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Tuna
"To the Devil a Daughter"

To the Devil a Daughter (1976) is one of the last Hammer films, and, despite being based on a famous mystery novel, and a great cast, is a total disaster. It is a satanic cult wants to turn Natassja Kinski into the devil (she was born and bred for the purpose) versus an author of fiction about Satan worship who wants to save her and make a fortune on the resulting book sort of story. They started the film with a script they new was terrible, and kind of made the thing up as they went. This worked some of the time in the first two acts, but, by the third, they had such an improbable set of loose ends to tie up that act three is a total shambles. By the time they neared the end, it was pretty clear that they were making a stinker, which is probably why they had Kinski take off her clothes and give full frontal nudity to us on the flimsiest of excuses in broad daylight.

The cast includes Richard Widmark, Christopher Lee, Honor Blackman and Denholm Elliott, but they weren't nearly enough to save it. The author of the novel, Dennis Wheatley, was so upset by what they did to his work that he told them they were forbidden to even think about adapting another of his stories. IMDB readers have this at 4.9 of 10, which is frankly a little high. They had the talent, they had a best selling novel, but they badly needed a budget and a script. Hammer studios was in deep trouble by 1976, and they got some German co-production money for this film, which was part of the reason for casting Kinski. The film looks ok from a technical standpoint, and for that, and great exposure, I will say D+.

  • Thumbnails

  • Natassja Kinski (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    "Sweet Sixteen"

    Sweet Sixteen (1981) is treated as a teen slasher at IMDB, and is only rated 4.6 of 10. To me, it is really more of a thriller. The victims are mostly teens, but there is very little of the stabbing shown, very little graphic gore, and the kids in the small Texas town are not trapped, and are not terrorized. About the only element it shares with the slasher genre is a designated naked girl, in this case, Aleisa Shirley. This was her first film, and she was honestly not bad in it. The transfer quality makes it hard to really rate this film, as it is dark and noisy, which makes it painful to watch, but it has some great characters, and the plot is not transparent.

    A corpse is discovered, and Melissa (Shirley) was the last one to see the stabbing victim. As more corpses turn up, all stabbed in the same way, circumstances point to her, and also to an Indian. Some of the bigots in the town decide to take the law into their own hands, and now the town has to deal with a serial killer and a lynching. Look for Susan Strasberg as Shirley's mother, and Dana Kimmell of Friday the 13th Part 3 fame as the sheriff's precocious daughter. This is part of the same 4 DVD set that contains The Harrod Experiment, Seniors, and some totally un-watchable thing called Getting Wasted. I must say the set is worth the money, which works out to less than $2.00/film. As a thriller, the film would rate higher with a god transfer, but this version is a D.

  • Thumbnails

  • Aleisa Shirley (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)

    • Johnny Web (Uncle Scoopy)
    Movies

     

    Irreversible is that latest Monica Bellucci movie that caused mass walk-outs at Cannes this year. And people didn't walk out of this film for the same reasons that they left Funny Lady or Glitter. They weren't bored, or upset that their time was being wasted. They were throwing up, or needing some fresh air, or disgusted. The film begins with a brutal anal rape which is accompanied by an even more brutal beating. I haven't seen the film. TomKru did the collages, the write-up is a summary.

    Speaking of collages done by others, Charlie's update this week includes the latest nude scene from Anne Parillaud, in Gangsters. There is an advantage to being as thin as Parillaud. Her body looks pretty much the same as it always has.

    Of Love and Shadows is a crappy love story which uses fascist torture as a backdrop, from the literary school of  "Oh, that pesky Hitler, he really messed up my love-life". It does have Jennifer Connelly looking as good as she has ever looked, albeit not really very naked.

    • Connelly (1, 2, 3)

     

    Updates:

    Charlie's French Cinema Nudity site is updated

    The Honte's site of Swedish and International Celebs is updated

     

    Other crap:

     

    Here are the latest movie reviews available at scoopy.com.

    • The yellow asterisks indicate that I wrote the review, and am deluded into thinking it includes humor.
    • If there is a white asterisk, it means that there isn't any significant humor, but I inexplicably determined there might be something else of interest.
    • A blue asterisk indicates the review is written by Tuna (or Lawdog or Junior or C2000 or Realist or ICMS or Mick Locke, or somebody else besides me)
    • If there is no asterisk, I wrote it, but am too ashamed to admit it.

    Brainscan
    'Caps and comments by Brainscan:

    So I was whining and moaning and acting all girlie-boy about the darkness of scenes in Wolfhound, and I mentioned a couple of movies with made-up titles that had all kinds of nekkid babes in them and the sun was shining and the camera got all close... and said I was a-gonna cap them. Remember? Me neither. Well, the real title of the DVD I wanted is Exposed: TV's Lifeguard Babes. Kick-ass premise. Not just inspired but awe-inspiring.

    Get a bunch of extras and wannabes from Baywatch and get them to talk about themselves so that all those really nice men who produce movies will listen and want to hire them, and the only teeny-weeny catch is that they gotta take their clothes off and parade around for, oh let's say twenty minutes each. Small price, sure to have the babes running to ya. And yumpin' yiminee, if it didn't work! Eight babes. All of them went on to appear in at least a few more things, and a couple are either real veterans of the B movie set (Lori Morrissey) or semi-legitimate stars of one sort or another. Today we have Aileen (Lily) Acain, asian actress who did a few movies and a couple of tv shows, but so far as I can tell gave up the goodies only on this tape. And we are talking some righteous goody giving up. Captured Avogadro's number of frames. Winnowed things down to twelve collages, the first is a sampler, the rest are composed of as few as two frames, in which the skills of Lily's plastic and reconstructive surgeon are there for everyone to see.

    Translation: Robo-hooters... in two scenes with different lighting conditions, shot with the camera looking up at Lily's twin peaks... just like we were at a beach-side titty bar. I am finally a happy man.

    Helvete
    Bibí Andersen
    (1, 2)

    		Former dude turned woman, full frontal nudity (female parts) in scenes "Kika".

    Cristina Brondo
    (1, 2)

    		Toplessness in scenes from "Entre las piernas" aka "Entre les jambes" aka "Between Your Legs" (1999).

    Laura Ramos
    (1, 2, 3, 4)

    		The Cuban actress topless and showing some bush in the Spanish film, "Cuarteto de La Habana" aka "Havana Quartet" (1999).

    Variety
    Tessa Gelisio
    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)

    		Some very nice topless scans by Nero.

    Pat Reeder www.comedy-wire.com
    Pat's comments in yellow...

    FLORIDA TOWN VOTES TO COVER BUTTOCKS
    Arrest All The Plumbers! - Daytona Beach, Florida, commissioners voted 6-1 to ban people from baring more than a third of their buttocks in public, and to order women to cover at least one quarter of their breasts. The ruling doesn't apply to the beach. They said that nudity, particularly women exposing their breasts during the annual Biketoberfest, has become an issue. Protesters outside City Hall said it's insane to be policing buttock exposure when they should be dealing with things like terrorism.

  • Some of those butts are so fat and ugly, exposing them IS terrorism.
  • Yeah, we need to stop terrorists from taking over America and telling women they have to cover their bodies!
  • But it's a lot easier to find people to monitor this.
  • It's not important to fight the town's crack epidemic?


    ANNA NICOLE JOINS A DATING SERVICE
    Everyone Knows She's Triple-X - Anna Nicole Smith is so desperate to find a new man after the death of her ancient husband that she has joined a dating service. She told the BBC that she's already been on her first date with "a very nice gentleman" who worked for or owned a swimsuit company and who brought along a bunch of free samples. She said he must've known her size because they all fit.

  • Uh, Anna, those weren't swimsuits...He makes parachutes.
  • They were extremely modest...He owned the swimsuit company in 1926.
  • She'll find out whether he works for it or owns it before she agrees to a second date.
  • If she wants to meet someone who's her type, she should join the AARP.
  • If her TV show is that bad, imagine what her dating service video is like!


    WHAT MAKES WOMEN HOT? THEIR GLASSES OR THEIR FRAMES?
    I Prefer A Nice Ass-cap - Researchers in Britain are trying to figure out what makes women attractive. University of Newcastle researchers say it's the BMI, or Body Mass Index, which is her weight in kilograms divided by her height in meters squared. Women with a lower BMI look fit, have a weight proportionate to their height, and were judged by men to be most attractive. It used to be thought that curvier women seemed more fertile and appealed to men more. This was expressed as WHR, or "waist-to-hip ratio." But as the women's BMI went up and their bodies got rounder, men judged them less attractive.

  • No wonder Anna Nicole Smith can't get a date!
  • Then explain the popularity of Jennifer Lopez.
  • They should've measured the WBR: "Waist-to-boob ratio."
  • Today's single men are looking for a woman who DOESN'T look fertile.