"Lady Terminator"

Lady Terminator (1988) is an Indonesian exploitation film intended for the US market, where it did very well, not because it was such a good film, or because they did such a great job of spoofing Terminator, but because it scores very high on the so bad it's good scale. For those that consider that good news, skip the plot summary below, and buy it. Mondo Macabro not only unearthed and remastered an uncut version of this forgotten treasure, but included lots of special features, including a history on Indonesian exploitation cinema. 1988 was a golden age for Indonesian cinema, in that the government, wishing to boost the economy, gave tax credits to movie companies, and required that a distributor make one native film for every six US films they distributed. Most were an odd mix of horror and witchcraft magic, and they did not do well outside the country. They also did not do well inside the country, as the young movie audience preferred the more polished Hollywood films. The director decided to take advantage of the trend toward modern buildings in Jacarta where this was filmed, and create a more American film tat looked like it could have been made in any modern city..

Begin Spoliers

As the film opens, the Queen of the South Seas, an actual character from Indonesian folklore, is copulating with her latest husband. When he fails to satisfy her, the eel living in her vagina bites his dick off. She complains that she is afraid no man will ever satisfy her. Doesn't stop her from moving on to the next husband. This one does, in fact, manage to ring her chimes. Not only that, but he captures her pussy eel, and magically transforms it into a kris dagger. To say she is pissed would be an understatement. She vows revenge on his not yet born great grand daughter, then disappears into the sea with other evil spirits.

Cut to 100 years in the future, and an American college student needs to find the Queen of the South Seas' kris dagger to pass her history class. She dives, and ends up on the queen's bed, tied hand and foot. The Queen supplies her with a vagina eel, and sends her back with an AK47 to kick some granddaughter ass. The grand daughter has a TV exercise show, and is becoming a minor celebrity, so she not hard to find. However, unlike everyone else in her path, the grand daughter and her cop boyfriend prove hard to kill. She has an unlimited supply of clips, and must slaughter several hundred people who get in her way, not to mention several vehicles. There is also a scene where her eye is injured, so she removes it with an exacto knife, washes it, and puts it back in.

End Spoilers

An unknown actress, as the original Queen, shows breasts. Barbara Anne Constable, as the Lady Terminator, shows breasts and buns in several scenes. IMDb readers have this at 4.7 of 10 -- Clearly people who have no appreciation for cult classic bad movies. All of the reviews listed at IMDb freely admit that the acting is bad, the plot silly, the special effects impossibly bad and the dubbing hilarious, but all highly recommend it as a bad movie. Honestly, if you can't laugh at this, you just don't like bad movies. Whether you call this an Indonesian Exploitation Classic intended for export, or a bad movie, the score is the same, C+. Bad movie lovers need to own this, and everyone else should steer clear.

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  • Barbara Anne Constable (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
  • Unknown (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

  • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
    Open Water (2003-2004):

    I talked about this already. The critics liked it. I liked it, too - up to a point. It's one of those movies with five really good minutes mixed in with a whole lot of boredom, but those five minutes were truly excellent, and the whole damned thing is less than 80 minutes long including all the credits, so you don't really have time to get all that bored. It didn't do as well as expected, but it did pull in a respectable $30 million at the box, which must have resulted in a profit of about $29,999,997.33.

    Here are some better images from the DVD screener.

    • Blanchard Ryan (1, 2, 3, 4)



    Home Grown (1998):

    Could it be possible that I haven't seen a 1998 movie with this cast?

    • Billy Bob Thornton
    • Hank Azaria
    • Kelly Lynch
    • Jon Bon Jovi
    • Ryan Phillippe
    • Judge Reinhold
    • Ted Danson
    • John Lithgow
    • Jamie Lee Curtis
    • Christopher Dalton
    • Jake Gyllenhaal
    • Maggie Gyllenhaal


    Not only haven't I seen it, but I don't even remember it!!! It is on DVD so I will round it up.

    It's a comedy film about dope growing from Stephen Gyllenhaal (the father of Maggie and Jake). Bombed completely - released on 35 screens, and didn't do well even in that brief trial. Total box less than a quarter of a million. Was Gyllenhaal's last theatrical film - he's migrated into TV work, perhaps out of choice, perhaps as a result of the performance of this film.

    It shouldn't be all that bad. 54% of the reviews were positive and it scores a mediocre but not disastrous 5.6 at IMDb.

    These three clips show Kelly Lynch showing various parts of her body to Apu and Ryan Phillippe. There is no nudity in the second one, but it's still pretty cool.

    • Kelly Lynch  - zipped .wmv's (1, 2, 3)


    Other Crap:

    Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

    Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap




    Here are the latest movie reviews available at


    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.


    Words from Scoop.

    .avi's from Shiloh.

    .wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

    NOTE: because of a unique combination of circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a picture. When you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.

    I know this is not especially convenient, but it allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips altogether.




    • Lindsay Duncan in the UK TV broadcast of the series upon which Traffic was based (called "Traffik") (.avi zipped, .wmv zipped)


    Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

    Shiloh says:

    FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
    When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

    A reader says:

    You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. Hope this is useful to you or your users.

    Scoop says:

    I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.


    Words and vids from ICMS


    Since I am now considered a long time contributor/member I thought I might take a trip down memory lane all the way back to my first contribution, submitted on January 25, 1999. Oh dear, it's really a long time. It was even another century. Since the first two seasons of "Dallas" are available on DVD now, what better way is there to bring this to the attention of whom it interests than by submitting clips of Bobby's sweet secretary Phyllis, played by Deborah Tranelli. She let it all hang out in the still hard-to-find movie "Naked Vengeance".

    The Video Movie Guide 1999 considers this film a turkey. It says : "Unpleasant exploitation flick about a woman who seeks vengeance after she is raped and her parents murdered. Available both in R and unrated versions; we suggest that you avoid both".

    Well I don't agree. I think it is one of the better and cleverer movies in its genre - way better than Death Wish II - and I have Robert Hofman's Film Encyclopedia to back me up. It reads: "A harsh and thrilling drama with a good acting from Tranelli. Her husband is murdered after 5 years of marriage. She returns to her parents. She's raped right in their home, and the parents, too, are killed. When Tranelli is nursed back to health, she seeks revenge on the murderers. Shot in December 1984 by Filipino Santiago in California."  Since I first reviewed this in 1999, a few more reviews have appeared on the IMDb and they are also positive. One is even from someone who claims he worked on the production. What puzzles me is that this film is still not available on DVD anywhere, as far as I know.

    Deb gets naked twice in the film. Here is her first nude scene, in which she gets raped by drunken men from her hometown who have had some long held grudge against her. Although nearly not as graphic as a similar scene in Death Wish II, it does get pretty violent at times, so please do not download these clips if you are offended by such material. On the other hand the facial expressions of these thugs alone may be worth the download.

    That's it for today. Tomorrow I'll be back with Deborah's second nude appearance when she is in charge of events.

    The clips are from an NTSC VHS tape transferred to DVD and the conversion problem PAL > NTSC still subsists. VCR outputs NTSC tape in PAL 60 instead of NTSC and DVD-Recorder can only handle PAL 50 and NTSC. Hence the black bar on the bottom of the clips that show a bit of the top part of the image. However no or very little material that's important to Fun House readers is lost.

    (Scoop's note: this distortion is eliminated in the .wmv versions.)

    You can find collages from this film as well as a detailed comparison between the R-rated and unrated version of and collages from this film in the back issues in the weekend edition of September 13, 1999 in the Saturday section.

    Yours faithfully,


    Crimson Ghost
    NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.

    Today the Ghost takes a look at the 1992 direct-to-vid Skinemax flick, "Affairs of the Heart".

    • Alexa Gager topless for a photo shoot scene in her one and only IMDb credit.
    • Alexa Gager zipped .wmvs. Check out the size of cel phone in clip #2! (1, 2)

    • Amy Lynn Baxter, the busty blonde B-babe and regular visitor on Howard Stern also posing for a photo shoot or two. (1, 2)
    • Amy Lynn Baxter zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3, 4)

    • Angela Nicholas zipped .wmv. Here she is topless in a love scene.

    • Avery Gold playing a topless pilgrim. Actually, she's playing "Miss Thanksgiving" during yet another photo shoot scene. (1, 2)
    • Avery Gold zipped .wmvs (1, 2)

    • Becky Mullen, plyaing the topless pool babe. Some folks may remember her from her rasslin' days back in the 80's. She was a member of G.L.O.W. (Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling), and her character was "Sally, the farmer's daughter". (1, 2)
    • Becky Mullen zipped .wmvs (1, 2)

    • Beth Ann Riggio, another one-timer. Here she is topless as "Miss 4th of July".
    • Beth Ann Riggio zipped .wmv

    • Cody Carmack, topless in some sort of lame foreplay scene. Her character is named "Itchy", but I'm sorry to say that there is no "Scratchy.
    • Cody Carmack zipped .wmv

    • Evangeline Rae topless and showing some partial rear nudity for the "Miss Halloween" photo shoot.
    • Evangeline Rae zipped .wmv

    • Isabelle Fortea, nice breast views as she starts to make some sweet lovin'
    • Isabelle Fortea zipped .wmv

    • Joan Gerardi, toplessness for the "Miss Valentine's Day" photo shoot.
    • Joan Gerardi zipped .wmv

    • Lorna Courtney, brief breast exposure while she makes love by the camp fire.
    • Lorna Courtney zipped .wmv

    • Melissa Leigh, takes her top off and starts to get it on with some guy that looks like Thor.
    • Melissa Leigh zipped .wmv

    • The ultra busty Tempest plays a naughty topless school girl for the "Miss September" photo shoot. (1, 2)
    • Tempest zipped .wmvs (1, 2)

    Sherilyn Fenn
    (1, 2)

    Fenn looking gorgeous in one of her early films, 1986's "The Wraith". Great bikini views in #1, toplessness in #2.

    Monique van der Werff
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)

    The young Dutch actress shows her undies, some pokies, rear views and toplessness in scenes from "Loverboy".

    Ana Luisa Pardo
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

    Señor Skin 'caps of some topless scenes from the direct-to-vid movie "Gunmen", starring Christopher Lambert, Mario Van Peebles, Denis Leary and Patrick Stewart. According to the IMDb, this role as 'Orgasmic Hooker' is her one and only film credit.

    Pat Reeder
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    Q Eye For The Rude Guy - Fresh from calling Taiwan paparazzi "rude, vile pigs," Elton John erupted again Sunday at the Q Music Awards in London. While picking up a songwriting award, he went into a tirade at one of Madonna's nominations, ranting, "Madonna, best f---ing live act? F--- off!" Some of the audience applauded as he railed, "Since when has lip-synching been live?! I'm sorry, but anyone who lip-synchs in public on stage when you pay 75 pounds to see them should be shot! That's me off her f---ing Christmas card list, but do I give a toss? No!"

  • The last thing Elton needs is another naked photo of Madonna.
  • And that's the kind of entertainment you only get from a live show!
  • Elton thinks nobody should be paid just for moving his lips, unless he's a very talented male escort.
  • Madonna released a prerecorded statement calling him a "rude, vile pig."

    She'll Never Find A Job With That Degree! - The Sun tabloid reports that Madonna plans to get a B.A. in English literature from Oxford. She'll take the courses from her home. A source said she was always frustrated that she had to sacrifice her education for her music career and is "incredibly well-read."

  • She's read "Vanity Fair!" Every issue since 1982!
  • She loves British literature...She used to read Cosmo, and now she reads British Cosmo.
  • She'll study at home because since she converted to Kabbalah, she no longer matriculates in public.
  • I thought the only thing she sacrificed for her music career was her virginity.

    Justifiable Patricide - Family Active, a new UK pregnancy and baby care service on Sky Digital, polled 1,000 Britons to choose the most bizarrely-named celebrity offspring. The top 20 included Coco Cox-Arquette, Zowie Bowie, Dweezil Zappa, Bruce Willis and Demi Moore's son Rumer, and the late Michael Hutchence's daughter Tiger Lily Heavenly Harani. The top five in reverse order: chef Jamie Oliver's daughter Daisy Boo, Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter Apple, Mia Farrow and Woody Allen's son Satchel, Bob Geldof's daughter Fifi Trixiebell, and at #1, Moon Unit Zappa.

  • You know your name is weird when your brother Dweezil teases you about it.
  • They should put this into one of those "This Is Your Brain On Drugs" commercials.
  • Going through life with the name "Satchel"...that's a lot of baggage.
  • If Gwyneth had given birth to twins, she would've named them "Pear."