Lady Terminator (1988) is an Indonesian exploitation film intended for the US market, where it did very well, not because it was such a good film, or because they did such a great job of spoofing Terminator, but because it scores very high on the so bad it's good scale. For those that consider that good news, skip the plot summary below, and buy it. Mondo Macabro not only unearthed and remastered an uncut version of this forgotten treasure, but included lots of special features, including a history on Indonesian exploitation cinema. 1988 was a golden age for Indonesian cinema, in that the government, wishing to boost the economy, gave tax credits to movie companies, and required that a distributor make one native film for every six US films they distributed. Most were an odd mix of horror and witchcraft magic, and they did not do well outside the country. They also did not do well inside the country, as the young movie audience preferred the more polished Hollywood films. The director decided to take advantage of the trend toward modern buildings in Jacarta where this was filmed, and create a more American film tat looked like it could have been made in any modern city..

Begin Spoliers

As the film opens, the Queen of the South Seas, an actual character from Indonesian folklore, is copulating with her latest husband. When he fails to satisfy her, the eel living in her vagina bites his dick off. She complains that she is afraid no man will ever satisfy her. Doesn't stop her from moving on to the next husband. This one does, in fact, manage to ring her chimes. Not only that, but he captures her pussy eel, and magically transforms it into a kris dagger. To say she is pissed would be an understatement. She vows revenge on his not yet born great grand daughter, then disappears into the sea with other evil spirits.

Cut to 100 years in the future, and an American college student needs to find the Queen of the South Seas' kris dagger to pass her history class. She dives, and ends up on the queen's bed, tied hand and foot. The Queen supplies her with a vagina eel, and sends her back with an AK47 to kick some granddaughter ass. The grand daughter has a TV exercise show, and is becoming a minor celebrity, so she not hard to find. However, unlike everyone else in her path, the grand daughter and her cop boyfriend prove hard to kill. She has an unlimited supply of clips, and must slaughter several hundred people who get in her way, not to mention several vehicles. There is also a scene where her eye is injured, so she removes it with an exacto knife, washes it, and puts it back in.

End Spoilers

An unknown actress, as the original Queen, shows breasts. Barbara Anne Constable, as the Lady Terminator, shows breasts and buns in several scenes. IMDb readers have this at 4.7 of 10 -- Clearly people who have no appreciation for cult classic bad movies. All of the reviews listed at IMDb freely admit that the acting is bad, the plot silly, the special effects impossibly bad and the dubbing hilarious, but all highly recommend it as a bad movie. Honestly, if you can't laugh at this, you just don't like bad movies. Whether you call this an Indonesian Exploitation Classic intended for export, or a bad movie, the score is the same, C+. Bad movie lovers need to own this, and everyone else should steer clear.

I talked about this already. The critics liked it. I liked it, too - up to a point. It's one of those movies with five really good minutes mixed in with a whole lot of boredom, but those five minutes were truly excellent, and the whole damned thing is less than 80 minutes long including all the credits, so you don't really have time to get all that bored. It didn't do as well as expected, but it did pull in a respectable $30 million at the box, which must have resulted in a profit of about $29,999,997.33.

Here are some better images from the DVD screener.

• Blanchard Ryan (1, 2, 3, 4)

Home Grown (1998):

Could it be possible that I haven't seen a 1998 movie with this cast?

• Billy Bob Thornton
• Hank Azaria
• Kelly Lynch
• Jon Bon Jovi
• Ryan Phillippe
• Judge Reinhold
• Ted Danson
• John Lithgow
• Jamie Lee Curtis
• Christopher Dalton
• Jake Gyllenhaal
• Maggie Gyllenhaal

Not only haven't I seen it, but I don't even remember it!!! It is on DVD so I will round it up.

It's a comedy film about dope growing from Stephen Gyllenhaal (the father of Maggie and Jake). Bombed completely - released on 35 screens, and didn't do well even in that brief trial. Total box less than a quarter of a million. Was Gyllenhaal's last theatrical film - he's migrated into TV work, perhaps out of choice, perhaps as a result of the performance of this film.

It shouldn't be all that bad. 54% of the reviews were positive and it scores a mediocre but not disastrous 5.6 at IMDb.

These three clips show Kelly Lynch showing various parts of her body to Apu and Ryan Phillippe. There is no nudity in the second one, but it's still pretty cool.

• Kelly Lynch  - zipped .wmv's (1, 2, 3)

Other Crap:

• An awesome promotional film for Team America: World Police
• The First 2004 Presidential Debate: Transcript of President Bush's Stunning Oratorial Knockout Punch Victory Over Senator John "Flip-Flop" Kerry (WHITEHOUSE.ORG)
• The trailer, a featurette, and many clips from Ray. The featurette is a gas. Click on "Ray and Jamie Foxx perform together."
• Here's the transcript and video from the first Weekend Update of the post-Fallon era. A great response from Ben Affleck to Matt Damon about Matt's criticism of Hollywood actors who only take roles in potential blockbusters, "Halfway through watching Paycheck I went to ask the theatre manager for my money back then I remembered I was in it. Alright, I gotcha! And I know you're "not into stardom," but, help me out here. I can't seem to recall which Chekhov play The Bourne Supremacy is based on. And I'm sure they'll be studying Ocean's 12 in the film classes at USC, believe me. Cause Ocean's 11 left so many unanswered questions. Wait til you lose your mind and make two movies in a row with your girlfriend, alright? By the way, Street Cred, how's Clooney's yacht treating ya? Is there a phone on that thing? I've been trying to call you for like three weeks about this Project Greenlight mess."
• Mad TV`s spoof of the Presidential debates
• That is funny. Dick Cheney recommended that people visit factcheck.com (see transcript below). Does this qualify as irony? He didn't fact-check his URL. When I go there, it says "President Bush is endangering our safety, hurting our vital interests, and undermining American values". Oh, that Cheney. What an internet guru! (I think he meant factcheck.org)
• Complete Transcript & Video of the VP debate
• The 50 weirdest records in the Guinness book. I had no idea one guy could fit 12 hamsters in his ass at the same time.
  • Reminds me of the time Richard Gere was driving down the Ventura Highway with his pet, Nibbles. Gere had an accident when he took his eyes from the road. It seems he decided to take Nibbles from his cage, place the little fella in the passenger seat and belt him in. All while he was driving. The investigating officer told the court that Gere was responsible for the accident because he was placing the hamster in a very unusual place. "Rectum?", asked the judge. The officer replied: "Wrecked 'im? Hell, it nearly killed 'im!"
• Day 1: no big playoff surprises.
  • Santana owns the Yanks in Game 1. Santana was pitcher of the month in September. Oh, and by the way, he was also pitcher of the month in July. Oh, yeah, and guess who was pitcher of the month in August? Last three months he was something like 14-2, with an era betweeen 1.10 and 1.20. In September, he was 5-0 with a 0.45. Most unbeatable pitcher down the stretch since Gooden's 24-4 season in 1985. Santana might have had a better year than Doc, except that on May 31 he was an uninspiring 2-3. He then went 18-3 the rest of the way!! Of course, the rest of their team sucks pickles, but Santana can win two by himself. Can the Twins win one more? Tell ya the truth, I still kinda like the Yanks.
  • I can't see any way the Dodgers can win unless LaRussa's magical computer tells him to rest Pujols and Edmonds. St Louis has the second best 3-4-5 hitters in baseball, in Edmonds, Pujols, Rolen. The best, of course, is Anybody, Bonds, and Anybody. Although, to be fair, if it was Mother Teresa, Bonds, and Uncle Scoopy, we'd probably only be slightly better. On the other hand, Teresa and I never could turn the double play, so our defense might present some problems.

    Some years ago, Bill James was asked to name the most valuable baseball family (he wrote this before Barry Bonds turned into Superman). He said the answer was obvious: Babe and Claire Ruth, because Babe Ruth, by himself, was better than any total family of players - would you trade Babe for all the Alous or Boones or Delahantys? I doubt it! I guess James would now have to take a hard look at the Bonds boys, however.

  • My son asked me to name the most valuable player in the National League this year. The guys on ESPN say it can't be anyone but Bonds, despite the mammoth years from Beltre and Pujols, but I know the correct answer. Bonds is only the second-best choice. If the MVP is the one man who did the most to help his team win, the answer is obvious : Andy Pettitte. Oh, I know he only won six games and had to pull splinters out of his butt the whole season, but he talked his buddy Roger Clemens into unretiring and single-handledly pitching Houston into the post season. Since the Astros did not have to give anybody up to get Clemens, the Rocket's starts would have otherwise been taken by replacement-level pitchers, going maybe 11-11 instead of 18-4. That's seven games in the standings attributable solely to Pettite. Without Pettitte, the rest of them would now be watching on TV with the rest of us. I like the 'Stros if the Rocket is in top form. Braves otherwise.
  • The Red Sox have the best team in baseball for a short series, assuming Pedro is going to be the real Pedro, because Schilling and Pedro can start four games out of five, giving them the same short-series punch that the D-backs had a while back. Ortiz and Manny are almost as good as Pujols and Edmonds, and Pedro and Schilling are better than Anyone and Anyone, unless one of the other teams can sneak Randy Johnson and Jesus Christ into their uniforms. That would be hard to do. It's pretty difficult to disguise a 6'10" man. I think that would be a challenge even for such masters of disguise as Artemis Gordon and Bobby Valentine. As for Jesus, he can tuck his hair under a cap, but the fucking sandals always give him away.
• A clip and the trailer from Undertow: "Set in a contemporary South untouched by time, 'The Undertow' is a dramatic thriller about two brothers who run away from home to guard a secret following the death of their father and the arrival of their greedy, troubled uncle."
• The trailer Madagascar, a computer animated film starring the voices of Ben Stiller and Chris Rock: "This computer-animated comedy stars four civilized Central Park Zoo animals who have spent their entire lives in blissful captivity. But when they are unexpectedly shipped to Africa and get shipwrecked on the exotic island of Madagascar, these native New Yorkers must try to survive and come to terms with what it truly means to be 'wild'. "
• Rodney Dangerfield 1921-2004. This is where we would link to an obit, but Rodney would be upset if we gave him that much respect.
• The best way to remember Rodney - listen to some of his material at Rodney.com ...
• This is where I would link to Rodney Dangerfield's obit if Rodney rated enough respect to get an obit. With his club and his generous spirit, Rodney probably did as much as anyone in history to encourage talented young comics. Rodney owned me forever when I read about one Andy Kaufman show where the audience thought some typical Tony Clifton bit was horrifying and unfunny - but Rodney was backstage laughing so hard he almost choked.
• Senator Leahy gets a front row seat to watch his ol' pal Dick Cheney debate.
  • In fact, Leahy will get two seats, one in the first row and the one directly behind it in the second row, so he can fuck himself if requested.
  • Cheney was not amused by the seating chart. When asked about the seating arrangement by a reporter, Mr. Cheney breathed very heavily, and the reporter started choking. Then the reporter said, "Move along, Mr Vice-President. These are not the droids I was looking for."
• The Dems have their own October Surprise: "Fahrenheit 9/11" is out on DVD.
  • The good news: the deleted scenes include the famous midnight skinny-dipping scene with Denise Richards and Dick Cheney. You'll see why they don't call him Richard!!
  • Kidding aside, Moore withdrew his film from Oscar contention so he could broadcast it - the night before the election! (Is that legal?)
• John Lennon's killer denied parole
• The top haunted spots in the USA
• Very funny comedy piece: The fair and balanced Fox look at the Presidential debate (from the Bill Maher show)
• Great clip: Tommie Dreamer piledrives a wrestling chick and her boobs fall out.
• Wolverine to get his own movie. Jackman to star.
• Billy Bob Thornton says: "I think Shakespeare's overrated. It's bullshit.". And he's our top Elizabethan scholar here in Texas.
• Paris Hilton was booed off stage as she tried to launch a pop career.
• Michael Moore, director of the movie Farenheit 9/11, said Sunday that he was given a chance to use the same Rathergate documents, but that he rejected them for inclusion in his film because his staff did not believe they were authentic.
• A CRAFTY pooch escaped from his cage at Battersea Dogs' Home and then let out his pals so they could raid the food together.
• Now THESE are some weird-lookin' boobies
• PORN 101  . . . and more outrageous college courses parents MUST know about (Weekly World News)
• SpaceShipOne Wins the X Prize: "Yesterday, however, the solely corporate SpaceShipOne soared 100 kilometers above the Earth for the second time in two weeks to claim the coveted $10 million dollar X-Prize put forward by Ansari to inspire private space flight development."

Other Crap archives. May also include newer material than the ones above, since it's sorta in real time.

Click here to submit a URL for Other Crap

MOVIE REVIEWS:

Words from Scoop.

.avi's from Shiloh.

.wmv files made by Scoop from Shiloh's .avi's.

NOTE: because of a unique combination of circumstances with the Windows media player and some substantial bandwidth theft, we will have to do all of our movie files in zip format. Left click on the files as you normally would to view a picture. When you get a choice, click on "save", and put it on your hard drive in the directory of your choice. UnZIP and play from there.

I know this is not especially convenient, but it allows the film clips to continue. I can protect .zip files from hot-linking in the same way I can protect still images. For some reason, if I protect .avis and .wmvs from hot-linking, they will not play in the Windows media player, and I can't get a satisfactory work-around. Perhaps I will find a better solution, but for now this new policy allows you to continue getting the movie clips you want to see, which is much preferable to my abandoning the clips altogether.

Perhaps these tips will help if you have trouble with the codecs for these movies:

Shiloh says:

FYI when I hypercam vids to make the file size smaller I use DivX MPEG-4 Fast-Motion for the video compressor, then I use virtualdub to compress the audio. The properties for the vids says the video codec:  DivX Decoder Filter & audio codec:  Morgan Stream Switcher which I'm not familiar with. When I compress the audio with virtualdub I use MPEG Layer-3.  A friend of mine told me about compressing the audio about (6) mos. ago. Like I said previously, only been capping for a year & a half & I'm no expert. Hopefully this info will help members with the proper codecs for my vids.

 

When I cap big brother's I use hypercam mostly & sdp & asfrecorder if the set up allows me. I stopped using camtasia cause the file sizes were always too big, could never figure out the process, over my head lol, plus it cost too much to buy in my opinion.

A reader says:

You mentioned that some users were having trouble with the videos on your site. There is a tool designed to determine what codec is needed for a video. http://www.headbands.com/gspot/ Hope this is useful to you or your users.

Scoop says:

I made the .wmv versions of each video. The codecs for these: Windows Video V8, Windows Audio 9. The upside of these is that you know the codecs, and they'll play in the Windows Media Player. The downside is that they are slightly larger, and slightly lower quality.

Words and vids from ICMS

That's it for today. Tomorrow I'll be back with Deborah's second nude appearance when she is in charge of events.

• Tranelli, Part 1 (.avi zipped, .wmv zipped)

• Tranelli, Part 2 (.avi zipped, .wmv zipped)

• Tranelli, Part 3 (.avi zipped, .wmv zipped)

Today the Ghost takes a look at the 1992 direct-to-vid Skinemax flick, "Affairs of the Heart".

• Alexa Gager topless for a photo shoot scene in her one and only IMDb credit.
• Alexa Gager zipped .wmvs. Check out the size of cel phone in clip #2! (1, 2)

• Amy Lynn Baxter, the busty blonde B-babe and regular visitor on Howard Stern also posing for a photo shoot or two. (1, 2)
• Amy Lynn Baxter zipped .wmvs (1, 2, 3, 4)

• Angela Nicholas zipped .wmv. Here she is topless in a love scene.

• Avery Gold playing a topless pilgrim. Actually, she's playing "Miss Thanksgiving" during yet another photo shoot scene. (1, 2)
• Avery Gold zipped .wmvs (1, 2)

• Becky Mullen, plyaing the topless pool babe. Some folks may remember her from her rasslin' days back in the 80's. She was a member of G.L.O.W. (Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling), and her character was "Sally, the farmer's daughter". (1, 2)
• Becky Mullen zipped .wmvs (1, 2)

• Beth Ann Riggio, another one-timer. Here she is topless as "Miss 4th of July".
• Beth Ann Riggio zipped .wmv

• Cody Carmack, topless in some sort of lame foreplay scene. Her character is named "Itchy", but I'm sorry to say that there is no "Scratchy.
• Cody Carmack zipped .wmv

• Evangeline Rae topless and showing some partial rear nudity for the "Miss Halloween" photo shoot.
• Evangeline Rae zipped .wmv

• Isabelle Fortea, nice breast views as she starts to make some sweet lovin'
• Isabelle Fortea zipped .wmv

• Joan Gerardi, toplessness for the "Miss Valentine's Day" photo shoot.
• Joan Gerardi zipped .wmv

• Lorna Courtney, brief breast exposure while she makes love by the camp fire.
• Lorna Courtney zipped .wmv

• Melissa Leigh, takes her top off and starts to get it on with some guy that looks like Thor.
• Melissa Leigh zipped .wmv

• The ultra busty Tempest plays a naughty topless school girl for the "Miss September" photo shoot. (1, 2)
• Tempest zipped .wmvs (1, 2)

ELTON BITCH-SLAPS MADONNA
Q Eye For The Rude Guy - Fresh from calling Taiwan paparazzi "rude, vile pigs," Elton John erupted again Sunday at the Q Music Awards in London. While picking up a songwriting award, he went into a tirade at one of Madonna's nominations, ranting, "Madonna, best f---ing live act? F--- off!" Some of the audience applauded as he railed, "Since when has lip-synching been live?! I'm sorry, but anyone who lip-synchs in public on stage when you pay 75 pounds to see them should be shot! That's me off her f---ing Christmas card list, but do I give a toss? No!"