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"8 and 1/2 Women" (1999)

8 and 1/2 Women (1999), the latest offering from Peter Greenaway, is being released this coming Tuesday on DVD after a theatrical release that grossed less than half a million. It didn't surprise me that this film wasn't very commercial, his seldom are. It did surprise me that it was not very good.

It is the story of a big dollar debt collector, very wealthy, who lives in Geneva. As the film opens, he has just acquired 8 1/2 Pachinko parlors in Kyoto. His son is running them. When his wife dies, his son returns. The father is deeply depressed, and the son takes him to see Felini's 8 1/2. That inspires them to set up a "brothel" in the Swiss chalet for their own amusement. They acquire 8 1/2 women (the half is a girl with no legs). They start off thinking that wealth gives them power, and that they control the women. Before everything is over, they find out that it is the modern woman who really has all of the power.

Greenaway claims he made this as a homage to Felini. He doesn't disappoint in terms of shocking ideas. He has one woman who has sex with horses and pigs, a young Japanese girl who wants to become a female impersonator so she can be more feminine, a thief who wants to be a nun, and a father/son incest. I am sure Greenaway packed this with symbolism, but he didn't chose to make it accessible to his audiences. The biggest crime, to me, however, was that he made a film entirely about sexual reawakening and debauchery with not so much as one sex scene. In the end, it is not strangeness or undecipherable symbolism that ruined this film for me, it was shear boredom.

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  • Amanda Plummer (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
  • Annie Shizuka Inoh
  • Polly Walker (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
  • Toni Collette (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

    "The Curious Dr. Humpp" (1967)

    The Curious Dr. Humpp, originally La Venganza del sexo, is being released by Something Weird Video on DVD Tuesday. This is an Argentine production with tons of nudity and simulated sex, including lesbians, strippers, hippy orgies, and a college girl masturbating with a vibrator. Automitrons (ugly monsters with iron boots and a blinking light in their foreheads) kidnap sexually active young men and women, and take them to the lab of Dr. Humpp. The good doctor has found the secret of eternal youth. He takes the blood from his subjects just as they climax, and injects it. This has kept both him, and the brain of the man who was his mentor alive for years.

    Everything falls apart when a newspaper reporter solves the crime and rescues the women. None of the actresses are matched with roles, and none of them have credits in anything other than Argentine softcore. I suspect that they have worked under different names, Perhaps one of you is an expert on mid 60's Argentine soft core, or will know them for something else. The DVD is very clear, and porn/sci fi fusion is not very common, so this is worth seeing if you like exploitation or sci fi.

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  • Misc. Nude Scenes
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27)
  • Johnny Web
    "Matinee" (1993)

    This movie has nothing to do with celebrity nudity. It must be rated G or something. I just saw it and want to talk about it.

    Tuna turned me on to this. He thought I would like it because:

  • it's funny
  • half of it is about the great schlockmeisters who promoted horror films in the 50's, and the schlock they promoted
  • the other half is about the real life of a bunch of kids who were about 13-14 during the Cuban Missile Crisis
  • it has a unique visual style - bright primary colors, like a comic book

    I really loved it.

    John Goodman plays a film creator/promoter, and he's loosely based on the legendary William Castle - the guy who placed electrical shocks in the theater seats, blew ice-cold air through the theater, and had real skeletons dragging from wires over the patrons' heads.

    Of course, since the Goodman character is a composite of Castle and many other schlockmeisters, the writer took every possible promotional gimmick from an entire decade and condensed them into one incident, in which the film premieres in Key West, conveniently so close to Cuba during the Missile Crisis.

    In one of my favorite scams, Goodman hires actors to walk around town, pose as "Citizens for Decency", and denounce his own picture, because parents shouldn't let their children see something so terrifying! Needless to say, this makes every kid in town want to see it.

    It's really clever how he binds the movie plot and the Cuban Missile plot together. Because the movie's corny special effects (rumble-rama?) are so exaggerated, and because people are genuinely expecting the REAL world to end, the patrons in the theater can't distinguish between what's part of the movie's tricks and what might be part of a nuclear war outside.

    And the coup de grace, for me at least, was the actual B&W movie being screened: "Mant" -half man, half ant, all terror. Appropriately starring Kevin McCarthy and William Schallart, this is one of the funniest things I've ever seen. I must have laughed out loud ten times during the thing. Great stuff.

    Although "Matinee" is completely a comedy, it has some interestingly realistic and likeable characters, and it makes a very serious point underneath the humor. Back in the 50's, we were innocent, and even the movies were innocent. If you could take some genuinely scary or creepy horror movie like Hellraiser and showed it to those audiences, they'd be completely unprepared for it culturally. In those days, it was pretty much all in the showmanship.

    The world changed first, of course, not the movies.

    Into the innocence of our lives came the Cuban Missile Crisis. This film identified that turning point exactly right. JFK told a nationwide TV audience that we wouldn't back away from nuclear war if necessary, and that the missiles in Cuba could strike any city in the Southeastern U.S. You don't think that was scary? We really thought the world might end.

    We didn't quite understand why, but our comic books, Mad magazines and baseball cards didn't ever seem so important again.

    A short five years later, there was no more Ike-era innocence. The Kennedy and King assassinations, the war in Vietnam, the campus revolts, the sexual revolution, the drugs - all of that seemed to happen so quickly, as if a completely new culture was superimposed on the one we grew up in.

    People always have to change a lot between age 13 and age 19, I suppose, but we had to undergo complete culture shock and a new world before we ever figured out the old one. It was dramatic. I mean, if you lived in 1994, and someone showed you the year 2000, you'd have no big surprises. The internet came along, but big deal. Cultural values stayed fairly consistent. On the other hand, if you lived in 1962, and somebody showed you a preview of 1968, you'd swear that much change couldn't happen in such a short time. Oddly enough, my dad went through the same sort of thing in his generation. He turned 14 in December 1935, a pretty innocent time, despite the Depression. He turned 20 two days before the bombs dropped on Pearl Harbor, in a world in which his uncles had already been crushed under Panzers.

    I guess that's why some of us old geezers, whether born in 1949 like me or 1921 like my dad, always seem reverent about the innocence of our boyhoods. Because it was crushed so completely in such a short time.

    And the movies? Well, by the time the early 70's came along, all those sweetly charming softcore sex movies and mutated ant movies were being replaced by real sex and violence, just like in the streets. But we old geezers - a big part of us still longed for the days when The Brain from Planet Arous was the perfect way to pass a Saturday afternoon, and we thought we could avoid the effects of the bomb by going into the hall and placing our heads between our knees.

    It's probably a funny movie if you are any age, but if you are about the right age, you have to see this movie. Remember. Get a lot of laughs. And maybe a tear or two that you can't control, for a time you lost and can't ever recapture.

    IMDB summary: 6.4 out of 10.

    DVD info from Amazon.

    "The Tigress" (1992)

    This is a meandering Grade B which takes place during the Germany of the Weimar Republic.

    A woman leaves Berlin because of her dangerous mobster boyfriend. She teams up with an American grifter, and when they reach Karlsbad, the two concoct a scheme to fleece a rich Texas oil millionaire (George Peppard, Hannibal from the A-Team).

    The only strength of the movie is a genuine sense of visual style, and an appreciation for the styles and fashions of the 20's.

    The plot is soporific. They try to build some tension by having the mobster boyfriend close in on them, and by having The Tigress occasionally rebel against her partner's plans, but ....

    ... and the acting is sometimes, well, shall we say "expressionistic", to be kind? The mobster boyfriend is straight out of a Jean Rollin movie. Imagine that you got a bunch of sixth graders together and told them to act like an evil mobster - well, he wouldn't be one of the most subtle in the class. He's probably be the least subtle unless he went to school with Shatner or Larry Storch

    ... and the ending? Well, before the ending it was a grade b, but at least it had a compass bearing on reality. But get this.

    Tigress and The American have gone their separate ways. The American flees from the mobster and the police (because he skipped out on the hotel bill) on foot, and finally escapes by grabbing a freight train in the train yard. Well, he gets into a little scuffle on the train with some hobos who want to steal his clothing, so they fight, and he has to jump from the speeding train. He's somewhere halfway between Marienbad and Prague. When he pulls his battered body out of the trackside ditch and stumbles to the nearby road, well, guess who is parked there in the new Bugatti she fleeced from the oil millionaire? And guess who doesn't seem surprised to see her?

    By the way, she didn't know he was on the train, and he had no idea what happened to her.

    There is quite a bit of nudity, including the full frontal variety, from Valentina Vargas, who is probably best known as The Girl in "The Name of the Rose".

    The movie is on DVD, but is not sold as a separate title. I picked it up in a package which included the immortal cinema classic, "Woman of Desire", with the powerhouse cast of Jeff Fahey, Bo Derek, and a very tired old Robert Mitchum.

    IMDB summary: 4.7 out of 10.

  • Vargas (1, 2, 3)
  • Our Top Story Tonight...
    See-Thru Buffy!
    (1, 2 3, 4, 5)
    Here's the scoop.... Looks like there is a pretty good chance that this is genuine see-thru nipple exposure from Sarah Michelle Gellar. I've been told this is from the French FHM.

    Links #3 and #4 are the same picture, with the see-thru goodies. #4 is by DaRed.
    Links #1 and #2 also show the same picture, but this time with out nipple exposure on the cover of two other magazines.
    #5 is from the Fake Detective with a little explanation about why he thinks this is the real deal!

    Yvonne McCord
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Jenny DuBasso
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Jennifer Jason Leigh
    (1, 2)

    Images from the movie "Death Ride to Osaka". No really, I didn't make that up! It was a 1983 made for TV (cable?) movie based on a true story of girls who answered ads for singers who end up as sex slaves for the Yakuza in Japan.

    Comments by RDO:
    I've seen Yvonne and Jennifer capped from this movie before, but not the other girl. I couldn't find any reference to her character by name in the movie, but by process of elimination, I think she's Jenny DuBasso. Not that my track record at identifying unknown actresses has been exactly stellar lately.

    If I'm wrong, I'm sure we'll hear about it.

    Comments by Brainscan:
    Darryl Hannah So when you say that name, does the thought enter your head: this generation's Marilyn Monroe? Me neither. But there she is playing the Monroe character in a stage adaptation of Seven Year Itch. Like the outfit, however.
    Gina Gershon Sometimes looks right nice, other times like I would cross the street to avoid her. This time she looks great.
    Tatjana Patitz So how is it that scrawny Billy Piper falls out her clothes at the drop of a hat but Tatjana Patitz can keep this dress on? The laws of physics broken again in Celebrity Land.
    Comments by Oz:
    I found these pictures and I think most haven't appeared in the Fun House.

    Vogue Australia recently ran a few pictures by the photographer Mario Testino. I gather he must be famous. There is no nudity in these scans, only a couple with pokies. Most of the scans show actors that will be known to Fun House readers. A couple, Sara Foster and Rhea Durham, are described as models.

    The images are:
    Liz Hurley
    China Chow (with Norman Reedus)
    Rose McGowan (with Rob Lowe)
    Ali MacGraw
    Sara Foster (with Ashley Hamilton)
    Anjelica Huston (with Matt Dillon)
    Vinessa Shaw and Kate Hudson
    Sofia Coppola
    Rhea Durham (with Jeff Goldblum)
    Kyra Sedgwick (with husband Kevin Bacon)
    Kidada Jones, Heather Donohue and Dominique Swain (with Oliver Hudson)
    Salma Hayek
    Kelly Lynch (with husband Mitch Glazer)

    Amanda Lear A plethora of Euro celebs. Some I've heard of, most I haven't. But each one of these features scenes with some kind of nudity!
    These 'caps from "Une Femme Pour Moi"
    Anne Parillaud A very young (21) Anne looking great in "Pour la Peau d'un Flic"
    Arielle Dombasle Scenes from "Pauline a la plage"
    Benedicte Delmas From "Sous le Soleil"
    Delphine Zentout Excellent topless scenes from "Chauffeur de maitre".
    Emmanuelle Beart From "L'amour en douce"
    Florence Geanty More scenes with topless exposure from "Sous le Soleil".
    Isabelle Huppert From 1975's "Dupont-Lajoie".
    Julie du Page Topless exposure in these scenes from "Jusqu'Ó ce que la mort nous sÚpare".
    Malaury Nataf Also from "Sous le Soleil".
    Marianne Basler In "Contrainte par corps"
    Marie Gillain From "Les Affinites Electives"
    Marie Trintignant Nude sunbathing in scenes from "Noyade interdite"
    Romane Bohringer Topless in these scenes from "L'appartement"
    Sarah Bertrand From "Louise et les marches"
    Sophie Barjac Frontal nudity from "L'amour en douce".
    Tonya Kinzinger In scenes from "St Tropez".
    Valerie Lemercier Flashing in scenes from "Sexes Faibles".
    Zabou From "Le Complexe du Kangourou"
    The Night
    Rosanna Arquette
    (1, 2, 3)
    Vidcaps from the movie "I'm Losing You". #1 has Rosanna showing off how great she still looks in black lingerie, even at 40 something. #2 and #3 are of Rosanna topless in the bathtub.
    Cynthia Nixon Topless scenes from "Sex and the City"
    Danielle Overgaag Dutch Sports Presenter. Fully clothed, but she sure knows how to fill up a sweater!
    and ...
    Dijn Blom
    (1, 2, 3, 4)
    From Scanman. Now here is something a little more unusual for the Fun House...a "plus sized" woman doing a very explicit sex scene from a Dutch movie. Scenes from "Jezus is een Palestijn".
    Cameron Diaz A few preview images of Cameron from the upcoming "Charlie's Angels" movie, by NMD.
    Heidi Klum Comments and scan by Chumba:
    The Teutonic Victoria's Secret model from the cover of GQ.
    Nicola Formby Comments and scan by Chumba:
    Say what you like about Nicola Formby. Columnist, actress, model, socialite but above all Blonde - the woman who tamed AA GIll has not lost her appetite for success.

    Amazing when you hear that Nicola is 36 years old and still has the body of a 20-year old. Here's the former model from the pages of GQ magazine.

    The Funnies
    Silly road signs
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    Things to Think about

    1.Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
    2.I am in shape. Round is a shape.
    3.Time may be a great healer, but it's also a lousy beautician.
    4.Never be afraid to try something new. Remember, amateurs built the ark. Professionals built
    the Titanic. 5.Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good.
    6.Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.
    7.Stupidity got us into this mess -- why can't it get us out?
    8.Even if you are on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there.
    9.Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly and for the same reason.
    10.An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true.
    11.There is always death and taxes; however, death doesn't get worse every year.
    12.People will accept your ideas much more readily if you tell them that Benjamin Franklin said it first.
    13.It's easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them.
    14.I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path.
    15.Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
    16.Indecision is the key to flexibility.
    17.It hurts to be on the cutting edge.
    18.If it ain't broke, fix it till it is.
    19.I don't get even, I get odder.
    20.In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

    Click Here!