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Stardom (2000) is a Canadian mockumentary about a female Canadian hockey player, who becomes a supermodel, and is meant to be a spoof of modeling, stardom, the fashion industry, advertising, etc. While I laughed out loud at some scenes (my favorite was two experts pointing out that buying animal fur coats was supporting indigenous people, and therefor the only moral thing to do), the pace was dizzying, and I ran out of energy long before I ran out of film. Jessica Pare looked wonderful as the hockey player turned super-model, and did a one frame topless scene yelling at her husband for filming her nude.

The film bombed at the box office, and most critics were not impressed, but those who enjoy the film really enjoy it.The problem with the film was not execution, but rather concept. The idea would have been a killer 30 minute skit, but the gags wore very thin after the first half hour. This is no Spinal Tap, or Almost Famous. It is a C at best.

  • Thumbnails

  • Jessica Paré (1, 2, 3)
  • Various


    Sleepless (2001) marks Dario Argento's return to his roots, the classic giallo murder mystery. Imagery is everything in one of these films, and the gore visuals don't disappoint. There was some very nice photography. The plot, however, wore on me. The their credit, the evil dwarf didn't do it, but they jerked my chain so many times with red herrings I felt like a glow in the dark Duncan. Someone is again killing women, using the M.O. of a long dead suspect. Max Von Sydow is wonderful as the original detective, now retired, who comes back to work on the case, despite old age and memory problems.

    Barbara Lerici shows beautiful full frontal, as a hooker turned victim, and Chiara Caselli is naked in a sex scene, but doesn't reveal anything. While not Dario's best film, it is certainly better than his last several. I will give it a C.

  • Thumbnails

  • Barbara Lerici (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
  • Chiara Caselli

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)

    El Rey Pasmado is a 17th century costumer which was nominated for pretty much every Goya (Spanish equivalent of the Oscar) in the early 90's. I talked about the historical basis of the plot in great depth on the review page, for those of you interested in history.

     I did enjoy this one, although you'll enjoy it far more if your Spanish is fluent. I am confident of this since 1) there were no English subtitles, and my spoken Spanish is rudimentary,  and 2) there were many instances where people were speaking ironically, and I generally missed the point until I thought about it later, or maybe I am still missing it. It's about the hypocrisy of the churchmen and courtiers in the early reign of Felipe IV, when poor Felipe merely asked to be able to see his wife naked, prompting various public and private discussions in which people rarely said what they meant. Yes, it is a historical costume piece, but the satire is fairly broad, making it more of a comedy than a drama.

    • Laura del Sol. These Spanish movies sure produce some beautiful captures in general, and this one is an especially colorful movie. (1, 2)


    Divinas Palabras is a film that was nominated for 6 Goyas in 1988. Frankly, I didn't understand one damned thing that was going on. Oh, the Spanish wasn't that hard, but understanding the words was a long way from understanding the point. I do know that it involved village idiots and evil dwarfs, and a guy who fooled everyone by wearing an eyepatch, even though everyone in his tiny village had known him all his life. Or maybe he was working for Satan, as he claimed. Or maybe he was Satan. Or maybe the woman seduced by him just dreamt he was Satan. Beats the shit out of me. Despite my flagrant lack of comprehension, I think it is one of the funniest reviews I've written.

    • Ana Belen (1, 2, 3)


    Other crap:


    Here are the latest movie reviews available at

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    I picked up ten collages of Holly Sampson, posing in a most interesting fashion while surfing the web recently. You have Holly's mini-hooties throughout, lots of bum, even more bush and in a couple of these....let us search for the proper psychology metaphor... Holly opens up to reveal her inner self.

    'Caps and comments by Spaz:

    Holly Near A full-figured redhead, showing mega-cleavage, closeup view of her caboose, and finally full frontal in front of Don Johnson in "The Magic Garden of Stanley Sweetheart" (1970). Holly and Don Johnson were lovers during early 1970s before she became a lesbian and folksinger.

    Jolene Blalock Doing a silhouette striptease changing behind a white bedsheet in the recently aired Enterprise episode "Carbon Creek".

    Starr Andreeff aka Starr Adreeff, Starr Andreff and Star Andreiff...a Canadian actress turned music executive. Excellent topless as stripper in the vampire movie "Dance of the Damned" (1988). For some reason strippers and vampires go together.

    Alberta Watson Shaking her booty and going bottoms up in Destiny to Order (1990). No nudity.

    Barbara Williams Showing pokies showering in a black t-shirt from "Firebird 2015 A.D." (1981)

    Jenny Robertson Giving a nice closeup view of her bum, plus partial breast exposure in "A Cool, Dry Place" (1998).

    Paige Turco Nude, but the view is blocked by the foggy shower glass door and carefully place camera angles in "November Conspiracy" (1994) (aka The Feminine Touch).

    Helena Quinton Excellent full frontal and full dorsal scenes in her only role displaying her goodies. From "Class of 1984" (1982).

    A few 'caps from the straight-to-vid flick, "Shredder".
    • Holly Towne, topless and rear nudity.

    • Lindsey McKeon, the daytime soap actress and star of "Saved by the Bell: The New Class", topless, but the nipples are covered. (1, 2, 3, 4)

    Mr. Nude Celeb
    A nice variety of some classic early 80's nude scenes.
    • Angelica Huston, brief breast exposure in "The Postman Always Rings Twice" (1981). (1, 2)

    • Jessica Lange, pokies, cleavage and a bit of bush. Also from "The Postman Always Rings Twice". (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    • Rebecca De Mornay in "Risky Business" (1983) (1, 2, 3)

    • Francine Locke in the famous shower scene from "Risky Business". (1, 2, 3)

    Cerina Vincent
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)

    Looking fabulous completely nude as Areola, the foreign exchange student in "Not Another Teen Movie" (2001). Toplessness and rear nudity in these excellent 'caps by Penman.

    Charlize Theron
    (1, 2)

    Teri Hatcher

    DVD 'caps by Dead Red from "2 Days in the Valley" (1996). Theron looks great topless an in lingerie, Hatcher shows off her bum (mostly covered by undies).

    Leslie Hope
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

    The Canadian actress bares all in some sport humpin' scenes from "Paris, France" (1993).

    Maria Tornberg Topless in her role as the German swinger in scenes from "Super Troopers", by Dead Lamb.

    Eva Habermann The German actress looking gorgeous in scenes from "Klinik unter Palmen" (1996), by UC99.

    Nora Tschirner More toplessness from German TV by UC99.

    Emmanuelle Seigner The French actress best known to American audiences from the Harrison Ford movie "Frantic" going topless and baring her bum in scenes from "Bitter Moon" (1992). Thanks to FinnCap.