Lady Terminator (1988) is an Indonesian exploitation film intended for the US market, where it did very well, not because it was such a good film, or because they did such a great job of spoofing Terminator, but because it scores very high on the so bad it's good scale. For those that consider that good news, skip the plot summary below, and buy it. Mondo Macabro not only unearthed and remastered an uncut version of this forgotten treasure, but included lots of special features, including a history on Indonesian exploitation cinema. 1988 was a golden age for Indonesian cinema, in that the government, wishing to boost the economy, gave tax credits to movie companies, and required that a distributor make one native film for every six US films they distributed. Most were an odd mix of horror and witchcraft magic, and they did not do well outside the country. They also did not do well inside the country, as the young movie audience preferred the more polished Hollywood films. The director decided to take advantage of the trend toward modern buildings in Jacarta where this was filmed, and create a more American film tat looked like it could have been made in any modern city..
As the film opens, the Queen of the South Seas, an actual character from Indonesian folklore, is copulating with her latest husband. When he fails to satisfy her, the eel living in her vagina bites his dick off. She complains that she is afraid no man will ever satisfy her.
Doesn't stop her from moving on to the next husband. This one does, in fact, manage to ring her chimes. Not only that, but he captures her pussy eel, and magically transforms it into a kris dagger. To say she is pissed would be an understatement. She vows revenge on his not yet born great grand daughter, then disappears into the sea with other evil spirits.
Cut to 100 years in the future, and an American college student needs to find the Queen of the South Seas' kris dagger to pass her history class. She dives, and ends up on the queen's bed, tied hand and foot. The Queen supplies her with a vagina eel, and sends her back with an AK47 to kick some granddaughter ass. The grand daughter has a TV exercise show, and is becoming a minor celebrity, so she not hard to find. However, unlike everyone else in her path, the grand daughter and her cop boyfriend prove hard to kill. She has an unlimited supply of clips, and must slaughter several hundred people who get in her way, not to mention several vehicles. There is also a scene where her eye is injured, so she removes it with an exacto knife, washes it, and puts it back in.
An unknown actress, as the original Queen, shows breasts. Barbara Anne Constable, as the Lady Terminator, shows breasts and buns in several scenes. IMDb readers have this at 4.7 of 10 -- Clearly people who have no appreciation for cult classic bad movies. All of the reviews listed at IMDb freely admit that the acting is bad, the plot silly, the special effects impossibly bad and the dubbing hilarious, but all highly recommend it as a bad movie. Honestly, if you can't laugh at this, you just don't like bad movies. Whether you call this an Indonesian Exploitation Classic intended for export, or a bad movie, the score is the same, C+. Bad movie lovers need to own this, and everyone else should steer clear.
Barbara Anne Constable
|Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
I talked about this
already. The critics liked it. I liked it, too - up to a point.
It's one of those movies with five really good minutes mixed in with
a whole lot of boredom, but those five minutes were truly excellent,
and the whole damned thing is less than 80 minutes long including
all the credits, so you don't really have time to get all that
bored. It didn't do as well as expected, but it did pull in a
respectable $30 million at the box, which must have resulted in a
profit of about $29,999,997.33.
Here are some better images from the DVD screener.
- Blanchard Ryan (1,
Home Grown (1998):
Could it be possible that I haven't
seen a 1998 movie with this cast?
- Billy Bob Thornton
- Hank Azaria
- Kelly Lynch
- Jon Bon Jovi
- Ryan Phillippe
- Judge Reinhold
- Ted Danson
- John Lithgow
- Jamie Lee Curtis
- Christopher Dalton
- Jake Gyllenhaal
- Maggie Gyllenhaal
Not only haven't I seen it, but I don't even remember it!!! It is on
DVD so I will round it up.
It's a comedy film about dope growing from Stephen Gyllenhaal (the
father of Maggie and Jake). Bombed completely - released on 35
screens, and didn't do well even in that brief trial. Total box less
than a quarter of a million. Was Gyllenhaal's last theatrical film -
he's migrated into TV work, perhaps out of choice, perhaps as a
result of the performance of this film.
It shouldn't be all that bad. 54% of the reviews were positive and
it scores a mediocre but not disastrous 5.6 at IMDb.
These three clips show Kelly Lynch showing various parts of her body
to Apu and Ryan Phillippe. There is no nudity in the second one, but
it's still pretty cool.
- Kelly Lynch - zipped .wmv's (1,
An awesome promotional film for Team America: World Police
The First 2004 Presidential Debate: Transcript of President Bush's
Stunning Oratorial Knockout Punch Victory Over Senator John
"Flip-Flop" Kerry (WHITEHOUSE.ORG)
The trailer, a featurette, and many clips from Ray. The
featurette is a gas. Click on "Ray and Jamie Foxx perform
Here's the transcript and video from the first Weekend Update of
the post-Fallon era. A great response from Ben Affleck
to Matt Damon about Matt's criticism of Hollywood actors who only
take roles in potential blockbusters, "Halfway through watching
Paycheck I went to ask the theatre manager for my money back then
I remembered I was in it. Alright, I gotcha! And I know you're
"not into stardom," but, help me out here. I can't seem to recall
which Chekhov play The Bourne Supremacy is based on. And I'm sure
they'll be studying Ocean's 12 in the film classes at USC, believe
me. Cause Ocean's 11 left so many unanswered questions. Wait til
you lose your mind and make two movies in a row with your
girlfriend, alright? By the way, Street Cred, how's Clooney's
yacht treating ya? Is there a phone on that thing? I've been
trying to call you for like three weeks about this Project
Mad TV`s spoof of the Presidential debates
- That is funny.
Dick Cheney recommended that people visit factcheck.com (see
transcript below). Does this qualify as irony? He
didn't fact-check his URL. When I go there, it says "President
Bush is endangering our safety, hurting our vital interests, and
undermining American values". Oh, that Cheney. What an internet
guru! (I think he meant factcheck.org)
Complete Transcript & Video of the VP debate
The 50 weirdest records in the Guinness book. I had no
idea one guy could fit 12 hamsters in his ass at the same time.
- Reminds me of the time Richard Gere was driving down the
Ventura Highway with his pet, Nibbles. Gere had an accident when
he took his eyes from the road. It seems he decided to take
Nibbles from his cage, place the little fella in the passenger
seat and belt him in. All while he was driving. The
investigating officer told the court that Gere was responsible
for the accident because he was placing the hamster in a very
unusual place. "Rectum?", asked the judge. The officer replied:
"Wrecked 'im? Hell, it nearly killed 'im!"
Day 1: no big playoff surprises.
- Santana owns the Yanks in Game 1. Santana was pitcher of the
month in September. Oh, and by the way, he was also pitcher of
the month in July. Oh, yeah, and guess who was pitcher of the
month in August? Last three months he was something like 14-2,
with an era betweeen 1.10 and 1.20. In September, he was 5-0
with a 0.45. Most unbeatable pitcher down the stretch since
Gooden's 24-4 season in 1985. Santana might have had a better
year than Doc, except that on May 31 he was an uninspiring 2-3.
He then went 18-3 the rest of the way!! Of course, the rest of
their team sucks pickles, but Santana can win two by himself.
Can the Twins win one more? Tell ya the truth, I still kinda
like the Yanks.
- I can't see any way the Dodgers can win unless LaRussa's
magical computer tells him to rest Pujols and Edmonds. St Louis
has the second best 3-4-5 hitters in baseball, in Edmonds,
Pujols, Rolen. The best, of course, is Anybody, Bonds, and
Anybody. Although, to be fair, if it was Mother Teresa, Bonds,
and Uncle Scoopy, we'd probably only be slightly better. On the
other hand, Teresa and I never could turn the double play, so
our defense might present some problems.
Some years ago, Bill James was asked to name the most
valuable baseball family (he wrote this before Barry Bonds
turned into Superman). He said the answer was obvious: Babe and
Claire Ruth, because Babe Ruth, by himself, was better than any
total family of players - would you trade Babe for all the Alous
or Boones or Delahantys? I doubt it! I guess James would now
have to take a hard look at the Bonds boys, however.
- My son asked me to name the most valuable player in the
National League this year. The guys on ESPN say it can't be
anyone but Bonds, despite the mammoth years from Beltre and
Pujols, but I know the correct answer. Bonds is only the
second-best choice. If the MVP is the one man who did the most
to help his team win, the answer is obvious : Andy Pettitte. Oh,
I know he only won six games and had to pull splinters out of
his butt the whole season, but he talked his buddy Roger Clemens
into unretiring and single-handledly pitching Houston into the
post season. Since the Astros did not have to give anybody up to
get Clemens, the Rocket's starts would have otherwise been taken
by replacement-level pitchers, going maybe 11-11 instead of
18-4. That's seven games in the standings attributable solely to
Pettite. Without Pettitte, the rest of them would now be
watching on TV with the rest of us. I like the 'Stros if the
Rocket is in top form. Braves otherwise.
- The Red Sox have the best team in baseball for a short
series, assuming Pedro is going to be the real Pedro, because
Schilling and Pedro can start four games out of five, giving
them the same short-series punch that the D-backs had a while
back. Ortiz and Manny are almost as good as Pujols and Edmonds,
and Pedro and Schilling are better than Anyone and Anyone,
unless one of the other teams can sneak Randy Johnson and Jesus
Christ into their uniforms. That would be hard to do. It's
pretty difficult to disguise a 6'10" man. I think that would be
a challenge even for such masters of disguise as Artemis Gordon
and Bobby Valentine. As for Jesus, he can tuck his hair under a
cap, but the fucking sandals always give him away.
A clip and the trailer from Undertow: "Set in a
contemporary South untouched by time, 'The Undertow' is a dramatic
thriller about two brothers who run away from home to guard a
secret following the death of their father and the arrival of
their greedy, troubled uncle."
The trailer Madagascar, a computer animated film starring the
voices of Ben Stiller and Chris Rock: "This
computer-animated comedy stars four civilized Central Park Zoo
animals who have spent their entire lives in blissful captivity.
But when they are unexpectedly shipped to Africa and get
shipwrecked on the exotic island of Madagascar, these native New
Yorkers must try to survive and come to terms with what it truly
means to be 'wild'. "
Rodney Dangerfield 1921-2004. This is where we would
link to an obit, but Rodney would be upset if we gave him that
The best way to remember Rodney - listen to some of his material
at Rodney.com ...
This is where I would link to Rodney Dangerfield's obit if Rodney
rated enough respect to get an obit. With his club and
his generous spirit, Rodney probably did as much as anyone in
history to encourage talented young comics. Rodney owned me
forever when I read about one Andy Kaufman show where the audience
thought some typical Tony Clifton bit was horrifying and unfunny -
but Rodney was backstage laughing so hard he almost choked.
Senator Leahy gets a front row seat to watch his ol' pal Dick
- In fact, Leahy will get two seats, one in the first row and
the one directly behind it in the second row, so he can fuck
himself if requested.
- Cheney was not amused by the seating chart. When asked about
the seating arrangement by a reporter, Mr. Cheney breathed very
heavily, and the reporter started choking. Then the reporter
said, "Move along, Mr Vice-President. These are not the droids I
was looking for."
The Dems have their own October Surprise: "Fahrenheit 9/11" is out
- The good news: the deleted scenes include the famous
midnight skinny-dipping scene with Denise Richards and Dick
Cheney. You'll see why they don't call him Richard!!
- Kidding aside, Moore withdrew his film from Oscar contention
so he could broadcast it - the night before the election! (Is
John Lennon's killer denied parole
The top haunted spots in the USA
- Very funny comedy piece:
The fair and balanced Fox look at the Presidential debate (from
the Bill Maher show)
Great clip: Tommie Dreamer piledrives a wrestling chick and her
boobs fall out.
Wolverine to get his own movie. Jackman to star.
Billy Bob Thornton says: "I think Shakespeare's overrated. It's
bullshit.". And he's our top Elizabethan scholar here
Paris Hilton was booed off stage as she tried to launch a pop
Michael Moore, director of the movie Farenheit 9/11, said Sunday
that he was given a chance to use the same Rathergate documents,
but that he rejected them for inclusion in his film because his
staff did not believe they were authentic.
A CRAFTY pooch escaped from his cage at Battersea Dogs' Home and
then let out his pals so they could raid the food together.
Now THESE are some weird-lookin' boobies
PORN 101 . . . and more outrageous college courses parents
MUST know about (Weekly World News)
SpaceShipOne Wins the X Prize: "Yesterday, however, the
solely corporate SpaceShipOne soared 100 kilometers above the
Earth for the second time in two weeks to claim the coveted $10
million dollar X-Prize put forward by Ansari to inspire private
space flight development."
Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above,
since it's sorta in real time.
to submit a URL for Other Crap
are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.
- The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the
review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
- If there is a white asterisk, it means that
there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined
there might be something else of interest.
- A blue asterisk indicates the review is written
by Tuna (or Junior or Brainscan, or somebody else besides me)
- If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too
ashamed to admit it.
Words from Scoop.
.avi's from Shiloh.
.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.
NOTE: because of a unique combination of
circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial
bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip
format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a
you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in
the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.
I know this is not especially convenient, but it
allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from
hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some
reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not
play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory
work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this
new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want
to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips
Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble
with the codecs for these movies:
FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use
DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use
virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the
vids says the video codec: DivX Decoder Filter & audio
codec: Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with.
When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG
Layer-3. A friend of mine told me about compressing the
audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been
capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this
info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.
When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp &
asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using
camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could
never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost
too much to buy in my opinion.
A reader says:
You mentioned that some users were
having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool
designed to determine what codec is needed for a video.
http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you
or your users.
I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9.
The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in
the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly
larger, and slightly lower quality.
Words and vids from
Since I am now considered a long time contributor/member I thought
I might take a trip down memory lane all the way back to my first
contribution, submitted on January 25, 1999. Oh dear, it's really
a long time. It was even another century. Since the first two
seasons of "Dallas" are available on DVD now, what better way is
there to bring this to the attention of whom it interests than by
submitting clips of Bobby's sweet secretary Phyllis, played by
Deborah Tranelli. She let it all hang out in the still
hard-to-find movie "Naked Vengeance".
The Video Movie Guide 1999 considers this film a turkey. It
says : "Unpleasant exploitation flick about a woman who seeks
vengeance after she is raped and her parents murdered. Available
both in R and unrated versions; we suggest that you avoid both".
Well I don't agree. I think it is one of the better and
cleverer movies in its genre - way better than Death Wish II - and
I have Robert Hofman's Film Encyclopedia to back me up. It reads:
"A harsh and thrilling drama with a good acting from Tranelli. Her
husband is murdered after 5 years of marriage. She returns to her
parents. She's raped right in their home, and the parents, too,
are killed. When Tranelli is nursed back to health, she seeks
revenge on the murderers. Shot in December 1984 by Filipino
Santiago in California." Since I first reviewed this in
1999, a few more reviews have appeared on the IMDb and they are
also positive. One is even from someone who claims he worked on
the production. What puzzles me is that this film is still not
available on DVD anywhere, as far as I know.
Deb gets naked twice in the film. Here is her first nude scene, in
which she gets raped by drunken men from her hometown who have had
some long held grudge against her. Although nearly not as graphic
as a similar scene in Death Wish II, it does get pretty violent at
times, so please do not download these clips if you are offended
by such material. On the other hand the facial expressions of
these thugs alone may be worth the download.
That's it for today. Tomorrow I'll be back with Deborah's
second nude appearance when she is in charge of events.
The clips are from an NTSC VHS tape transferred to DVD and the
conversion problem PAL > NTSC still subsists. VCR outputs NTSC
tape in PAL 60 instead of NTSC and DVD-Recorder can only handle
PAL 50 and NTSC. Hence the black bar on the bottom of the clips
that show a bit of the top part of the image. However no or very
little material that's important to Fun House readers is lost.
(Scoop's note: this distortion is eliminated in the .wmv
You can find collages from this film as well as a detailed
comparison between the R-rated and unrated version of and
collages from this film in the back issues in the weekend edition
of September 13, 1999 in the Saturday section.
NOTE: We currently have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Instead of viewing them online, save the zip files to your hard drive in the directory of your choice, un-zip and play from there.
Today the Ghost takes a look at the 1992 direct-to-vid Skinemax flick, "Affairs of the Heart".
- Alexa Gager topless for a photo shoot scene in her one and only IMDb credit.
- Alexa Gager zipped .wmvs. Check out the size of cel phone in clip #2!
- Amy Lynn Baxter, the busty blonde B-babe and regular visitor on Howard Stern also posing for a photo shoot or two.
- Amy Lynn Baxter zipped .wmvs
- Angela Nicholas zipped .wmv. Here she is topless in a love scene.
- Avery Gold playing a topless pilgrim. Actually, she's playing "Miss Thanksgiving" during yet another photo shoot scene.
- Avery Gold zipped .wmvs
- Becky Mullen, plyaing the topless pool babe. Some folks may remember her from her rasslin' days back in the 80's. She was a member of G.L.O.W. (Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling), and her character was "Sally, the farmer's daughter".
- Becky Mullen zipped .wmvs
- Beth Ann Riggio, another one-timer. Here she is topless as "Miss 4th of July".
- Beth Ann Riggio zipped .wmv
- Cody Carmack, topless in some sort of lame foreplay scene. Her character is named "Itchy", but I'm sorry to say that there is no "Scratchy.
- Cody Carmack zipped .wmv
- Evangeline Rae topless and showing some partial rear nudity for the "Miss Halloween" photo shoot.
- Evangeline Rae zipped .wmv
- Isabelle Fortea, nice breast views as she starts to make some sweet lovin'
- Isabelle Fortea zipped .wmv
- Joan Gerardi, toplessness for the "Miss Valentine's Day" photo shoot.
- Joan Gerardi zipped .wmv
- Lorna Courtney, brief breast exposure while she makes love by the camp fire.
- Lorna Courtney zipped .wmv
- Melissa Leigh, takes her top off and starts to get it on with some guy that looks like Thor.
- Melissa Leigh zipped .wmv
- The ultra busty Tempest plays a naughty topless school girl for the "Miss September" photo shoot.
- Tempest zipped .wmvs
|Fenn looking gorgeous in one of her early films, 1986's "The Wraith". Great bikini views in #1, toplessness in #2.
|Monique van der Werff
|The young Dutch actress shows her undies, some pokies, rear views and toplessness in scenes from "Loverboy".
|Ana Luisa Pardo
|Señor Skin 'caps of some topless scenes from the direct-to-vid movie "Gunmen", starring Christopher Lambert, Mario Van Peebles, Denis Leary and Patrick Stewart. According to the IMDb, this role as 'Orgasmic Hooker' is her one and only film credit.
|Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
Pat's comments in yellow...
ELTON BITCH-SLAPS MADONNA
Q Eye For The Rude Guy - Fresh from calling Taiwan paparazzi "rude, vile
pigs," Elton John erupted again Sunday at the Q Music Awards in London. While
picking up a songwriting award, he went into a tirade at one of Madonna's
nominations, ranting, "Madonna, best f---ing live act? F--- off!" Some of the
audience applauded as he railed, "Since when has lip-synching been live?! I'm
sorry, but anyone who lip-synchs in public on stage when you pay 75 pounds to see
them should be shot! That's me off her f---ing Christmas card list, but do I
give a toss? No!"
The last thing Elton needs is another naked photo of Madonna.
And that's the kind of entertainment you only get from a live show!
Elton thinks nobody should be paid just for moving his lips, unless he's a
very talented male escort.
Madonna released a prerecorded statement calling him a "rude, vile pig."
MADONNA GOING FOR LITERATURE DEGREE
She'll Never Find A Job With That Degree! - The Sun tabloid reports that
Madonna plans to get a B.A. in English literature from Oxford. She'll take the
courses from her home. A source said she was always frustrated that she had to
sacrifice her education for her music career and is "incredibly well-read."
She's read "Vanity Fair!" Every issue since 1982!
She loves British literature...She used to read Cosmo, and now she reads
She'll study at home because since she converted to Kabbalah, she no
longer matriculates in public.
I thought the only thing she sacrificed for her music career was her
POLL: MOST BIZARRE CELEBRITY KID NAMES
Justifiable Patricide - Family Active, a new UK pregnancy and baby care
service on Sky Digital, polled 1,000 Britons to choose the most bizarrely-named
celebrity offspring. The top 20 included Coco Cox-Arquette, Zowie Bowie, Dweezil
Zappa, Bruce Willis and Demi Moore's son Rumer, and the late Michael
Hutchence's daughter Tiger Lily Heavenly Harani. The top five in reverse order: chef
Jamie Oliver's daughter Daisy Boo, Gwyneth Paltrow's daughter Apple, Mia
Farrow and Woody Allen's son Satchel, Bob Geldof's daughter Fifi Trixiebell, and at
#1, Moon Unit Zappa.
You know your name is weird when your brother Dweezil teases you about it.
They should put this into one of those "This Is Your Brain On Drugs"
Going through life with the name "Satchel"...that's a lot of baggage.
If Gwyneth had given birth to twins, she would've named them "Pear."