast shown by Michelle Beaudoin. This is a C. It is technically sound, and those that like a complex story with very slick characters will enjoy following it. I think I will rewatch Rod Steele to recover from this one.

  • Thumbnails

  • Ellen Barkin (1, 2, 3)
  • Michelle Beaudoin (1, 2)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    THE ITALIAN JOB (2003):

    A solid hit with a hundred million at the box, The Italian Job is a big budget, PG-13 popcorn film which includes two spectacularly filmed and ingenious heists. Vehicle chase scenes generally bore me, but this has some of the most original pursuits ever filmed. Sometimes you go to a movie to think a little, and sometimes you just go to see some cool stuff. This belongs to the cool stuff variety.

    Yesterday I wrote about The Hard Word, a heist film with totally boring heists and great characters. The Italian Job is not much on characterization or relationships or quirkiness or humor, but the heists and locales are fabulous. Too bad the two films couldn't meet in the middle.

    The film begins with the criminal gang breaking into a spectacular palazzo in Venice. From the floor beneath a safe, they do a Wily Coyote and cut a hole in the ceiling above them, so that the massive safe filled with gold comes crashing through several floors. They then flee the scene in a large speedboat, which is ostensibly carrying the safe. The safe's owners pursue in their own boats, in an incredible chase scene which actually seems to have been filmed in Venice. Meanwhile, the safe is not on the boat. It is far underwater, where some safecrackers are opening it and unloading it.

    And that's just basically the opening credits.

    The first 20 minutes are great fun, and the last 20 are also very cool. Those are the two heists. In between, the characters plan and recruit, and the middle section drags a bit because of some low-energy acting and some poorly defined relationships, but the film is still worth watching for the two heists and the creative chases.

    No nudity. Not even close. Film is rated PG-13, but could probably be PG, except for some cartoon violence. There's no problem to take your mom.


    THE DON IS DEAD (1973):

    Contrary to what you might be assuming, this is not a film about the demise of Mr. Trump. That would be "The Donald is Dead". Nobody knows him well enough to call him "The Don".

    The Don is Dead is actually a mob family story which came out in between the two Godfather movies, and shares some elements with The Godfather. For example, our main man, Abe Vigoda, is in this film as well as in The Godfather, and both films feature a single day of orchestrated and synchronized revenge, although there is no accompanying baptism this time.

    The Godfather was directed by a 33 year old man who was creating a new Hollywood system. The Don is Dead was directed by a 57 year old man in his 30th year in the industry. Richard Fleischer directed his first film when Coppola was five, and he was truly a product of the old studio system. Most if not all of the urban street scenes in The Don is Dead were filmed on the back lot at Universal Studios, on the same familiar intersections that have appeared in God knows how many other movies. Unlike the beautiful original symphonic compositions in the score for The Godfather, The Don is Dead film has your typical flowery Broadway type of music that one might find in nearly every mainstream Hollywood movie from the studio system era.

    And then there's this:

    The Godfather: Al Pacino and Marlon Brando.

    The Don is Dead: Robert Forster and Zorba the Crook.

    In other words, it's the quickie Grade B knockoff version of The Godfather.

    The plot of the film can be deduced entirely from the title. A Don dies, a power struggle ensues. Two of the three warring parties make peace, but the Machiavellian consigliere of the third family tricks the leaders of the other two factions into sleeping with the same woman, then finding out about it, so the war resumes until a new permanent order can be determined.

    • Angel Tompkins. (1, 2) She showed almost nothing here, but she did do some screen nudity between 1972 and 1975. There is a new volume dedicated to her in the Encyclopedia. Check it out




    QUOTE of the DAY: (David Letterman)





    1. New Angel Tompkins volume

    2. Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site is updated.




    Hey Scoopy. A little while ago, while surfing through channels, I went past VH1 and they were showing a video that caught my attention. The odd part is, I don't remember what the video was called, or even who did it, but I do remember the premise behind the song. It tells of a young boy who is dating a young girl for the sole purpose of being closer to the girl's mom. Now the reason this video is stuck in my head is because, I'm not 100% sure about it, I believe the women playing the girl's mother and the desire of the boy is none other then Rachel Hunter. In the video while obviously there's no nudity, there are a lot of scenes with Rachel in a bikini. Could you check and see if anyone else is aware of this video that I'm talking about and whether or not it is Rachel Hunter in the video, because all I can say is if it is, she's looking very fine these days and would be worth capping.


    Concerning the other crap of 10-09-2003 with the article about Sen. Orrin Hatch wanting to make an amendment to allow Arnold run for President:

    Something ran through my head, that I had heard this before, and then I remembered, wasn't that a joke in the 1993 Stallone film Demolition Man?





    Other crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for inclusion in Other Crap








    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    Stir Crazy (1980) is not exactly my cup of tea, mainly because my sense of humor excludes anything done by Gene Wilder. Even The Producers, sad to say. Always felt as though Mr. Wilder was trying so hard to make us laugh that he might as well as just point a gun at a puppy dog and threaten to shoot it if we didn't offer up a chuckle or two. But I was looking at some VHS caps by Oz of Stir Crazy and it sure did look like JoBeth Williams unintentionally showed one of her mini-hooties in that movie.

    Lo and behold, Oz was right. And on DVD you can see some stuff, even though JoBeth was one of the least exuberantly endowed female stars of stage and screen. Here's a collage of the exposure. If'n you're interested in seeing it in live-action, the scene comes about 2/3rds the way through the movie, right after the strip club scene.

    Speaking of which, here are three uncredited strippers from the club scene. First one is very nicely built and the other two are pretty appealing.

    Now, I was wondering about something. I've visited a strip club or two in maybe a dozen states, the District of Columbia, Canada, a few European countries and Australia. Part of a sociological study of how men act at these places, mind you. And in none of them, except for a kick-ass place in Melbourne, Australia, have I seen guys who were whooping it up or women in the audience who were enjoying themselves.

    Yet every damn strip club I've ever seen in a movie has guys a-hollerin' and acting all worked up, and gals who were smilin' and havin' a right good time. So, I was wondering, do you think anyone who has ever made a stripper movie has ever been to a strip club?

    Jr's Note...Brain, any time you want to see guys a-hollerin' and more importantly gals having fun at a strip club, come see us down here in Texas :-)

    Okay, then I have a batch of paparazzi things, including a new collage of Mariah Carey in another dress that just manages to keep the twins in.

    • Beatriz Rico, the Spanish actress topless at the beach.

    • Gabrielle Union, wearing a very lo-cut dress

    • Holly Valance, the Aussie actress in an "interesting" outfit.

    • Kate Hudson, no skin, but is there a more photogenic face?

    • Majandra Delfino, the co-star of the TV series "Roswell" showing some leg and wearing a very lo-cut dress.

    • Marieh Delfino, Majandra's older sister and co-star of the recent semi-hit "Jeepers Creepers II" showing a partial breast view.

    • Maria Menounos, the Entertainment Tonight correspondent having trouble keeping the goodies in her dress.

    • Mariah Carey, the usual cleavage.

    'Caps and comments by Dann:

    "Boat Trip"
    An occasionally funny 2002 comedy which could have been really funny, but wasn't.

    Two straight guys are booked on a gay cruise by a ticked-off travel agent. They're going on the cruise to find single women; boy are they on the wrong cruise. Things get more interesting when the Swedish Suntanning Team gets picked up on a life raft. Then one of our heros falls for the female dance instructor, who of course thinks he's "safe" because he's gay.

    See, all the elements are there for a funny comedy, but somewhere along the line, they missed the boat (trip).

    Even with all this, seeing the tanning team do jumping jacks is probably worth the price of admission. Some nice see-through outfits on Roselyn Sanchez, and some great bikini and bra/panty scenes by Victoria Silvstedt made it more worthwhile.

    Pauline Lafont
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    Excellent 'caps by Oscare of the French actress showing all 3 B's in scenes from "L'Été en pente douce" (1987).

    Ursula Karven
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15)

    Señor Skin 'caps of the German actress in scenes from "Holiday Affair" (2001). She is topless in most of these, bares her bum in link #13 and shows a hint of pubes in links 4 and 11. You may remember her name from a big news story a few years ago...Her 4 year old son died in a swimming pool accident during a birthday party at the home of rocker and home-movie-internet-legend, Tommy Lee.

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Like Steven Seagal? - Immediately after being elected governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger gave up his movie career, at least temporarily. He said, "There won't be any time for movies and other things" because he has "much work" and "work and moviemaking don't mix."

  • He'll have his hands full with work, which is not what they're full of on movie sets.
  • Better put all the movie critics on suicide watch.
  • He has to work on his plan to pay off the deficit by invading Nevada.

    Davis Asked If He Could Stay In The Mansion - Some Sacramento residents are already upset with Arnold for deciding that he will live in L.A. and commute by private jet rather than live in the governor's mansion. One said this ruins their chances of bumping into Maria Shriver in the grocery store.

  • But they can still see Gray Davis there...He'll be bagging their groceries.
  • Maria doesn't do the grocery shopping...She doesn't even know what "food" is.
  • Arnold will help craft new environmental protection laws while commuting to work every day on a jet.

    How About Sili-Putty? - Eleven years after most silicone gel breast implants were banned in the US, the FDA is considering letting them back on the market. Feminists are in D.C., protesting that there hasn't been enough time to evaluate their safety and they may be ticking time bombs in women's bodies. But manufacturers claim they've been exonerated as a cause of disease; that buyers know they need to be replaced occasionally, like a pacemaker; and that women should have freedom of choice.

  • The feminists replied, "No! Women should NOT have a choice!"
  • This is what Arnold Schwarzenegger means when he says he's pro-choice.
  • That's not a ticking bomb, it's just the sound of two rock-hard breasts tapping together.

    Grizzly Story - California "eco-warrior" Timothy Treadwell and his girlfriend were killed and eaten by a bear or bears near Kaflia Bay, Alaska. Treadwell, a former drug addict, became famous for his crusade on talk shows to convince people that bears aren't dangerous. He would ease up next to bears and chant "I love you" in a high-pitched sing-song voice. A spokesman for a bear awareness campaign said a lot of people are dead because they went looking for a grizzly so they could "do a Timothy."

  • Including Timothy!
  • He really was "dumber than the average bear."
  • Turns out bears really are gentle, unless you annoy them by singing in a high-pitched, sing-song voice.
  • He thought bears loved him, and they did...with mustard.

    It's Unbareable! - The New York Post's Page Six column claims that Daryl Hannah is so unhappy with her upcoming nude layout in Playboy, she may sue the magazine. She allegedly was "devastated" by the photos and claimed Playboy didn't let her pick the shots she wanted. A Playboy rep said they know nothing about a lawsuit, that Hannah personally chose the photographer, and "we think the result is a beautiful, groundbreaking photo essay."

  • Groundbreaking because she's over 40.
  • Translation: "It's Daryl Hannah naked, so all that matters is that they're in focus."
  • She's upset because she's just not naked enough.
  • I say they should let her pose naked every month until she gets a layout she approves of!


  • Pamela Anderson told Jane magazine, "I often feel that I am a gay man trapped in this body"...She's a drag queen?
    I KNEW it!!...That can't be true: a gay man would dress that body with a lot better taste...Don't feel trapped: that's probably the body a gay man would design.

  • Authorities in Georgia have dropped a warrant against Ben Affleck, saying there is no evidence to support a woman's claims that he threatened to kill her, or that he had ever even met her...
    But she SAYS it's true, and that's enough for the L.A. Times to report it...Why would Ben threaten to kill a strange woman when he's got J-Lo right there beside him?

  • Tuesday, a week after she allegedly broke a friend's windows and OD'ed, Courtney Love was charged with a misdemeanor drug count, although her drug test results are still pending...
    And I'm sure we're all on pins and needles waiting to find out. Needles, anyway...It's taking a while because they don't have a chart that goes up that high.